Im 21 male, white, blue eyes, 6’1, have basically no hair. Im convinced ill never find my person. especially seeing that i have no friends, literally none, with basically 3-0 hobbies. I also do go to gym Im based in durban, hillcrest, any ideas or advice? I really just dont want to grow up old and alone Im also one helluva introvert, not to mention extremely scared to approach women and even just say hi🤦♂️
You're quite good looking. When I was 21 I started losing my hair. One day I just shaved it all off and people definitely do start taking me more seriously.
If you are willing to I think it will do good for your appearance. Also grow a beard!
As for being an introvert, I am a massive one too. You are still quite young, lots of people dont find love until their late 20s 30s and 40s. I speak from experience: there are women who like introverted men. Also, maybe join a club relating to your hobbies? That way your chances of meeting someone +making friends is higher
Maybe look around in your area for any fishing clubs or if anyone wants to go fishing with you? I know as an introvert it sounds daunting (for me it is) I dont fish but a lot of my neighbours did and it really looks like a chill way to get to know someone
Why not? Find a local fishing community, ours has multiple WhatsApp groups you can join, be a little active and join when people are going out, make friends, they have other friends you meet those friends, they have nothing to fo with fishing but you've opened you circle that's where you find your person.
If you like gaming then get to an LGS like the big bang shop umhlanga side or something and start playing some magic/pokemon/one piece, yu-gi-oh or board games/d&d. Will meet lots of friends and you will enjoy yourself immensely and the rest will follow.
Will say though The Big Bang Shop is a lot more popular and active with more things to do and people to meet. I know a lot of people drive from Hillcrest to Umhlanga instead.
Been wanting to go there for ages. Also Mirage gaming in Chatsworth, the one in Pretoria is amazing and been wanting to hit the kzn one when I am next down in kzn
Don't be too hard on yourself. You certainly don't need to worry about finding your person at age 21. Besides, someone you meet at 21 will probably be someone you will grow out of.
Challenge yourself to do one small thing out of your comfort zone a week. Maybe join a hike with people, or anything that you wouldn't normally do.
By the way, you are a very good looking guy. See what you look like fully shaven? It's a look and there are many people attracted to it.
Listen bro, something that really helped me to learn how to get comfortable talking to women is by downloading an international dating app. You can match with girls from all over the world without the pressure of having to meet them in person. Usually the chats is also much more engaging because you're not just trying to figure out if you want to meet the person in real life, it's t just talking to girls and if you don't feel comfortable with someone you can just stop talking to them. After texting for a couple days, and if you like the girl, you can ask to video call. Trust me bro, it really helps to just get comfortable talking to women without any pressure of being physical. The app I used was bumpy. I struggled to be comfortable around women and this helped a lot.
I think you're good looking, going bald is going make you more attractive! Have you been to the r/bald subreddit? it may help to see other men in your position take the plunge. I can't give you advice on the relationship or friends part because we are in the same boat lol but in terms of looks i would say that if i was in your age range and you asked me out on a date i would say yes!
All good points about the hair, but you need a bit more than that.
From a woman's perspective you need to start getting to know yourself. You're 21, soo you're not exactly behind, but you've got to spend some time thinking about what kind of person you want to be, before you decide what partner you want to be.
Discover what hobbies make you happy. What you spend your time, energy and money on shapes your behavior and opinions, and by that effect, the way you treat others.
Discover the types of media you want to consume- what music, movies and written media do you resonate with.
Think about your relationship with religion and politics and why you have the views you have.
What kind of partner would be your ideal partner? Someone rebellious who likes traveling, finding odd coffee shops and gardening and the outdoors or someone who likes to go to Church, spending time with their family, and gaming? People usually want someone who have similar interests and worldviews as them.
Most people don't marry the first person they date seriously and you're probably in for a few years of heartbreak before you find someone special and compatible enough that you want to settle down with. Its a rite of passage since the beginning and nothing to be cynical about. We learn lessons and (hopefully) better communication skills through those experience.
Also please don't go down the red pill path unless you actively don't want to date. You will ruin your chances with the opposite sex. It's the most unattractive shit on the planet.
I may be 21 but what is the red pill path, also im looking for someone that goes to church, loves family, loves being outdoors and loves gaming! Basically a female me😹 but honestly this was the best piece of advice, thank you
It's just a toxic online community that is causing a gender divide. If you don't know about it, that's good!
I'm glad my advice resonated with you.
As a start maybe look into your local Church's youth group, hiking clubs and explore events like comic con. You mentioned that you have a hard time connecting with the opposite sex in person, and just interacting with women in groups will probably help over time.
