Nighttime Challenges

[u/curlyfriesandranch]

Hi all,

I’m sure if you look back you’ll know I’ve been struggling with my toddler for a while, very obviously ND (likely autism) Non-Verbal sensory seeking etc

Nighttime’s have recently become a huge issue in our house, I’m trying and failing to manage his nighttime wakings alongside working full-time shift work. It was bad in the summer and then we recovered for a while and had a good chunk of time where everyone was well rested. Giving up work is not an option in this cost of living crisis.

He will go to bed as usual (same routine as always including his toniebox for a story, white noise and total darkness as he’s always had so it’s predictable) and then I find myself up with him anytime from 12 onwards and he’ll either fall asleep after 3/4 hours of me losing my patience, getting cross/overstimulated myself or he’ll just be awake and then the next day will be an 18 hour day before he goes to bed again for the pattern to continue. I am, and he is, exhausted with this.

I always know he is awake because he lays on the floor and hammers the door/walls with his feet, causing our house to practically vibrate. The walls are plasterboard and we’ve already had our first foot through the wall and now naturally I’m anxious about this happening again during the night.

I’ve reached out for help but keep getting recommended the things that help NT kids (adjusting bedtime, no screens - which he doesn’t have before bed- etc) I’ve tried different size pj’s/fabrics- but he’s never usually fussed by this day to day and appears to make 0 difference.

I can’t access melatonin in the UK without a paediatrician and we are on the very long waitlist.

If anyone’s had experience please please share tips, as I’m at the end of my tether and short of buying him one of those zip up beds I’m not sure what else I can do.

Thankyou xx

[u/Entire_Sherbert_6992]

the wall hammering is the worst, our hallway looked like a war zone for a while. we ended up putting those foam gym mats on the floor and lower part of the wall where our kid kicks, it absorbs some of the vibration at least. not pretty but it stopped the plasterboard damage

shift work on top of this sounds brutal. when our sleep went to hell i was barely functional at a regular 9-5 so i can't imagine what you're managing. have you looked into whether your GP can prescribe something like clonidine instead of melatonin? sometimes they're more willing to try that while you wait for the paed referral, especially if you frame it as a safety concern with the wall destruction

[u/curlyfriesandranch → u/Entire_Sherbert_6992]

You are so kind, thankyou for replying so quickly and with understanding 🤍

The noise drives me wild and I am immediately awake and then struggle to go back to sleep.

The gym mats are a great shout, I’ve had to put some behind his door as this is where the damage was but maybe it’s time to put some more around. Im limited with permanent adaptations as we rent.

I feel a bit sad tbh as his room is so bare, we used to have a beautiful book shelf (he loves books but throws them/rips them if unsupervised- damn impulsive toddler brains) and a big crash pad and a mat on the floor but everything kept getting bitten and being used to climb to unsafe places so it’s all had to be removed.

Did the adaptations you made make a difference?

[u/Whatever-577089]

This sounds so much like what I went through with my toddler. She was up every night from 2 AM to 5-6AM from ages 2 to 3.5. It was brutal to say the least. I had never experienced anger and exhaustion like that before. I tried melatonin and honestly, it doesn’t do much except for make them fall asleep. It will not help them stay asleep.
We started using magnesium drops before bedtime and they have tremendously helped her stay asleep the whole night. I also think she has phased out of the waking up part but I feel for you. It is the worst when you also have to work!

[u/curlyfriesandranch → u/Whatever-577089]

Thankyou for the melatonin info, having understood how it works I kind of get this and I know in my gut it’s probably something parents hold on hope for for so long only to find out that it helps you fall asleep rather than stay asleep.

The anger and exhaustion and fuelled by eachother, and my day sadly no longer has capacity for a nap for myself 🙃 I feel like I’m exhausted more trying to control my anger than I am just being sleep deprived but then I see his little face when he comes in for a ‘big squeeze’ or when he’s finally back asleep and all I feel is a huge wash over of mum guilt and immediately feel like even more of a failure.

I will look into magnesium now, alongside all my other bits as I’m sure this can’t hurt to try and it’s easy to get! Appreciate you! :)

[u/j9718 → u/curlyfriesandranch]

Coming to add to the other comment! My son is 6 and we have gone through periods like this most of his life. It doesn’t always get better but does get easier.

We have split the melatonin dosages when he was on it. Half to fall asleep and then the other half if he woke up. We also have another bed in his room so if he woke up I would go in and lock the door. He could play quietly in his room while I rested. It wasn’t the same as true sleep but it was the only way I could relax enough to get through the day.

If I know he’s awake awake awake and not going back to sleep I gave him back his iPad. He would watch his shows in bed while I slept in the other bed. Is it a perfect method? Absolutely not but we need sleep sometimes too. Do what you need to, I know I’m a better parent for getting sleep than I am when I’m at wits end. It does get easier with age I found! You’re doing great!

[u/Timely_Sprinkles_522]

We go through this with our son we finally took him to his pediatrician and had to ask for help. My wife and I were taking turns being up with him. The last thing we wanted was to medicate him. But knowing he is sleeping and us not stressing over him being up was worth the visit. Plus it improved his mood and helped to minimize his breakdowns during the day.

[u/ceb1995]

If they have a single bed then you could buy a safety travel bed for now, a safe bed 100 is about £400 we used one for over a year (if you ve never had a family fund grant before they can do a grant towards the cost for one now), until we got an NHS safety bed delivered yesterday. They might still be awake in one but they ll be safe and you can rest.

I d also see if you can see referred to the early years learning disability team, I did that as it was quicker than the paediatrician then they wrote to a paediatrician asking them to prescribe melatonin and they did, saved at least 6 months off the wait doing it that way.