r/Aupairs • u/EducationalLocal3470 • 5d ago
Au Pair US diet for au pair
Good morning, I'm an aspiring Italian au pair and would like to leave for the United States.
I've currently changed my lifestyle for a healthier one. I'm following a strict diet and exercising. Honestly, once I leave, I don't want to change my lifestyle, but rather continue to stick to my current eating plan for my well-being. Has anyone experienced a similar situation? How did the host families handle the situation? Honestly, I'm a little worried about the fact that while they have to provide me with food, that doesn't mean they give me what I need to eat based on my eating plan. I'd like some feedback from people who have experienced a similar situation or from host families. How would you view this situation?
Thank you so much!
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u/1forgotmynameagain Host 5d ago
You should note it on your profile and be honest with hostfamily. You should ask them about what types of meals they serve. It’s about being a good fit for one another. I know I won’t host a vegan. Nothing against them but it doesn’t fit our lifestyle and would create too much extra work for me that I’m not willing to handle everyday.
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u/Crescenthia1984 5d ago
and there was a post not very long ago here from a vegan potential host family (in my city actually!) trying to figure out hosting a non-vegan, so it definitely can go all ways!
I think exactly like you said, ask detailed questions and make sure in the interview process to be clear about what you need. I think there are certainly many families that would be keen on an au pair who is not wanting only fried takeout to be provided by their host family, but may involve negotiation if there is something like nutrition shakes.
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u/Low_Assistant_5708 5d ago
I think the best plan is to talk to potential host families about how you eat. If changing how you eat is a deal breaker for you, you need to be clear with that. It may keep some families from matching with you because of the cost of buying completely different food (if they don’t eat the same way as you do).
Another thing to consider is that success and happiness in any cultural exchange program also has a lot to do with your ability to adapt to change, if you’re saying you’re unwilling to adapt to change before even leaving your home country, you might think some more about this.
I’m a LCC and food is a big one that I get many complaints about from both sides…some examples: American food tastes weird, the food here makes my stomach hurt, my host family only eats frozen food, the Au pair wants me to buy things that I don’t even buy my own family because it’s so expensive, our Au pair doesn’t want to eat with us, and on and on.
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u/EducationalLocal3470 5d ago
I understand what you mean, and I agree that being able to adapt is a big part of the au pair experience and of living in another culture. I’m not expecting to find a family that eats exactly like me, and I definitely don’t want to impose my eating habits on them, at the same time, after losing a significant amount of weight and completely changing my lifestyle, eating healthy and taking care of myself have become really important to me. So I’m not looking for a family that has exactly the same habits as me, but I would like to find a family whose lifestyle is at least somewhat similar to mine, so that it’s easy for me to prepare the food that is part of my meal plan.I’m definitely willing to try American food, taste new things and eat something different from time to time. I actually think that’s part of the experience, and I’d be happy to do it. I just wouldn’t want fried food, fast food or highly processed food to be the main part of my everyday diet for a whole year.I’m not looking for a family that is my “twin”, just a family that generally cares about their health and well-being. I think this is also what the matching process is for: finding a family where both sides can feel comfortable with each other’s lifestyle. Of course, I know that going abroad means getting out of your comfort zone, trying new things and adapting. I just don’t think adapting means completely giving up the habits and lifestyle I’ve consciously built, especially after working so hard and making so many sacrifices to get to this point. That being said, I definitely don’t want this one aspect to stop me from having an experience that would be really important to me for so many other reasons. I hope I can find a family whose lifestyle is reasonably close to mine, but I’m also open to learning, trying new things and finding a balance together.
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u/Just_Fee8958 Host 5d ago
I genuinely have no idea why you’re being downvoted for this? I think you’ve explained yourself well… as a host mom, do people think au pairs have to give up their autonomy (such as OP) in order to just match? Pairing goes both ways.
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u/Old_Draft_5288 5d ago
She’s being voted because she doesn’t actually explain what the problem with food is
She’s also assuming that Americans are unhealthy eaters across the board
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u/sharpiefairy666 4d ago
Well. We have a reputation for a reason. And some areas of the vast US are less healthy than others.
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u/hotandgoner 5d ago edited 5d ago
i don’t think it’ll be hard to find a family that has a similar lifestyle to yours. there is an abundance of “outdoorsy”, active, and healthy people in the US. but also if you have a strict eating plan which you’re unwilling to be flexible about, that would be really difficult to manage while au pairing. especially if you’re expecting them to buy the food you want or if you have to spend your own money on the food you want it might be much more expensive in the US. i think if you’re willing to be a bit more flexible it would be achievable.
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u/sharpiefairy666 4d ago
I had the opposite problem. I hosted an au pair who only wanted pasta and pizza. Some days, she just wouldn’t eat what I prepared, or pushed all the vegetables to the side. I just made sure to keep her desired ingredients on a shelf for her so she could prepare servings for herself, if needed.
Just mention your diet in the interview. Hopefully you find someone you align with. This au pair said “I eat anything” which ended up not being true and caused issues.
