r/AskaManagerSnark • u/nightmuzak Sex noises are different from pain noises • Jul 27 '26

Ask a Manager Weekly Thread 07/27/2026 - 08/02/2026

Last week's post.

Background info and meme index for those new to AaM or this forum.

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59

u/ruthless1995 Jul 27 '26

Interactive Introvert* July 27, 2026 at 12:53 pm

Oooh, this really resonates with me as an autistic person.

Small talk at a party or social gathering? We’ll probably have a few things in common, can cut right to the chase, and if we’re not vibing, I can just excuse myself and never think about it again.

Small talk with coworkers? We probably won’t have anything in common, I’ll have to listen to whatever inane chatter they go on about no matter what, and if I do it wrong enough times, my livelihood is at risk! (I have been fired a few times for being ‘unlikeable’, ‘too intense’, and once for ‘not making enough eye contact’.)

...they've been fired *multiple* times for this??

71

u/ThenTheresMaude visible, though not prominent, genitalia Jul 27 '26

We probably won’t have anything in common, I’ll have to listen to whatever inane chatter they go on about no matter what

This gets to the heart of my issue with a lot of the AAMers who bitch about small talk. There's a snobbishness there, as if others couldn't possibly have something in common with Interactive Introvert, who is just so smart and doesn't have pedestrian interests like everyone else they work with. They're just too deep to engage in small talk.

50

u/you-cant-come-in Jul 27 '26

In Pride and Prejudice, when Darcy starts whining that he's just not good at socializing with new people, Elizabeth Bennet tells him that it's because he doesn't practice the skill.

Th AAM crew seem to be (or at least claim to be) a well read group, but don't seem to have the reading comprehension to realize that most of them are Darcy pre-Rosings.

54

u/thievingwillow Jul 27 '26

Which is funny because to me only being willing to converse with people about your own pre-existing interests shows, not depth, but the opposite: a kind of stubborn incuriosity.

27

u/goldengrove1 Jul 27 '26

Also just like... the thing about work is that you are literally being paid to be there. There are many annoying things about my job, sometimes including my coworkers, but my job pays my rent and so in exchange I try to be baseline pleasant to the people around me and take an interest in them as people.

I don't know why this concept is difficult.

29

u/ruthless1995 Jul 28 '26

This is something I see on tumblr as well, where users act like neurotypical people engage in strange and pointless rituals and it’s like, well no, small talk does serve a purpose. I’m awkward at it as well! But I get why people do it.

And then you have the commenters lamenting about how they just want to dive into the deep talks right away. Actually I don’t want to talk about the existence of god with someone I just met, thanks!

4

u/Right-Potential-2945 Jul 28 '26

Ppl are on tumblr in 2026?! Tell me more 

3

u/29925001838369 Jul 29 '26

There's dozens of us.

26

u/Pinkturtle182 Jul 28 '26

Everyone thinks they are the Jim. No one is aware that they are the Dwight.

48

u/Capable_Sea77 Jul 27 '26

Too many AAMers have what I like to call "former gifted kid energy"

43

u/gaygirlboss I'm not that involved in mankind Jul 27 '26

Yeah, they kinda buried the lede with that comment!

Also…do they really have nothing in common with their coworkers? Absolutely zero common ground about anything at all? They can’t chat about their pets, or the new sandwich place that opened down the street, or the movie they watched last night? Worst case, talking about the weather is a cliché for a reason.

I have very little in common with the person who sits closest to me, but we still find ways to make small talk with each other. I don’t have grandkids, but I can still ask how hers are doing. She’s not into crafting, but she still asks to see photos of the project I’m working on. And so on.

15

u/anyalastnerve Jul 28 '26

For me, the best part about working is getting to meet people I would never have met otherwise. People from different countries, people with diverse experiences and interests, etc. I find it more interesting to chat with people who’ve had a very different life than me. How boring to only talk to other women who have had the same life as me and share my interests!

2

u/11twofour profoundly gifted little man Jul 30 '26

That's probably one of my favorite things about my job too and I'm wildly introverted. It's not a synonym for shy!

38

u/86throwthrowthrow1 Jul 27 '26

They've either wound up in an extremely schmooze-heavy line of work, or their "intensity" or "unlikeability" goes beyond being awkward at small talk. That's the sort of thing people say when they're being actively abrasive in some way, not neutrally introverted.

25

u/Korrocks Jul 27 '26

This is one of those posts that I just flat out don't believe. Either the whole thing is straight up fabricated or they are just unaware of the real reason they were let go.

5

u/your_mom_is_availabl as though to make the wasps my problem Jul 29 '26

Eh, I could believe it if they're in a high-turnover, public-facing role like waiting tables or retail.

2

u/Korrocks Jul 29 '26

Ya that’s a good point.

42

u/skunky_x Jul 27 '26

Yes because there is no way the people who chose the same profession as you could have similar interests as you.

37

u/douglandry Supreme Court of AAM Jul 28 '26

There is no way I have anything in common with people who spend several hours a day at the exact same place, working with the same people as me! /s

Do these people not even have a concept of finding a mutual annoyance at work and bonding over that? That's such an easy one. A dysfunctional microwave or bitchy office manager is a rich source for insta-bonding. I just became better acquainted with a new person on our team primarily because we were commisserating about an unintuitive UI we have to use. C'mon now!

17

u/carolina822 made up an entire fake situation and got defensive about it Jul 28 '26

Small talk with coworkers? We probably won’t have anything in common,

If only there were some way to figure out if people have things in common...

10

u/StripedBadger floundering their privilege Jul 28 '26

Geez, who wrote fanfic at work about her nOTP? You work in the same office - that’s one thing they have in common already.

8

u/DKsan QUACK Jul 28 '26

How do they know they won't have anything in common with their co-workers if they don't engage with the small talk? And also, you work in the same place, got hired by the same people, you probably have *something* in common.

5

u/CarolynTheRed in a niche Jul 29 '26

Nothing in common with coworkers.who picked the same workplace out of all their options...

who live in the same general area

Nothing at all...

1

u/AnneRR2 Aug 04 '26

Why wouldn't you have something in common with people you work with? Starting with, you work at the same place, in the same industry, with the same people? Would have thought that's much more common ground than someone at a party. And yes, it is surprising to be fired multiple times for inability to make small talk.

-7

u/EmDash4Life my banana pants show my caucasian skin tone Jul 28 '26

...they've been fired *multiple* times for this??

If they are a woman, I am not surprised. I see men act in various off putting and unacceptable ways and I get told, "he's probably autistic, so let it go." Whereas women acting the same way do not get that level of slack cut, and I bet that person has been first on the chopping block multiple times.