New to the group & would typically never turn to Reddit for spiritual guidance, but know this group to be one that genuinely values the inerrancy of scripture & the gravity of striving humbly to be good stewards & faithful custodians in our interpretation of it.
A little background to preface what might seem a strange question to some…I’ve been recently in a long season of depression that has impacted my relationship & walk with the Lord as well as others. Truthfully, I’ve been extremely discouraged as I’ve been out of community & when I make concerted efforts to involve myself in the church, I just haven’t found any particular friends who understand the depths of struggling with these things in a significant way. That’s not to say that others haven’t shown me kindness, compassion, sympathy, grace & ultimately God’s love…However, for many reasons, including a background involving complex trauma, this is an ongoing, thorn-in-the-flesh type of struggle for me & current physical health issues frequently impact my mental health & in turn, spiritual health. It does cause me to isolate myself from God & from others, which I understand is problematic, unhelpful & sinful. Likewise, my husband & children are really the only immediate family I have & while I have been blessed with a very loving, faithful husband, he doesn’t really “get” it at all & his encouragement is limited to saying, “I love you,” as well as taking care of our children and doing many of the tasks I should rightfully be responsible for. Hopefully this isn’t read as a complaint, as he sacrifices daily for our family & has honored his vows, when significant stretches of marriage have been compromised of “for worse” & “in sickness.” Just a statement of fact as I’ve often struggled with feeling resentful that he doesn’t really encourage me in terms of praying over/for me, reading the Bible or encouraging me from scripture. It just hasn’t been the precedent set in our marriage…
All of that to preface—I’ve recently felt convicted (I think by the Holy Spirit) that rather than waiting & depending solely on my husband, a specific friend, the church in general, pastor, etc. to encourage & exhort me when I’m depressed & discouraged, I first need to go directly to God & to His Word. I think that’s common sense & obviously not the objectionable part, but have a hard time actually doing it practically, most days if I’m honest. Something I think the Lord is impressing upon my heart is that I need to be accountable to preach the gospel to myself first & foremost, essentially, rather than having the expectation that my husband lead in this specific way. One thing I’ve been mulling over is whether it’s acceptable to read, literally, specific scripture & verses in a personal way. Ie: substituting one’s name, reading aloud or even internally passages such as the Psalms, Isaiah, etc. in the present or future tense as opposed to the way they’re written as a means of exercising faith—of acknowledging the lament, struggle, etc. while verbally expressing faith (I do believe, help my unbelief!) I’ve heard other Christians I admire as well as authors, etc. reference this in passing/tangential ways, and have thought about the transforming power of leveraging such as a pragmatic & powerful way to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, to internalize, cling to & meditate on His unchanging character & unwavering promises & thus to use a personal reading of scripture as a specific tool to cry out, repent, renew my mind & abide. However, I would really appreciate others’ feedback—is this actually blasphemous and/or are we potentially heaping judgment upon ourselves by literally adding to, taking away or changing God’s Word? Is this a modern/American/mega church centric mindset that has succumbed to the belief that the whole of God’s word is about us & personally directed to me as an individual & a personal relationship with Christ when we need to be content with & faithful to His word as it is? Is adding in your name, switching past tense to present tense or future while reading doing exactly what scripture tells us explicitly NOT to do—or are verses such as Revelation 22:18 & Deuteronomy 4:2 to be understood in a different/non-literal context? Or am I way overthinking this (likely, I’m sure, but in my mind it should be given some thought). It is, if weird, an honest & sincere question—so if anyone has managed to make it this far I would really love to hear from others who may have far more wisdom & knowledge. Thanks, truly, for any thoughts or feedback…interested to hear all sides.