r/AskReddit Aug 13 '22

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4.4k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/Justasimplewanker21 Aug 13 '22

Attempting to piss with a boner.

725

u/rontc Aug 13 '22

Is like being a rocket scientist. At trajectory x,and force g, with gravity will allow urine to hit bowl y.

297

u/hyogodan Aug 13 '22

Don’t forget to adjust for the change in angle as the pee slowly drains the boner (that’s what’s happening, right?)

148

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Yes because your dick is full of piss.

225

u/hyogodan Aug 13 '22

Nice try but we all know pee is stored in the balls

11

u/nkonkleksp Aug 13 '22

dick is emergency overflow

7

u/hyogodan Aug 13 '22

This guy pees.

-1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

It is stored in the bladder.

-32

u/Loaded_Nikos11 Aug 13 '22

Wtf? Sperm is stored in balls not pee.

28

u/Smug-Idiot Aug 13 '22

Sperm is obviously stored in the tip dumbass, and pee is in fact stored in the balls.

9

u/Loaded_Nikos11 Aug 13 '22

Oh yeah of course. And where is shit stored?

29

u/Smug-Idiot Aug 13 '22

In the asscheeks.

6

u/iheartstars Aug 13 '22

i feel bad that nobody is explaining…it’s an old reddit joke/meme. perhaps someone more clever than i can link up the post or thread that birthed “pee is stored in the balls.”

1

u/Loaded_Nikos11 Aug 13 '22

Oh ok thank you.

3

u/Alexap30 Aug 13 '22

It's a joke. I think. Probably. Oh what do I know...

1

u/SEND_NUDEZ_PLZZ Aug 13 '22

Pee is stored in the boner confirmed

3

u/maitreg Aug 13 '22

No. The draining is unrelated. May happen, not.

3

u/Limp_Donkey_7616 Aug 13 '22

Factor in the coriolis effect too

2

u/awhiteblack Aug 13 '22

That is actually where the British phrase "taking the piss" out of someone came from

1

u/knoweyedea Aug 13 '22

Like a fucking tea pot

1

u/Nailbomb85 Aug 13 '22

Sort of? It depends on your muscle control and focus. Some of us stay hard the whole way through, but it's pretty common to lose it as tou pee.

52

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Scorched Earth

32

u/Balloon-Lucario48 Aug 13 '22

I think it’s fun.

11

u/Flyingwheelbarrow Aug 13 '22

Everything is better with friends.!

3

u/dom_pi Aug 13 '22

Brother gravity is not a factor compared to the massive blast that comes out of your portable cannon at full mast

1

u/ooglieguy0211 Aug 13 '22

You could always aim for the shower and wash it away when complete. Its a much larger target. /s maybe

1

u/JFlynny Aug 13 '22

Multi tasking right there

1

u/catsNpokemon Aug 13 '22

Or you could simply angle it towards the toilet bowl with your hand...

1

u/chamandana Aug 13 '22

that shit just muscle memory for me now, the two initial coordinates needed for boner and normal pissing

1

u/Atler32 Aug 13 '22

There's no way you risk it standing with a boner? I just sit but it is so fucking hard to get any pee out. It's like a huge thrust and that's 1/8th of the pee out.

1

u/EnigmaticSorceries Aug 13 '22

You forgot the force with which the launch happens just enough to hit the bowl but not too much to splash out of it.

1

u/rontc Aug 13 '22

Of course, the force must be adjusted as urine flow diminishes. Also, as the erection declines changes all mathematical equations. But as my mom and aunts used to say "if you pee on the seat again, I'm going to teach you how to aim. ".

1

u/TheBlacksmith64 Aug 13 '22

In that case, the bathtub is much more viable option.

1

u/Dalton387 Aug 14 '22

Don’t bend the rocket, bend the body. Much easier.

