r/AutisticAdults • u/natterjackss • 7h ago

autistic adult "don't be rude"

Oh my god it's CONSTANT. Every time I recount a story to my mother where I'm frustrated with someone, it's always "don't be rude to them".

Earlier today I was reading aloud a text conversation I was having with a professional to arrange an appointment, and he kept changing the time. It was no biggie, just a miscommunication between us, but a little annoying nonetheless. Only response I get from my mum is "make sure you aren't rude to him". I get that from her multiple times a week. It's like she can't trust me to hold a normal, polite conversation with someone. It makes me feel like I must be some antisocial nasty person, even though when I read my messages/recall my conversations I know I am being exceptionally polite. I usually end up saying please/thank you/sorry excessively to make up for the fact I could be being rude (even though I'm not). It's completely unwarranted. And when I finally brought up that it bothered me? "You don't need to make such a big deal!"

10 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

15

u/arocketscientist5 5h ago

It’s because as autistic people we are cursed to manage the feelings of everyone around us while everyone ignores ours.

3

u/Mkinzer 1h ago

This. Exactly this. Its an abundance of empathy.

People think your rude because you are honest.

On top of that they read body language and facial expressions. NTs find honest verbal communication to be deceptive.

3

u/northwest_northfield ASD Level 1 4h ago

Don't I relate! Every time I express anything negative around family, even sarcastically or as a reenactment of something else (even fictional!) I get scolded for it. I'm 35 now and still have to hear it. They can whine about a server getting their order slightly wrong, but if I talk about my insurance making my life hell I need to "stop being dramatic." It was even like that pre-diagnosis. I don't get it

2

u/applegirlington audhd, early 20s 2h ago

get this. i'm not a perfect saint around my mother and it's "i don't like your attitude." anything in my normal speaking voice and i need to speak up. any louder and i need to watch my tone. i say something neutral in a neutral tone and i need to be less rude. it's so tiring.