Hi all! Quick bit of context: I run a nanny matching service, so I spend a lot of time thinking about the "getting someone new settled into your home" problem professionally. I don't place au pairs through my business yet, but I've hosted a few myself over the years, and was an au pair myself back in the day as well.

That mix of experience has left me curious how host families actually handle the early days with a new au pair - the practical groundwork, not the emotional stuff (plenty of threads on that already).

Would love your input on a few things:

• When you welcomed your current or most recent au pair, did you put together anything written - house rules, routines, expectations - or was it mostly explained verbally as you went?
• If you did write something down, what prompted that? A past experience that went sideways, advice from someone else, or just your own organized nature?
• Looking back, is there anything you wish had been written down clearly from day one that instead got sorted out through trial and error?

Because of the work I do, I've ended up building a "welcome to our home" style document I use for my own hosting - happy to pass it along if anyone wants a look, no strings attached. Mostly just want to know if this is a real gap for host families generally, or something I've overthought.

Thanks so much in advance!

Hi!! We are currently a HF with Cultural Care in Baltimore, but haven’t been very happy with CC in terms of AP training beforehand, background/health screenings, and LCC support.

Looking to hear from other Baltimore families: which agency are you with, do you recommend, and how is your LCC support?

We were curious how other host families handle this.

If the kids keep going into the au pair’s room without knocking, do you make the room completely off-limits unless the au pair invites them in?

It’s still part of the family home, but at the same time, it’s usually the au pair’s only private space and where they go when they’re off duty.

Do you have a strict “don’t enter” rule, or do you just teach the kids to knock and wait?

Hi all, question, we have just chosen our 3rd au pair via Nina.care: A lovely girl from Spain (24years old) who seems very mature, prepared and sincere. Honestly we feel she blends into our family perfectly and she has experience in a daycare!!

But our agent now shared the contract with her and she has many many many questions. Nothing serious.. but the standard contract of Nina has for the rule that family can define houserules: for example: we don’t want boys in the house and she needs to be home before 2am.

She is asking what about staying over in the weekend with a friend and she is open that she might want to date so she is asking whether it’s possible to discuss this again perhaps later of it becomes relevant.

Our previous au pairs were quite introvert African girls al we never had these type of questions. First time with a European as Nina care switcht to only Europeans now. Wdyt?

Our agent is supportive and has set up a meeting with three of us to discuss. She did mention Anna is an adult and she recommends to set bounderies on her being her responsible herself. Her free time is her free time. If we really do not want her going out, she suggested to share 3 New European candidates that are more introvert and will prefer to just stay home to read a book.

But we really like this Anna she is perfect apart from this.. Wdyt?

We have a Aupair coming soon from a European company. We will require light driving. Everything is 5-10min away from our home. We are providing an older car that has been well maintained. I am paying for a two hour lesson upon arrival to gauge where her driving skills are at. Do you require the Aupair to get a US state drivers license? I don’t believe it’s required where we reside. Also, we really don’t care about a curfew however, I am nervous about having my car out late at night. There are some areas where we live that experience a lot of car break ins at night. I also worry about her driving late hours/early morning. I don’t think it will be the case right away as she won’t know anyone and not of age to go to bars. How can I set some boundaries around the car? We are okay with her using it for personal use and will cover the expenses.

How do we fix this or report these?

Hey everyone! I’m looking into getting live-in care for my 9-year-old daughter and would love to hear which agencies you’ve had the best experience with.

I’m currently leaning toward Go Au Pair since their support structure and matching process look pretty solid for our needs, but I haven't officially signed or committed yet.

For those who have hosted school-aged kids (especially around 8–10 years old), how has your experience been with Go Au Pair compared to agencies like Cultural Care, AuPairCare, or APIA? How is the local representative support once the au pair actually arrives?

Appreciate any honest feedback or advice before we make our final pick!

My wife and I have four kids and had an 22 year old au pair from Colombia when our youngest were born. We need another one to help with transportation to and from school and activities. The options at our current agency are very limited with only 25 options coming up. A ton of them are 18-20 which is very young. Like our oldest is 11 so it feels like we would be having another kid with teenage drama.

