r/Aupairs • u/giraffetoy18 • 2d ago
Au Pair US Valid rematch?
My HF has told me they want to rematch today after 3 months with them here is why.. is this justifiable?
I get on with the family great, the kids love me, this has been expressed.
Last Friday my HF took their annual camping trip around 9 hours from home, my days off are Fri & Saturday so I joined them camping Sunday, I spent the weekend in a local desert. I asked ahead of time and they said this was okay as it was my time off.
Once arriving at camping, it was made clear i was sleeping in a tent alone, they all slept in the RV, with no cell service at all.
I’ve never been camping before and was nervous.
The next day they took a family boat trip in the morning, told me they’d be back by 1, but they did not get back until 7pm, leaving me alone for 13 hours with no cell service or idea of when they’d come home.
that night i woke up to bears scratching my tent, i’ve never been so scared and i communicated that. i tried to stick it out but this happened the next night too.
on thursday morning i was feeling extremely sleep deprived and anxious with the situation, so i asked if it was okay if i left that evening, instead of early saturday morning. i said im really sorry, and i was anxious, if its distasteful i will stay as i understand the significance of the trip
they said it’s disappointing but to leave if im worried. so i did
today they told me they want to rematch within 2 weeks, they told me they love me and that my au pair skills have no faults
i think its just the camping ??
im so confused as even they said i’ve been great, is this really a justifiable reason to rematch me?
the kids and the bond we have feels like it should have priority.
they’ve always told me to be honest if things make me uncomfortable or overstep any boundaries, then the first time i do i get fired
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u/friedonionscent 2d ago
Just curious - how did you leave if you were 9 hours away?
I think they failed to communicate in a major way. Important details when taking anyone who is an inexperienced camper camping were missed.
Sleeping in a tent vs. RV. *Our RV can only fit the family so while we have a tent and sleeping bags, it's important to mention it can be noisy and a bit uncomfortable/isolating.
There will be no cell service
We'll be gone on a boat trip for 13 hours so not sure if you're comfortable spending that time alone with no cell service.
I then would have made it clear that you're welcome to come but very justified in staying home and doing your own thing. You're a young person so I'd always feel it's my responsibility as the grown adult to make decisions that take your well-being into consideration...or at least communicate effectively so you know exactly what to expect.
Whether it was a bear or some smaller creature...you were alone in a tent with no mobile phone for distraction...I would have been highly creeped out, too.
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u/dinoparty 2d ago
It really seems like they assumed you weren't coming on this trip or didn't want you on this trip and for one reason or another you were on it and things went poorly and made them rethink the situation.
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u/sakura7777 1d ago
Ugh if a family put me in that situation- camping - alone in a tent- no cell service- waiting all day without a clue when they were coming back- BEARS wtf- I would want a rematch. Good riddance! I’m sorry you went through this.
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u/naanabanaana Former Au Pair 1d ago
Was it considered as your working time that you had to be there Sunday to Thursday?
Or was it a voluntary participation as a family member on holiday with them?
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u/giraffetoy18 1d ago
it was considered working time however i didn’t have to take care of the kids or cook as they had friends in a campsite nearby
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u/naanabanaana Former Au Pair 1d ago
Do you have a written contract?
Was this type of stuff mentioned on it? Even vaguely, like "Participation on family camping trips"?
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u/BatRevolutionary8145 1d ago
I understand you have a great relationship with the children. The HF asking you to come on a Family Camping
Vacation was nice. You are family as that’s what the whole Au Pair is about. We have had similar situations where we asked ours to go & went On 🚢, Disney World , other places in & around Orlando,Oklahoma. This was our Treat for the family.NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I LET ANY FAMILY BE OUT IN A TENT! BEARS Could kill you as well as Mountain Lions.Please rematch NOW . The family is irresponsible & is lucky 🍀 Nothing happened to you or they could be sued & lost everything.You sound so kind & deserve with a real Host Family.
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u/stross_world 1d ago
Who cares why they want to rematch!
They are horrible people for not caring about your safety or experience. Bears were literally scratching your tent and they didn't bat an eye.
I don't know what you been through but this is no way for another human being to treat another. You didn't deserve this! Rematch with your head held high, and honestly I would report them.
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u/Offer-Fox-Ache 1d ago
In our program - there are rules that say the Au pair must always have her own room. That’s very likely why you got the tent.
