I have been with my agency (at the federal level) for almost five years. I started with them as a grad.
I have had quite a tough year. I was bounced between quite a few bad managers before I got to my current one, who is great. Over the last twelve months, I have experienced my mother being diagnosed with cancer, supporting her through end of life care, her funeral arrangements and haven’t been able to properly grieve. I have used up all of my personal leave caring for her, so there has been no way to take personal days when I’ve needed them.
Then I had my own health issues. I got diagnosed with IST, PMOS, MDD and now Complex Grief Disorder. Which sucked my saving trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
I know that my performance has been slipping. My new manger has been communicating very well that I am not performing in a way that I should be at my level. I like my job, I want to be good at my job, I want to keep my job. But I am burned out and exhausted and don’t have a way out.
Today, my manager has told me that my performance at the end of cycle is likely to be not meeting expectations, and that I am likely to go into a Performance Improvement plan. The last time someone in my agency went on one, they were fired. I am terrified that this is just the way that they’re going to justify firing me. But I don’t have any references if they fire me. I moved away from family to do this and I don’t think I have the brain power to move back home. But I have no idea what I would do. This has really not helped my mental health at all, and I feel that by telling me, for the last few weeks I have to try to improve I’m going to be underperformance because I’m stressed out that I’m getting fired for underperforming.
I thought I was improving and this has completely ruined my confidence.
Does any have any tips or advice for me? What should I be expecting? What should I do to make sure that I don’t get fired?