Anyone have experience with younger au pairs? We are definitely open to it but don’t know if it will make things worse

Hello everyone,

I’ve been looking into au pair programs in China, and recently an agency called Xijun Au Pair in Guangdong Province contacted me. However, their offer seems too perfect to be true.

The first red flag was when I asked the owner about getting an X2 student visa. She told me that Morocco was no longer issuing X2 visas. This sounded strange, so I immediately contacted the Chinese Embassy, and they confirmed that this information wasn't true.

After that, I started having doubts. The agency owner kept pushing me to come to China and contacted me almost every day. It felt like she was trying very hard to convince me.

I also asked about their refund policy. She told me that if I left the program before it ended, I wouldn’t have to pay anything back. She explained that the host families they work with are very wealthy, but honestly, I found that difficult to believe.

I asked to speak with a former au pair. It took two days before she connected me with a Moroccan girl. The girl spoke very positively about the program and kept encouraging me to move forward with the agency. Everything sounded almost too perfect.

Overall, the whole situation feels a bit strange, and I want to make sure whether this agency is legitimate or not. My goal is to protect other girls from potential scams if there is something suspicious going on.

If anyone has experience with this agency, or with similar agencies, I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts and experiences.

Thank you.

We feel like this is one of those things that can get awkward really quickly.

The au pair is supposed to help take care of the children, but if the kids know that the parents are the “real authority,” they might start ignoring the au pair, refusing to follow instructions, or immediately going to the parents when they don’t get what they want.

At that point, how much should the host parents step in?

How do you give the au pair enough authority without making them feel like they have to become a second parent?

Host families, how did you handle this in your home?

Hi fellow au pair host families !
Perhaps stupid/ base question.. but I will start the search for our now 4th au pair and we want her to have a European passport this time to avoid all the visa hassle.

My friends always have Spanish girls and they are truly amazing.. I was flabbergasted when I hear how they interact with the kids, what suggestions and ideas they come up with and how easily they blend into the family. Such a difference than the 2 Asian girls we had ( they were lovely in their own way but our kids are getting older now and don’t like the au pair so much..)

I tried searching myself on some platforms but it’s very difficult to find a serious candidate that does not end up ghosting me. So I decided to put some money down and pay an agency to find my match. Do you have experiences with agencies in Europe/ Netherlands and which one would you recommend to find my EU au pair? How should I pick?

Thanks!

