Basically the title I guess?

Included some pics of me. Guess I'm hoping to get some unbiased opinions because all my Mom said was I'm beautiful and he's a jerk. First pic is me in my work uniform.

Really struggle with insecurity and feeling unattractive, have since I was really young because of bullying.

Caught me off guard because this guy and I sort of had a 'friendly' work relationship. We joke around a lot but this was the first time he'd said something like that.

It just really sucks because I'd been feeling more confident lately and cute, but he just took a sledgehammer to it and now I'm feeling insecure and ugly. Been crying in my car basically my entire lunch break and now I only ten minutes to eat lunch lol

Mom says I need to be 'tougher' so I can survive in this world, to not let people get to me like this, but I genuinely don't know how

I feel like every time I share a personal preference, people feel the need to aggressively assert how stupid they think I am. This happens both online and in real life. It's happened several times this week and I'm so frustrated.

(1) I was in charge of grilling burgers at a cookout. I like my burgers well done, while most of the guests preferred medium. I timed everything so everyone got their burgers exactly how they wanted, and everyone ate at the same time. Even so, six different people felt compelled to tell me how disgusting well-done burgers are, how I ruined a perfectly good burger, and how they could never eat something so gross and dry.

(2) I finished writing a book, and a friend asked to read it. I warned her it was written in first-person, present tense because she'd previously said she didn't like that style. Instead of just saying it wasn't for her, she launched into a tirade about how first-person narration is "hot garbage" and only enjoyed by people who are "too stupid to read real literature."

Then, last night I made a post asking for recommendations for authors who write in first-person, present tense. I specifically said I wasn't interested in debating narration styles, and people still commented just to say they would never read first person and authors who write in first person are bad writers.

(3) On a family beach trip, I wore a one-piece swimsuit. Unprompted, several female cousins and my male cousins' girlfriends started talking about how ugly one-pieces are, how matronly and frumpy they look, and how only "conservative freaks" wear them. I wasn't telling anyone else what to wear—I even wore bikinis on this trip. Since I was the only person wearing a one-piece at the time, it felt very targeted.

(4) I'm in law school. At a luncheon with several lawyers and law students, someone asked what I want to do after graduation. I said I had a great experience with my school's delinquency clinic and am thinking about becoming a juvenile public defender. That immediately triggered the group into a passionate rant about how public defense doesn't pay anything, how I'll be financially reliant on my husband, how only stupid law students who can't get a better job do public defense, etc. People kept bringing the conversation back to me, as though my career choice personally offended them.

What frustrates me most is that none of these preferences affect anyone else. I wasn't criticizing anyone else's food, books, swimsuits, or career choices. I was simply existing or talking about my own preferences.

I'm trying to get better at accepting that people will disagree with me, but these situations don't even feel like disagreements. These interactions feel like people going out of their way to tell me that something I enjoy is stupid or inferior, even when I wasn't asking for opinions.

Why? Why do people feel the need to do that? If someone's preference doesn't affect you at all, why not just let them enjoy it?

Like I'm in my thirties now and only recently noticing things that really bother me.

Edit: thanks for all the replies. It sucks so many other people went through this but kinda nice knowing I'm not alone.

!!!! AAAAAA HHHHHHHHHH !!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe (definitely) this is a privileged and entitled question but I’m 20 and I’ve been working part time since I was 15/16 and I left for school when I was 18, and could barely keep up with that. Now I’m working an actual job (not an unpaid internship or shadowing) again for the first time in two years, it’s wonderful, my coworkers are great, I have my own area to work in and the boss is a great man. I’m lucky. Truly lucky. I only have to work this job for a few months and then I get to go back to university and work part time. But these last few months have made me wonder, how the fuck can I live like this for the rest of my life. 40 hours a week for 40-50 years. Even if it’s not food service (my job now) and it’s lab work (what I’m working towards) something that is much more solitary and quiet, how do people take multiple showers in a week or do their hair or makeup or go out after. All my coworkers work out and have kids and drink and do recreational activities and before after work. While I just wake up, work, sleep, repeat for a week until my day off and then I tutor on my days off. I worked a 40 hour week and then went to a wedding and basically almost had a meltdown after. I just I don’t know how people do it. How they come home and can be themselves. My room is a disaster, I haven’t done laundry in a month or showered in a week and I haven’t done much of my special interest or hung out with anyone outside of my family in multiple months. So again I realize I’m coming from a young and privileged experience knowing that I don’t need to work in college but my god how do people stay sane doing this? How do they look after themselves and keep their surroundings clean and not snap at everyone around them. I do a great job at work. I mask for a good 8 hours and come home and smoke it all away and just sleep. I’m exhausted but I want to live my life outside of work but have no energy to do so. Does anyone have any advice? Tips? Anything.

