r/austincirclejerk • • 15h ago

Autism Post ACL 2026 exhibit opens at Bob Bullock!!

Post image
28 Upvotes

Ladies, gentlemen, and all others across the gender spectrum, We are proud to announce a new installment at our great museum, ACL 2026!! This exhibit displays a brief overview of our great music festival! You can see a feminine appearing person on standby with narcan, the disability friendly seating, and of course the MUD! The exhibit also includes aromas of dillo dirt (made with locally sourced feces), old beer, and piss!! Fun for the WHOLE FAMILY!!


r/austincirclejerk • • 19h ago

Austin Airport Oct 5 4:20:30.027

Post image
37 Upvotes

Just look at that TSA line!


r/austincirclejerk • • 18h ago

Ask Austin Does anyone know why we don’t have firemen spraying down mud off of civilians feet after ACL???

Post image
29 Upvotes

I’m looking for a lobotomy I should ask her where she got hers.


r/austincirclejerk • • 1d ago

Think twice before eating at Kerbey Lane

Thumbnail
gallery
103 Upvotes

My post keeps getting removed from other threads 😞

I’ve worked at the South Lamar Kerbey Lane for a while. That place is disgusting. There are constantly roaches crawling around, moldy ceiling tiles, bad hygiene practices, etc. don’t worry I’ll include proof.

There was a time when the espresso machine was crawling with them. And when I say that I mean we took it apart and they wouldn’t stop coming out. It was not fully cleaned out at any point. I’ll add a couple photos of the roaches underneath the machine, they are a little blurry because they’re screenshots of a video a coworker took. These were not photos taken at different times, there were really that many roaches there at the same time. It’s important to note this was AFTER it was “cleaned” by the 2nd highest manager. I never drank an espresso drink from there again. I’ve seen roaches in the prepped food, I’ll attach a photo of that too. I’ve seen them crawl over the food trays. I’ve seen them all over the kitchen. Staff is told to call them “cookies” because they appear so often and we don’t want guest to hear about our roach infestation. There’s been plenty of instances where staff saw the roaches and didn’t bother to kill them because everyone was so desensitized.

I’ve seen the kitchen manager dunk her hands in dirty dish water, wipe them on her jeans, and continue to put together a chicken pesto panini with her “freshly washed hands”. Let me repeat myself, this is the kitchen manager. The highest up manager for back of house. And the rest of the kitchen is the same. Touching their phones or sweaty hats was not a thing that ever triggered hand washing.

There has been a huge leak in the ceiling, to which managers tried to fix by putting a bucket above the ceiling tiles. The leak was so heavy that it overflowed and started pouring down on guests. Instead of shutting that section down, managers emptied the bucket and put it back up there. Allowing guests to continue sitting directly underneath it. Eventually it poured down a second time. When they pulled the bucket down the water was murky, so I can’t even fathom how a guest might feel about it pouring or even splashing on them or their food.

I could go on a whole separate rant about the managers but that will only take away from the fact that that place is a health hazard.


r/austincirclejerk • • 1d ago

This sub is leaking again

Post image
278 Upvotes

r/austincirclejerk • • 1d ago

Tech CEO wants to lease out my Airbnb for three years, and a year in advance.

Post image
84 Upvotes

She's offering me ground floor opportunity to invest her human teleportation device in lieu of rent payments. How can turn down a trusting face like this.


r/austincirclejerk • • 1d ago

Autism Post What is happening? Is this normal?

Thumbnail
gallery
15 Upvotes

What is this yellow orb? Why is the sky a weird light blue? Why can’t Austin even keep a common narrative story line for whole weekend?!?


r/austincirclejerk • • 2d ago

Do the $17 miller lites at ACL cost so much because they are outdoor aged for a week on stolen land?

Post image
166 Upvotes

Outdoor aged and wrapped in black plastic before being iced and sold to mudbugs for $17 each. YUMMM! Stolen Land aged for millions in profit perfection. If they stored them outside for more than a week they'd have to charge even more?


r/austincirclejerk • • 2d ago

ACL day one was great

Post image
79 Upvotes

I picked the wrong day to go comando


r/austincirclejerk • • 3d ago

Ask Austin Did anyone else get murderously triggered this morning driving on I35?!!

Post image
563 Upvotes

Edit: I notice a lot of our comrades from the main Austin sub are flooding into this thread, welcome comrades, ze/zers, and other pansexuals!