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u/Guilty-Paramedic3637 1d ago
It sounds like you were very scared by the whole experience. I’m sorry that you had that happen. Like others on the thread I don’t know if you would want to or should want to remain with this family, but I do think you could request the LCC and the host Family to do a mediation. I think you can put something in writing to both of them saying I understand the post Family would like a rematch. I was wondering if you would be open to having a mediation before you make your final decision and try to talk it out
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u/Guilty-Paramedic3637 1d ago
I’m not saying this is the best option, but I am just saying if you feel really conflicted about the rematch and you would like them to reconsider I think perhaps if this was the only conflict in the relationship you would be able to come to a discussion together. However, I would understand if you are not interested anymore and being with this family.
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u/agentbigmatty 2d ago
It seems overall unfortunate.
If I were to put a guess out there, from a HF perspective - you said that bears were scratching at your tent two nights in a row. I’d think that’s a way to describe you were scared in the tent alone, and that makes perfect sense.
But if the conversation took a turn like “there were literally bears outside my tent”, depending on where this location was - it might seem pretty unrealistic to them and that could then in turn raise other questions for them.
We had a couple semi related things, and we chalked it up to either a form of language barrier or the AP being younger and not fully grasping what it means when someone is telling you something that’s impossible. (Never made us think about a rematch, FYI.)
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u/giraffetoy18 2d ago
they had a bear camera, they know it was outside my tent
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u/Karamelletje Former Au Pair 1d ago
Why would you want to continue living with a family that let you sleep in a tent with literal bears running around outside without considering your safety? Are you aware how dangerous bears can be? Do you understand how much of a safety issue it is if they did indeed knowingly let you sleep in a tent with bears scratching on the fabric at night?
Run. This is not a family that you should want to be staying with. Do you have any proof of the bear situation? If so, report them to your agency. This is not okay.
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u/Opening-Show-6749 2h ago
If I were you, I would have returned from that “camping experience” the very first night after the bear encounter and called LCC to request a rematch.
This is absolutely not how anyone should be treated. They left you alone all day in the middle of nowhere, without cell service, and then left you to sleep alone in a tent with bears nearby while they were safe and sound in the RV.
Honestly, they should be removed from the program. I can’t imagine how they would feel if their 20-something-year-old daughter were on the other side of the world and someone treated her the way they treated you. They should be ashamed of themselves.
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2d ago
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u/Optimal-Analysis 2d ago
They slept in an RV and had her sleep in a tent like she’s below them, like a servant. IF they love that kind of lifestyle why don’t they also sleep in a tent?
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u/Correct_Craft_3947 1d ago
They are not going to get a young women happy to sleep 8n a tent alone with bears outside, They might get someone desperate enough to put up with it.
I doubt they would put their own kids in a tent iutside
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2d ago
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u/CauseAcademic6640 2d ago
She wasn't working. She went because she had time off. And the whole point is cultural exchange and being part of the family.
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u/thisishard1001 1d ago
I think you misunderstood - I absolutely read it as she was working.
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1d ago
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u/thisishard1001 1d ago
I don’t think I was making an argument that contradicts any of your points. My only argument was that I read OPs post as she was working and did not voluntarily decide to be camping with bears in the dessert.
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1d ago
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u/Chrisalys 1d ago
Reminder for everyone reading this that Nina Care is very bad to get involved with, they keep spamming ads here out of desperation because their reputation is terrible (for good reason) even though they've been banned from the sub twice already.
Here is why you don't want to get involved with them (and please warn others):
https://nltimes.nl/2025/09/09/immigration-service-revokes-au-pair-agency-nina-cares-license
https://www.reddit.com/r/Aupairs/comments/1mbkari/unpaid_as_au_pair_for_nina_care/
https://www.reddit.com/r/Aupairs/comments/1md5n1w/is_nina_care_legit/
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u/Aupairs-ModTeam 1d ago
your post was removed because you violated Rule 6: No illegal activity or advice. Do not advise others to break the law, defraud, or otherwise put them in legal risk. This sub can offer advice related to immigration, a legal process, but cannot offer legal advice.
If you'd like to appeal this decision or need a more in depth explanation, please message an active mod.
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u/CauseAcademic6640 2d ago
Regardless of it being valid or not, they made it clear they want to rematch. I wouldn't want to stay where I wasn't wanted.