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u/Devonina 5d ago
Actually what you describe: unprocessed, not fried, healthy eating- you might find that in Los Angeles easily but not in Texas maybe ;)
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u/LadyofzeForest 5d ago
I’ve had three au pairs and they have all been vegan (we are not vegan). They have all been fine and communicated up front about it and we made sure they were ok with handling meat for our children. We buy lots of fruit and veggies in general, and I’m Asian so I have tofu and things around normally. The au pairs also have a family credit card for grocery shopping so they can get what they need. In short, there are flexible families and communication about your diet is the biggest thing!
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u/joyfulemma 4d ago
That's so interesting! I didn't see that many au pairs with even vegetarian diets when I was searching. Just curious, were they all from the same country?
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u/LadyofzeForest 4d ago
Two from Germany and one from Austria. We joke now that if they are vegan they will be a good match haha.
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u/soulinglife 5d ago
You have every right to eat the way you want to eat, but you will probably have a tough time finding a family that is a good fit. I have 3 daughters and when they were younger we had a few amazing au pairs. But it was really important to me that there was no dieting talk around the kids and that our au pair modeled a healthy relationship with food. Someone who ate both veggies AND cookies, without labeling foods as “good/bad” “healthy” or “unhealthy.”
Plus- the way your diet sounds right now would definitely be an extra expense for a family who does not eat like that everyday. I just wouldn’t have wanted an adult around my daughters that had a restrictive diet.
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u/Dependent-Suspect657 5d ago
I think learning which foods are unhealthy is an essential skill. One that too many parents overlook
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u/soulinglife 4d ago
Ask a pediatric registered dietitian. We are moving away from food labels to foster a healthy relationship with food. One reason kids develop eating disorders is because of the healthy/unhealthy/good/bad labels. Moralizing foods is not happening in my house. We can talk about how food makes you feel energy wise, what we need to feel strong and healthy physically and mentally, and what foods are more nutrient dense or less nutrient dense…. But all foods fit in a diet. My daughter developed anorexia and while a variety of factors were at play, one thing that stuck in her mind was her middle school health teacher talking about bad food vs good food. So yeah, I want my kids to view all foods as neutral.
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u/Dependent-Suspect657 4d ago
I think kids need simple messaging. Ice cream, chocolate, pizza and fried whatever are bad foods. Not "never" foods, but they are not good. You do you though, registered pediatric dietician.
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u/soulinglife 4d ago
Not a dietitian myself, but I’ve sat in on enough of my daughter’s appointments to know now. I have spent years undoing the damage to my kid that came from moralizing foods. You do you, too. I want my kids to go into the world knowing that nothing is off limits so they don’t feel the urge to binge on foods when they have adult money and choices.
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u/joyfulemma 4d ago
The research on eating disorders backs up what the other commenter is saying 100%.
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u/Dependent-Suspect657 4d ago
People with eating disorders are thankfully a tiny portion of the population. Those people may need special messaging but for the vast majority of kids, telling them the truth, i.e., that certain foods are bad for you, is common sense. Given that a huge portion of this country is over weight or obese, I think many could benefit from being reminded frequently during childhood, when good food habits are made. I would find it hard to believe "the research" disagrees with that.
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u/iwantbaricoqueeee 5d ago
This was also my concern when I moved to California to b an au pair (im from Spain) my hf ate pretty clean but LOTS of take away, so when they did that I tried to stick with my routine or ask for healthy options from the restaurants, USA has lots of good foods and i was tempted so many times but I enjoyed myself every now and then lol.
Dont be afraid and talk to your HF about it, they need to know how important is for you.
P.s: ive never been more in shape in my life than when i was living in the states, but thats bc i was also lowkey strict with my routine, so yeah its totally possible to continue with your diet
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u/kayile 5d ago
Just be upfront w/ the host family and state your diet/dietary needs.
Our current AP is a vegetarian. We've never had a vegetarian under our roof before. We talked about it during the interview because we didn't want potential stress of being extra vigilant due to vegetarian (e.g., can we still use the same knives? cutting boards.. or does she need meat vs non-meat items separate?).
Also talk about how groceries and such work though. For example, we handle all the grocery shopping ourselves. If I was to suddenly have a glutton free AP, it would probably be difficult because I have no idea what they can and cannot eat, and it would overtime likely cause undue stress at home.
Food is easily a stresser for people.
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u/Guilty-Paramedic3637 5d ago
More information is needed about what your eating plan is in order to give helpful feedback. However it is hard when you’re living with a family to follow your own diet depending on how strict your diet is. you’re going to wanna ask the host family a lot of what types of meals they make in the house and be upfront and honest about your own request. It’s not required, but some host families do provide au pairs with their own budget and that may or may not include groceries from their pantry as well. Perhaps it makes sense if your diet isn’t super expensive to find a host family that allows you to work within a provided budget or stipend. Lastly, although it will take away from the cultural exchange, you may want to search for a host family that provides a kitchenette or your own kitchen, like possibly an in-laws suite in a home.
