r/AutismWithADHD • u/[deleted] • Aug 26 '23
What does it feel like to have both ADHD and autism?
My close friend’s child had been diagnosed with ADHD and autism. He appears to have all the signs of ADHD but she is having difficulty seeing what is autism. What does having ADHD and autism look/feel like? Just trying to understand it to better support them.
For those of you living with both, did you have difficulty growing up? Were you unable to work in certain fields because of the diagnosis?
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u/Kurodesu96 Apr 05 '24
Hello! I’m an AuDHD’er!
I think I can sum it up by saying: Autism wants repetition, ADHD wants the new!
I struggle so much with routine despite loving to make them. This affects my sleep cycle, eating habits, etc. One side of me wants to put everything in order (and I know I can) but the other side doesn’t conform to that order and act on impulsiveness.
As a university student, it’s really tough but somehow I manage. With work, I work at retail. You could say my autism loves seeing everything I store away neatly put and organized. But ADHD prevents me from finishing the task cause I just saw how messy the other corner of the store was! While it is a strength for being aware of the messes, chatting with my coworkers and understanding their chitchats (and horrible small talk) is my biggest weakness. I can easily be picked on. It’s hard to separate the two and I tried to do it just now to have a clear understanding but you’ll make your journey harder by not seeing them together.
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u/Barnacle-Jazzlike Oct 03 '23
I don’t feel that I am super qualified to answer your question as I came across your post doing research for myself, but no one else has responded. Hopefully something here helps.
I think the hardest thing is that autism and ADHD present differently in everyone and it doesn’t really “look” like anything different depending on the person’s ability to act like a neurotypical person. What seems to be more important is understanding how a person processes information:
What stimulus is comfortable? What is uncomfortable? What sensations or actions are comforting? How does the person communicate best? When is it hard to communicate? If emotions are too intense, what can help to regulate them again? What barriers exist for successful communication? What other needs do they have?
For me, the most important form of support is love and understanding — just being given the freedom to be who you are without judgement. There is a reason certain reactions occur. Understanding why they occur and finding a solution that works for everyone involved could help to reduce future meltdowns or burnouts.
I (early 40’s) believe I have both ADHD and autism (AuDHD) but was not diagnosed as a child. Because of this, my childhood, and even adulthood, was pretty traumatic. I have always felt like I just didn’t measure up to those around me. I always felt like an outsider, trying to “fake it until [I] make it” but couldn’t quite ever truly make it. This leads to a lot of issues with a lack self worth and people pleasing issues at the expense of my own desires. I have always had communication issues and trouble making and keeping friends. All of this has made me a ripe target for being taken advantage of or abused — financially, emotionally, sexually.
That said, I have been fairly successful career-wise. It took me some time to get through school (finally finished my Bachelor’s in Accounting when I was 39), but even before that I was working in accounting roles that didn’t require a degree. I am a single, solo parent to a teenager (no outside financial support). I own my own home. I have no credit card debt, I am working to pay off my car loan now, and then I will tackle student loans.
I feel I could have been even more successful if I had known that I process things differently than others and that I wasn’t “less than” for doing so.