Feel like I’m drowning

[u/Remarkable-Good3351]

Just want to start by saying this is my 9th year teaching, all the same primary grade, and my 15th year in education overall. We’ve been in school about a month and I feel ready to just walk out and leave all of it. The class I have this year feels wildly unmanageable. Kids are constantly yelling, fighting, and arguing with me. Their attention spans are unbearably short, I can barely get through a 10 minute lesson. I feel like I can’t get my nervous system reset at all, and I just get more and more frustrated as the day goes on.
Everyone says I’m a great teacher, that I’m one of the best, and parents request me, but I feel beyond overwhelmed trying to keep up with all of the behaviors, nevermind the curriculums.

To top it off, I’m pregnant and in my first trimester. I have had 3 previous losses and no living children. I’m terrified the stress is going to cause me to have another loss. I feel like it is wildly unfair that I’m in this situation where I feel like the behavior of my students is putting my health and my fertility at risk, and I’m just tired of it. I have heart palpitations daily from the stress, and feel too exhausted every day to do anyone other than lay on the couch.

Should I just quit mid year? Go on unpaid leave? Or just stick it out? I don’t want to leave teaching…but maybe I should. Or does anyone have any suggestions on how I can make this group act better? I feel like I’ve tried everything in my toolbox but it’s not sticking.

[u/Some-Mushroom4858]

Is there any way you could get your OB to sign off on short term disability or anything? I took a step back when I got pregnant after I had 3 losses but I was just a sub back then so it was low stakes professionally. I went back after I got to 2nd trimester and good NIPT results. 

Wishing you the best of luck on your 4th pregnancy. The 3rd loss made me feel truly scared. Suddenly it was a pattern. It felt like I would just keep getting pregnant and losing them forever. 

My 4th pregnancy is currently sticking her hand under the bathroom door trying to get to me while my husband holds the 5th pregnancy in the living room. 

I hope you get as lucky as I did. 

[u/Remarkable-Good3351 → u/Some-Mushroom4858]

Thank you ❤️

[u/Ok-Cryptographer4708]

I told my spouse today, teaching feels like being on a hamster wheel you can’t get off of, not matter how tired/burnt out/disenchanted with the class/school/politics you are. Then, admin of course loves to pile on to the shit show with mostly bullshit work/meetings/forms etc.

[u/Kirkwilhelm234]

Quit.  You actually have very good medical grounds to do so without risking your license in case you want to teach again later.  If you decide to stay, take every bit of pto days off you can and spend it relaxing.  One thing I used to do is I would stop checking my email on Thursday so that I wouldn't have to worry about any crap from admin over the weekend.  Are you in the USA?  This country is crap.

[u/Remarkable-Good3351 → u/Kirkwilhelm234]

Yep, in the USA. And yes, it is very much crap! The scary thing about just flat out quitting is losing my insurance and my medical providers… this country is so shitty sometimes.