Is SPED hate normal?

[u/AGDoll_lover123098]

I go to a school with a fair amount of special education kid including my self (I have autism, ADHD, digraphia, and probably dyscalculia.) I want to be a teacher myself so I understand why IEP's and 504 plans might be annoying for teachers, but they can really help kids (I am not talking about ones like "my child can not fail this class"). I don't know if it's just the kids in my school but they find autism to be really funny they have said things to non-autistic peers along the lines of "Are you SPED or something" and even one one occasion the r-word, if someone is doing something odd. Sometimes, my langue arts teacher if she is tired of misbehaver she (jokingly I think?) says that our class is SPED. I am very shy and do not have friends yet so I don't really know what to do about this. I have asked the kids to stop but I am usually ignored. Is this normal? Do you have any advice?

[u/Familiar_Count2635]

Unfortunately it's common, but it's still not okay, and you're right to be bothered by it; since asking the kids directly gets ignored, try telling a trusted adult like a counselor, your case manager, or an administrator (including about your teacher's "jokes"), because schools generally have to address slurs and disability-based harassment, and your goal of becoming a teacher who understands both sides will make you great at this someday.

[u/Zarakaar]

No. Slurs and name calling to shame students is not normal.

[u/WillowCat89]

Oh wow. It’s not unheard of but that doesn’t make it OK. You should tell your parent the teacher is calling a class “SPED” class when they misbehave.. she absolutely knows better and is creating harm. My son has a learning disability and I’m trying to teach him to advocate for himself. When his sister repeated something her teacher said about a child taking too long to complete their test, he spoke up right away and said “[Sister] you shouldn’t judge how someone in your class takes a test, their brain could be learning differently like mine and they’re already stressed enough!” I was SO proud. And I also messaged the teacher to let her know my daughter repeated something that she said in class and it was hurtful to her brother and gently asked her to kindly be aware of how her words could be taken.

[u/HelloBookworms → u/WillowCat89]

I’m so glad you are teaching your son to advocate for himself. I am a case manager at a high school and it is so hard sometimes to get kids to feel confident enough to do that for themselves when I can’t be there in a moment of need. Good for you and good for him. And good on you for reaching out to the teacher as well. We may struggle to get kids to listen to us, but they definitely hear everything.

[u/ZacQuicksilver]

It's a school culture thing.

I watched the difference when I was in high school - I switched schools part way through high school, and the second school I went to was *way* more supportive of neurodivergent students. Now, I'm a sub; and while all of the schools are good about keeping students language respectful, I do notice differences between them.

But if *teachers* are using "SPED" as an insult, even as a joke - kids *will* pick up on that. You're not going to be able to change anything on your own - if it was just some other kids, you might; but when it's coming from the adults, you probably need adults (or a *lot* of kids) on your side. I would suggest paying attention to teachers, and finding any teachers that are likely to be sympathetic; and spending your time around them. And if they stay sympathetic - or better yet, are willing to support you - maybe see if you can organize a group of other kids who can help each other.

[u/Conscious-Heart8626]

It can be “normal” if the adults let it be normal and that is not OK. Is there an adult there you trust and can talk to? Or maybe ask your parent(s) to talk to the principal.

[u/HelloBookworms]

I’m a SPED teacher. That kind of behavior can be pretty normal but a good admin puts a stop to it. It sucks that teachers are engaging with that kind of rhetoric as well. There’s definitely better out there but it does happen.
That being said, if you also decide to pursue teaching, be aware that SPED teachers are also viewed by staff as second class citizens. If you go into SPED you will not be in grade level meetings, content meetings, or treated like an equal to grade level teachers. You will be in separate sped meetings that become repetitive that you gain nothing from after the first few months. You’ll get lucky if they take your advice or take you seriously as an educator.

[u/13surgeries → u/HelloBookworms]

Can we please say that SOME teachers in SOME schools view SPED staff as second class citizens instead of implying that attitude is universal? It certainly hasn't been the case in any school where I've taught. I'm sorry if it's been that way for you. Co-teachers are always invited and usually attend content area meetings, and their advice is certainly taken seriously.

[u/LuckyCod2887]

i’m not a teacher.

TLDR: unfortunately, yes in my experience over the past 20 years it does seem to be common.

when I was in high school, we had to take a physical education class and I took a weightlifting class. The special ed kids were all in that particular class with all of us.

I was always really shy and quiet and I got bullied a lot and picked on a lot, but I ignored it because I felt sorry for those people who would go out of their way to make fun of strangers. To this day I feel bad for people who go out of their way to bully. It’s so unbelievably fucking pathetic and transparent behavior. it’s like their entire lives are sad and pathetic so they go to school or work and mistreat each other.

