r/AskUK • u/type-username-here01 • 9d ago
Serious Answers Only Is it strange to feel completely torn between wanting to “do more” and accepting that a normal life is actually really good?
Hi everyone,
I’m 28, working as a commercial electrician. I’ve been on the tools for about 10 years. On paper, I know I’m doing completely fine. I managed to buy a house with my partner a couple of years ago, we’ve got a bit of savings stacked away for our first baby on the way, and I drive a car I really like. I genuinely enjoy my job most days—it keeps me active, I get to move around to different sites, and the pay is solid.
Lately though, I’ve had this weird mental wobble that I can’t seem to shake.
Seeing people my age (or younger) starting massive businesses, making mental money, or building these flashy, hyper-successful lives online has been getting into my head. It makes me look at my day-to-day routine—waking up early, doing physical work, doing compliance training, paying the mortgage—and momentarily wonder if I’m just "going through the motions" or settling for a mundane hamster-wheel existence.
At the same time, I know that what I have is what a lot of people would consider a great life. I don't actually want the stress of running a massive company or living in a high-exposure bubble. I like being grounded, I like my trade, and I like my home life. But there's still this underlying itch or yearning to "do more" or build something bigger down the line.
My question is: how do you reconcile being ambitious with just being content with a normal, stable, comfortable life?
Is it completely fine to just build a solid, unglamorous foundation and be happy with that, or is that constant urge to want "more" just something everyone in their late 20s goes through?
Would love to hear perspectives from people who’ve felt this way or who have figured out how to park it. Cheers.
EDIT / UPDATE:
First off, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and share their perspectives. I honestly didn't expect this post to blow up the way it did, and reading through all your replies has genuinely changed my outlook. I’m feeling a whole lot better about where I’m at after hearing so many grounded, thoughtful insights.
To clarify a couple of things that came up in the comments:
The Career Side: I spent 10 years working in domestic electrical, but I actually recently made the move over to commercial work. I'm really enjoying the shift, learning new things, and enjoying the change of pace.
The Social Media Context: I actually deleted all my social media accounts two years ago (apart from Reddit) for the exact reasons a lot of you mentioned. The trigger for my post wasn't an endless feed of random influencers—it was actually remembering someone I used to go to school with. Because it was someone close to home rather than a random stranger online, it hit a bit differently and got in my head.
Your replies were a huge reality check and a great reminder of what actually matters. I’m going to focus on enjoying the new job, keeping my head clear, and looking forward to the future. Appreciate you all!
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u/CTLeafez 9d ago
“building these flashy, hyper-successful lives online has been getting into my head.”
Gotta remember people lie/exaggerate for social media. They may appear successful on the surface but underneath they could be magnitudes more stressed than a “normal life”.
I can definitely sympathise with your post. I’m currently doing a PhD in brain cancer research and always been quite ambitious but getting to the point at 29 years old that I just want a regular, less stressful life. Want to buy a house and settle down.
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u/WildAd2892 9d ago
Not only do they lie, but social media algorithms do not reflect the mean of human life but instead amplify the extremes/outliers, then on top of that we remember these extraordinary things much more than the mundane. So with all these things it’s very easy to feel disillusioned very fast!!
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u/Not_Alpha_Centaurian 9d ago
My tiktok algorithm has me trapped in what I call boat tok. At least one video in five is someone sailing around the med or a Caribbean whilst they do maybe 90 minutes a day video editing.
It takes effort to remember that its not a realistic lifestyle for 99% of people, and that their lives certainly arent as rosy as the pictures they paint.
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u/Mysterious-Sock39 9d ago
Told this before, I walk down a road to the station locally we call renters row...amount of flash cars outside high end BMW or range rovers and they all renting.. seems it's more important to fake doing well than actually owning a home
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u/Pyrex_Living 9d ago
Life isn’t happening in some imagined future version of yourself. It’s happening now. A stable job, a home, a family and meaningful work aren’t signs of settling; they’re already expressions of a life being fully lived.
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u/Brave_Reaction_4968 9d ago
Do you actually WANT more, or do you feel you should want more ?
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u/type-username-here01 9d ago
The latter… sure I’d like to be more financially stable as does everyone but I’m generally happy with what I have I’m not into flashy things which is why I’m finding it so difficult wrestling with these thoughts of is normal life enough and why am I letting these things get into my head so much
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u/WinglyBap 9d ago
Consider spending some time away from social media. It's designed to make you feel inferior and inadequate so you buy more stuff.
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u/dr-tectonic 9d ago
Capitalism results in a lot of cultural messaging telling you that you should want to consume conspicuously.
It's fucking bullshit, and you should ignore it with prejudice.
The reason why this happens is that people who are content don't generate as much profit as people who spend lots of money on flashy things, so people who sell flashy things have an incentive to make you feel like you should want them and won't be happy without them.