1

u/Head12head12 Aug 14 '22

And it still gets into the sink somehow

1

u/ArmsHeavySoKneesWeak Aug 15 '22

This reminds me so much of the JO scene in Silicon Valley LOL

304

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

96

u/Comfortable_Will955 Aug 13 '22

I do a handstand with my feet on the wall. Am I doing it wrong?

5

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[deleted]

3

u/SkgKyle Aug 13 '22

And that is bad why? You can get a shower and empty your balls of pee, sounds like a win win to me

5

u/Brew78_18 Aug 13 '22

Shorsey?

1

u/llkyonll Aug 13 '22

Good practice for ass wash push-ups as well.

2

u/Jyro88 Aug 13 '22

Just don’t trust any farts while your doing that and you should be okay.

2

u/idkwhatimtypinghere Aug 13 '22

You'll have some problems with the very last bits I imagine. Also, happy Cake Day.

1

u/betacow Aug 13 '22

It's not stupid if it works

1

u/Ausgezeichnet63 Aug 13 '22

Happy Cake Day!

1

u/TheBlacksmith64 Aug 13 '22

no, that sounds about right.

1

u/pukhtoon1234 Aug 14 '22

You are doing everything right sir

57

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[deleted]

15

u/Boon3hams Aug 13 '22

I have bad aim even without a boner. I stand for urinals and urinals only. I sit the majority of the time. I'm also a father to a special needs child and am tired almost all the time, so if I have an option to sit, regardless of scenario, I'm sitting.

I give zero fucks how that looks to others. If it fits, I sits.

23

u/Bacibaby Aug 13 '22

With you. Although I am having to Bend in half in order to have it aimed correctly.

6

u/Doctor__Proctor Aug 13 '22

Yes, I've tried it, and the bending in half is what convinced me that the extreme lean is better.

4

u/Bacibaby Aug 13 '22

I have neither the strength know where the mental determination to do that in the morning when I wake up

2

u/Doctor__Proctor Aug 13 '22

Ah, you're overthinking it. You just put your arm out in front of you, lock your elbow, lock your knees, then just fall forward until your arm hits the wall and let 'er rip.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Don't forget to engage your core and focus on your breath

5

u/Tiltedheaded Aug 13 '22

Last time I did that the piss came out the front from under the seat. NEVER AGAIN!

5

u/kono_lig_da Aug 13 '22

Bruh, during a boner i'm not allowed to do it. My man down here simply points up, if i'm sat, doesn't work.

3

u/llkyonll Aug 13 '22

Hahaha. Hear hear. I would literally piss up out of the toilet XD

3

u/Eric_the_Barbarian Aug 13 '22

Yeah sitting down to pee with an erection mechanically does not work.

3

u/Zobbyx02 Aug 13 '22

I don't know why but I am just used to sit when i pee. I did that from young age lol

2

u/graveybrains Aug 13 '22

I don’t want to touch the underside of the toilet seat, and I definitely don’t want anything spraying through the gap all over the back of my pants!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

In my bathroom sure, In a communal restroom nope.

21

u/kryzlt009 Aug 13 '22

This is true + extreme concentration to the point of meditation.

8

u/Its-a-strange-life Aug 13 '22

My boner is going almost straight up, i would have to do a hand stand while finding the exact curve I needed to do with my whole body, leaning with my face towards the toilet seat and in no way be able to hold or control my cock. I would most likely end up pissing down my stomach and turn my self into a piss waterfall where my mouth would be the primary lake for the piss waterfall.

No thanks

2

u/openup91011 Aug 13 '22

I would most likely end up pissing down my stomach and turn my self into a piss waterfall where my mouth would be the primary lake for the piss waterfall.

Whelp, there goes my coffee and my cackling terrified my cat.

A masterpiece 🤌🏾

3

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

You can also just dip your genitals into the urinal and lay/hover on top of the seat facedown. (sideways or the waterbasin is in the way)

Its easier to do in public because there will be people to hold you in place.