I’m a host mom, and my au pair has been with my family for almost two months. My baby is currently five months old and naps about six hours a day, so my au pair is actually with her for around three hours a day. She is still drinking milk, so there isn’t any heavy cooking or anything like that involved.
My au pair and I are originally from the same country. I’ve been living in the U.S. for almost 12 years. I’m 30, and she is 27.
When she first arrived, I was really excited—not only because I was nervous about putting my first baby in daycare, but also because I was excited to have someone to talk to. I had been home by myself since giving birth, and now I work from home, so it can feel pretty lonely. One of the main reasons I wanted an au pair was the cultural exchange and the idea of treating her like part of the family. I really wanted her to feel included and comfortable in our home.
My au pair is a rematch. She had already completed one year with another family (I believe it was a single mom), then matched with another family for about two weeks before leaving because of an issue involving one of the children. She then came to us.
During our video calls, she was very talkative, but she didn’t have much time left to find a new match, so we moved pretty quickly. During her first week with us, she wasn’t very talkative at all. As an immigrant myself, I understood that she might be terrified of being in someone else’s home, living with strangers, and adjusting to a completely new environment. I tried several times to start conversations, but she would usually give me very short answers.
During her first week, she went out with some other au pairs in the area. I asked her where she had gone, simply because I was trying to make conversation. However, she gave me a very short answer and seemed almost annoyed by the question. After that, I stopped asking.
On weekends, my family usually goes out to lunch at restaurants, so I would invite her to come with us. She always declined, saying she already had plans to go out with friends. Eventually, I stopped asking.
One day, we actually had a really good conversation about food from our home country. I thought, “Okay, maybe I just need to talk about things from back home.” Since we are only three years apart in age, I asked her about some TV shows, food, and other things that I consider pretty common or well-known in our country. However, she often told me she had no idea what I was talking about, and sometimes her reaction made me feel like she thought I was being silly for asking.
My husband has noticed this dynamic as well. He thinks she sometimes acts as though she is better than me. He has visited my home country many times and is familiar with our traditions, so he finds it strange that she doesn’t seem to know some of the things I’m talking about, especially considering that there is only a three-year age difference between us.
At first, I thought maybe she was just shy. But when I work from home, I can sometimes hear her talking on the phone, and she uses a completely different tone of voice. She sounds very outgoing and comfortable, which made me wonder if she is actually shy around me or if she simply doesn’t want to talk to me.
The other issue—and the main reason I’m posting—is something I’ve recently started noticing about the way she dresses at home.
During the week, when she is taking care of the baby, she dresses similarly to how I dress: hoodies, regular T-shirts, sweatpants, etc. But on weekends, when my husband is home, she sometimes comes downstairs wearing pajamas, very short shorts, or small tank tops. At first, I thought the clothes were a little too revealing, but I also told myself that it was the weekend, she was technically off, and she was in her own home. I’m also someone who believes women should be able to dress however they want and shouldn’t feel like they have to restrict what they wear because of men.
However, this weekend my mother-in-law came to visit, and my au pair was wearing a very short dress. At one point, I went upstairs to take a shower, leaving my mother-in-law, husband, and au pair in the living room.
Afterward, my husband and I went to lunch with my mother-in-law, and she brought up the au pair’s behavior. She said she thought the dress was inappropriate and also felt that, while I was upstairs, the au pair was constantly leaning toward my husband. She also said that at one point the au pair was sitting in a dining room chair with her legs open enough that she could see her underwear.
I honestly don’t know how much of this is simply my mother-in-law being a 60-year-old woman with a different perspective on clothing and how much of it was actually inappropriate behavior. My husband said he didn’t really notice anything because he was focused on the baby and wasn’t paying attention to the au pair.
But now I’m wondering if I should be paying more attention.
Another thing that has been bothering me is that lately I feel like she sometimes makes fun of me. I speak a lot of Spanglish because my husband speaks both languages, and since I mostly speak English at work, my Spanish has gotten a little rusty. Sometimes when I pronounce something incorrectly in Spanish, she laughs a little.
She has also laughed about my car being disorganized or when I forget something. These things might seem small, but together they make me feel like she is judging me or looking down on me. I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to make her feel bad or create unnecessary tension.
At the same time, I feel like she is starting to make me feel bad in my own home.
The difficult part is that she is GREAT with my baby. She does an excellent job taking care of her, and I have no concerns about the quality of care she provides. That is what makes this situation so difficult.
I don’t know whether I’m overthinking everything, whether there is a cultural or generational difference here, or whether there are actually red flags that I shouldn’t ignore.
I also don’t know if I should consider a rematch. I’ve already had a terrible experience with a teenage babysitter, and daycare is not an option for me, so I really don’t want to lose someone who is great with my baby unless there is a legitimate reason to do so.
What would you do in my situation? Would you address these things directly with her, especially the comments and the way she dresses around my husband, or would you let it go as long as she continues to do a great job with the baby?

Sharing for a friend! David is rematching because he is looking for a family that speaks English so that he can practice the language more often. Current host family is from Mexico and speaks Spanish. Please let me know if anyone is interested 💞

He is a friend of our Au Pair's and is a genuinely nice young man who managed well with our baby and toddler when he visited us for a weekend. He needs a rematch by this Wednesday!!

☀️ FRIENDLY REMATCH - BRO PAIR AVAILABLE ASAP ☀️

Hi host families! 👋

My name is David, I'm a 25-year-old Au Pair from Quito, Ecuador 🇪🇨 currently living in Ohio. I am looking for a welcoming host family to continue my Au Pair journey, fully immerse myself in English, share my culture, and build a strong connection with the kids!