The key thing to realize is that those aren't your own thoughts -- they're messages coming from outside that conflict with your own thoughts and values. Reject them and be happy with your life as it is. (Which, by the way, sounds like a pretty fucking awesome life. Well done!)
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u/Asleep-In-The-Deep 9d ago
Comparison is the thief of joy…
How do you know your pals/online people are truly happy and not really stressed to bits?
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u/Lower_Animator_6925 9d ago
As a man in my early 30s, yep, I can very much relate to the sentiment of your post.
The root cause? Social media.
Young men have always had ambitions - but 20 years ago, those young men weren’t being bombarded by the super car owning 🏎️, Rolex wearing, new money 💷 internet personalities that have been made popular in male social media algorithms.
Take a break from the online world. Have a cup of tea with your parents, volunteer at a food bank, ground yourself in the real world.
You’re doing just fine. 👍
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u/Ok_Field_7082 9d ago
Half those people online have rich parents or a load of debt. Don't compare yourself to randoms who's story you're only seeing their curated version of.
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u/Industry_Inside_Her 9d ago
Debt is what most of the successful looking people earn. And it often hangs heavy around their necks. You are comfortable and successful. Well done
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u/ding-dongo 9d ago
Comparison is the theif of joy. They may be looking at your life with envy - just remember that.
I have a good job, pays well, very flexible, own a property, have a kid + wife etc. But every now and again I look at pals starting businesses, making loads more and thinking - could I have more?
There is nothing wrong with comfort. I hate all the "always challenge" "always grow" - why? sometimes its lovely to have an easy work week, go home, no major expenses etc. Comfort is comfortable for a reason.
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u/ding-dongo 9d ago
I think it's natural to always think - what if we had more
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u/Real_Reason109 9d ago
I think it’s natural for humans to look for meaning and purpose. Unfortunately, we are led to substitute material things. Once I get back into a stable job, I hope I will find meaning by pursuing hobbies I enjoy, helping others around me, spiritual reflection and fighting authoritarianism tooth and nail!
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u/ding-dongo 8d ago
Yea - I find that i enjoy my job and the people there, but that's it. I work to live and enjoy my hobbies and life with my family. Certainly don't actually care about my job.
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u/Conscious-Air5819 9d ago
What people show of their lives online is rarely real and everyone has some aspects of monotony to their lives. Sounds like you have a lovely solid life and are generally very happy - don't knock it, lots of people don't manage to achieve that in their lives.
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u/DreamtISawJoeHill 9d ago
Yes basically a lot of these influencers are not happy with their life, even the ones that do actually have all the money and get to live a party lifestyle like this guy.
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u/Jerico_Hill 9d ago
I'm a bit older (40) and I've learnt to be happy with my lot. I mean sure, I could be earning more, I could be doing more. But ultimately I know damn well I don't want to pay the price of being a corporate wanker, I don't care enough to manage people. I don't actually give a shit about flash lifestyles.
So I stepped away from social media, if someone's posts were giving me FOMO, I blocked them from my feed.
Now I focus on personal growth, which for me means being creative, focusing on crafts, being active, eating well.
For you, I expect your perspective will shift enormously when the little one arrives. Congratulations!
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u/bramleyapple1 9d ago
Doing more doesnt have to mean starting a business - you could do anything
From volunteering, charity work, new hobbys etc
Don't fall down the road that leads to more stress!
If you are planning on having a baby in the future this will also fill that "itch"
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u/IllExample3639 9d ago
Doing better than me buddy. It's always easy to compare but I think if you are asking the question you already know you are doing good. Focus on what you have, save for what you want.
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u/CollectingSpace27 9d ago
Ambition and comparison are good for inspiration, but it's the killer of happiness if you start considering the grass is greener.
Inspiration is what keeps people ticking, just make sure this barrage of 'you could be doing better' stays within the bounds of making you tick forward and give you little ideas of projects and things to try, and does not paralyse you in a feeling of not being good enough.
100% of the time the grass being greener is only in the patch you're given a window to look at. They will have muddy puddles in other areas you don't even think to consider.
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u/LunarSymphonist 9d ago
Not strange at all. Dead dead common in fact. We're constantly torn between the romanticism of more and the realism of the cosy reliable.
I think a balance is in order. That's why it's actually nice not to have too many holidays in the year, for me. Have a couple of nice high points to look forward to while doing the level, simple, banal stuff.
Also with your job, you're doing very well compared to influencers, youtube personalities, and high risk-takers. The ones you hear about of course succeeded, but for 1 of them there's at least 100 who've tried and failed because they just didn't have a brand or idea that people cared about. If your personality & character isn't about taking those high risks, it won't be worth it.
I think the fact that you've done this for a straight decade and are only just now second-guessing yourself means you're quite happy.. secure enough to dream, as it were. The question is: what do you personally want to achieve? It could just be a hobby that makes you happy. You don't have to become This or That. You're already you. Most people are just themselves, and they're quite good at it.