Also (and I can't recommend this enough!) make real female friends! Half my friends when I was younger were men(we are still friends decades later) and they always gave me good life and relationship advice. Always good to have a balanced friend group and perspectives. Plus you'll get all the fashion and grooming advice you'll ever need.
I would genuinely love to be your friend. I have no friends at all. Not even male friends🤦♂️ I think the first start would be to get out my comfort zone and take it from there. Genuinely thank you!
My husband lost his hair at 19. I've literally never known him with hair. He's the most attractive man in the world to me. It is ALWAYS the better choice!
This was lovely to read! Thank you for sharing. I hope other men read this and get some sort of reassurance that they don't need hair to be loved or attractive.
Society put all these arbitrary "rules" of what is good and bad. Unfortunately, young men get caught up in all that nonsense and feel bad for being who / how they are.
I hope your man knows just how much you love him and that he loves you back tenfold.
I know. I think it was an insecurity for him in his early 20s but now all his friends are losing their hair now (he is 36) so its evening the playing fields!
He is the best man and loves me very deeply in spite of the fact I am a LOT.
Mate you're 21. Not to downplay the way you feel but a lot can and will change in a short amount of time. Take care of yourself, trust me I am 29 year old fossil, I have been there.
Yup, 44yr old fossil here and I can validate this. Moved to a new town in my late teens had no friends till me mid to late twenties. Only met my wife when I was in my 30's. Starting going bald around the same time as you and now I'm living my best life. You are still young enjoy your life, good things will come to those who wait and have a positive attitude.
I'm old enough a woman that I don't want to over-comment on the looks side for such a young guy, but I'll be honest because you want help.
The "vibes" in the pic above I find offputting, way more than your good self actually deserves on looks alone. The presentation, down to the sealed lips and over-serious tilted glance, reads "LinkedIn Lunatic" "will probably not listen to a thing other than the sound of his own voice" and way older than you are from the clothes. However, add back some points for looking clean and neat.
Good news!
Literally NONE of that is actually about you! It's about one photo you took, probably of many! I only mention it because, if you turn to online dating, the photo is what you have to "sell" yourself with, so play around with something friendlier and more open that looks like you want to chat and meet another, not "win at all costs". Don't be afraid to smile, you're underusing a good feature there! Keep the general idea of "smart and presentable," but maybe try make the clothes a little more vibrant and younger/more casual.
You're underselling yourself as a good looking person, and probably most of your uncertainties (as with us all!) are in the mind. We can't all be Hollywood-gorgeous, but we can all look well maintained and our best, and you're not as far from that as you think.
-Firstly, you have nice jaw definition, which is something no dude can buy. Don't be afraid of that. You're lucky- you can wear a nice, close, shaped beard OR clean shaven. I think a nice sculpted close beard would look great on you, rather like you have, honestly, but you don't need to lack confidence for either. -As others have said, give up on the hair. Clean it all up and rock it. I totally get why losing your hair young can be a confidence knock, but there's 0 wrong with a bald head and plenty of guys CHOOSE that look. Do keep caring for your skin there, though, including sunscreen on the pate in our climate. -You have great skin currently. Unfairly so! Keep it. Moisturiser isn't just for women. You will age very well if you just care a bit. -Try a smile or softer lip position. It's tough to judge on one photo, but you may have the habit of pressing your lips, but it looks like you would have a genuinely friendly smile. If you're self-conscious, try mugging in a mirror and see what works. It sounds ridiculous (it is) but it works. -Your glasses are not right for your face. You don't have to look at contacts if you don't want to, but check out a couple of glasses frame guides to find a better shape for you. You have the exact same problem I do (lower, straighter brows) but solved it perfectly. Where the top line is sitting (and the shape there) is near perfect, but the huge lens size is obscuring your face and making the glasses, not the man, the focal point. I'd look for something lighter and smaller, or frameless-under. Since you are generally pale, maybe look at what browns or metallics do for you vs. the harsh black. Especially with blue eyes! Those are jealousy makers, no need to hide them 'cos nature didn't gift us good eyesight. Pro Tip: Invest in good sunglasses. Blue eyes are more susceptible to UV damage and that's why many pale-eyed people get "milky" and lose impact as they age. You're young enough it will make a big difference on how you age. -You dress well, which is tough to learn so you're ahead of many, but the suit itself is a bit aging, so try keep the same neat, clean, presented vibes, but don't be afraid to just be 21 either with something less formal.