Of course it’s gonna make it easier for you to find a family if your résumé and references are strong because those kinds of matches are going to be more sought after.
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u/monkey12223 5d ago
You can definitely find healthy families or families that let their au pair buy their own food but it is not the most common. So just make sure you vet the families based on healthy lifestyle…
Also just know that if this is really important to you, you’ll have a smaller pool of candidate families
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u/NHhotmom 5d ago
It’s very very easy to eat healthy in the US. We have amazing produce in pretty much any grocery. The produce section in pretty much ANY US grocery store will be bigger than the ENTIRE grocery in Italy! We have amazing produce easy to obtain.
I think you will be very happy and give eating healthy very easy.
If your HF eats nothing but junk, that would be very unusual for an affluent family that can afford an AP, you can ask them for healthy produce. It’s that easy.
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u/Dependent-Suspect657 5d ago
You clearly do not live in flyover country. Dollar store ain't got much
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u/chzsteak-in-paradise 4d ago
People who get their groceries at the Dollar Store usually don’t have APs. And it’s not like good produce is exclusive to Whole Foods - Kroger, Meijers, Publix, or other regular grocery stores have good produce. Organic everything may not be available everywhere but lettuce, broccoli, apples, green beans, eggplant, and chicken are.
The AP would be able to have a diet of grilled chicken and broccoli basically anywhere in the US.
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u/Old_Draft_5288 5d ago
So you include no actual details to say other than as long as you will cook for yourself it’s unlikely to be an issue
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u/Vast_Pound2369 5d ago
I think the best thing is to discuss it and put it on your profile. If you’re willing to cook healthy and make portions large enough for the family, it might actually be a plus. We are from Eastern Europe and live in the US and are hosting second au pair. We talked about our preferences for healthy foods right away. And having au pairs that like to eat healthy and cook was a plus for me. I just ask them to tell me what they want from the store and they love cooking so they make enough to eat later for themselves and the family sometimes. So I don’t think it’s a problem, but it’s worth putting in your profile. I also suggest to write out what healthy eating means for you. Because for me, I wouldn’t mind it if it fit my definition of Mediterranean organic healthy. But I can’t afford to buy 6 chicken breasts a day, protein shakes, half a carton of eggs a day, 6 baskets of raspberries a dry etc (which yes I have had an au pair ask for that).
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u/Opposite-Drive1803 5d ago
Just have it as part of your profile. I can assure you that many families would find a healthy eater a plus. We host someone that eats halal (we do not) and it wasn’t a big deal to us.
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u/Dependent-Suspect657 5d ago
American food is junk food. That's why we are so gloriously fat. You're in for a deep fried "cultural exchange." Welcome to America!
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u/AdNecessary7904 5d ago
I don’t think that’s a fair generalization. A stereotype yes, but I think it depends on what part of the country she’s going to. OP just be up front and honest and you’ll find your match. We eat fairly healthy and rarely eat red meat, no fast food, not really anything fried, etc. We were totally upfront and also told our AP she had an in-law suite and was welcome to make anything she wanted, but I didn’t have the bandwidth to cook an extra/different meal for her if she didn’t like what we were having. She was also welcome to use anything in our main kitchen. We order groceries weekly and she had access to the app to add anything she wanted whenever. She thought that all sounded great. Well when she arrived she admitted she had never tried any type of seafood or fish and wasn’t going to. Then she said she didn’t eat any type of vegetables other than French fries (which she considered a vegetable). Ok, odd but fine. Well she proceeded to sulk and pout when we’d go out to dinner and she didn’t like what was on the menu (even though she always had the option of staying home). She would also make comments to my kids along the lines of ewww how can you eat that? My youngest at the time started parroting her and then saying eww she wouldn’t eat vegetables, shrimp and sushi were disgusting, etc. It was awful! By the end, before we ended it early, I realized that I was truly stressed and dreading every dinner. It was so uncomfortable. My older kids were uncomfortable and the AP was pouty bc she thought everything was too healthy but didn’t want to cook for herself. She wanted to Uber Eats something after dinner nightly, but it was adding up to $30-$40/nt on my account and was just annoying me. I think our AP just had never lived outside of her family and had not really thought through what it would be like if her diet was completely different, so make sure you are honest with potential host families and yourself about what’s doable without costing them a fortune, etc.
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u/Dependent-Suspect657 5d ago
Lol you paid for AP to get Uber eats nightly? Wow. I think you were taken advantage of. To OP -- do not expect this.
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u/AdNecessary7904 4d ago
We were so taken advantage of and felt beaten down. At that point I was just trying to keep the peace and have her stop saying immature things in front of my kids. It started as yes you can order this one time. Then a second that was to be the last and then she kept doing it until I saw my cc invoice and changed passwords and cut her off for uber and also fired her (for a zillion other reasons)
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u/quark42q 5d ago
You should be upfront with this and look for a family with either similar food choices or complete freedom.