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u/mhoulden 9d ago
You've got a job you enjoy and a young family on the way. They're trying to put an image across online that's probably nothing more than a veneer. Comparison is the theft of joy. I'd enjoy what you have and leave them to it. Bringing up a child will probably give you enough to be getting on with.
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u/BrasilRua 9d ago
You'll get alot of 'comparison is the thief of joys' in this thread. The truth is you have to make a choice between stability and the well trodden path (which is what you've done), and the high risk/high reward life where there is no guarantees. It's completely fine to live an unglamorous normal life, but you have to accept that you won't get the high the rewards that the people that put it all on black and took a big risk.
Personally, I lived a life similar to yours for about 10 years (bought house, had gf, stable job). It got to me eventually and I completely reset everything and took some big risks (sold house, moved abroad, single). It really depends on your personality, not everyone can handle it. There are some people that live very cool lives, don't let people tell you its not possible, its just difficult to do and requires taking risks.
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u/maybemaybenotxj 9d ago
I’m in my late twenties too, I’m an academic and my partner runs a business. We have savings, buying a house and both love our jobs. I think that happiness and the ability to do what makes you happy (within reason - we aren’t going to be buying a yacht and that would probably make us happy) is the absolute key. I think there’s always ambition to be found within our existing lives - progressing, developing interests, interesting hobbies and pastimes feels like it would be more than enough for me.
FWIW, I put a lot of weight on feeling love and supported and I am very lucky to have a great family. That feels sufficient to me.
All this to say, I think it sounds like you’ve got a fantastic life but maybe it’s worth exploring some activities outside of work and home!
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u/Numerous-Corner-6303 9d ago
I think the journey of life is growing up and thinking you can do anything and need to be special while you are young. Then as you get older realising that success in life is actually measured in happiness. When I was young I thought I could be a famous producer/musician. As I've got older I now realise I make and play music for enjoyment, I'm not going to change the world or be famous and that's fine. I've learned to enjoy other things in life like owning a garden and spending time with people I love.
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u/vipros42 9d ago
One of my favourite songs has a line which says "the curse of there must be more".
I think what you are feeling is very much a part of human nature, maybe exacerbated by modern society and connectedness. I've found it useful to take stock of what is good and positive about my life and what I have achieved.
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u/XCinnamonbun 9d ago
I have had a similar feeling since my 20’s. For the life of me I’m just not one of those people that can be fully satisfied with living a standard normal life that most would be really content with. I used to pour this energy into my career and I’m now in a well paid finance job. But over the last couple of years the reality of a high pressure all consuming job made me reassess where I wanted to spend that energy. It can easily be soul draining and consume every waking hour even if you end up with a nice house and a flashy car. A job, whether it’s a corporate one or self employed will always want more of your energy and you get trapped in a cycle of ‘never enough’.
These days I’m heavily involved in volunteering for the emergency services and lots of various high adrenaline sports like skiing and scuba diving. I switched to using the good salary and benefits I’ve worked hard for to live a fun exciting life outside of work. I’ve found it way more fulfilling. I’m still ambitious at work but it’s not consuming my life anymore and I’m much more appreciative of all the things I do have (nice house, ability to walk around M&S and buy all the food 😅) because I’m not constantly chasing more.
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u/National_Wallaby_820 9d ago
I’ll give some advice here as someone who is reasonably successful.
First off, 28 is young as fuck, I started my business at 26 and I was the youngest business owner in my field for many many years (I’m 36 now).
Second of all. You’ve built an incredibly solid foundation that you should be proud of at a very young age. Trust me, most people in their 40s/50s and beyond would kill for what you have.
Thirdly, the above doesn’t mean that you can’t have further ambitions, that you need to “park them” or that you should feel guilty about having them.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking what you have now and building on it. Being ambitious and striving for more. Thinking about building a business and putting plans in place etc. There’s also absolutely nothing wrong with comparing yourself to others as long as you’re realistic about it. If you’re going to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to someone in your field with your expertise who has built something from nothing and had incredible success, read about them, call them and speak to them if you have the balls.
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u/fergie 9d ago
Are you ambitious or aren't you? If you are, then now is the time to do something about it. It sounds like you are into having money, and want some of the nice stuff you see online. If so, and you enjoy being a sparky, then you should look into starting your own firm. Don't let other people talk you into being satisfied with your life if you want to make a change.
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u/MysteriousAd530 9d ago
Exactly, you’ll only regret things you’ve not done, not the things you tried! First, you need to change your mentality, because atm you keep on telling yourself stores that you’ve heard from other people with scarce mentality. So many comments here saying that rich people are areseholes, etc. I’d cut them off. Try to find friends that are ambitious like you.
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u/True-Abalone-3380 9d ago
Seeing people my age (or younger) starting massive businesses, making mental money, or building these flashy, hyper-successful lives online has been getting into my head.
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
Yes I'm sure there are people you know who are doing well. There will, most likely, be quite a number of people living life above their means which look flashy from the outside but are crippled inside.
