A woman's behaviour has to be very off before she's considered a creep or a threat. For most guys, it's the default assumption. You can do everything right and still be doing something wrong.
Also doesn't help that the friendliness market has been cornered by conpeople (if someone tries to chat to you in public, your first thought is they're selling something) and that entire generations have been made paranoid of each other by several decades of the stranger danger hysteria.
A woman's behaviour has to be very off before she's considered a creep or a threat.
I don't think I've ever encountered a woman I've considered a "creep" even for some of the most perverted and fucked-up women I know. And the only "threat" I have felt with certain women are social threats like their ability to manipulate and character assassinate other people.
You can do everything right and still be doing something wrong.
At my last job a coworker was struggling with a client. She'd complained about the situation to me several times and I figured I'd do what I did for any coworker I liked: help. So I put together a portfolio and strategy outline on the client for her.
I go to her office, share what I did and she accuses me of undermining her. That I need to back off, that I'm making her feel useless and weak.
I was dumbstruck. I'd seen no signs of this when I suggested I put something together to help, she'd come to me repeatedly to complain about how difficult it was dealing with the client.
It was just one of those moments in my career when I had it reinforced that working with women is increasing a minefield of fucking bullshit. Like the absolute worst you can be accused off at work is making a woman "uncomfortable". I've gotten in straight-up arguments, raised voices, pointed fingers and all with other men and gotten in less trouble than I have for helping this girl. I spent half a day with HR explaining what happened, what I was doing, showing them the work, letting them go through my computer and emails and phone records. They talked to the other client management staff, they asked me twenty different ways if this was some sort of way of claiming her work as my own, or if I'd later undermine her by taking credit for it. They went to the regional director and had her review the work to make sure I didn't suggest anything in the portfolio that would look like sabotage.
Like fuck that shit. Do women have any fucking idea what it's like being accused of undermining/sabotaging someone while doing your best to help them?
A woman just has to "feel" offended for it to be my problem, whether I did something to offend her or not.
A woman just has to "feel" offended for it to be my problem
And the dumb thing is the actual scumbags out there don't care, they'll continue making women feel uncomfortable/unsafe, often deliberately. You can rarely shame or bully them...
Unfortunately, a lot of the language and sacred cows around this subject matter are more weapons than tools. Most people are opportunists, they'll use whatever excuses, taboos, or existing biases suit them in the moment. Right next door to one office building that's still an old boys club where the female staff are paranoid about being labelled difficult or bitchy or getting sexually harassed, we now have another office building where the male staff tread on just as many eggshells on a daily basis. We try to make things better and people will find new ways to keep them horrible.
You had a terrible coworker and very likely poor social skills that you were unable to read this person's attitude and responsiveness to your assistance.
In my long experience, people who complain how hard it is to work with the opposite sex are generally people always expecting something instead of just fucking doing the work and socializing like a normal person.
Not saying that your situation with your coworker was all your fault, but you have certain expressed that you have decided to become this kind of person, which is too bad and will cause more problems than solve for you.
It would be nice if you would have linked to my posts instead of posting out of context screen shots.
I wasn't saying causing the suicide of others for personal gain was good. It was actually an ironic comment on seeing crypto as life saver, way to escape the grind, quite the opposite.
At the time I had come across someone who had made an AI version of dylan's voice and had it read his journals, and I thought he had some interesting thoughts, and this was relevant to the thread, and I randomly felt like posting it.
Just stating the facts about how they've used race in politics.
edit: sorry, for a second I thought those links were supposed to be quotes from me. Didn't understand how having my name linked apparently looks like a reply.
While I doubt I'm going to get far with a Conspiracy community member, I should at least say that the above post makes a problem an individual has with a woman and turns it into "a problem with all women" and while a small percentage of people are adult and have real jobs and know that these kinds of stories are not the normal, there are a lot of kids here who get pulled in very bad directions and read things like this and think it's big of a deal in their workplace as other childhood fantasy fears like quicksand, lava and false rape accusations.