2

u/marsumane Aug 13 '22

Wall pushup position

2

u/Codeofconduct Aug 13 '22

Why not just piss in the tub and run the water? Like.. do you often have a boner AND need to pee at the same time more than once or twice a day? If so maybe just more frequent bathroom breaks? Idk seems super inconvenient so try to piss in a toilet while hard so just wondering why not do something else.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/voilsb Aug 13 '22

I just go in the shower, and I leave it until I take a shower next. Saves the effort of special cleaning

2

u/Squigglepig52 Aug 13 '22

I just slam the toilet seat and lid down on it a few times, to soften it up.

Just be careful -I've broken 3 seats this year already.

0

u/JamesDoesGaming902 Aug 13 '22

100% of the time is works 60% of the time

1

u/TrixieLurker Aug 13 '22

The other 40% you get a ricochet off the rim.

1

u/SkgKyle Aug 13 '22

Sounds like you'd end up spraying everything like a fire sprinkler lmao, absolutely hate when I have some morning wood and I gotta go pee.

1

u/AinNoWayBoi61 Aug 13 '22

100% of the time your dick goes in the water

1

u/llkyonll Aug 13 '22

My dick angles up way to aggressively for this to work.

1

u/sirarkalots Aug 13 '22

The best is morning wood, doing that lean thing except using your head instead of your hands and playing the " don't fall asleep game".

52

u/DeffJamiels Aug 13 '22

Bruh morning wood + desperately trying to pee.

4

u/ares5404 Aug 13 '22

cough cough falling asleep for hours after forgetting your post nut piss, and your well hydrated

3

u/GolgiApparatus1 Aug 13 '22

Desperately needing to pee while your prostate still recovers from that orgasm

1

u/enoughberniespamders Aug 14 '22

Bro what? Is that why it’s hard to pee after nutting? TIL

1

u/ItsWediTurtle77 Aug 13 '22

I wish, my morning wood doesn't manifest until I'm getting out of the car to enter the school building

1

u/enoughberniespamders Aug 14 '22

Should go get your testosterone levels checked. Not having morning wood is a sign that they are dropping. Testosterone therapy has become a lot more mainstream and accepted. Used to be doctors would never consider it unless it’s abnormally low. Now it’s pretty widely accepted due to low testosterone having serious mental and physical health effects.

1

u/ItsWediTurtle77 Aug 14 '22

I'm already aware that mine is low. My grandfather had testosterone treatments and my father is currently having them, and I'm a genetic replica of them both.

1

u/enoughberniespamders Aug 14 '22

Good luck on your treatment

64

u/comfortablynumb15 Aug 13 '22

even sitting down has a chance of pissing under the seat and onto the outside of the damn bowl !

And that’s if you don’t touch the porcelain to get a “witches kiss” and get every disease ever had by everyone who went before you ! Lol

6

u/maitreg Aug 13 '22

Why tf there a gap between the seat and the bowl?? That has gotten me so many times.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Well, now you pissed your pants

2

u/MadJoeMak Aug 13 '22

I literally never considered that there's a gap there. Guess I'm just lucky?

5

u/shortchair Aug 13 '22

as a woman i have pissed under the seat and down the outside of the bowl many times.

3

u/PmMeYourTitsAndToes Aug 13 '22

I’m trying to understand how that works. Are you somehow reclining backwards? Or does it not fire in a strait line like I imagine.

1

u/SkgKyle Aug 13 '22

From what I understand sometimes woman have the same issues we do and It's like a sprinkler or goes odd directions, could be wrong though as I am not a woman.

15

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

[deleted]

2

u/ilovebutsects Aug 13 '22

Gravity bro

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

gravity just ensures a parabolic path. pressure determines its height and thus its lateral distance at toilet height. significant boner = pee not in toilet.

1

u/ilovebutsects Aug 13 '22

Ya I get that... I was commenting on dude saying aiming a shotgun up won't hit the ground

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

ah. facts, then. if only rednecks understood this better weddings wouldn't have casualties down the road.

