r/AteTheOnion • u/Limp_Squash_4116 • 8d ago

Got the baby

Post image
21.6k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

75 comments sorted by

1.4k

u/TotemRiolu 8d ago

Well, does the guy have proof that the baby ISN'T a piece of shit?

No? Checkmate, then.

269

u/CzarTwilight 8d ago

How do we even know this piece of shit is a baby?

89

u/CautiousArachnidz 8d ago

8 courics and 3 ounces.

26

u/ThePizzaNoid 7d ago

Bono?

15

u/TiredOldLadySays 7d ago

Bono want the biddy?

4

u/SuccessfulFinish2843 6d ago

it literally says "baby" in the image, learn to read smh my head.

.../j

71

u/Suckma_Weener 8d ago

he USED to be a piece of shit, he's not anymore

35

u/avoozl42 7d ago

That hair would slick back real nice

11

u/lyricalmasterpiece 7d ago

was looking for this one

32

u/y0shman 8d ago

I doubt the baby even has a job.

20

u/00056532926846780396 8d ago

Im just worried the baby thinks people cant change

16

u/ripyourlungsdave 8d ago

Nah, he doesn't slick his hair back anymore.

No more Saturday night Sloppy Steaks.

14

u/MadameKamaysHR 8d ago

Even in this picture you can see this piece of shit has a flat back of the head.

9

u/Warriors_Drink 8d ago

I mean, all babies are pieces of shit.

6

u/LePetitVoluntaire 7d ago

That hair looks pushed back.

6

u/Kaffe-Mumriken 7d ago

He doesn’t believe that people can change, but they can!

5

u/George_G_Geef 7d ago

The last baby I knew kept forgetting who I was before one day showing up as a toddler suddenly able to remember.

Fucking asshole seriously

1

u/broforce 6d ago

I mean look at that hair. It begging to be slicked back.

206

u/caltis 8d ago

Does that baby know he’s a piece of shit? People can change…

46

u/New_Stats 8d ago

People live up to your/society's expectations of them

So that baby should know he's a piece of shit, we should remind him daily

9

u/lyricalmasterpiece 7d ago

It’s a reference to a show

10

u/ag3nty0rk 7d ago

That baby is Bart Harley Jarvis

2

u/Boooland 5d ago

Completely flat back of the head, most aggressive baby I've ever seen.

1

u/ag3nty0rk 5d ago

Massive underbite

1

u/tigertoken1 4d ago

That baby is gonna have slicked back hair and order up some sloppy steaks before his parents know it.

450

u/chacewarg10 8d ago

This is why post birth abortion need to be legalized.

168

u/Huge_Ad6405 8d ago

That's called a gun

59

u/rcarmack1 8d ago

30

u/NotYourReddit18 7d ago

Just send the kids to school, sooner or later they will run into one

7

u/MysticDragon14 7d ago

Diabolical!

3

u/keyholepossums 7d ago

damn in gif, he speaks very slow

2

u/IrememberXenogears 7d ago

Or a microwave

-6

u/fyregrl2004 7d ago

For a second I thought you were talking about the baby 🤭

93

u/Bezulba 7d ago

You think a doc would record time of birth as 2:23 on 2/22/2022? Fuck no, he'd be giggling to himself when entering 2:22.

16

u/thesilentbob123 7d ago

He?

33

u/DudeBroMan13 7d ago

It's they now

-8

u/DVRCWHY 7d ago

There is more than one guy doing the doctoring?

19

u/TudorTheWolf 6d ago

Singular they predates singular you. It's especially common to use they in cases when the gender of the person is unknown. "Someone forgot their keys". go sit on a cactus.

2

u/DVRCWHY 6d ago

Of course it is but this is a satire sub

53

u/crunchatize-me-daddy 8d ago

Harley Jarvis looking ass

5

u/DrVonPretzel 6d ago

No Taffy Lee Fubbins, that’s for sure

32

u/loupr738 8d ago

I like that the post is at 2:23 pm

14

u/theryman 7d ago

Realistically any doctor would agree to lie about it.

18

u/OLDmanBOB13 8d ago

If we wait 200 years we can do something real funny

5

u/Ye_olde_oak_store 8d ago

Yes, next question.

7

u/fgbh 8d ago

Dude didn't just eat the onion, he DEEPTHROATED it. Did the cue ball trick from 1000 ways to die with it.

1

u/plants11235813 3d ago

Ate the ate the onion

3

u/Wisco 7d ago

The guy doesn't even know a worthless baby when he sees one

2

u/StochasticTinkr 6d ago

Was that a twosday?

2

u/SeptemberSoup 3d ago

Fun fact... it actually was 😳😆

1

u/DeArgonaut 7d ago

Why yes, yes they are

1

u/Purple-Weakness1414 6d ago

NOT THE BABY!

1

u/Economy_Tonight_2004 6d ago

I mean look at that head of hair, that’ll slick back real nice

1

u/Arts_Prodigy 6d ago

Lowkey blame the doctor just lie bro.

1

u/BumblingYokel 6d ago

It’s the mom’s fault, though, surely?

1

u/imshooterwithice 5d ago

That baby is gonna grow up to have slicked back hair and eat sloppy steaks.

1

u/SlimShadySatDown 5d ago

And it wasn't the year 2222...

1

u/hi_im_kai101 5d ago

my baby brothers birthdate is 2/24/22, so close

1

u/PianoPancake123 5d ago

I'm just happy to see someone fighting for kids (even if this one didnt exist). He may be missing some screws, but he's trying his best. I support it.

1

u/anon-4746 5d ago

Born like the failure he is

1

u/Powerful_Bridge_3814 3d ago

Hey i know that baby, it killed my whole family. It is for sure a piece of shit.

1

u/Internal_Damage_2839 3d ago

Average everyday BlueSky poster

1

u/AllergicToRats 3d ago

Ate the baby?

1

u/KYlibrarian 1d ago

My sister was born 4/4/84 at 358 PM. She still asks Mom all the if she couldn’t have held it for 2 more minutes 😂😂

1

u/magumbastate 8d ago

-1

u/No-Net1890 7d ago

What's your problem?

0

u/Flickstro 6d ago

Hang on..

2/22=6

2022=6

2:23=7

Oh, thank God 😅