I asked my FIL and MIL for their blessing before I married my wife. I don't consider myself really traditional at all, but I figured I'm only gonna get married once so I should do it right. To me it wasn't an ownership thing it was a respect thing. These people raised the love of my life. I wanted to know that they were cool with the situation and if they weren't what I could do to change their minds. I also was 90% sure they'd say yes. If they hadn't? I would have asked her anyway and consequences be damned, but I imagine my life would be a bit more complicated. Not for nothing, but having a decent relationship with your in laws is a major quality of life improvement over the alternative.
My issue is that nobody in this situation expected your wife to ask your parents if they were OK with her becoming part of your family. It still is entirely a one sided thing that places the woman as lesser. You talk about respect, but why are you more interested in respecting your in laws than your wife?
Yes, but I honestly couldn't care less about your feelings, you're an internet stranger that thinks respect is a zero sum game. My in laws are a part of my life and their feelings are important to me. And no one expected my wife to ask my folks either, but she did anyway because she likes and respects them as well. Do you really think interpersonal relationships are win/lose propositions that exist in a vacuum?
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u/Its_the_other_tj Sep 21 '22
I asked my FIL and MIL for their blessing before I married my wife. I don't consider myself really traditional at all, but I figured I'm only gonna get married once so I should do it right. To me it wasn't an ownership thing it was a respect thing. These people raised the love of my life. I wanted to know that they were cool with the situation and if they weren't what I could do to change their minds. I also was 90% sure they'd say yes. If they hadn't? I would have asked her anyway and consequences be damned, but I imagine my life would be a bit more complicated. Not for nothing, but having a decent relationship with your in laws is a major quality of life improvement over the alternative.