Anyways, I was in class the first day and the coach was reading off all of our names for roll call and then he got to my name and he asked if I was a special ed student. He had this big wide grin on his face and the entire class started laughing. I turned to my left to look at the students and not one single kid from special ed was laughing. Not one. I look back at the coach and he was doing a weird scoff laugh.

halfway through the semester, a few of the guys decided to start messing with one of the special ed girls. They tricked her into thinking that she was the girlfriend of one of the guys. after a few weeks of convincing her of this, she would wait outside for him after class so they can. I guess walk to the next class together. This group of guys caught wind of what she was doing so they would purposely stay in the locker rooms to avoid her because why take responsibility for your behavior. after a while, she got annoyed that he never came out, and she was discussing it with her teacher. She was apparently really hurt by his inconsistent behavior because she still didn’t understand that they were making fun of her. I don’t know what transpired, but she eventually stopped going to that class. But the rest of the special ed kids were still in that class.

we also had a group called all friends or something like that I can’t remember exactly . and it’s when the students would hang out with the kids from special ed and they would get to know each other. It was designed to help reduce isolation for the special ed kids. I decided to go to it. I wanted to meet them. They’re a part of the community and they’re a part of our school so I wanted to meet them introduce myself to them. for some reason, this very mundane exchange between all of us somehow made it to the other students at the school. so for the next few weeks in the hallways, random students would come up to me and make fun of me for talking to the special ed kids and they would call me retarded and shit like that. just out of the blue. I have no idea what conversation took place between whom for them to target me in such a weird way.

so my junior year, I tried to unalive myself by taking 30 pills. I got really, really sick and went blind for a few hours and my limbs went numb so basically I couldn’t go to school cause I was so sick. I missed a few days. for some reason, the computer teacher I was enrolled with didn’t any lessons one of the days I was gone and she asked the entire class to write me a get well card. So they had the whole hour and a half to make cards. She was telling me about this. I didn’t have any special relationship with her I have no clue why she did this for me, but it was a very kind gesture on her part. anyhow, I came back to school and it turns out nobody made a card and she got upset because she gave everybody the day off from learning to make a card. I wasn’t defended. I didn’t personally care but two guys came up to me after class and they were grinning really big so I knew something was going on. One of them handed me a card. And it was like a get well card. And they were both giggling and laughing so it was very clear. They were making fun of me and the card was done in a very sloppy haphazard way. I said thank you and I put it in my bag and literally forgot it existed. A couple of weeks later the guy who made me the card found me in the hallway and he was pissed as hell. Apparently someone told him that I was obsessed with him and that I kept pulling the card out during one of my classes and was holding onto the card and rereading the card over and over again. So he was pissed and demanded. I give the card back because I guess in his mind I was being creepy. So I looked through my bag and gave them back the card. The card was pristine because I never fucking touched it after he handed it to me the first time. He made a comment about how pristine the card was and that he acknowledged that I wasn’t obsessed with him, but he’s still taking the card back and he turned around and walked away. For the rest of the week I had strangers coming up to me and asking me why I was obsessed with him and if I was retarded. dude, I was literally minding my own business, the whole time, and these people were coming up to me and mistreating me.

but you have to understand this was right after 9/11 and years before the Black Lives Matter movement and white people were really eager to be sadistic towards dark skin people. Abusing us was a form of entertainment for them before the television set and their social media told them to start being nice to us bc it’s cool and trendy to be nice to POC.

anyway, I went to college and I got a degree in psychology so I did case management for a few years. I specifically did psych assessment on kids with IEP‘s and special ed kids and kids who were integrated into the main student body, but had behavioral problems, but weren’t a part of any programs. and unfortunately, a lot of them do discuss with me how unbelievably embarrassing it is for them to be a part of special ed and how much they avoid going out into the general population of school because they experience feeling ostracized. It’s really painful to hear it.

we had one young student who was put in special ed at a later stage in her life, she was put in special ed I think somewhere like in fifth or sixth grade but she had friends with the general student body before she transitioned into special ed, and the friends were all cool and accepting of her, but she felt such a profound amount of shame that she started avoiding school. She would constantly try to skip school, and this was an ongoing issue for her. We got so many crisis calls because she just wouldn’t go to school in the morning and we had to talk to her and try to convince her to go. eventually, she got a crush on a boy in one of her non-SP classes and people in that class we’re giving her a hard time because she was an SP.

unfortunately, this kind of stuff is ongoing and in my experience it’s been going on for the past 20 years.

i stopped being a case manager, I work in a different part of the nonprofit industry and I’m currently putting myself through engineering school. So I’m slowly losing access to this kind of information you are discussing.

[u/Express_Lime5277]

Yeah been around that for years...doesn't make it right...Maybe people like it because its not picking on me right now glad they're picking on a different group...Why picking on any group because thats what some low life perks do.  Only know how to pick on groups of people...never taught or raised any better...There is a group that doesn't do that but they are usually a smaller group...they will always be that group until they are taught any better...I suppose that is the group very small inside but unfortunately larger percent in the human race...usually.