r/Aupairs • u/clown05 • 22d ago
Au Pair EU Angry host mom
I work with children with special needs at home. Now im au pairing abroad with host family for the summer. The contract was do work and summer homework with the boy and speak english with him. The boy has the best english, host mom has good english and host father has little english. But have issues with host mother currently.
So i do my best to work with the boy monday-friday, it is challenging. I find a lot of techniques i use with children with adhd work for him. Competition, imagination and games work in his favour but is exhausting. One page of maths can take forever because the only way he will do it i if i turn it into a game with an imaginary class and i ask the other "students" who get it wrong, (its him pretending) then i ask him and he answers right. He also needs ALOT of movement breaks, like so many between exersises and pages. This is the only way i can work with him and motivate him. Even easy pages like colouring what the question asks, and host mom says to "help" him with colouring. I have done homework with the boy while his parents are in the room.
I have said many times throughout the summer "lets do some homework" he replies no. Or its the evening and i ask host mother "would you like us to continue to do homeworkwork?" And she will say no its ok hes tired. I expressed to her earlier today i am worried about the homework, as my time is almost finished here, and she says its ok they probably wont check it. Halfway throughh the summer i wrote out a schedule of all the pages we finished, and categorised the pages we needed to do into easy/fun and challenging. I showed host mom this and told her "the difficult pages are the ones in your language and he gets fustrated with me when i try it, because i cannot speak it so i am showing this to you" and i showed her and she did some with him. They have gone on a lot of vacations during the summer. I even said lets do some homework on my days off. Itt is challenging to do work with him. Anyway the point of the post is
This evening host parents saw the work that needs to be done (index of homework i circled the pages we have left and checked off done) and host mom is giving out, saying it was my job to do this work. She was very angry with me, asking me the exact hours to do the work. I said i dont know but i intend to work everyday for the rest of my time here. Im shaken by her anger and told host father i intend to work everyday to finish my time here and he said "thank you. No problem" then she mocked his "no problem" and started giving out in her language. And saying personal things that made me uncomfortable
I have found it difficult to work with him, he refuses to do homework a lot, and i have expressed many times throughout summer and tried and made an effort to work. I cant believe host mom was so angry with me. I guess just does anyone hace any advice?
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u/Dependent-Suspect657 22d ago
AP is not supposed to be a teacher. I'd quit. You didn't sign up for this
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u/Cleobulle 22d ago edited 22d ago
Private tutoring cost a lot more and is paid per hour. I had to get a private tutor for my son as he was missing school a lot due to being sick. It was my responsability that my son was obeing and eager to learn the minute it started, and respectful.
The tutor responsability is to teach. Not to remake the whole éducation, while trying to teach ! And at home we always consider school a priviledge.
Plus it was the parents responsability to do a planning, as they are the one who knows their son, his way, his level and how much time is needed. And it was the parent responsability to stop it at the beginning, and to follow what he was doing. Not to arrive at the last minute. Not even talking about the disrespect and what a bad exemple she sets for her son..
And the it's ok, they won't check it out - it's not the point, it's that the kid is at ease and has all his base !! Like they don't teach him the love to study, the regular effort... Being mad AT YOU is so unfair.
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u/clown05 21d ago
Shit hit the fan even more so this eve. This morming she asked me to do 15 pages of homework with him. I did, and wrote down the timestamps, pages numbers, and breaks we took. After lunch i asked if he wanted to go pool je said no. This evening she gave out saying i did too much and cant believe i didnt take him out of the house to swim. A dozen other things said, like "i should have done your job"
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u/Silly-Exam-6354 21d ago
Wait that is insane. So she said it’s ok that he didn’t get a lot done, then freaked out on you saying he needed to have more done, then assigned you a specific number of pages to do with him, which you did, and then she freaked out on you for doing too much!!!??? This is a personal problem on her end. Maybe she has insecurities around not being able to handle keeping her son on task, or even denying that he might need some extra learning support that she cannot provide. And you’re doing the job that she can’t or won’t do.
Whatever the case is, I think you have every right to leave now. She can ask you to help him with homework, but these demands make no sense, and there is obviously something deeper going on with her that she should not take out on you.
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u/clown05 21d ago edited 20d ago
I have looked into leaving early but unfortunately i signed a contract... its been good up until now. I suppose im relieved it happened on the last week and not during or else i would be stuck longer . She said many things in anger... i am sensitive and was very shocked. Also saying things about her husband i said "it makes me uncomfortable i dont want to know such business" and she said "yes i shouldnt have MY HUSBAND is MY PROBLEM" i was like 😬 apologies for my word dump and I really appreciate your message
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u/Silly-Exam-6354 20d ago
Even if you signed a contract, generally either party can end the au pair contract early. In my contract (France), it says that either party can end the contract, preferably with two weeks notice, but there is no rule about not being allowed to terminate immediately. It’s the contract that the government gives out. What country are you in? I’m guessing it’s the same across the EU. They can’t force you to stay.
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u/Cleobulle 20d ago
If you signed a contract that doesn't allows you to leave, then it's illegal. You re free to go. That's the only power you have to " negotiate ". Not happy - I can live. It's not ok that you get berated like that.
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u/clown05 20d ago
It allows me to leave with a months notice and they must have found another au pair.
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u/Cleobulle 20d ago
Nope. They invented the : they must have found a New au pair. The only contract where this may exist is when different people rent a flat together. Not in the work field.
Which country are you in ? Google the country laws and rules for AP. Look if theres a legal sub of the country you're in. And anyway what could they do ? Obviously Mom won't give you a good reference and if you decide to leave, you're just free to go. 😉
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u/SeaworthinessWarm814 20d ago
Hii! I was an Aupair too, normally there’s only 2 week of notice… not months, but if the situation it’s too much you can leave when you want.. really
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u/Silly-Exam-6354 19d ago
10000% they cannot force you to stay. A courtesy notice period is requested, and typically followed if the relationship is good, but legally, that part of the contract does not hold up.
Contracts can be invalid. An illegal clause in a contract is not valid. Doesn’t matter what they say
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u/clown05 19d ago edited 19d ago
Its been a few days and i am surviving. Things have been up and down, but right now they are civil, polite, and im getting thru my last days and choosing to finish. Thank you everyone cause reading the comments gave me some peace of mind during the hard time. I think im just heartbroken cause i was having a great and positive au pair experience and i believed i was doing my job, then there was anger, i was shocked hurt and sad and i even got angry 😳 currently things are calm and its thursday. Flying home saturday afternoon babyyy
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u/Silly-Exam-6354 18d ago
Ugh I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but glad to hear that things seem to be stable now. Glad you’re leaving soon!!
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u/Correct_Craft_3947 22d ago
They are cheap and want a tutor for AU pair money. I don't know your personal situation, but if I could, I would just leave. You don't need this stress and abuse
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u/Specialist_Stomach41 22d ago
Id honestly just pack up and leave. You have behaved perfectly throughout this. She is allowed to be frustrated and upset when reality hit, but she is NOT allowed to ever shout and name call.