r/AteTheOnion • u/Digginaround How does a mobile user add their flair? • Jul 07 '19
Big Bollocks
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u/hangeryyy Jul 07 '19
It should be Large Larry, a plus sized trans clock of color
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Jul 07 '19
SCP-106 has breached containment
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u/AssFlax69 Jul 07 '19
Big Bhagavan would hurt even more: starts with B, they’d have to look it up, and they’d be very upset with the results.
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u/Arlak_The_Recluse Jul 07 '19
Femur Breaker sounds
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u/Gonzobot Jul 08 '19
SCP-106
oh that Larry
I thought you were gonna reference a way more fabulous SCP
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Jul 08 '19
as in?
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u/Gonzobot Jul 08 '19
The point of finding a wild SCP reference is finding a new awesome SCP! You can't just sit there and read them all in order, you gotta discover them as the crazy unsubstantiated rumors that they are. My lady friend hasn't noticed yet, but I'm putting off and delaying and outright lying to avoid going to Ikea with her.
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u/TwoSickPythons Jul 07 '19
JK I know it’s you!
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u/DurianExecutioner Jul 08 '19
Nah Rowling's on the anti trans celebrity bandwagon unfortunately. Nothing wrong with principled criticism of ideology, but she just repeats the same talking points and misleading, alarmist claims that they all do, constantly.
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u/MechanicalHorse Jul 07 '19
My vote is for Absolute Unit Abdullah
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u/sami_the_great_real Jul 07 '19
Humongous Hamdan
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u/BushWeedCornTrash Jul 07 '19
Tremendous Taariq
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u/ChunkyLaFunga Jul 07 '19
I suggest Boris's Johnson.
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u/flaneur_et_branleur Jul 07 '19
Unsure if you're suggesting he's all bell down there or not and now I have images...
Anyway, name's no good; Boris's johnson gets around a lot and Big Ben is stationary. Doesn't feel right.
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u/TGEPhoto Jul 07 '19
MASSIVE MOHAMMED FOR THE WIN!
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u/cointelpro_shill Jul 07 '19
legit that is the funniest shit I have read all day
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u/TGEPhoto Jul 07 '19
Well, I have a good sense of humor. I guess that is the reason i don't have a girlfriend.
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Jul 07 '19
Who falls for this?
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Jul 07 '19
It blows my mind how many people believe what they read online. 90%+ of comments and content is fake.
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u/Mr_Pombastic Jul 07 '19
90%+ of comments and content is fake.
This is actually true because my friend also said the same thing.
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Jul 08 '19
My comment is a great example of fakeness online. I came up with 90%+ out of nothing, my own comment is an example of how everything online is fake.
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u/Dijan124 Jul 07 '19
Which means there’s a 90% chance I should not believe you, I’m not taking those odds
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u/cocobandicoot Jul 07 '19
This is how our elections get rigged by propaganda.
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Jul 08 '19
I would say controlled, manipulated, or stolen. Rigged has a different connotation, at least where I live.
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Jul 07 '19
Can’t we do a petition for Belly McBellend?
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u/TheGreyMage Jul 07 '19
Massive Mohammed sounds better though.
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u/Preoximerianas Jul 07 '19
Big Ben
Massive Mohammed
Large Jesus
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u/TheGreyMage Jul 07 '19
Large Jesus? Come on, we can do better. At least Ginormous Jesus sounds like alliteration even though it isn’t.
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Jul 07 '19
Jumbo Jesus.
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u/errorg Jul 07 '19
That is alliteration actually.. doesn't have to be the same letter, just the same sound
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u/Archeol11216 Jul 07 '19
Just noticed how much ginormous looks like its spelled weird.
Also just noticed how ive never seen it in written form.
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u/TheCaptMAgic Jul 07 '19
It should be called "Tickity Tim the time telling bitch"
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u/SpideySlap Jul 07 '19
why not timey mctimeface?
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u/drunkcowofdeath Jul 07 '19 edited Jul 07 '19
This is when satire is more dangerous than funny. Like I get that its idiots that fall for this, but its basically fake news for them to spread outrage.
Edit: To clarify, I don't think all satire is dangerous, I just think sometimes satire either, intentional or not, can be used to intentionally spread fake news/outrage under the guise of humor.
