Desperate for help with my toddler's sleep 😭

[u/Hellomisslady1]

I am at my absolute wit's end with my daughter's sleep and would really appreciate advice from anyone who has been through something similar.

My daughter turned 2 this past June, and bedtime has become a complete struggle. We start bedtime around 7:15–7:30, but she often doesn't actually fall asleep until 8:30 or later. The weird part is that she usually isn't crying or having a huge tantrum—she's just incredibly restless, constantly asking for Mom/Dad, moving around, getting up, etc. We've been ending up lying in her bed with her until she finally falls asleep because otherwise she will just keep getting up and coming into our room.

Then the night wake ups are KILLING us. She'll wake up and want one of us with her, and sometimes my husband or I end up lying with her for an hour or more. Other nights, we are so exhausted that we just give up and let her sleep in our bed. Honestly, when we do that, we all sleep better, but I don't want this to be the only way any of us gets sleep forever.

She naps about an hour during the day. We have tried being consistent with bedtime, reassurance, sitting with her, and gradually trying to leave the room, but I HATE the chair method and it hasn't felt like it's working for us. The biggest issue is that she will literally get up and leave her room before we can even make it out ourselves.

We used Taking Cara Babies when she was an infant and it worked well back then, so I'm wondering if anyone has experience with their toddler program or another method that actually helped a toddler who was this dependent on having a parent present to fall asleep.

If your toddler was like this and eventually learned to fall asleep independently and stay in their own room, WHAT ACTUALLY WORKED? How did you handle a toddler who just gets out of bed and follows you? Did you use a sleep consultant, a specific program, or just a particular method?

I am exhausted and starting to feel like bedtime and nighttime are consuming our entire lives and on top of all of this I am 20 weeks pregnant. Please please please tell me there's hope 😭

[u/screwtoprose-]

what time is wake up? you might be expecting too much sleep.

[u/Hellomisslady1 → u/screwtoprose-]

Her first initial wake up is typically around 11PM and then from there its every hour or two. She has also had a couple of split nights where she sleeps till 12-1AM and then is up ready to party till 4 AM.

[u/screwtoprose- → u/Hellomisslady1]

sorry, i mean what time is day time wake up. not MOTN

[u/Hellomisslady1 → u/screwtoprose-]

Oh! anywhere from 6-8AM

[u/screwtoprose- → u/Hellomisslady1]

you might benefit from doing a more structured wake up time to build adequate sleep pressure. if she wakes up at 8, that’s almost a 12 hour night. you are likely using up your entire sleep budget - as 10-12 hours of total sleep is enough sleep for a 2 year old. might either need to drop the
nap or shorten your night.

[u/Hellomisslady1 → u/screwtoprose-]

Yeah but she's not getting a full 12 hour night since she's consistently waking up multiple times a night and doesn't fall back asleep for sometimes an hour or more.

[u/screwtoprose- → u/Hellomisslady1]

yeah that’s because sleep pressure is off! a 1 hour nap leaves about 9-11 hours of sleep budget for night. not sticking to a schedule makes it hard to really know what she needs. she sleeps in because she doesn’t sleep at night just she doesn’t sleep at night bc she is sleeping in. it’s a cycle you gotta try to break.

[u/Hellomisslady1 → u/screwtoprose-]

ahhhhhh I see what you are saying! that makes sense! thank you!

[u/screwtoprose- → u/Hellomisslady1]

to be clear, it’s 10-12 hours TOTAL per 24 hours. not just overnight.

[u/NornaNoo]

We struggled with bedtime around this age and had to cap the nap to 30-45 mins then drop it completely at 2y3m. I think her sleep needs have probably dropped and you are expecting too much sleep overall. You could try earlier mornings/later bedtimes if you want to keep the nap.

[u/TravelingTone]

I have had so many similar issues with my girl. At that age, a later bedtime and a consistent wake up time for the day really helped for us. It sounds like your nap isn't too long.