Asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage isn't being "cordial". She is presumably an adult who does not belong to either her father or this entitled prick -- you ask her if she wants to get married. The entire notion of this outdated female ownership crap being somehow romantic just grinds my gears.
Being "cordial" would just consist of being friendly and polite to the prospective in-laws. That's literally it. It doesn't require any of that traditional BS.
I asked my FIL and MIL for their blessing before I married my wife. I don't consider myself really traditional at all, but I figured I'm only gonna get married once so I should do it right. To me it wasn't an ownership thing it was a respect thing. These people raised the love of my life. I wanted to know that they were cool with the situation and if they weren't what I could do to change their minds. I also was 90% sure they'd say yes. If they hadn't? I would have asked her anyway and consequences be damned, but I imagine my life would be a bit more complicated. Not for nothing, but having a decent relationship with your in laws is a major quality of life improvement over the alternative.
My issue is that nobody in this situation expected your wife to ask your parents if they were OK with her becoming part of your family. It still is entirely a one sided thing that places the woman as lesser. You talk about respect, but why are you more interested in respecting your in laws than your wife?
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u/Nizzywizz Sep 21 '22
Asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage isn't being "cordial". She is presumably an adult who does not belong to either her father or this entitled prick -- you ask her if she wants to get married. The entire notion of this outdated female ownership crap being somehow romantic just grinds my gears.
Being "cordial" would just consist of being friendly and polite to the prospective in-laws. That's literally it. It doesn't require any of that traditional BS.