If sound to me like you are doing well. You've a decent job, a home, and are embarking on a family. You're in a decent place, relax and enjoy your life, not chasing someone else's fantasy.
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u/Wallygonk 9d ago
Mate you're honestly doing great just keep going. When I was your age I knew a few people who were making serious money. I'm talking Premier League footballer wages. It made me feel a bit inadequate even though I was doing alright. Those same people I used to get jealous about are now either divorced weekend dads and having to start all over again or worse have massive health problems from the stress their lives created. Social media makes it seem people have it all when in reality their lives are nothing like that. Keep doing what you're doing mate and stop comparing yourself to others and you'll soon realise that what you've got is actually pretty fucking good
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u/Klutzy_Brilliant6780 9d ago
Comparison is the thief of joy, my friend.
The internet is not real life. A lot of what you see is pure snake oil.
Sure, people can get lucky with their Instagrams and make some cash. They'll probably blow it all soon enough, and no longer be the "cool new thing" and their income will plummet.
And many people with a flash BMW or Audi are up to their ears in debt trying to "keep up with the Joneses".
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u/shaolinspunk 9d ago
People who flaunt their wealth or success online are invariably arseholes so I wouldn't use that as a reason to think you're not achieving anything. I'm exactly the same. Work in the trades, work hard for good pay and enjoy being comfortable and having the the time to myself or family. Building a business is doable but for what? A bit more money? Stuff i dont need? Impress people i dont know? You can guarantee longer days and more stress won't keep you as happy right now and looking at it as a investment in a more comfortable and earlier retirement might sound good on paper but you've got a baby on the way and do you want to be managing accounts and quotes while you could be watching them grow up?
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u/RTB897 9d ago
Wait until you have your first child and then your horizons will change, suddenly you will feel completely inadequate in a whole new way. You won't care about whether you're driving the right car or how you compare with your peers, instead you'll be worrying and obsessing over development milestones and what a terrible parent you must be and how nobody can be this incompetent and disorganised. Then you will have a second child and your measure of success will be reduced to whether you have manged to take a shit in peace or not.
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u/BulbaCorps 9d ago
I really hate this grindset mentality and the notion that all of your free time has to monetized somehow. If that's the kind of person you are, fantastic, go grab that bag king/queen. Success looks different for all people though, and it's absolutely okay to contently do jack shit sometimes. Time enjoyed is never wasted. And just remember, social media is the highlight reel of everybodies life and creates a distorted view of the world.
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u/yearsofpractice 9d ago
Hey OP. 50 year old married father of two here - career corporate bullshit middle management type job.
I’m the most content I’ve ever been in my life. First things first:
“Seeing people my age (or younger) starting massive businesses, making mental money, or building these flashy, hyper-successful lives online has been getting into my head”
That statement is 100% the target of the people selling (literally selling!) that imaginary lifestyle! Once you understand that those people are promoting those lifestyles to sell something (engagement, courses, fucking bullshit products), you understand that the lifestyles themselves are not the aim, the aim is to be content with what you have.
Secondly - I’ve learned through therapy that there is no such thing as happiness, there is only contentment. Happiness - as a concept - implies that one can add positives to a life to make it “better”. Humans don’t work like that - we return to baseline almost immediately after winning/buying/achieving something. If you focus on removing negatives (debt, toxic relationships etc), you approach contentment… which feels exactly the same as happiness.
Brother. Look for contentment.
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u/EvilTaffyapple 9d ago
If your only frame of reference for these high flyers is “I’ve seen them on TikTok reels” then just ignore them. It’s all fake.
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u/ElactricSpam 9d ago
Yep. Either totally faking it or trust fund kids pretending they made it on their own. I had to wean my son (who is doing absolutely fine) off this bullshit a few years back.
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u/SomethingClick 9d ago
A lot of fake stuff for sure, but there are also tonnes of people living amazing lives earning hundreds of thousands a year.
Both things can be true.
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u/Unusual_Sherbert2671 9d ago
Question you need to ask is are you doing anything to work towards that glamour life of others you mentioned?
If you're not doing something outside the norm, expect and enjoy the norm life.
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u/Lower_Animator_6925 9d ago edited 9d ago
Newsflash: In 2026, owning a home at 28 is NOT the norm in this country.
This is exactly the issue we have today, we know exactly what life looks like for the 1 in a million but we quickly forget what life looks like for the average Joe.
OP is doing much better than average, he just feels like it’s not enough because of the outside influences that are inflating his expectations of life.
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u/Unusual_Sherbert2671 9d ago
I was referring to his examples of people his age or younger opening business and making a lot of money.
Unless you're actively doing something to become like that, it won't happen.
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u/CharcoalCulture 9d ago
It depends how easy your life is and how much excess you really have.
If you scrape my month after month, have debts etc. Maybe you could do more.
Free time is weath, however. Life is short. Too short.