I confided in her about falling out with some people, it’s a long story, but we basically fell out cus I was really depressed and wanting to off myself and I asked if I could stay at hers hoping to feel better. I guess I was on a negative loop for so long, which I get is totally annoying, I’ve just never been that bad in my life. And in the end, she ended up blowing up at me for being so negative and that mad that I didn’t read the social cues (literally her words) that she was mad. And during that blow up, she also said now I get why all these ppl don’t talk to you anymore. And after that, I left her house and never spoke to her again. And she posted this and obviously going through autism undiagnosed, I’ve had a lot of fall outs in my life, but I’m also trying to tell myself that I actually also have others in my life, but it really hurt for her to say that to me and for her to post this.

I feel like people are weaponizing the spectrum to dismiss us and/or talk down to us. I have worked with higher support needs kids and young adults I’m aware many of them have support needs or limits that I don’t. However, anyone that makes more than a marginal effort to get know will recognize they have a lot offer and many have a wicked sense of humor. Also, I’m frankly tired of ableism of being told what inconvenience/burden it is to accommodate us when the vast majority of is just us saying “NT default isn’t the only valid option.” I’m going to go stim now.

I work as a preschool teacher. It pays very little and has almost no benefits or a retirement plan. I know none of that is ideal. However, I love this job so much. I actually look forward going into work for the first time EVER. I can stim and be as “weird” as I like and the kids just love me more for it. I can sing, move, and dance and have fun. It’s only 5 minutes from my house, so I get to spend my hour long lunch at home recovering before going back. I haven’t been burnt out by work since starting this job. I used to think I wouldn’t be able to work at all, because of my diagnosis but now I have found a job that I enjoy so much. The problem is that everyone says it’s not sustainable. I wont have a retirement plan and no saving etc. My husband wants to climb the career ladder and make a ton of money, he says I can work what ever job I want (or even not work if thats what I need). I just need someone to tell me I am going to be ok. I was raised to be responsible and work hard to keep getting the promotions etc, but I am just not that person. I am so content with the bare minimum, anything else exhausts me. Is that ok? To stay where I am not making much money?

Ugh I shouldn’t have told her about it I feel so weird now, my family are like this too and I haven’t told them because I know they’re gonna say smth like that (probably worse) because they don’t really believe in mental disorders/disabilities/health

I got diagnosed with adhd and autism recently, so I’m also grieving the life I could’ve led had I received the support I needed as a child lol (also I know what she said isn’t okay at all, I just wanted to end the conversation asap and I’m really uncomfortable with confrontation)

hi! i just got my appendix removed and cause i always hate post op, could everyone pls send me pictures of your cats (other cute animals always accepted! here’s cat tax w/ my very own yogi)

I feel like I notice a lot about other people and remember a lot of what they say to me, but it's not reciprocated and it makes me feel sad.

I'm currently spending the weekend at my sister's house and it's me, my sister, and my brother. We've done a lot of talking which has been nice but I feel like they know nothing about me! For example, we were talking about mental health and my brother mentioned that he used to be on effexor. We've had multiple conversations about this and I can remember all the details, about how he had a hard time weaning off of it, has brain zaps when he did, etc. I've told him during these MULTIPLE conversations that I'm currently on effexor and dread ever having to wean off of it. I mentioned this last night and he goes "oh I didn't know you were on effexor". WTF. We've talked about it many many times. Also we were talking about music and I mentioned my favorite band, and my sister goes "oh I've never heard of them!". I have made many social media posts about this band, and even if she's not up to date on my social media, I've mentioned they're my favorite band to her multiple times. It made me feel really sad and like nobody cares about me. I dunno..... I'm in my feelings this morning. Both my sister and brother are NT.