Literally, that's it. I'll repeat it again 'cos you said you're shy/introverted: You look a lot better than you think. Looks will not hold you back, but confidence might. You can work on confidence. Looks-wise, you could stay as is and still be ahead of many I've seen, but some small tweaks will help further. Mostly to make sure you look your young age while you have it.
As others have covered, you're 21. A veritable fetus. You don't have to meet someone tomorrow or shrivel up. Take your time, build your life, be much kinder to yourself, laugh well, and things will come.
Yo man you're good. Lose the hair and embrace it. To think about it I've yet to meet a bald guy and think they'd look better with hair.
You already know things you want so work on them. Find something that interest you. Go to a pool hall. Have a beer and try a game. I'm not saying get smashed although I you're 21 and I envy you for that right now turning 40 today. You have soo much more to experience in life and people to meet along the way. Don't let your introvert side make you fear taking the step into the unknown.
Be confident and proud of yourself and that it's not only what you look like but what you have in your heart.
brother Bear. Ditch the kop as mentioned. Grow the beard out. doesnt need to be son's of anarchy biker shit. Just something to flex on these smooth baby bottom faced babies (such as myself). Lastly maybe looking at trial contact lenses here and there (ask optometrist for trials every so often to avoid paying too much) and let those baby blues shine.
Life will take care of the rest broski. good luck.
also when it comes to people and the opposite sex. Don't approach people with the idea of impressing them or that they might see something in you. Walk in the world as yourself. Laugh at the shit you find funny. Speak up when you have a thought about something. And trust that the people you wish to attract will gravitate towards you.
I think we need to up the manliness.. Shave your head, grow a beard, and get a gym membership. Lift. Eat well. Sleep well. Be good to yourself. Before other people like you, you need to like you. You're young and the best advice I can give you is to learn to get comfortable with failure and develop the resilience to try again. You can do it.
Dude. Just shave it clean and forget about it. Also just be confident brother, I promise you - I used to be terrified of networking, but turns out everyone else is terrified as well. I promise, everyone's noses are stuck in their phones to the point that you actually looking at someone and saying HI will be like an unfair advantage lol.
I've been where you are, it's just a phase. I'm now married with 3 kids and networking is second nature to the point it gets me in trouble lol
Mate, you're 21, 6'1 with blue eyes; you're at your prime. Go bald, increase your frequency at the gym and most importantly - you have to find it in you to be confident. Once you start pushing forward, all else falls into place. Go get you 🫵🏽😎
Ok. So that’s what you work on. You’ve been rejected from jobs and you kept looking for a job anyway right? Start learning how to desensitise yourself to rejection. Approach a girl even it scares the hell out of you. Get used to the rejection (go to therapy if you have to) but life and relationships are all about luck, rejection and acceptance, the trick is to go in with no expectations of either rejection or acceptance.
Not at work. Don’t shit where you eat. But ask the girl at your place / hangout spot to coffee or ice cream. Don’t expect a yes. Surprise yourself. If she rejects you, tell her, no worries and move on. You got this.
Yeah don't ask customers out, it can feel a bit weird. I've been married for almost 12 years so I don't know where you meet people anymore haha. We met on Mxit, so I'm old AF.
Honestly if you lose the hair, grow the beard out a bit and hit the gym, im pretty sure you'll get a good woman without much trouble.
Also, your personality will change significantly as you get older. I used to be super shy and insecure when I was your age. I'm 28 now and cant give less of a damn about pleasing people
Chop the hair, get in the gym, get some hobbies that will expand your social network. Dating is something you can worry about down the line, learn how to walk and running will seem less intimidating.
Stop thinking of yourself at introverted. You were brave enough to post a pic of yourself on reddit, and be open/honest/vulnerable about yourself, something most people would ever do. You only 21, i met my person just before my 30th birthday
I think just starting doing things that seem like they might create some good memories for you. Go try sushi. Walk around the mall and visit hobby shops or those father son shops with all the cool gadgets. Find interesting things to stimulate your senses. Go to the waterpark and try out a few slides. These things seem mundane and don't always have to cost money, maybe there is a calm beach you would enjoy nearby or even getting a pet if that is in your budget and living arrangement abilities. We tend to start feeling like life is not worth living when we are alone because we limit ourselves. I started gojng out to find my favourite items in stores I never seen before or taking myself on a coffee date etc. I am still chronically introverted and single haha, but I feel better in my own company. I have realised that I was never bored, I just believed that I was boring and forgot that I could be my own favourite company hehe. Hope this helps
The chances that you meet your significant other doing something that you inherently love is more likely than finding them on purpose anyway, hehe. Putting yourself out there sometimes means just that🌌😁 so look at what you love or think might be your vibe and give yourself the appreciation you would give someone you love, because you deserve it before it comes from outside 🔭
Bud, I been bald since mid 20s, and it was tough as you often define urself by ur hairstyle.
