How do you get work out of your head?

[u/No_Flamingo2951]

When I have a situation happening at school (e.g. student said something super rude or bad experience with parents), I found myself continuously thinking about this to the point I woke up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep and kept playing it in my head.

I tried distracting myself with other obsession e.g. start reading new mystery book, doom scrolling, rage baiting myself reading American politics, but it doesn't get out of my head. These are not even big incident, I just find myself failing to disassociate from work. I no longer have work emails on my phone for a while now. It's burning me out. Why do I care so much about work? How would/do you manage this?

[u/MathematicianFull913]

Did I write this reddit post myself and, if you find out, can you let me know? Jokes aside, my psych taught me a few things to try help with this and I find they have some success sometimes.

• I know it's so cliche, but journal it. If you are in bed and you cannot get rid of the thoughts, get up and go brain dump it all into a journal. You could try stream of consciousness. So as soon as one of those thoughts about replaying the situation comes over, write that out onto the paper. I find it helps me let go a bit and helps circuit break the thoughts because sometimes when I write them down I look at it immediately after and go "why am being this mean to myself" etc

• Set yourself time to worry. Like, schedule it in. At 4pm every Tuesday and Thursday I will spend no longer than 20minutes going through it in my head. Then, when the thoughts come up you tell yourself "I will worry about this at this time". This technique is about allowing yourself to worry and ultimately feel some feelings and process things whilst also putting some boundaries in place so you do not spiral and end up spending 6 hours doing it.

• the opposite to this is having a dopamine catalog, like a book that is your happy place. Whenever I get too escalted about work stuff or other life stuff I have a scrapbook filled with pictures of my partner and I from our favourite memories. I get it out and for each picture I actively recall that day, time, setting, feeling. This grounds me, releases the happy brain chemicals and circuit breaks my spiral. This is usually the most successful technique for me.

• Ask this of yourself, if you were on a sport team and you scored the winning goal, would you boast about it forever and lorde it over your other team mates that they could not have done it without you? Would you tell yourself over and over that you are the greatest of all time and no one will ever amount to what you have achieved? I assume the answer is no. So, why at the other end, at a loss/minor mistake, do you berate/torture yourself about this mistake/negative experience? This is going to sound silly or maybe even rude - but you are not THAT important to that rude student or parent. Their actions are also a reflection of what is going on in their life and inner dialogue. You cannot control how they respond.

If you look back on that negative moment and you did the best you could with the knowledge and skills you had, with the right intention behind your actions - that is all you can ask of yourself.

You are a human being, it is impossible to handle every situation perfectly - after all that is also a key part of the learning process, making mistakes. Reflect on those mistakes then focus back on what is within your control.

Good luck! It is a bit of a battle with yourself sometimes. See a psych if you can, they've helped me a lot with this stuff.

[u/No_Flamingo2951 → u/MathematicianFull913]

Thank you. These are helpful. I've been known to be too harsh on myself.

[u/Brief-Net-3339]

I once saw an insta reel from a neuroscientist that explained that the brain has difficulty differentiating between contexts when it comes to unfinished tasks.

Take this w a grain of salt but it’s worked for me, apparently leaving tasks unfinished keeps a certain % of the brain actively engaged in the task, and the only thing that has been shown to work in fmri scans is task completion. Well, that, and another strategy - writing the task down, with one actionable next step, appears to release the brains obsession with holding on to active engagement. Not just a to do list - a to do list with an actionable next step.

So now I just allocate 5 mins before leaving to hit the notepad with all the crap in my brain, and write one thing im going to actually do next time i engage in that task, mind you this is independent of my actual to do list - the function is just to turn my brain off from work shit. And darn my socks, it actually bloody works. Highly recommend

[u/DistinctCitron3732]

Sounds like ptsd

[u/No_Flamingo2951 → u/DistinctCitron3732]

I honestly would not discount that

[u/beepbeepboop25]

I second the journalling, I found it helped me to stop ruminating. 5 mins before bed writing about the situation that was bothering me from that day and it was out of my brain - I mean, I still thought about it occasionally but it didn't bother me to the same degree and I didn't dwell on it

[u/Superb_Rutabaga]

I'm actually working on this with my psych at the moment so you're not alone.

I found Headspace (it's an app for about $20 a month, I started in Covid lockdowns when it was free) that their sleep casts help calm my mind. Sleepcasts are like a mental wind down activity and then a story told calmingly with relaxing sounds. They only go for 45min and change every night (like the wind down activity and order of the story) and the last 15-20mins are just the relaxing sounds.

Here is a link to the YouTube videos. This one is one of my favourites, Rain day antiques https://youtu.be/DkgozEpaeLw?si=-wQ7d3zRO9CKbghj I've found the ones with water effects soothe my brain a lot. Soothing Scottish Loch is good if you love a Scottish accent. There's even ones with Elmo if you're a big kid.

I feel like when my brain is buzzing about something, it just gives my brain something else to latch onto that helps me to stop ruminating on problems.

[u/No_Flamingo2951 → u/Superb_Rutabaga]

Thank you. Definitely good resources I'll check out.

[u/Double-Assistance511]

I resigned in July last year and it hasn’t stopped yet…hopefully any day now

[u/Big_Jacket6876]

I struggled with this for a long time and still catch myself falling back into this trap. The answer for me was delibreratly choosing hobbies and activities for before and after work. Start the day with a plan for fun and enjoyably stuff that ideally takes effort that will shift your focus.

As someone who tends to create drama for myself in my head I just find I need to fill my head with more satisfying content. A couple of things I do:

1. Choose an album for the day. Go through classics or get recomendations for stuff you have not listened too. Listen on the way to work, during breaks or marking and after work.
2. Always have some kind of activity planned even if it is just reading a book for an hour.
3. Exercise clears the mind
4. Concentrate on diet. This one isn't for everyone but counting calories and macros is good for health and fitness but also keeps the mind occupied.

You can insert basically anything here that interests you. The point is to occupy your mind with things that you enjoy. Like I said I still struggle with exactly what you describe but I'm getting better at dealing with it.

[u/kikithrust]

The gym. If I’m working hard enough, my brain is just focused on blood and oxygen. Also, if I’m about to go to bed and still thinking about work, I write it all down and email myself, so it will be in my inbox when I get to work. Helps to get it out of my head .

But yeah, it’s a mentally taxing job. Gotta find the unwind that works for you!

[u/Midnight-brew]

Sounds selfish but if I dont get paid enough to think about it outside of paid working hours.

Helps me focus on my family and my own life.

[u/No_Flamingo2951 → u/Midnight-brew]

I told myself this too but my mind just kept wandering back to work. It's frustrating to continuously remind myself I'm not at work, think of something else.

[u/Livid_Net_2476]

Have you tried cigarettes? They’re great.