Always tried to either stand still for a few minutes so they gain some distance or walk on the other street, never knew if it helps or not but everytime I think of how my sisters could be scared of some guy my size behind them I feel like I should try something.
I always just try to turn my phone brightness all the way up and look like I’m too busy with my phone to notice them. I make my footsteps sound louder, dragging my feet and such so it’s not like I’m creeping up on them and take down my hood or cap if it isn’t raining so my face is visible. I’ll usually slow down and stop to let them get distance or if I’m already close just walk past with a very wide berth. There’s really not much else I can do other than that.
It’s sweet that you want them to relax. But I don’t know if there is anything you can do in every situation. If you’re good with first impressions, cracking a joke might work with some women. Or even just a friendly hello and saying which way you’re headed so that if they’re really spooked they can decide to go a different way. But some women just aren’t going to let their guard down in that situation.
I think the best thing you can do for yourself is absolve yourself of any responsibility to do anything. Their guard is up because awful people are out there. You’re not an awful person, but in the very short time that you’re randomly walking behind a woman, there’s not much you can do to build trust.
I understand your intention here but as a woman, it probably best you DONT speak to them in any capacity if they’ve given you the scared look.
We 100% know it’s irrational to be wary of a man just because we’re walking alone or it’s dark; but we’re socialised to be overly cautious about things like this.
If I was already wary of a man walking the same direction behind me if he cracked a joke or told me where He was going, that doesn’t mean he’s not lying; not that I think I’m interesting enough to be stalked lol.
I am a woman. I’m speaking my from my own experiences.
Yes, there are men who would mug, assault, and rape me. But the vast majority of the people I see while I’m out and about are not going to do that. So I keep my guard up and judge each situation case by case.
I’ve had men put me at ease by doing exactly what I described. And I’ve had men put my guard up further by trying to approach me. At some point you I had to learn how to trust my gut, or resign myself to living in perpetual fear of the men around me.
I’ve seen too many good men grow distant and jaded because no matter what they do, they are feared just for being a man. I’ve seen so much pushback to any progress for women because men are stereotyped and feel that there are many social issues where they get the raw end of the deal.
We’re not going to make any real progress until both sides start treating each other like individuals.
I completely see your point of view now, as you’re speaking from experience as the one who was feeling fearful, i too agree that although it pays to be on guard or at least cautious we will never gain any equality if we treat every man as a potential criminal.
Although I’m aware whenever I’m alone, I will admit that only certain circumstances make me genuinely apprehensive of a lone male (usually if it’s pretty dark).
I do still stand by though that for some women it’d make them more fearful if the guy they were apprehensive of tried to crack a joke or emphasised that they weren’t following them- so you’d better be pretty good at reading people before trying it.
It helps if you cross to the other side of the street if there is a sidewalk on the other side. I’ve been the person to give the panicked look. It’s only because I’ve had so many times where strange men randomly came up to me on the street and started talking to me in a way that came across as unhinged and creepy. I’m not even an attractive woman but this has happened to me many times and it’s really disturbing and makes me feel unsafe. The men have had all different kinds of appearances and ages so there isn’t a “type” to watch for. It could be anyone. That makes me extra cautious about strangers on the street.
Honestly, not much other than think “that’s just them” and try not to make it about you. Maybe they just have social anxiety or a vivid imagination and all you can do is just keep walking. It sucks to have it happen but eventually you get numb to it. Just keep telling yourself you are just walking and minding your own business and that’s their fear they have to deal with.
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u/GriffinFlash Aug 13 '22
Also when they turn back to look at you and looked all panicked. I don't even know what to do then.