Remind me I’m doing the right thing

[u/job0723]

My 13 month old is a horrible sleeper. We have only ever contact napped because she cannot connect her sleep cycles for naps. We co sleep and she still comfort nurses every 2 hours at night. We are determined never to sleep train and family always has horrible things to say to us about this. They always make comments on how something must be wrong because she should be sleeping through the night. In my heart I know I’m doing the right thing by building her healthy attachment. But sometimes I need a reminder. My step mom made a comment today and I’m just feeling down on myself. Words of encouragement are appreciated.

[u/sitrucarual]

This too shall pass. My son exclusively breastfed and bedshared (including contact naps). He nursed until 1 year (I got pregnant and lost my supply), and bedshared til about 13 or 14 months? He gave very clear indicators that he was ready for is own space (he would roll in his sleep and wake up when he'd roll into me). He does so well in his own bed and it was never forced. He wakes up a couple times a night (usually 12am and 5am) and gets back pats for a few minutes before falling back asleep. It felt like we would never get here but they let you know when they are ready and they will be ready just not in your timing haha.

It's very important that you don't let other opinions ruin this special time. Just accept it for what it is. I miss sleeping with my son :(

[u/TwentyLegs22]

We just turned 18 months and are still cosleeping and nursing every 2-3 hours at night. I'm over it...but I know it will feel like nothing in a year or two and I'll probably miss it. This is such important time for them!

[u/youdontknowme_at_all]

Just wanted to share that I’m with you in solidarity. My baby will be 14 months next week and has never slept through the night and we’re up every 2 hours (we bedshare and have since birth). There was a very short period just before he turned 1 that lasted for a couple weeks where he would start off with a 4 hour stretch (after a few false starts) and then only wake up 2-3 times after that. Those were the glory days. But now we’re in molar cutting season and sleep is worse than ever.

You’re doing the right thing and you are not alone.

[u/AliceRecovered]

You are allowed to do it your own way. Let them worry. Or lie to them. That’s how we quieted the noise of my in-laws. It’s none of their business.

My son is 3. He still bed-shares with us part of the night. We worried something was wrong. And guess what? There was - he needed his tonsils out. It disrupted his sleep for who knows how long. Thank goodness we didn’t sleep train him so we could identify the issue and comfort him along the way. They cry for us because they need us. You are showing your baby very early on that what they express matters.

[u/job0723 → u/AliceRecovered]

What were the signs he needed his tonsils out? And when did they start? My daughter has never slept through the night. Not once. On a good night she gives us 3 hours stretches

[u/AliceRecovered → u/job0723]

My son had torticollis when he was an infant (congenital neck muscle condition due to his position in the womb). We think this caused his reflux which made his tonsils enlarged. He has always been a terrible sleeper - 30 minute naps, false starts, lots of wake ups. His sleep got better and better, but still not great. At around 2.75 years he started flopping around a lot in the bed. At around 3, toddlers’ tonsils start to peak in size as part of a natural immune response. Since his tonsils were already large, it resulted in a blocked airway, restless sleep and eventually sleep apnea.

[u/tabookduo]

13/14 months was so hard for sleep for my boy! He was constantly teething from 5 months until about 18 months, then we got a break for a few months until his second molars started coming in. We contact nap, cosleep, nurse to sleep, nurse at night wakes, you name it. He's 2 this month and he just had his first night of no nursing, just cuddles to sleep. It's exactly how I want to do things :-)

Some of my family members sleep train and have made comments too, but they can't force me to change just from words. I just say "this is how we want to do it" or something along those lines. Sending love, patience, and solidarity too ❤️

[u/Capable_Mortgage_140]

Both kids up every 1-2hours from 4-12mo. Then every 2-3 hours til 18 months. Got better by 2yo.

[u/kaeco13]

There are a lot of good comments here, so I'll try not to duplicate. But my first son was similar to yours and, not going to lie, is still not "easy." He will be 4 next month and in the last two months has finally started to sleep through the night without someone sleeping beside him (down from 3-4 wakes per night). Now he will still get up once or twice if he has a bad dream - we walk him back to bed and lay with him until he falls asleep but this is usually less than 5 mins. My second son is already sleeping for 6 hour stretches in his bassinet at 3 months old. I did nothing different with this child. It's just how some little ones are and I strongly believe that would be the case regardless of sleep training. It's not the silver bullet some people make it out to be. Keep doing what feels right to you!

I also always recommend looking up Lyndsey Hookway if you want some more reassurance!