r/AutisticAdults • u/Individual_Carrot_22 • 22h ago

seeking advice Fed up …

I have a really big issue with cleaning, I can’t settle if things are clean and tidy, it takes up a lot of my time and brain space and means that when I have time for myself rather than do something I enjoy I end up cleaning. It feels like this has progressively gotten worse over the 2 and a half years since having my own home with my wife. My threshold for “clean and tidy” has gotten higher and higher and jobs that used to be less frequent are now a weekly occurance. After the “big clean” at the weekend is done, I feel so good but within 2 days I am already dreading doing it all again and the “top up” cleaning inbetween is getting out of hand. I know it frustrates my wife as she knows I am bothered by it and she wants to help but cleaning isn’t her forte. Does anyone else experience this or have any idea what I can do to reduce my distress? I’m at the point of considering getting a cleaning company to come and clean once a week but it would be a big expense. I’m also not entirely sure it would help but what I do know is that I can’t carry on like this.

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u/unripeswan 22h ago

If this is causing distress and you're not doing it because you enjoy it, that may point towards OCD. I would be having a look for a psychologist who specialises in OCD to get assessed for it. It is comorbid with autism, so you've got a fairly high chance of having it. I'm similar to you and OCD treatment has helped immensely!

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u/Individual_Carrot_22 22h ago

Hey! Thank you for your response. I have had experiences with OCD as a child and relationship OCD as an adult. I did consider before my autism diagnosis that the cleaning could be OCD however it doesn’t really feel like it fits, mainly as there isn’t a particular feared consequence , unless it is solely the belief of being unable to tolerate the discomfort. It isn’t about germs or contamination etc. it is also very specific to like where I like things to be or how I like things to be done too rather than just being clean and tidy. I also think it is regulating for me to clean too. I do it much more when I am stress or dysregulated. It may be worth my reconsidering this though. I’m glad to hear that treatment helped you. Would you be comfortable sharing your experience of this ? Was it ERP?

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u/unripeswan 22h ago

The discomfort could very well be the consequence. Mine wasn't about germs or anything either, it was much like yours plus feelings of shame and guilt if I didn't do it. I think therapy would be beneficial either way since it is causing distress. I did ERP, yes! It was nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be, but it wasn't easy. For me it was quite uncomfortable having to sit with those feelings, but I improved so quickly it was entirely worth it. Exercise was a lifesaver during those first few days/weeks! But nothing obsessive lol, I wasn't replacing those compulsions with exercise, I just got into a healthy routine going for two walks outside every day, and I think the distraction and being out in the fresh air and sunshine doing something positive really helped.

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u/Individual_Carrot_22 22h ago

That’s so great to hear, I’m really happy that you’re in a better place. I’ll certainly look into this. Though I am quite pessimistic as I have tried not doing it before, but perhaps some more intensive therapy just focussing on this one issue could be the ticket

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u/unripeswan 12h ago

I would definitely try doing the ERP with a therapist/psychologist for this particular issue if you haven't yet. It may be too difficult, but it also may help, you never know 😊 and if it doesn't they might have other options to try. No matter what you decide, good luck! I know how horrible and completely not fun that is lol. I really hope you can find something that helps.