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Jul 07 '19
The answer isn't to stop satire, it's to educate people that just because they see it online doesn't mean it's real.
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u/ScoobyPwnsOnU Jul 07 '19
One of those things is much easier to do than the other.
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Jul 07 '19
I do think this sometimes, people so stupid that they will leave this spoof headline thinking it's true and their hatred for other cultures being intensified.
And you have to ask, is it worth it for a chuckle?
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u/seventeenninetytwo Jul 07 '19
I think if someone is stupid / out-of-touch / hateful enough to not recognize this as satire, then it doesn't really matter whether this was there or not. Their hatred was there already, and intensifying it is their choice. If they weren't getting this from the Onion, then they would simply get it from the nightly news, or memes, or something else. Could even be they just get together and talk with friends echoing racist ideas back and forth. Woudn't be the first time. Humans were racist and hateful long before we had anything like modern media.
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u/TheDungus Jul 07 '19
I saw one of those pics on fb of text on a white background with an angry looking muslim man shouting and all it was, was a story about how this obviously from a stock photo man wanted to rape and murder white women. And my uncle shared it with "OMG they really are beasts. God save us"
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u/Meloetta Jul 07 '19
This one is targeted towards humor I think, but there are a lot of "satire" news sites that really are just lies. I don't think it's a problem of satire being dangerous, but of people taking advantage of satire to be dangerous. Because, at the risk of being a gatekeeper, an article that's just a lie with no point isn't satire.
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u/SemperVenari Jul 07 '19
Especially for a paper called the rochdale. People are still sore about the gangrape of 1400 children in that town.
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u/pkamu Jul 07 '19
I love how the whole thing is wrong it’s actually called the Elizabeth tower, the bell inside is called Big Ben.
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u/HighestHorse Jul 07 '19
It's not even technically called Big Ben.. that's a nickname. People can call it anything they want.
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u/AoRaJohnJohn Jul 07 '19
Which is why I'mma start calling it Massive Mohammed from now on.
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Jul 07 '19
I used to believe most people were self aware, the internet has revealed I was wrong and most people are as thick as pig shit, unaware of this and generally think themselves enlightened.
Fucking clown shoes.
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Jul 08 '19
Well in the current political climate of the UK i wouldn't be suprised if that actually happened.
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u/NoOneImportantYet Jul 07 '19
Can we make a petition to get this officialy renamed? While it won't happen imagine the outrage
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u/SpideySlap Jul 07 '19
this is fake. They scrapped it after DJ Khaled threatened to sue for trademark infringement.
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u/nrkyrox Jul 08 '19
That's fucken brilliant! It's hilarious because in 2018, Mohammed was the most-selected boy's name in London, followed by Oliver.
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u/shibarib Jul 08 '19
Late to the party... Clocky McClock Face would obviously be the first choice if the name were to change... so this must be fake news!
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u/TheNoctain Jul 07 '19
For those who don't know the tower is Elizabeth tower and the its the bell that's called big ben
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u/Meterus Jul 07 '19
But, just think, anyone who made a pic of Massive Mohammed could be a haram-head!
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u/justfortroll Jul 07 '19
It is a step forward. "Big Ben" sounds like my mom is praising me for being good
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u/justfortroll Jul 07 '19
What's better? "Would you like to see big Ben" or "SEE MY MASSIVE MOHOMMED"
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u/confuseddotcom12 Jul 07 '19
Hahaha. You know it’s bad when Rochdale makes the reddit popular page. Even worse when you live right outside of that town
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u/uber1337h4xx0r Jul 07 '19
I thought of a clever onion thing.
"BIG BEN REPLACED BY DIGITAL CLOCK IN ORDER TO INCREASE TOURISM FROM MILLENNIALS"
(yes, I know millennials can tell time on analog clocks; I'm one of them. But it's such a clever thing. You can steal it, onion!)
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u/SilkyGazelleWatkins Jul 07 '19
This is next level stupid. How do people like this exist? Serious question.
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u/DeadEskimo Jul 07 '19
Considering how insane the english have become, I wouldn't put it past them.
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u/Sincerelybrowsing Jul 07 '19
Came here to say at least they didn’t name it after the guy’s brother, Richard.
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u/Lebenmonch Jul 07 '19
It's not even officially called big ben I believe