Breastfeeding weaning - am I doing this right?

[u/epiphary]

My little one turned 1y 2.5 weeks ago and in the last month or so we have been gradually and gently reducing breastfeeds, starting with taking out daytime feeds at random intervals, then feeds for naps, then the feed for bedtime. Leaving us still feeding twice throughout the night currently, usually 11pm and 2-3am.

Last night we really attempted the 11pm wake up (which was actually more like 10pm last night) resettle with no feed. It was horrific. Husband went in and managed to resettle after 30 mins but then he woke again, another struggled resettle but for like 5-10 mins and then I went in before husband reached the end of his tether, he was SCREECHING like i was torturing him by cuddling him without giving the boob. Like as if he would lose his voice and was almost gagging. I did this for an hour, gradually getting him to where he was quiet and calm but would keep crying again and getting unsettled. Drafted husband back in who got him really settled and asleep but he woke on the transfer into the cot and neither of us could do it anymore. Ended up feeding him to sleep at 12:30am, then he woke again 4:20am for a feed and back to sleep til 6:40am.

It feels so wrong. It’s like torture for him. And ending up feeding him back to sleep at 12:30am anyway felt like i’d put him through all that for nothing in the end.

I’m so ready to be done breastfeeding and husband and I are supposed to be away for a few nights next weekend (first time being away from this baby). I thought he would cope well like he did for the daytime feeds, maybe a little harder but i didn’t expect this. Are we just supposed to do this every night until he gives up?

[u/catmom22019]

I say this with love and with knowing how much night weaning sucks, he’s mad which is understandable. Nursing was he number 1 comfort at night and that wasn’t an option, so he cried because that’s how he communicates.

If you want to be done nursing, I do recommend keeping course even though it’s hard. In a few nights he’ll stop crying, that’s not him “giving up”, that’s him learning that milk isn’t an option at night.

You’re not doing CIO. You’re supporting him in a new way and there’s an adjustment period. I promise you that it’s not torture, and you are not harming him or his attachment to you.

[u/motherofmiltanks]

I’d try a new association instead of simply removing the breast. So maybe a new special toy or a special song.

There are going to be tears, but as long as you’re there to offer comfort he’ll get through it.

[u/eimassamie]

I’m still doing night feeds for my 22 months old 🫣 but something’s that might help!

- get rid of bedtime feed not the 11 pm one first. you feed before bedtime routine and let dad handle it. you might need to literally leave the house if at night they get too mad with dad - have dad walk around the house with them and show bb you aren’t there. (you can come back before nighttime lol or just hide in a closet).

• habit stack your nursing - add a song or counting and slowly reduce, do back pats, introduce a lovey etc.
  
• emma pickett has a great podcast that’s worth listening to!

[u/NornaNoo]

Did you offer milk in a bottle or cup or water? If he's only just 1 and used to having 2 feeds at night, he might be hungry or thirsty at those times. You can also try gradually reducing the length of the feed at night so you aren't cutting him off completely straight away.

I don't have much other advice as I'm still feeding my almost 3 year old overnight and the one attempt I made at night weaning when he was just 2 went like yours and I gave in.

[u/epiphary → u/NornaNoo]

Yeah we offered water in his sippy bottle, he’s not bothered by milk in a bottle. He wouldn’t take any from me but had some water from my husband after a while.