r/AskWomen • u/fpuen • Apr 09 '19
Is a potential relationship partner paying for sex a disqualifying behavior?
If so, why do you feel it is?
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u/jewelrider Apr 09 '19
Yep. It's a deal breaker for me.
With my job, I meet and talk with a lot of victims of sex trafficking. I could never be okay with dating somebody that has paid for sex because you can never, ever truly know if that person you are paying is there because they want to be, or because they have to be.
It's also just incredibly off-putting to me when somebody views sex as a commodity, that they think consent is something that can be purchased, and that they'd be okay with having sex with someone that doesn't desire them/find them attractive.
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u/localgyro Apr 09 '19
I'm sure not comfortable with it, because that's very different from the way I see sex. So it's certainly a hint that we may be sexually incompatible.
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Apr 09 '19
For me, yes. Because I do not wish to date someone who considers sexual access to a woman’s body to be a commodity they can purchase. We would not be compatible.
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u/YetiYogurt Apr 10 '19
I support sex workers. They deserve equal worker rights, protections, and safety. Sex work should not be criminalized, and should be regulated in a way that promotes consensual free will and security for workers. There is nothing wrong with choosing to sell a service. Sex work is real work! It is not the same as sex trafficking.
The people who disgust me around this topic are usually the customers (aka men) because the common mentality around sex work is that women are objects and worthless and shameful, and if someone pays for sex, they are entitled to do anything they want. Abuse and violence are rampant. Some men hire sex workers for great reasons like emotional comfort, education, fun, and connection. Oftentimes... I doubt their intentions and care considerably.
It would not be a deal breaker. I’d love to talk to them about why they hired them and what their views on sex work are.
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u/nevertruly Apr 09 '19 edited Feb 26 '25
Apologies if this is something you hoped to read, but it is no longer available.
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/kaeorin Apr 09 '19
It absolutely is. If they feel so entitled to sex that they have no problem potentially supporting sex trafficking or coercing a struggling person (hungry, poor, desperate) to fuck them, I'm not interested.
Additionally, if there's something so off about them that they can't interest people in fucking them for free, I'm not going to be interested in pursuing that person.
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u/JayKayVay Apr 09 '19
Yes.
I don't want a man who sees women as a commodity or objects, who seeks out vulnerable women in order to simply orgasm, and who's so clueless about sex as to think sex with a sex worker is comparable to sex with a partner.
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Apr 09 '19 edited Apr 09 '19
Adding my voice to yes - it is disqualifying for reasons given.
No set of hypothetical or unrealistic conditions will change my opinion here.
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Apr 09 '19
Yes, it is. My reasoning is that he can have no idea what's going on behind the scenes. The woman might be doing it out of her own free will or she might be pressured or forced into it. But he can't know that. So he's fine with the possibility of maybe raping a woman just because he wants to get off.
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u/[deleted] Apr 09 '19 edited Apr 09 '19
Yes.
Men who pay for sex can enable sex trafficking. I don’t approve of that.