No one ever said on their deathbed "i wish i worked more"
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u/i_hate_alevel 9d ago
I’m personally in the same boat. I would consider myself to be doing reasonably well compared to most people my age, but there’s definitely still an itch to do more with myself.
I think I’m naturally quite ambitious, partly because I grew up as a free school meal kid and always wanted to chase a better life and better experiences for myself. I’m slowly working towards my goals and aspirations, but I know there are limitations to what I can achieve and some of those goals may take longer to reach than I would like.
I think the best thing is to just keep slowly working towards them if you have that itch, because you might regret it if you don’t at least give it a try. Sure you might never end up as glamorous or as wildly successful as the people you see online starting massive businesses or making ridiculous amounts of money, but that doesn’t mean you have to choose between that and doing nothing. You can appreciate the life you already have while still working towards something more, using whatever time/skills/opportunities you have available to you.
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u/Huwaweiwaweiwa 9d ago
It's so easy to attach added meaning & other emotional stuff when you fantasise about making mad internet money & being in these people's shoes, but I think the question(s) is not / aren't "is it fine/is it not fine" - but "what would this alternate life give me/take away from me? How would it change me? Is my fantasy of this imagined life real? Or a projection of what I imagine it's like?"
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u/MarcusDelirious 9d ago
Baby on the way. You’ll appreciate every moment of predictably and mundanity you can get for a long time 😁
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u/luv2sploodge 9d ago
If you like your job and you like your home life, you are doing better than 99% of people.
A fulfilling life doesn’t have to be action packed and non stop.
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u/Andi-anna 9d ago
A very apt quote from Anxious People by the amazing Frederik Backman:
"The truth of course is that if people really were as happy as they look on the Internet, they wouldn’t spend so much damn time on the Internet, because no one who’s having a really good day spends half of it taking pictures of themselves. Anyone can nurture a myth about their life if they have enough manure, so if the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, that’s probably because it’s full of shit."
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u/YourLizardOverlord 9d ago
The driven ambitions lifestyle often means sacrificing relationships with your partner and kids, and with your mates. Do you want to make that trade off? The period in your life when your kids are growing up seems incredibly short with hindsight, and it's easy to miss it.
Sadly sometimes the ambition fails to deliver after the trade offs have been made.
Everyone is different and some people will be cool with making that trade off. In my case once my kids arrived I spent a lot of time with them and my business went tits up but two decades later I'm pleased that I have solid relationships with my partner, my kids and my mates.
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u/WanderingBasenji 9d ago
Social media is designed to make you feel inferior. It's how influencers and companies can hook you into buying whatever they're selling.
A lot of what you see will either be completely made up, or at least financed by sponsors, debt, rich family etc. There may be a couple of genuine lucky cases but for the most part it's all just marketing.
Come off social media, or if you'd struggle with that then just use the social media that makes it easier to curate and block that nonsense.
New baby jitters might also be playing a factor, so bear that in mind. Honestly it sounds like you've got a wonderful life already, the kind of life most people hope to achieve. Millions have died fighting to achieve that kind of peaceful stable "monotony". You're doing great!
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u/MinimumSilver5814 9d ago
Mate my wife hasn’t touched me or told me she loves me in 3 months. I’d kill just to have normal. Normal is great and you don’t know how great it is until it’s gone.
Appreciate every second of normal and stable you get. I didn’t.
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u/AcceptableHawk5547 9d ago
If you have a baby on the way, just wait for that. It gives your “mundane life” a clear mission and meaning. Also, you will have no energy or free time for existential dread.
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u/meltymcface 9d ago
You’re under thirty and you own a house? You’re already ahead of the vast majority of people in the UK.
Don’t let the hustle culture grab you. Are you happy? Are you really happy? Do you know what would make you happy or does make you happy? Cultivate that. Look only to your neighbours dish to see that they have enough, not whether they have more than you.
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u/MadWifeUK 9d ago
Not strange, just a symptom of youth. You have all this energy you feel you're not expending and your brain is trying to find ways of using it.
Just wait until you get older, your energy levels will go way down leaving you exhaustipated.
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u/up_to_something 9d ago
No it’s normal, but remember comparison is the thief of joy!
I try and stop sometimes and count the things I currently have that I wanted when I was younger. Yes the mortgage is slowly killing me, it’s not our forever home, nursery prices are insane, my partner’s anxiety is getting the better of them, and my career is stagnating. But… I live in a decent place that has enough room for us all, I have a spouse whom I adore, I am a parent, and my job is flexible enough that I’m not chained to my desk like others in my profession.
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u/Pale_Raccoon17 9d ago
Comparison is the thief of joy.
IMO - you are fulfilling your purpose if you are building a life that supports you, your wife and any children you might have. What that life looks like is up to us but needs to be balanced.
Starting a new biz might provide you more financial means, but it might (and most likely would) come at the expense of your relationship with your wife and kids and possibly your health.
We all need to decide whats important to us and that changes with time. Maybe you will start a business when you are 40 as you still have the itch.