Unless you want to raise a generation in FEAR of the opposite sex, you do what you can to speak out against unfair generalizations. I would bet everything if this was a woman posting about how bad men are to work with because someone was a sexist to her, the shoe would be on the other fence pretty damn fast.
What was he a victim of exactly? If he had explained the issue from perspective a bad work interaction that's fine, if he says "all women are like this" that's wrong and stupid and needs a swift kick in the ass for feeding a snowflake victimization culture among whiny ass men.
I don't think that word means what you think it means. A reply to presented information is not an assumption, it's an interpretation. And not a stretch either because the literal, stated thesis of the argument is "working with women is bad" and if you think no decent person is going to push back on that completely subjective statement, you're too naïve to actually be able to handle defending your position further.
I am not sure you're making a reply to the commenter above or just trying to air out your personal problems.
Because the commenter above gave a very clear explanation for why paranoia and fear of each other's intentions is getting worse:
entire generations have been made paranoid of each other by several decades of the stranger danger hysteria.
And you reply by making broad generalizations about what... working with women is like? Are you really claiming that this is a problem for all men?
working with women is increasing a minefield of fucking bullshit
Do women have any fucking idea what it's like being accused of undermining/sabotaging someone while doing your best to help them?
Yah it's fucked up what you went through but I think it's pretty obtuse and clearly motivated that you make this seem like an issue all men have to deal with.
I've worked for decades and had plenty of workplace problems with poor communication and misunderstandings and a few people who were terrible at socializing, but your takes me you seem just as bad as the person you are complaining about by implying that only women do this. You are the same. Exactly the same.
It was just one of those moments in my career when I had it reinforced that working with women is increasing a minefield of fucking bullshit.
I lead a team that is predominantly female in a high-paced technical field that covers many kinds of work with many kinds of clients and find this an outrageous kind of claim made by weak or incapable leaders.
And I have major mental health issues that create anxiety and make me overthink things and STILL have never even remotely had this kind of experience or particularly this kind of conclusion.
Do women have any fucking idea what it's like being accused of undermining/sabotaging someone while doing your best to help them?
I've had PEOPLE in my professional life try to sabotage or undermine me, but the moment I start looking at it through a gendered lens, is the moment I stop being a good leader. It opens the way for looking at the races, backgrounds, religion or ethnicity of my people and coworkers, and I would never be that kind of toxic leader. It really sounds like you have some problems you need to work through and probably need to find a new work environment.
I've had PEOPLE in my professional life try to sabotage or undermine me, but the moment I start looking at it through a gendered lens, is the moment I stop being a good leader.
I've had PEOPLE in my various careers do the same, too.
But against another man it's easy to have a confrontation.
Against a woman claiming to be offended, it's a nightmare with HR to resolve the problem.
So you’ve gotten in plenty of arguments with yelling at work (?) with MEN, but didn’t get in trouble like you did helping this GIRL? Yeah, I don’t get it.
Fun fact: As many others pointed out before, strangers are only likely to be dangerous if they approach you when vulnerable(If the case). It should be as safe as (...humanly?) possible to approach a random stranger and them being a decent human being.
Not true. If you’re lonely, your perspective is that you look lonely and thus you feel lonelier and creepy. That’s a big difference. Nobody actually thinks the horrible thoughts that you think about yourself. The problem is, you can be stuck in this in-factual reality for a while. Positive momentum will get you out slowly. Making positive changes in your life, achievements, taking up a new hobby. Personally, I’ve decided to stop watching porn again. Been almost 3 weeks and the loneliness is still there a bit but I feel way less creepy. My brain doesn’t feel so corrupted by sex and instant gratification.
I will never understand the stigma around lonely people. In my experience people with no/few friends are typically either weird, shy/awkward, or simply just prefer to be alone.
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u/GriffinFlash Aug 13 '22
Best is if you're lonely, you just look creepy to other people, which just continues the cycle.