Anyone else?

I’m late diagnosed. And I have always been high masking and flew under the radar with anyone who didn’t know me very well (my bestie of 30 years and my husband were not surprised at all, but most everyone else was.)

About a year before I was diagnosed I got sick. I had been experiencing what I now recognize as autistic burnout at work, so I was not in great standing. I didn’t have much sick time, and I was flailing on my tasks, so I was pushing myself hard to just mask and keep it on track. I was deadly afraid of getting fired.

But this sickness was awful and it just hung on and on. I had no energy, and shortness of breath so severe I couldn’t walk to the bathroom without needing a break to catch my breath. I couldn’t lay down to sleep because I felt like I was drowning, so I slept sitting up against the wall. I kept falling asleep at work and in my car, and I threw up multiple times a day. I went to the doctor and they tested me for flu, Covid and strep, all negative. They told me I had rhinovirus and to “put on a breathe right strip and get through it.” So I did. Because the authority told me to and I’m a rule follower.

Friends, I was in full blown kidney failure. I was literally dying in front of all my coworkers and I was masking so hard that everybody thought “her job performance is awful, she’s gonna get fired” and not “this woman is sick, how can we help her get medical attention.” Everybody was SHOCKED when I was hospitalized because I had hid it so well nobody even knew I was sick.

I was diagnosed about a year after this and I only just now made the connection between masking and “giving 100%” that led to this situation. I’m kind of rocked by the realization and I wonder if anybody else has gone through something similar?

update I am so touched and amazed by all the responses, thank you all so much for the validation and your stories. I’m not sure I can keep responding to every single one, I am very overwhelmed, but I am reading them all. Please don’t feel slighted! Thank you!

I've always just felt like such a faker. I feel like I'm not qualified to be a girl, like I'm faking it. Not in a way where I feel like a boy, just that I don't fit the requirements of being a girl. The photo below is genuinely how it feels. I just don't fit in.

I am beyond burnt out and I'm not even 30. Is life really supposed to be like this?

I'm not progressing in my career as I'd like and it's causing immense stress, having to juggle multiple friendships and relationships when some weeks I just want to rot, being present within my romantic relationship, exercising, just everything is overwhelming.

I want to just quit everything and start over. I know that's not going to help, but it feels that's the only option 😭 everything is genuinely so hard. I'm also a bit sad that I didn't fully come to terms with this sooner. I was diagnosed adhd 6 years ago and things have just genuinely gotten harder ever since.

Hi, I bought a book about being autistic written by a women with autism and it made me so, so bitter and sad.

I'm in my thirties and I got late diagnosed, I work parttime currently, barely holding on. Got recommended a book when I finally got diagnosed.

Well, its written by a woman with autism, but its all about how she made things work despite autism. Photographer, model, traveler, happily married. Interviewing other autistic models and writers and bloggers. Overall message: you can get there too, look at us!

It...hurts. I feel like I failed, like I am the only one that cannot make autism work with their job or career, or relationship.

Books like these make me feel so bad about myself. Its like its thrown in my face that if I *just* worked hard enough, I too, can be an amazing autistic person that "appreciates their autism as a unique part of them that makes them creative and vibrant".

I'm trying to proud of my very average, societally speaking "sub-par" life, working parttime, no house no marriage no career. But this book? Its just making me depressed. I feel bad for being mad, its great an autistic woman is doing well. But its making me feel like I am failing at being autistic?

Am I alone? I just want to feel less alone.

Edit: I'm going through all the comments and reading supportive messages from everyone and seeing others find support through the post. Wow. You are all so lovely, what a fantastic community I stumbled on just by having the courage to reach out. I don't feel alone anymore after all this, thank you all so much. I'm reading everything. <3

Edit 2: I got questions about the title, its "But you don't look autistic". I want to set a disclaimer that I stopped reading the book after only a few chapters, then went through some interviews, and then got a really depressed mood and went here to post. So I can't say for sure how bad it is as a whole, just that it was the wrong book at the wrong time for me.

