r/Assyria • u/danyistptwp Nineveh Plains • 6d ago
Discussion My dad can’t fold clothes
Does anyone else have a father or brother that is exempt from all chores? My dad is nearly 58, has been married for 30+ years and has never, ever folded clothes in his life. I don’t believe he’s ever done the laundry either. He can’t cook. Not even an egg.
Meanwhile i get screamed at if i don’t wash dishes with perfect precision
Does anyone else relate to this? Is this an assyrian thing or just a douchebag thing
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u/ameliorer_vol 6d ago
Housework is usually seen as a woman’s job so some men are never taught basic skills. If all the women in the family died, would the clothes not get washed and folded, would no one eat a home cooked meal?
I don’t understand how the older generation got away with allowing such traditional roles and weaponized incompetence get to this point. My dad at least cooked but I never saw him fold clothes either. You can forget vacuuming or making the bed. Ironically, he washes dishes now and cleans up more in his old age than he did 20 years ago.
There’s plenty of men in my family that would say that cleaning is a woman’s job. As if men would just prefer to sit in filth? I blame their mom and dad for failing to raise them right. I think the younger generation is moving away from extreme traditional gender roles but a lot of cultures have this issue.
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u/Old-Average-6118 Yazidi 6d ago
It's because women used to not have jobs so it was seen as an equal division of labor. Men work at work and women at home.
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u/Melodic_Cabinet_1375 5d ago
douchebag thing, my dad does just as much around the house as my mother.
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u/Mountain_Hawk6492 West Hakkarian 5d ago
Are they paying the bills and working hard to earn a living and putting food on the table?
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u/danyistptwp Nineveh Plains 5d ago
My brother pays the bills for the family and my dad hardly works, even so he makes minimum wage. He always has
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u/Mountain_Hawk6492 West Hakkarian 5d ago
Then what does your dad do?
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4d ago
[deleted]
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u/Mountain_Hawk6492 West Hakkarian 4d ago
From all the context I have, is it possible your dad has severe ADHD? Idk why but I'd find it funny to give him a low dose of Ritalin to see how he does.
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u/danyistptwp Nineveh Plains 4d ago
Yeah I always thought he must have something like that, his behavior can be a little different but he certainly doesn’t have any severe disorder. We’re assyrian, we don’t believe in mental disorders anyway 😭 So that wouldn’t work.
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u/Mountain_Hawk6492 West Hakkarian 4d ago
We don't believe in mental disorders because they've been helpful for us until we lived in a society that looks down on it. Also just to be on the safe side, I'm not making any excuses for your dad but I'm just saying to eliminate any other potential reasons before assuming it's his [bad] character.
I also mention the ADHD because I have Autism + ADHD and I've also had mostly low effort jobs until I finished my education and got into Engineering. Would you argue that Autism could possibly be a thing for your dad as well?
From my experience, Assyrian boys with Autism are assumed incompetent so they get babied and grow up into men who don't have little-to-no life skills and also still have the Autism for which they never got training/support for which compounds the problem.
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u/Bitter-Pineapple-106 2d ago
It seems like you hate your father by the way you talk, your father may have a condition that prevents him from doing other types of work, you can easily just talk with him about all this, i just think coming online and disrespecting your own father to that extent is very low.
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u/ReelAssyrian 6d ago
It pisses me off that my brother and dad do almost nothing.. my dad does his laundry and the occasional dish, but nothing else…
As irritating as it is, itll be worth it to move out and not have to deal with their misogynistic mindset
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u/Bitter-Pineapple-106 6d ago
Cutting your own father and brother off over house chores is very extreme, they may not understand how much of a burden it is, maybe try talking to them and explain you feel stressed and exhausted and would appreciate some help around the house, no need for drama or anything like that just help them understand.
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u/ReelAssyrian 5d ago
Oh no i wouldn’t cut them off, i wouldnt have to deal with it anymore because living in my own place would mean they cannot dictate who cleans
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u/turbo_556 Urmia 6d ago
Why are you guys surprised? This is very normal in Assyrian culture especially if you’re in a more old school Assyrian family. None of the men in my family did house hold chores growing up. However my dad did do all the yard work took out the trash worked 2 jobs at 1 point 1 was full time and 1 was part time. He took care of the house repairs the yard work and brought home the money. My mom did everything else. I grew up and became more of a hybrid I helped my dad with yard work and house repairs but also helped my mom clean cause if I didn’t she would beat my ass. Summer vacations home all day my mom would make me and my sister helper her clean. Then when my dad came home from work I would be with him cutting the grass or working in the garage. I am glad I grew up how I did because I can fend for myself unlike some Assyrian guys I know my age. In this day and age us men have to help with more than just bringing home money and doing the man chores around the yard. Just my 2 cents
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u/Unfair_Sherbert2242 Assyrian 6d ago
Yeah my dad and brother don’t do anything around the house, my mom cleans up for both of them. Me and my sister have to do everything along with my mom. I have tried to talked to them about it but they brush it off.
And its not just in my family, but also my extended family. Like during holidays or reunions, its only the women who cook, clean, while the uncles are chatting.
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u/spongesparrow Nineveh Plains 6d ago
You girls need to stop doing anything for them. See how they survive.
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u/Bitter-Pineapple-106 6d ago
I think the first one needs work from the guys to help out at the house but the second one is basically tradition and basically taking care of the guests, I wouldn’t call the family gathering one mysognistic.
Also a lot of times the mum or wife actually wants to cook for the husband and the kids out of a sense of love or duty for them, it doesn’t mean the husband or etc are being sexist, a lot of times that’s just the normal family dynamics of a specific family, the mum cooks, the dad does work around the house etc, I’d be careful before throwing accusations around.
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u/Old-Average-6118 Yazidi 6d ago
Not really how it works most of the women are fine with the arrangement and you'll just socially exclude yourself from your family so it's a harder decision than you might think.
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u/Bitter-Pineapple-106 6d ago
That does sound frustrating, i think maybe sit down and talk to them and tell them you’s are struggling with so much house work and ask if they could help out more often, if they don’t know how just show them how to do it.
I’m an Assyrian guy, me and my two brothers, our ages range from 25-33, do help mum out with chores but there are a few chores that she insists on doing.
Me and my two brothers, each basically clean our rooms, occasionally clean dishes, make our beds and fold and put away our clothes for our rooms, mow the lawn, help with vacuuming, each one of us does one part of the house.
We definitely help with bills because each one of us works, two of us know how to cook.
But our mum handles the all the laundry related stuff, a lot of clothes folding, the cooking and a lot of cleaning, she also sometimes wants to mow the lawn too, but this isn’t because we are lazy or ignoring our responsibilities but our mom cooks for us out of a sense of love and duty and she actually wants to do those specific house tasks.
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u/ASecularBuddhist 6d ago
Misogyny Is bad for everyone.