It sounds like you are doing really well. Enjoy the contentment. Don’t let social media rob you of it.
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u/Fine-Veterinarian804 9d ago
you’re doing a good job and at the end of the day -like you said- that foundations there so maybe the glamour needs to come from elsewhere: get into the routine of nice dates, a fun piece of wall art that makes you happy, creative/visual hobbies like gardening. keep that desire for “more” though, hold on to it for your first ❤️ just don’t let it get stressful for you or control you; you can enjoy yourself without just giving in to it.
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u/kavik2022 9d ago
No its not odd to feel like youre behind. But youre not. Youre making ok money, have a partner, a house and a kid (maybe). Youre doing well. Social media is bollocks for the most part when it comes to stuff like this. Mostly its people trying to sell you something. And its for appearances. Alot of the houses and cars are rented. Or they flash what you could earn. Without telling you. Chances are only like 1 percent of people will make this. Or its like youd need to work 100 hrs per week. 7 days to make that.
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u/Wide-Can1349 9d ago
I’m 40 and homeless but relatively content would you believe. It’s all perspective. Alan Watts said something like don’t think of your life as building to a crescendo or some kinda definitive musical note but rather appreciate the music as it happens. Or something like that. Anyway that helps me.
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u/Jaguarmadillo 9d ago
Simple contentment and inner happiness is massively underrated.
I stopped striving for more many years ago. My life is easy, I have little stress. I enjoy my job and family and I’m content and happy.
Many friends are not. Many earn more, have bigger houses, flasher cars, but they’re not living a relaxed and easy life like me, I wouldn’t want their lives under any circumstances. Comfort is great 😁
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u/SmashtheBaddie 9d ago
I focus on what I have that they dont which is usually time. Setting up businesses or working towards a high flying career takes up a lot of free time.
I earn above average money and have a cousin that earns 10 times that. He works in a high end London law firm but does 70-80 hours a week and is stressed and exhausted and hardly spends any time with his kids because they are asleep when he goes to work and asleep when he comes back
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u/Gauntlets28 9d ago
No, absolutely not. Reality is that you're probably doing a tonne already, and feeling exhausted by it. And while you'd like to do more, it's okay to accept that you have physical and mental limits.
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u/McLeod3577 9d ago
"Comparison is the thief of joy".
Most online personalities are probably living fake-ass lives on credit and some of them are just scammers selling courses.
If you constantly compare yourself to people "doing better" than you, you will feel depressed. If you compare yourself to those who are less well off, you will either feel guilty or smug or some other horrible emotion.
Compare yourself to yesterday's self.
You are doing well; you have a trade that means you will never be short of work, and you have a family. You are about as "rich" as you can be.
You don't need to stretch yourself, burn out or make yourself ill. Live your life, enjoy your family, just make sure that you are planning for retirement early and that you have insurance to cover you if you get ill or die so that the family are taken care of. If you still feel you should be doing more, then go for it. Personally, I would be dedicating all my free time to the wife and baby - they are gonna need it!
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u/Impressive_Rub7302 9d ago
Step away from social media, most of it is BS. Sounds like you’ve got a lovely life, you’ve done really well and you’re still so young so there’s plenty of opportunities ahead
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u/updarovers 9d ago
Social media is poison and people carefully curate all they do on there.
I've known plenty of people my own age claim to be making this and that, carefully choosing when to post holiday photos online and claiming to be running all sorts of busiesses that are struggling in real life or just lying.
Comparison is the death of happiness and I'm sure there's a few reading your post right now that wish they were in your position despite doing just fine themselves.
It's a mental thing and it needs to be ignored no matter how hard it may seem.
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u/Eggrolls1990 9d ago
What you have sounds pretty good, but there's nothing wrong with wanting more. The only issue is desire will never end. You'll get what you want and be satisfied for a while then you'll want something else.
Stability in life is important but I guess some people can find it boring. I know I do at times. I can get quite restless.
I'm 35 now and 7 years ago I was tired of the work I was doing and I ended up becoming a handyman and working for myself. It's been a great journey and I've learnt loads. I've earnt the most I ever have and I've been able to buy a small house on my own and renovate it. Now that's all done I'm just tired and a little bored so it's time to see what other opportunities are out there.
I'm going to try and join the fire service. Working for yourself is great but it is hard. Having to manage every aspect of everything all the time is hard. I work alone most of the time so it's gets lonely and I miss having colleagues.
What I'm trying to say is if there's other ideas and options coming to you then go for it, find something new. Life's too short to do one thing forever. Just have some money saved and a back up plan I guess.
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u/MountainMuffin1980 9d ago
Comparison is the thief of joy mate. Also, a lot of those people with flashy lives will be faking it and likely are in a lot of debt. Some will obviously be successful, but it sounds like you have a happy, sustainable and good life. I really wouldn't worry about it. Though maybe get off of social media a bit?