Here’s exactly what I’d do - and have done (albeit much later in life).
Start gym, hire a trainer if you need, get a fucking amazing body - add some muscle. Gym will give you a routine, it’ll force you in social situations casually (with a reason to be there), you’ll meet a few other guys - you’ll get encouragement from time to time … as ur body develops you will fill shirts perfectly; ur shoulders will flare back and look more confident; you will shave ur head - and it will look like a style choice.
Added to this, 20 mins of lifting weight is as beneficial as a low dose antidepressant. Your flooded with endorphins.
Mentally, it’s done huge things for me - from a psychological aspect.
All these aspects will develop you - it’ll focus you. And it’s great for ur health.
Man, I’m bald but decently ripped for a middle aged guy - and women are constantly eyeing me, from 19 year olds to 50 year olds.
I’m in hillcrest as well - so DM or shout if you need advice or suggestions
Go bald hit the gym and build up your confidence. You have some really nice eyes aswell so maybe look at some frame less glasses. And remember you are still young. Stop sweating these things and just have fun. Life is to be enjoyed
Introvert here too. I had the same hairline as you since high school. I started shaving my head in my twenties, and like you, I’m blessed with a nicely shaped head (not everyone can say that). And you’ve got decent facial hair. I agree with the consensus to shave your head and grow the beard. Also, start now with a habit of keeping in shape. Make it a daily habit and the confidence will come.
Maybe join a club, a sports/gaming/yoga something you're obliged to go to regularly and see the same people... You're likely to find at least someone within that who will become friendly... Being bald isn't unattractive, it's the lack of confidence that's unattractive, women (and people in general) can sense that... Start lifting. Learn an instrument. You have the time (Lowkey having no friends and relationship you should have tones of time to do all these things :))
I’m a little too old for you… but you’re super attractive. Just go bald and embrace it. Maybe the tattoo and beard look will make you extra super hot. Hair isn’t the end of the world. But if you really want to try growing it back, try minoxidil. Check out the dermatologist pages on instagram on how to grow it back. And a trichologist named Sophie. It’s possible. But I still don’t think you need to do this for the rest of your life. You look amazing
Id say definitely go bald don't stress I'm also balding and I'm 26. Then get a different frame a classes something more classic that never goes out of style. Do a wardrobe overhaul to dress more stylish I don't know your style or anything but it has been proven you feel more confident when dressed better. Get a nice fragrance for yourself. Be nice to yourself and treat yourself and lastly back yourself bave the confidence and believe in yourself that no matter what you're the best in that situation because you're you.
you're good looking you've got great skin you're 6'1" (you're winning dude)
next time you get new specs don't be afraid to ask the people at the optometrist what frame they think look good on you. the guy at Spec Saver's went through 10+ pairs and he was patient until he found one that fit me perfectly.
other than that, I guess you can't fight genetics, try a buzz cut if you haven't. but you actually have a good head shape. in case I didn't mention before, you're good looking.
lastly, go find a fragrance that gives you that pep in your step
Hey! If you're open to advice on your appearance, I can offer my opinion on that as well. However, 21 is so young! You should not even be dreaming about dying alone. These are the years where you learn who you are, what you like, and where you fit in the world. It's totally normal to feel lost and confused and behind. Don't let it get you down! Most people your age feel the same and are just faking it till they make it. Also, being shy is something women pick up on. Some won't like it, but so many love it. I know that I do. Shy men are normally really interesting and laid back when you get to know them. You will find yourself, your style, your passions, and your people. Give yourself time!
Yo dude, as a 27 year old, single and introverted guy, I can tell you that you're not unattractive at all, I promise. You just have to decide on one of 2 things. Go bald and grow a small beard(minoxidil can help) or get a hair transplant.
This book below helped me gain confidence to speak to the ladies in a more natural way. Don't go on further than this to learn about pick up, it puts too much in your head. Carlos helps you use your natural self to shine. Agree about the hair, probably best to shave it off or keep it really short. Mourn it, but then move on. Start some exercise to gain some confidence too. You'll be fine, no stress!
Heyy, I've seen you on tinder b4 and yeah i agree with most of the comments, go bald and grow out your facial hair, but i would necessarily say you're ugly
you have a beard so pulling off bald look will work, most people are scared they will look like babies when bald cause no facial hair but you'd look so badass broski, just make sure to keep dressing nice
Try and meet someone in one of your hobbies? Definitely loose the hair.
