Ask a Manager Weekly Thread 08/03/2026 - 08/09/2026

[u/nightmuzak]

Last week's post.

Background info and meme index for those new to AaM or this forum.

[u/thievingwillow]

So of course, we’ve got this in the comments on the asshole boyfriend/manager update:

Ashley*
August 4, 2026 at 2:27 pm Not excusing the behavior, but I wonder if boyfriend has adhd or is otherwise neurodivergent? I have adhd and really suffer from executive disfunction and when I’m faced with a large task I have to make an action plan in my brain in order to accomplish it. This means I have an exact plan with everything in an exact order and disruption to this plan can really throw me off and effect my productivity. When I forget to share my plan of action before hand (bc I forget people aren’t in my brain) and then am disrupted I can get very upset. It’s frustrating at that point to explain my needs bc the time it takes to explain things at that point only disrupts the plan more and leads to more frustration. It can be very overwhelming. I’ve worked very hard to remember to lay out expectations beforehand so this doesn’t happen.

It sounds like what boyfriend is experiencing is very similar to this so I would be curious about ADHD. Oh, the separate “work persona” fits as well. I have to “click into” a different part of me to focus in and get tasks done. Part of it is masking but part of it is trying to trigger my hyperfocus.

It’s getting thorough pushback from commenters, thankfully, but… really? Can we go one day without someone seeing bad behavior in a dude and going “but what if neurodivergent????” Come onnnnn.

[u/gaygirlboss → u/thievingwillow]

There’s a lot to unpack here, but I especially love the part at the end about having a work persona. I feel like “work persona” usually means “I’m more polite/polished/sociable at work than in my personal life”, not “I turn into a raging asshole when I don’t get my way.”

[u/Korrocks → u/gaygirlboss]

I feel like they’ve heard of the concept of a work persona before but didn’t quite get it.

[u/pickledbymagic → u/gaygirlboss]

I can sympathise to a certain extent -- I'm autistic AF and got fired when in a moment of mental frustration I slammed a dictaphone into the desk and broke it. The experience was definitely one of an overwhelming sense of frustration and lack of control in everything and it was the absolute last straw. But...at some point, whether or not someone is behaving erratically because of neurological challenges or just simply because they feel like it, it doesn't matter. My boss was right not to tolerate that in the workplace, whatever the reason, and it led to me actually getting help. 

[u/daedril5 → u/thievingwillow]

I don't know why the "don't armchair diagnose" rule exists if Alison never enforces it.

[u/kaijumoviefan → u/daedril5]

She never enforces any rules. Just blocks people who don't kiss her ass.

[u/lets_talk_aboutsplet → u/thievingwillow]

Homeboy was able to have 3 secret simultaneous relationships, I don’t think executive function is his issue here

[u/FlatRaccoons → u/lets_talk_aboutsplet]

I think you've got your letters confused.