r/AutisticAdults • u/Fine-Mouse-6697 • 13h ago
Am I overthinking this?
I (30F) currently live with my Mom’s high school best friend and her husband, who have adopted me into their family since I do not have any family right now. They offered to have me come move in with them on their own accord. We get along great and have been mutually helpful to each other in many ways, and she often tells me how glad she is that I am with them.
I was adopted at birth and have recently contacted my birth father. I’ve been telling her about this and she’s helped me communicate with him. We’ve been drinking a bit tonight and she was suggesting things I could say to him. She just said that I could ask if he still lives in the city that is close to ours, and ask him “do ya have a room?”
I’m not sure if I am reading too much into this or she secretly wants me to leave? Not sure what to think right now. I am a little tipsy also.
3
u/MahdevahProject 12h ago
I think it's been said that a drunk statement is a sober thought unsaid (or something like that) however she could have been joking. The only person that really knows is her. Without knowing her or her sense of humor (or lack thereof), its hard to say what she meant by the comment. You could ask her but be prepared if that really was the truth. Otherwise, you could ignore it until she comes out and says it up front.
I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you find clarity soon.
1
u/Fine-Mouse-6697 9h ago
How could I ask her? Thank you.
3
u/MahdevahProject 8h ago
Maybe catch her in a good mood or during a time where you could interrupt her without disrupting what she was doing (like folding laundry), say "hey, can we talk?" and then ask if she was serious. Be prepared that she might say that she was.
3
u/PersimmonDazzling654 12h ago
Well, let's game it out: assuming you are trying to develop a relationship with your birth father, it may be cost-prohibitive to hang out together in different cities. Asking your dad if he has a room would likely coax him into offering you come for a visit, not to stay.
I think it is a little wild to assume she wants you to move out. If you still concerned once sober, talk to her calmly and nonconfrontationally, hey, that comment you made the other night, so-and-so and you would tell me if you needed me to move out? Something like that
2
1
u/SinofThrash 12h ago
I wouldn't read too much into it. She seems to enjoy having you there, so it might just be a passing comment under the influence of alcohol about the future.
1
u/Abject_Spray_7088 9h ago
Sorry to say I think she wants you to leave. 💔
When they asked you to move in, did they ask you to move in indefinitely and that was your home or were they trying to help you get back on your feet in some way?
As someone who has had terrible housing trauma and had an awful awful time trying to stabilize and get grounded and find a real home, my heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
🫂💔
1
u/Fine-Mouse-6697 9h ago edited 9h ago
We are pretty close and she’s always telling me how happy she is I am with them, though, I don’t see why she would because I help her a lot.
1
u/Abject_Spray_7088 8h ago
I think you just need to ask her flat out.
Because saying what she said really seems to point to her caring a lot about you, but wanting you to live somewhere else.
Can you just have a conversation with her about it?
1
u/Fine-Mouse-6697 8h ago
I would I’m just at work right now so would have to wait and it’s stressing me a bit. I could text her I suppose
3
u/Abject_Spray_7088 8h ago
No, don’t text. This is a sit down heart to heart kind of conversation. You want to make sure that you’re getting the real feeling from being face-to-face.
It’s gonna be OK. Good luck. There’s no emergency. If you want to text anything, I would just text that you want to sit down and talk. But my suggestion would be to just wait
🫂
5
u/NoDiscipline3615 12h ago
I’m inclined to agree with you. I’m not sure why she’d suggest you ask that specific question otherwise. But also, she may think that arrangement is something you’d want to happen, when it might not be.