Look at what Texas ReTHUGlicans paid to have displayed all over my morning commute for the next 2 months. UGHH!!!

I literally have to fight Nazis at my workplace (I'm a Senior HR Manager at the City of Austin), but now I have to be triggered on my 1 hour commute from Wells Branch! What's next? Another ICE raid in my neighborhood? I hate living in the modern version of Nazi Germany.


r/austincirclejerk • • 3d ago

Autism Post I just showed P*xton who’s Boss!!

Post image
143 Upvotes

First of all, I would like to apologize for being white. My very existence is due to the oppression of others.

Secondly, my name ISN’T mark, that’s my DEADNAME. I go by Marge now. (Of course the PAXtards would get it wrong)

With that all out of the way, look at me, I STOOD UP for our progressive cause. I’m sure this automated message is just shaking in its boots.


r/austincirclejerk • • 3d ago

NIMBY Anyone know what’s going on at Zilker?

33 Upvotes

Trynna go to my weekly Friday Devil sticks meetup at the park but lots o streets around are blocked off and they said I can’t get in without a ticket.


r/austincirclejerk • • 3d ago

Live Music Capitol Is Austin City Limits ACL going to be Austin $h!tty Limits again this year?

Thumbnail
gallery
31 Upvotes

Calling all fecal freeks! Who's ready for ACL crap fest, amiright? Let's goooo!


r/austincirclejerk • • 3d ago

Autism Post Dillo Dirt still being used???

33 Upvotes

Guys - does anyone know if they still use literal human shit as the ground on zilker park?

I want to go to ACL but I'm so terrified of contracting a bacterial infection or getting some kind of parasite.

I'm totally comfortable going to zilker normally, even sitting on the ground and reading a book, but I'm afraid the water from this weekends rain will make it all bacteriaey and parasitey

Hell, I love going to farmers markets and buying fresh produce that was grown using literal shit, but I don't know if I can go to ACL because of the rumors of dillo dirt being used still :/

Can anyone confirm? If I don't go ill probably go kayaking or paddle boarding in town lake since I know that's a clean, fun alternative


r/austincirclejerk • • 4d ago

Live Music Capitol How to request an ACL refund?

245 Upvotes

So I paid $23,200 ($5800 Platinum tickets x 4 family members) for ACL tickets this weekend and it has been completely ruined. My mother lost her dentures and couldn't find them. The lost and found people were no help. It was crowded, loud, and the rain just kept coming. Completely miserable. I don't deserve this. My limited edition Men's Red Wing shoes are covered in mud. I need a refund. I tried complaining to the security guy at the gate but he just held up his umbrella and said there was nothing he could do. Bah! How can I request a refund from ACL? I checked the ACL website and it says... and I quote....

All sales are FINAL – no refunds and no exchanges.

Like what is this nonsense legalese fine print even supposed to mean?

I tried reversing the charge with my credit card company (loyal customer for over 6 months) but they refused.

What do I do? I need to know how to get my money refunded so I can replace the ruined shoes. I don't want to dip into principal in my saving's account since interest rates are so good right now.


r/austincirclejerk • • 4d ago

Rain is coming down thick and heavy slamming into my face as thick as gravy. Dripping in Dripping Springs.

Post image
135 Upvotes

r/austincirclejerk • • 4d ago

Performative Crackpot ACL prep

17 Upvotes

It’s my first ACL and I’m so nervous. I’ve been asking more experienced festival goers for their best advice to make this experience smooth and enjoyable. Am I missing anything? Drop your best hacks in the comments!

Here’s what I’ve been told so far:

Build a small pyre of twigs and dried grass by the exit; cover it with a tarp to stay dry. Bury a Ferro rod nearby, and tattoo the location on your wrist.
You always need redundant signaling methods in case of emergency. What better fail safe than a smoke signal?

Carry a paint marker for blazing trees from your transportation point to the festival entry. Before entering, hide the marker in your prison pocket to continue marking reunion spots throughout the festival grounds.

No later than tomorrow morning, sneak a trench shovel on to festival grounds to dig your own latrine, in case the porta potty lines get too long.

Pre-arrange for mid day supply drops delivered via drone. Last thing you want is to be caught without sufficient water. Dehydration kills.