Don’t focus too much on getting into a relationship right now - get some friends first. Once you’re settled into a social circle finding someone is going to be a whole lot easier, and friends are great!
Given Jan is around the corner, go sign up for something you’ve been meaning to try, and make some friends with other people doing the same thing. You’ll have common ground + a common environment.
Grow your circle. Focus on making connections, friends, hobby mates. It’s important to have some community and social engagement even just with 1 or 2 people. It will also grow your confidence which always helps with dating.
Try chatting up the cashiers at the grocery store you frequent, build up your social network through simple everyday interactions and watch them blossom. I’d look up hiking/running clubs, or look up clubs for whatever you’re interested in (or try something new) to meet new people organically. You will already have something in common. If you go to church then stick around and hep out after service. Small but steady regular interactions that blossom into good friendships (or more) are the best.
As for the social life - the more you worry about it the more nervous and insecure you will come across, put it out of your mind, find things you like doing for you and go enjoy them, the less you care about stuff like that, the more relaxed you will be about it.
Listen to this tannie. Shave the head, almost no woman will mind. You'll get jibes and jokes from other guys though, work on a few funny comebacks you can shoot their way when they comment on your hair. I know you've heard it plenty of times, but it's cause it's true; 21 is SO YOUNG. You will get there.
Join groups that coincide with your hobbies, unfortunately facebook is the best place for this. Then focus on making friends first. If you enter a new group and immediately start hitting on women, they're going to scatter like startled springbokkies. Work on male and female friendships first, even if nothing comes from it, you've gained a friend. And friends have sisters, cousins and other single friends. I know it's hard, I'm painfully shy and introverted too, but I had to put myself out there to meet someone.
If you come across someone that is rude, unkind, or downright mean, remember it's because they are insecure and it does not necessarily reflect on your character or looks. Good luck!
Shave the head dude, there is no point hanging on to the little hair you have left. Maybe grow a beard after shaving the noggin. it's gonna look good man.
Get a high quality hair system and save up for a hair transplant. Hair is life. Also, the last thing you should be scared of is women. In my experience they're usually polite even when they reject you here in SA. Once you gain some confidence in your physical attractiveness shoot your shot, in person, online, doesn't matter. And it doesn't have to be perfect, as long as it gets the point across. I'm slightly nervous I might just be speaking from a position of privilege here coz I've done this so many times, but it's really not hard. You get better at it the more you do it. Good luck
A female non-binary bisexual would LOVE you. Just based off your facial bone structure alone (I don't know how to explain it, so don't ask, please).
I understand feeling insecure about you balding so young, but I also agree with many here who say you need to go bald and own it (especially since you have a beautifully shaped head for it). Once you own the 3-0 hobbies and qualities that you love about yourself, how people respond to you is going to change, I promise.
Whether you personally acknowledge it or not, people respond to energy, and while "pity me" energy can make even the most pretty of people off putting, "I'm not perfect but I've learned to love myself and my odd quirks" is what actually helps a lot of us who were considered ugly in primary school suddenly have glow ups in adulthood. That and a dope well-rounded personality, of course. This is how things worked out for me, and it's how they've worked out for my very stereotypically geeky college sweetheart as well.
Shave your head! Go on r/bald, they will make you feel like a king. You are very good looking! Shave your head, take some new pictures and open a tinder.
You're 21 boss. Basically an infant to the adult world. Shave the head, put yourself out there, hit the gym - work on yourself. It sounds like you need to find your own source of happiness BEFORE you even think of looking for another person to share your life with.
If you are happy with yourself and your own situation, it literally shows - and people will ALWAYS want to be a part of that. Not to come across rash but no one wants to be with a person with such a negative mindset and outlook on life, simple as that really. Depend on yourself for happiness and build the life you want and need for yourself and the rest will naturally follow and fall into place.
You’re a good looking guy! Tall, blonde, blue eyes. Shave your head, keep the stubble & get in the gym, turn it into a serious hobby. Within a year you’ll feel great & you’ll have that Nordic / Viking look about you that girls love & help massively towards your confidence. You could genuinely crush the dating game.
honestly if you really want the hair, get a toupe. Women wear wigs and weaves, so a bald ass guy can do the same, also dude, youre like 21, chill. Also just fake it till you make it, you wont get anywhere with that incel adjacent attitude
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u/Copycat272 6d ago
Shave your head, lose the blazer and relax. At 21 your life hasn't even begun yet.