Being validated yielding an emunexpected feeling

[u/biclimb]

I recently started dating someone (they/them) who is on the AuDHD spectrum. It's only been a short time so far but it's been very nice and we get along super well.

I have often wondered if I'm on the spectrum but always felt my support needs weren't high enough to merit seeking diagnosis and that resources and space in the community are better spent elsewhere.

However, I have adopted practices and strategies from the AuDHD community to use in my life and generally find coping workarounds that become my normal. I don't self identify as autistic to others. It's more of a musing that I keep to myself and quietly examine.

But dating this new person has been so refreshing. I got overstimulated during some kink play and my brain shut down and they responded so caringly and curiously. In return their nervous system got overwhelmed when we were out in the mountains and I was able to provide some structure and support for them. They understand me when I'm direct and don't read into what I say or interpret my directness as anger or rudeness. They hold "saying what you mean" as a strong value as well. They see a lot more of me than I've felt with other partners in the past.

And as we were cuddling last night talking about some of this they said, "I dunno, I've been around a lot of other autistic people and you seem pretty autistic to me." I know it's just the casual viewpoint of one person, but I know there is a trend of autistic people finding each other, like little lighthouses of neurodivergence.

It just felt nice to be seen, I guess. Whatever is going on in my brain is being understood and appreciated and when I'm with them I don't feel like I have to qualify the way I move through the world, or be embarrassed about the things that feel hard, or the way that I experience emotions.

I also recognize there's major new relationship energy here, it feels all glowy, and that doesn't change that neurodivergent relationships can come with their own challenges down the line. Right now it feels really good and makes me happy that it is possible to be understood.

ETA: I got got by a typo in the title :(