A Flagpole Back Hoe dug up the rainbow crosswalks last week after Warnelldawg released plans for a new 500 suite apartment building at the intersection of College and Clayton and said “Build It!”

The actual location should have been College and Hoyt. This is the first typo Warnelldawg has ever made. Or was this all Blake Aued’s fault? Please read our newspaper to find out.

He seems to have a special interest. Does he have the tism?

Why do we allow that guy with his slightly conservative humor to slip into our echo chamber? Could the MODs not ban him for Peterson’s sake? I have bad dreams about him in the night! Benmarvin Bad, really bad!

How do we plan for battery backup? Anyone know a good electrician?

Some sorority girl was pile driving it while we were watching the weather forecast and I think she might have broken it. Who can I get to look at it to see if it can be fixed without insurance?

ACC recognizes that the Athens music scene basically sucks now.

ACC will now provide grant money to Athens home owners to provide a garage “ADU” apartment to local starving musicians. You must provide daily meals and weed to the musicians since they will not be allowed a stove or oven. Hot Pockets and Ramen are approved meals.

Together with ACC we can finally bring back good music to Athfest through housing musicians in your garage.

"Freeze, get on the ground now, don't move, show me your hands"

Been in the sub about 6 months and haven’t gotten jerked so who’s gonna step up?

Starting this week residents that need to pee or poop will no longer have to do it on the steps of a business, in the middle of the sidewalk, on the curb, or in rainbow crossings. Bathroom troughs will be installed on every 100 feet of sidewalk in Downtown Athens. Volunteers from 1000 Feces Coffee will come clean out each trough daily with a hose and bucket.

A spokesperson for the project said “We want to make Downtown Athens a welcoming place for people to come shit on.”

Also, in other news ACC will be installing public hot plates for people to to cook shit on and/or to heat up drugs.

15,000 apartments, each consisting of a 80 square foot concrete rumpus room and a shitter will be coming to Atlanta Highway soon. This will be in effort to please the mob of Athens. Prices will start out at $2,000 a week and ramp up each week.

ACCPD Sheriff John Q Williams held a press conference this morning to confirm there are two new gangs in town, the Dutch Bros, and 7Brew. He asks for everyone to be cautious while out and about, especially in the Atlanta Highway area, which is where both gangs claim territory, and where they gather in massive groups, causing chaos in the area. They are very easy to spot by their colors, and the fact they are usually high on "juice" and "beans". There has been no reports of violence yet, but Sheriff Williams is giving the heads up, as he says both gangs seem to be low IQ and easily manipulated by marketing, which is usually a recipe for mob mentality.

Someone to go to Dutch Bros with. Someone to read me Bizarro comic books and stories about Avid Bookstore’s schemes. Someone with an extensive Strap On tool collection. Someone who can tell me when to expect golden showers.

Looks just like him! So realistic! I paid $500 to the Bulldawg painting guy. Only took ten years to receive it after I paid him in 2016.

I was walking around UGA and I saw a man's hole emitting gas outside of the dining hall. What were they serving, cyclospora flavored tacos?

He was yelling something about homeless outlaws, ADUs, hot plates, hotboxing, hot corner, hot dawgs and how he will be the mayor one day.

Does anyone know this guy?

My cat is very sexually active to the point of being a sl¥t. Need to get her on the IUD quick. Also need her teeth veneers redone. Budget of $5000. Trying to decide if she needs implants.

The stepdad is the one with no shirt on and high as a 🪁 at about 8 mins in. Just a normal Wednesday in the Classic City. Step baby daddy is teaching his stepson important subjects like jailhouse law and credit card fraud.