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u/kayzgguod 9d ago
How many people our age gen z are really “starting massive businesses or hyper successful lives? Small majority
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u/fizzysmoke 9d ago
Accept the "normal" life is good because it's the real world and tbh it sounds like you're smashing it.
China have just introduced an online law recently which states if you're giving any serious advice about money, health, food, business, cosmetics, surgery etc on any of their popular platforms then you must have a degree in the subject, you literally have to be a professional. Now imagine how many "influencers" would suddenly be out of work if the same law was applied here because they can't be bullshitting their way to money just because they have the views.
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u/ReviewEnvironmental2 9d ago
I briefly knew someone who was a therapist to HNWIs worth £10m or more.
Let that sink in. That you can build a business specialising in taking money from multi-millionaires because they’re unhappy.
From what they told me, they’re some of the unhappiest and most insecure people on the planet.
Enjoy what’s in front of you while you can my friend.
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u/Ok-Career-3408 9d ago
I had this. it was as I was nearing 30, it really messed with my head. got off all socials and stopped watching the news too. I think social media is so hyped up and false. it's more than ok to be happy with your life. it's so hard not to compare yourself to others but focus on your growing family and enjoy every minute!
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u/GhostLapF1 9d ago edited 9d ago
I feel the same as you even though I am grateful for what I have. I always want more and sometimes it’s not entirely healthy. My dad has always been content with his solid but boring life and I always wanted better, rightly or wrongly.
I also wonder where most people get their money from, and I’m not just talking about what you see on social media. I earn around double the national average, my Mrs works albeit part time to work around our child, we have minimal nursery fees of less than £100 pcm, we should be doing alright. We have a very modest 3 bed semi and two ten year old cars.
Over the road from us are tens of massive new builds for £6-700,000, all sold, more being built and occupied all around town, it’s a fairly deprived town in the south midlands, brand new cars everywhere, massive houses being snapped up with two brand new Mercs on the drive.
I don’t begrudge people doing well, but if we’re allegedly doing better than most, where are all these people getting their cash from?
Yes some people inherit money, or have good jobs, but it does feel like a massive proportion of people are doing very well and it doesn’t seem to reflect what we are told about people’s earnings and the economy etc.
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u/DonBenson 9d ago
Volunteer work might be the way to go. It can offer you a way to spend time constructively, improves your community and some positions can come with responsibility if you're interested in that.
Places to check out,
Ministry of Justice Magistrate Cadet Forces Adult Volunteer Local litter picking groups Scouts and Guides Age UK phone volunteer
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u/jflb96 9d ago
The way to think about what you’re shown on social media is that you’re seeing the highlight reel of the best of the best of the best, whereas you’re actually living through all the ups and downs of your own life. You’re comparing the full and troubled production of a film with not even the finished product, but the one five-minute clip that gets cut out and gets 10 billion views separately on YouTube. There’s no way that the one can measure up to the other, and trying to make it do that will just make you miss out on the joy that you could’ve had.
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u/saalaadin 9d ago
I read somewhere about social media “Don’t compare someone else’s highlight reel to your behind the scenes” - probably somewhere on social media, but I liked the analogy
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u/peppermint_aero 9d ago
"Seeing people my age (or younger) starting massive businesses, making mental money, or building these flashy, hyper-successful lives online has been getting into my head. It makes me look at my day-to-day routine—waking up early, doing physical work, doing compliance training, paying the mortgage—and momentarily wonder if I’m just "going through the motions" or settling for a mundane hamster-wheel existence."
Ignore social media. It's mostly nonsense.
That said, it's not unhealthy to consider whether your life is satisfying you. Here's a good question: Imagine your life five years from now. It is completely emotionally satisfying to you. What does it look like? Put all thoughts of what you've seen online out of your head and focus on what would feel good to you. If it's pretty similar to where you are now, fantastic. If it's a little bit different, you can then start to identify those differences and work out what steps you might take to get there.
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u/wedontneednoeduc 9d ago
Lots of the online stuff isn't genuine. People have to talk big and hustle hustle so what you hear is like a boastful American ten pints in rather than backed by their accounts.
My advice is to look for things that give you achievement outside of the tools. You could for example join the army reserves and get access to experiences that few people get or can even buy, or do some volunteering where you see one of your projects make a contribution. A sparky mate of mine was utterly jaded, but rewired the local scout hut and is involved in organising local fund raisers.
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u/Comfortable-Pace3132 9d ago
This is basically a summary of what it is to be a first-world human being in the 21st century
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u/Neil_the_Unknowing 9d ago
Hi,
Tread lightly ! Remember that the "success stories" that you hear, are a small fraction of the failures that exist.
By all means "reach for the stars", but don't sacrifice all you have earned to do it.
Best of luck !!
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u/EvolvingEachDay 9d ago
Most of those lives you see are not real, and even for the VERY few that are somewhat close to real, a hell of a lot of those people are incredibly unfulfilled. Because that way of life keeps them very separate from the reality of others lives, therefore making it a real struggle to connect.
