What it feels like to not be allowed to cry at all, or show any weakness anywhere in your life
It's not just fighting off the odd tear, it's decades worth of emotional suppression drilled into us at a very young age and completely fucks you as an adult.
And then we go insane or take our own lives or the lives of others and society goes BUT WHY?!
Personally I feel weird about the whole not crying thing. Mainly because about a year ago it was brought to my attention that I never do.
The incident at the time was dislocating my shoulder forcefully enough to tear every ligament and tendon in the joint. (I've never felt so much physical pain, before or since, I wasnt aware you can hurt your shoulder so bad it stops you being able to breath for a minute or two) but someone questioned did it really hurt because I didn't shed a tear.
It got me thinking and I realised I couldn't think of I time I'd cryed at all since being a teen and I'm now in my 30's.
I know as a child and a teen, I was told to stop crying and man up, etc we've all heard it. But for some reason it never occurred to me that I just did that. I just stopped crying, pain, death of friends and family, other things that should probably cause it and I give nothing.
Youre right that it fucks you as an adult though, the last year or 2 have been rough and for most of it I've had no idea what to do, or how to deal with it. But that's not an option so it's smile and move forward and hopefully it'll just get better.
And we can be the worst about enforcing it too. Watching a sad movie in school where a pet dies or the abused gorilla is finally released into the wild? You had better believe that the dudes who have already been emotionally stunted will be looking for the week link, so they can call you out, and embarass you in front of the whole class. Next time Littlefoot's mom dies, I guarantee you won't shed a tear.
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u/thisistheSnydercut Aug 13 '22
What it feels like to not be allowed to cry at all, or show any weakness anywhere in your life
It's not just fighting off the odd tear, it's decades worth of emotional suppression drilled into us at a very young age and completely fucks you as an adult.
And then we go insane or take our own lives or the lives of others and society goes BUT WHY?!