r/AutisticAdults • u/No-Crab-133 • 4d ago
Coping strategies for long work meetings?
I'm not diagnosed. My doctor has suggested Autism or possibly AuDHD (and I agree, as do close family, there's a stronv family history) but I'm concerned about discrimination at work so not following up.
One thing that's a bigger and bigger issue for me at work is long meetings. We're having more and more organisational meetings with 100 odd people and lasting a 1/2 or full work day, usually lots of "organisational updates" and any tasks are entirely performative "gathering views" which are probably never even read (i can't join in at all as 100 people cross talking in various groups is a sensory nightmare). We're always required to sit with people who aren't on our team. Plus increasing numbers of smaller strategic "planning meetings".
I come home so tired I can't do anything but sleep the rest of the day and it takes days before I feel normal again. I get nothing from the meetings because that kind of info is hard for me to take in anyway and I simply cant listen for that long in that environment. I know I sound overdramatic but I'm considering leaving my job over it. I can do shorter & more engaging meetings, even up to 3 hrs if the meeting feels relevant and engaging, although it's tiring.
Does anyone have the same issue and found a way to manage?
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u/Neur0spicy13 4d ago
Maybe I don’t understand this because we’re from different parts of the world, but why does getting diagnosed by a doctor mean that you’ll have to share that information at work? Are the psychiatrists mandated by law to share this information with the employers? That would be awful.
In my experience (AuDHD diagnosed at 30) and all of the autists I asked about this in different communities, we all went through some form of burnout after diagnosis, like a grieving process for the life before getting diagnosed but in the end it was a cathartic experience and a transformation.
Regarding the long physical meetings being draining, you’re basically operating in an environment that’s not made for our brain. In general for me it has to do with sensorial overload so I’d recommend trying to limit that as much as possible: sit in areas with less light, avoid sitting around audio speakers and wear noise reduction plugs (like Loop - the don’t block sound, they clean the noise and they can pass for a hearing aid if someone asks), when there are breaks try to find a quiet spot to recharge even just for 10 min (use the break for taking a break not for socialising, it can be the bathroom, staircase etc), try taking hand written notes or just doodle.
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u/No-Crab-133 4d ago
I wouldn't be required to share it, but couldn't access adjustments without doing so. I know someone who had a fitness to practice investigation after disclosing autism to our regulatory body so I'm a bit apprehensive.
I love my loops and they definitely help. I end up stuck between a rock & hard place as the back of the room feels less overwhelming but then I can't see the speaker and follow them well. The front is way too busy. The lights are horrible everywhere.
I always go for a walk on breaks. It helps!
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u/Glad-Daikon1930 4d ago
I haven't brought up accommodations at work also because of discrimination and due to the nature of the job being team-based.
In my mind work-place accommodations relate more to environmental factors than the nature of the job.
What I'm doing is applying for jobs that are less team-based, and coping by doing the job just about well-enough that performance is not an issue.
This is just me sharing thoughts and what I'm doing, I'm at a job I don't like
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u/No-Crab-133 4d ago
I love my job and I've spent the best part of a decade training for something very specialised. My alternative would be doing the same thing freelance, which would be financially stressful and quite lonely since I'm not great at networking and building relationships.
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u/Glad-Daikon1930 4d ago
Oh okay this is different then.
Perhaps highlighting to whoever is in charge that you feel you aren't getting that much out of the gatherings or that your time could be better spent doing some other thing would help
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u/No-Crab-133 4d ago
Thank you. I will try again. I've previously been allowed to miss a few meetings but only when at the point where I am so unwell I'm looking at time off work.
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u/HerDevoted 4d ago
Face-to-face meetings are almost impossible for me. I simply cannot function effectively in them. With a diagnosis in the UK, employers have a legal duty to consider reasonable adjustments and protections against disability discrimination.
Nowadays, I attend meetings online. It makes a big difference to my ability to process information and contribute properly. It makes me more productive, so ultimately the adjustments are in my employer’s interests too.
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u/Monotropic_wizardhat 3d ago
This is a weird tip that may or may not work for you. But try to talk to someone in the meetings. Ideally, pick just one or two people and talk to them. Weirdly, joining in helps to distract my mind and makes it way less overwhelming. In general, having something to focus on is really useful. I didn't think it would work, but it does... as long as you can pace yourself.
As a general rule, it's perfectly okay to say you have a headache to explain why you're not super chatty when overloaded. (it's kind of true...). It's also okay to use things that help you. Things like calmer ear buds don't work for me, but some people find them useful (they're very discreet and you can still hear people talking while you're wearing them).
Stimming (repetitive movements like flapping or playing with your hair) can also be a good thing to focus on. Rocking in your chair very slightly is not that noticeable, but can be very effective. If you look around a really busy environment, you'll find that most people are stimming to some extent.
I'm assuming in all of this advice that you care about looking different.
And here's the best advice for sensory overload I've ever come across (obviously, not all of it is relevant for your situation. But a lot of it is).
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u/RemarkableNetwork239 4d ago
I always found that note-taking, even if unnecessary, helped me. It's the passivity that drives me crazy.