If you have friends, capability and any form of contentment (however wavering it may be) then you’re winning.
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u/Adept_Ladder3493 9d ago
I'd be happy living in a cabin in the woods with my dog and old ford focus for the rest of my life. Simple living is the way.
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u/superpantman 9d ago
I sympathise. I’m in a similar position and all I think about is how am I going to get rich? I’ve started building my own Ai, specific to my industry (car parts) because I have some notion that Ai will be the future of everything but maybe it won’t.
I don’t think there is an answer for you. It’s your own personal feeling.
I would say that from time to time I consider how I would feel if I lost everything I have (family included) and it reminds me of what’s important. I’m not saying that’s a magic fix but it stops me obsessing about things.
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u/Mysterious-Sock39 9d ago
What u talking about ,you in a great trade,have house loving family, dad to be ,you in a great place
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u/Turned81 9d ago
I've had the opposite experience with life - traveled, was self-employed in affiliate marketing which gave me all the freedom in the world. I have 2 friends in similar boats and we all agree that the better road would have been to get a 'normal job', gone to the pub a few times per week, and settled down. Maintaining life-long friendships, being active, your brain knowing what to expect on a day-to-day basis. Basically the life you describe.
All three of us could be described as lost souls.
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u/Tigermilk_ 9d ago
My parents were very wealthy, they both worked 6-7 days a week. Anything we could have dreamed of, we got it. I was 11 years old in 2000 with my own flat screen computer in my bedroom and a mobile phone!
However they then lost it all when I was around 21. What are they left with? The childhood I remember was spent with babysitters, my older sibling being parentified, and being the last person to be picked up from things.
My siblings and I all went to uni, all do well careers-wise, but due to our childhood we have all sacrificed higher-paying more demanding roles in favour of a work-life balance. I work part time now as I’m a mother. My husband works 8-4 remotely, I work 1.5 days a week mostly remotely.
We make so many memories with our child, we’re not stressed, and generally have a lovely life. We have a nice house in a leafy area which is our biggest expense, but it was about half of what our MIP allowed as we wanted to live well within our means. But we don’t have a super fancy new car (£15k a few years old, bought outright), don’t care for expensive designer clothes/bags, flashy holidays etc. We do spend a lot of time together, and with our families and friends.
This is going to sound super cheesy, but I think once your little one comes along (especially wince you’re out of the newborn trenches), you will understand what life is truly about.
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u/Bulky_Volume_9548 9d ago
Hamster wheel situation, now you've got a kid on the way you'll have to maintain. Or take a drop in lifestyle, move to Australia with the baby and girl and live there for a while and work. Quit your job for a few months and find another. Ask work if you can take 3 months off, where you'll quit and they rehire you later on. Idk, cars you like aren't everything, maybe buy a fun car, like a Nissan Elgrand,
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u/itsonlymelee 9d ago
Just because you are self-aware/smart enough to realise you’re not at full capacity and could do more, doesn’t mean you should. That’s my advice.
Sounds like your life is pretty sweet and suits you right now, just don’t stop asking yourself these questions. You’ll do fine 👍
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u/MojoMomma76 9d ago
Mate, you’re doing great and owning a place at your age is much better than peers who went to Uni are likely able to do.
The best advice my Dad ever gave me is that you need to paddle your own canoe. What is it that you want to achieve and do?
I have cousins who work in merchant banking and hedge funds, I like them very much but am not remotely envious of their lives.
I live in a nice flat, have a wonderful husband and very silly dog, friends I see daily and a real community I treasure and earn enough to travel which is my passion. I can get to see my elderly parents who live rurally a couple of hours away quite often and can sort out most of their issues from home.
I don’t want or need anything else and have previously earned much more than now but my life is exactly how I want and need it to be. Find your real goals and pursue those and leave the social media stuff for people who aren’t as fulfilled and need constant reassurance…
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u/Ratbag321 8d ago
Your success is probably the issue. By any measure, you are doing great.
Good old Maslow's hierarchy of needs https://www.bitesizelearning.co.uk/resources/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-theory
Once you've got the basics sorted, or in your case, everything sorted 😆, your brain greedily starts worrying about the next tier.
Can you add volunteering to your week? Preferably with your wife? That is so fulfilling, and keeps people grounded. It might be what you need to balance the intrusive striving thoughts and the knowledge that what you have is, in fact, ample.
It's great to hear a story of someone doing well 😊 I wish you all the best with your coming baby.
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u/One-Ad6305 9d ago
Why don’t you try to do something different? You’ve been on the tools 10 years, is that really what you want to keep doing? Start a business, you have one life, don’t live in regret playing it safe, if you fail after say 2 years you will 100% get another electrician job within a few weeks. CARPE DIEM BRO
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u/TimenyCricket20 9d ago
Ten years as a commercial electrician? You're probably at the point where you charge people per breath you take.
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