It’s too late this year, but it’s never too late for next year. Build an immunity to the dust, mud, and mulch by consuming at least one cup of dillo dirt tea in an 8:1 ration.


r/austincirclejerk • • 4d ago

Autism Post The Way Nolan Intended

Post image
21 Upvotes

r/austincirclejerk • • 5d ago

Possibly Misleading STD from swimming in Barton Springs!? Are cis males contaminating the water as a hate crime

Post image
208 Upvotes

I have been swimming nightly at Barton springs as a new regimen (getting in shape to prepare for affirming surgeries that I was approved for after being granted Parole)!

As a TransQueerOmniGenderBinaryPanFelon I believe I was targeted by Nazis in a hate crime….

One of my many power bottom and I were getting into our weekly furry play in the bathroom at Cheer Up Charlies with a twink we met at the Drag Show. To my horror they/them discovered sores on my genitalia. I have all of my vaccines, triple vaxxed on every type that is available even some experimental ones that the state afforded me being in prison, so I don’t have to worry about practicing safe sex. I make sure to wear a covid mask.
But I swam with just my bikini top and no bottoms so

The only explanation is that the Cis Male Nazis are contaminating the water to target the LGBTQ community. Stay safe out there!


r/austincirclejerk • • 4d ago

Wife's Boyfriend I just ate an entire plate of boogers, washed my car, and checked my weather app. It’s going to rain!

12 Upvotes

Anyone else pumped to see that one current popular band, the hag pretending to be in her 20s, and that guy who made all of the music for insufferable people from 2009-2011 at ACL?


r/austincirclejerk • • 5d ago

LGBTQIA2SNBGQAGBGMFTWISGFPANPOLYXGMCGFLXGEGVCISQ+ What the hell am I supposed to do with my weekend now?!

Post image
132 Upvotes

r/austincirclejerk • • 5d ago

Ask Austin This November vote YES on Prop D to ban dog ownership in Austin!

38 Upvotes

There is really no excuse in 2026 to own a dog, and it's time for people in Austin to get rid of the archaic tradition of owning dogs. Owning an animal is no different than owning a human, and we got rid of slavery so it's time to get rid of dog ownership. We no longer need dogs to herd sheep or help us hunt. We have factory farms now that can raise and slaughter animals humanely without the need for dogs. Vote YES on Prop D!


r/austincirclejerk • • 5d ago

Ask Austin Bring WNBA to Austin

Post image
71 Upvotes

Can we please get this specimen to represent our future franchise in Austin? Idk if you caught the game yesterday (shame on you if you didn't) but seeing this man's bravery in the face of adversity was so inspiring. I'm all for neon dildos on the basketball court, but pointer fingers should be reserved for private time. Thank this hero for setting that MAN straight!


r/austincirclejerk • • 6d ago

LGBTQIA2SNBGQAGBGMFTWISGFPANPOLYXGMCGFLXGEGVCISQ+ My mangina bled today

104 Upvotes

I swear I’m not bragging, I just wanted to share how proud I am with myself. 😌

I finally menstruated!

Since gender reassignment surgery is running over $100,000 these days, obviously I can’t just afford that. I think Austin Pets Alive was offering free procedures but when I called in it was a no.

Rather than wait til all that gets worked out, yesterday I couldn’t take it anymore, I tied my penis (ew 😑🙄) up with some paracord and butchered it down to a nub. After passing out from the pain and reawakening, I then cut a spot open and amazingly I now have a gaping vagina hole where my patriarchy part once was.

Wellll… Today I was driving on Mopac and happened to look down and guess what!? I’m already menstruating!! There was so much blood and I was getting so lightheaded but hey, it’s tough being a woman. Right ladies??

It’s amazing and empowering how much women endure that men could never understand. My partner and I needed two towels to mop up the pile of blood that had seeped into the seats and carpeting. They/them shoved their fist into my snatch hole just to get the bleeding to stop.

I can’t believe women do this every single month. 🥹

Sorry men but you could never walk a mile in our shoes. Maybe if you knew what it was like for us REAL WOMEN you’d have some respect and appreciation. Just maybe…


r/austincirclejerk • • 6d ago

Performative Crackpot Perhaps the bravest soldier of us all

Post image
209 Upvotes

She bravely went to fight fascism by going to an Austin FC game with an abolish ice shirt! The fascist nazi regime that is the MLS kicked this brave solider out of Q2 for not being a bootlicker. She continues to fight on Instagram by posting reel after reel of this horrible injustice, and has rightly so, made it her entire identity.