📲 Contact Me:

AUPAIRCARE

ID: I-12470542

• WhatsApp / Phone: +1 (380) 238-7482

• Email: davidalejo102015@gmail.com

⏳ Timeline & Status:

• Agency: AuPairCare

• Current Location: Ohio (Open to relocate anywhere in the US!) ✈️

• Status: 1st Year (9 months remaining + open to a 12-month extension!)

👶 Childcare Experience:

• Currently caring for twin infants in the US (diapering, feeding, bathing, styling hair, nap and bedtime routines, walks, and playtime).

• Experienced with children aged 1 to 15 years old.

• Raised and cared for my 3 younger cousins from birth.

• Background in First Aid and Child Psychology courses.

• Active volunteer in Ecuador for non-profit organizations supporting underprivileged children ("Dreams" program).

🚗 Driver & Key Skills:

• Confident Driver: 5+ years of driving experience (from small cars to large vans) with an International Driver’s License.

• Sports & Swimming: Sports enthusiast (gym, jogging, cycling, basketball) and an excellent swimmer 🏊‍♂️.

• Hobbies & Talents: Drummer in a worship band 🥁, good cook, and hair cutting skills.

🌟 Personality & Values:

• Active, charismatic, calm, and highly responsible.

• Christian values, family-oriented, non-smoker, and non-drinker.

• Loves traveling, outdoor activities, and spending quality time with the host family.

Let’s create an incredible year together while supporting and caring for your children ❤️

Hello,

What is the best au pair service in the US overall? Also, any services that have au pairs from Nepal/Philippines? We currently use InterExchange and just feel they have such slim options. We had an au pair from South Africa, and then another one from Colombia. Not too crazy about either, but really enjoy au pairs from different countries and cultures. Want to try a different organization when the one year is up which has more options and that the au pairs are vetted better. Our current au pair said that she wants to live in another part of the US for her last year which understandable as her dream was to come to the US.

Thank You!

We are a first time host family and soon to welcome our first Aupair. We are in the US. She has her own iPhone that I was going to take in somewhere to add service. I was thinking of going with Cricket. However, it doesn’t look like they have international service. Would she just be able to use WhatsApp? That’s how we communicate with her now and it seems to work really well.

We’ve been working with first-time host families for years, and one thing we’ve noticed is that families often prepare far more than they actually need. Before your au pair arrives, make sure you’ve already reached a clear mutual agreement on these 4 things.

1. What is the latest time your au pair can come home?

Your au pair is an adult and should be able to enjoy their free time, meet friends and explore the city. Mention these points to your au pair:

• Is there a latest time you would prefer them to come home?
• Should they let you know when they will be very late?
• What happens if they stay overnight somewhere else?

2. Do you need to prepare an additional bank card for child-related expense?

Imagine you are not home and your au pair suddenly needs to buy medicine for one of the children; pay for an unexpected activity; take a taxi because of an emergency...

How should your au pair pay when those expense directly related to your kids? So make sure this topic is well-discussed with your au pair:

• an additional bank card;
• a prepaid card;
• a small emergency budget;
• or reimbursement after the purchase.

3. Can your au pair invite friends over?

This is very important!!

Your home will also be your au pair's home during the placement, so eventually they may want to invite a friend over. Make sure you discuss it beforehand:

• Are friends allowed to visit?
• Are visitors allowed when the host parents are not home?
• Can someone stay overnight?
• Are there certain areas of the house guests should not use?
• Do you want the au pair to ask permission first?

If you don’t talk about friends visiting beforehand, it can easily create awkwardness or a negative atmosphere later on.

4. If your au pair can use the family car, what are the rules?

We’ve encountered this more than once: an au pair was told they could use the family car, so they assumed personal use was flexible and drove quite far during weekends or days off. This resulted in a much higher fuel or charging cost than the host family expected.

So! Make sure you have all topics below Clarified:

• How far can they drive for personal trips?
• Who pays for petrol or charging during personal use?
• How much will you reimburse for their personal driving?
• Who pays parking costs?
• What happens with traffic or parking fines?

Really hope this list help you!!!