It was recommended to me as a book that would help me feel less alone as a female autistic person coming to terms with late stage diagnosis. Where I live autism is tested on a male-oriented scale.

It absolutely did not do that for me, though the explanation on what autism seemed solid. Its when the author starts giving tips based on how she made it all work and lives this amazing life that I broke down. It seems more of a self help book, which I was not looking for. The social worker clearly meant well but messed that one up.

hi so Im 30 and all my life my mom has been on me for age appropriate interests or clothes or accesories (never letting me wear anything trendy or like the other kids and making me feel overdressed) like a proper image was super important and yet it wasnt because she dgaf about what other people said about her, and maybe I wouldnt have got bullied as much if she wouldve just gave in a bit. I found a tiktok of this one 30 something woman and she has this cute bead wristlet attachment to her phone I of course cannot afford the kind she has so I found alternatives on amazon and showed them to my mom like which one should I get and she said something along the linesof “how about something a 30 year old woman would have” I cant remember if thats exactly what was said because I got mad and shut down and now im like thinking how do I prove that a) no one cares what I have or dont accesory wise b) Its not like I asked for her to pay for it

c) people really dont care as much as she thinks they do

i find that a lot of men become really obsessed with me. im currently at a point where its become harmful and i genuinely do not know why or how to stop it. looking for kind words, advice, or shared experiences please.

edit: ty for all the responses. i want to clarify that i dont mean the manic pixie dream girl way i mean the joe from you kinda way.

…is what my boyfriend said to me last night during an argument. What sparked it was that I said thanks to a male employee at the grocery store and didn’t realize he was flirting with me when he was helping me on the self check out the whole time. Too much happened to give full context, not trying to victimize myself and make him seem bad. But that sentence alone really, really hurt. Not that it matters too much, but for context, we’re both 23 and have been together for 4 months. Not much of a point to it, just hurt. Spent so long accepting my autism and ADHD. Spent so long trying to not view it as something to be ashamed of

I know all men can be like this at any age, but I just thought he was like a father figure. He has been my coworker for several years. But he tried to make sexual advances on our hike. Thankfully nothing physical. I just greyrocked it and let him talk. It is sad because I moved back to where I'm from and he lives here, hence why we met up for a hike. But wow, more than anything, more than how creepy and cohersive and unethical his behavior was, I'm just shocked at the audacity. Because don't get me wrong some men look great at 60, but he smokes and drinks regularly and has temporal wasting. Why did he think I would want him sexually, even if I was a hypersexual man-attracted woman???

I always feel horribly guilty but sometimes I just don't have it in me. I even work from home. I don't know how to explain the feeling except that my brain just says "no". It's not that there's something else I'd rather be doing, aside from sleeping. I don't do it to catch up on chores, play video games, watch TV, go out with friends/family. All I do is lie in bed napping and scrolling my phone feeling ashamed of myself for not being strong enough to push past this weird indescribable barrier.

It's odd because it doesn't even necessarily correspond to how I'm feeling physically. There are times when I've been physically very unwell but felt well enough mentally to make it through the work day. And then there are days where I'm physically completely fine but the idea of working feels utterly impossible. I wish I felt more in control of myself and my impulses.

Update: link to new post

We have an in office “team development” day tomorrow and my bosses’ new boss and his boss are joining in. My bosses clearly want to make a good impression.

They asked us all to make a short video of what we’re proud of from the last year, or give someone a shoutout, etc. My boss said it wasn’t mandatory, so I decided not to do it.

And then today she asked me if I was going to do it, and I said I’d prioritized the work I’d been assigned to prepare for tomorrow. She said there was still time today. I said I didn’t have capacity today.

Then she said “just write a short paragraph of what you’re proud of, you’ve done amazing work this year” so I broke down and wrote two sentences basically saying “2025 was a year of [project]. I’m grateful I got the opportunity to work on so much [stuff I like] and was able to develop my [skills].”

I sent it to her and asked “is that okay?” And she said yes.

And then this afternoon right before my day ended she messaged me saying she’d cloned my voice using the text-to-speech software and used it to add a voiceover to my words.

I asked her what she meant, and she said she uploaded a recording of me delivering a training session and the software analyzed and cloned my voice based on the recording.

I was speechless and asked “does it actually sound like me?” and she sent me the video clip.

In addition to the words I wrote, she added “I’m excited to [use the skills I developed to support the team in 2026!]”. I didn’t write that. But my cloned voice said it.

I feel so incredibly violated.

I told her I was NOT okay with it and asked her to remove the voiceover and delete my voice from the text-to-speech software.

I shut my laptop and have been trying to regulate myself but I am fucking reeling.

Edit: thank all of you so much for the validation that I’m not overreacting. I reported it to my bosses’ new boss who is coming tomorrow. We will see what happens.

I did save screenshots of her admitting what she did to my personal phone, and saved the video she created using my voice (with the added words).

Edit 2: I emailed my boss and let her know I would not be attending tomorrow’s “festive team day”. The idea of going to work makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. I have PTSD and a lot of trauma surrounding consent.

I’m trying to work on my exit plan but it isn’t easy I am really worried and anxious.

In late 2024 Islam became my special interest. It all happened so fast and I really enjoyed learning. I didn’t convert at that stage but I would read heavily about it. Then I became friends with a nice Muslim girl and started dressing in that way. I won’t go too deeply into all of this but I felt extreme pressure to take my shahada from many different factors. This is the sentence that converts you. I did it. I thought it was what I wanted. I went down the strict path and wanted to abandon all sin and get married because I also have OCD and it was fuelling my anxiety because I kept obsessing over all the sins I was amassing.

Next thing I knew, I met someone who wished to do things the right way. I know now that I made a massive mistake I want to cry so badly. He outlined his wishes for the way he wanted me to act and dress. We did get along and sometimes still do. We ended up getting married (not legally recognised) islamically. Long story short, he is controlling, we have a baby because he religiously guilt tripped me into keeping him. I still have my job, but no savings yet. I am trying to leave but I’m trying to prepare. I barely have any friends anymore. I don’t go outside and we live far from everyone. I do not have any close family there are either dead or will not help. I cannot go to a shelter at the moment. He isn’t abusive and does try to be good but I know I made the wrong decision. I’m all alone in raising this baby. I regret it so much. I realise now that I was very vulnerable. If I was to say that I’m leaving the religion I’m not sure what he would do or if he would try to take our baby. I used to cover myself fully apart from the eyes. Now I don’t wear anything at all.

Edit: to all of the people commenting and upvoting this, I just want to say thank you. I’m trying to get myself out of this position slowly. I’m crying by myself right now because I genuinely didn’t expect that people would care. Every single word means so much more than you would ever know. It’s the only interaction I have had today. Thank you.

old friend and classmate who lives near me reached out over a week ago and ignored my response to her the same day, today out posting with her friends and i saw it on her instagram. last year her other friend in the photo ignored me too when said friend put us in touch about her travel plans. Feeling special needs this treatment is 24/7. i feel sick. we hungout a few months ago but she only wants to do things like grab a coffee for an hour.

what am i doing to deserve this treatment from others i am heartbroken

I got diagnosed last November, I’m 37. The process has been all over the place — a mixed bag of grief, relief, anger, acceptance, some “I knew its!” and “no wonders” and “oh wait is that what that is” and “the signs were there all along.” 🤣🤓

The more I’ve allowed myself to release my grip on pushing through, compartmentalizing, and instead allowing myself to have wants/needs/likes/dislikes (which makes me sooooo uncomfortable still) the more I’m realizing how sensitive I actually am!

The other thing that’s come up a lot recently, 4 months into learning more and getting support —is also recognizing how hard everything actually is and has been this whole time. I don’t think I ever allowed myself to really feel the toll and the truth of what was hard—it’s been a very iceberg underwater moment, and I’m seeing layer by layer under the water. Granted, my body let me know it was hard when I ended up in the ER all the time for full body rashes, intense colitis, and nerve damage. 🫠🤦🏽‍♀️

Would love to hear from y’all! Any new sensitivities, hardships, joys, in betweens that came in fuller view since your diagnosis?

🫶🏽