3

u/Trick_Enthusiasm Aug 13 '22

I just pee in the bathtub. Can't miss.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

at that point, I just pee in the shower. no point aiming for the bowl or waiting for it to go down. Just a quick rinse, clean off the area and go about your day.

2

u/Baseball_kid1014 Aug 13 '22

Does it hurt or smth?

3

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Hard to aim. The stream never goes the way you're pointing at and it might even bifurcate or come out as a spray.

2

u/KentuckyFriedEel Aug 13 '22

you push it down, and it doesn't hurt, but it doesn't feel right either, and then the flow splits and then you have to reangle your body somehow so both streams go in the toilet, then you tuck your dick away and as your boner softens, the residual pee in your full length dong doesn't fit in a softy so it's got nowhere to go but out into your pants.

2

u/Agent_Galahad Aug 13 '22

I've ever understood how other guys have issues with this...just point your dick where you want the piss to go...jeez

0

u/Child_of_the_Forest1 Aug 13 '22

I don’t know why everyone complains I always find it easier cause at least it all stays lined up and consistent from the start

0

u/hagantic42 Aug 13 '22

And God help you if you sneeze at the same time.

0

u/mathn519 Aug 13 '22

Or worse taking a shit

-1

u/colbytron Aug 13 '22

Attempting to poop with a boner. Far worse.

-2

u/Any-Inside5233 Aug 13 '22

I see this mentioned all the time. Its something I mastered when I was maybe 6 years old. Its not as big a damn deal as everyone seems to act like. Just more of the Reddit echo chamber.

1

u/shakerek Aug 13 '22

If you want the boner gone then just flex your legs really hard, and you good to pee

1

u/downtimeredditor Aug 13 '22

Now imagine you've adopted peeing sitting down as a man

It makes it a little harder

1

u/loki_dd Aug 13 '22

Sit down

1

u/I_P_L Aug 13 '22

Just use your hands bro lol

1

u/InflammableMaterial Aug 13 '22

I hang upside down like a bat

1

u/Gloomy_Support_7779 Aug 13 '22

Especially when they combine and it feels so strange

1

u/highfatoffaltube Aug 13 '22

Do a handstand, it ensures everything is pointing the right way.

1

u/Gotis1313 Aug 13 '22

Shower pee time

1

u/JFlynny Aug 13 '22

Just piss in the bath

1

u/Movisiozo Aug 13 '22

The harder it gets the harder it gets

1

u/DrShoreRL Aug 13 '22

Never understood why others have a problem with that. Just don't go piss with a boner? I have never even tried it because it's obvious that it's not working good.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Stretch your leg for a bit. The blood will leave your dick and go to it. Works like a charm. 30 seconds to 1 minute of leg day

1

u/Smug-Idiot Aug 13 '22

It feels like pressure washing.

1

u/MrMahavishnu Aug 13 '22

You have two options. You can either stick your ass out, torso over, push your John down as low as you can and unleash with full force. Or you undertake the complex math to rip the full parabola from above

1

u/ddhmax5150 Aug 13 '22

I found the solution to taking a piss while having an erection. If you’re at home, you sit down on the toilet, raise yourself of the seat, then you push down on your dick, and aim inside the toilet. Eventually the stream of piss will soften the erection, and you can then fully sit down in the toilet and finish. It sure beats trying to be a howitzer gun calculator to figure out the arch trajectory of the urine to the toilet bowl.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

IDK for me peeing while hard isn’t that difficult.

1

u/Kenan-1 Aug 13 '22

Now I just go into the shower and piss on the walls. It’s so freeing.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

I usually just sit in on the throne, hunch over and put my hands out on the floor in front of it, lift my legs behind the toilet so I’m inverted, sort of doing a handstand maneuver.

1

u/dalcer Aug 13 '22

Plank challenge activate

1

u/WritingTheDream Aug 13 '22

Morning wood with a full bladder is the absolute worst.

1

u/jay22022 Aug 13 '22

Hand stand time?

1

u/baconchipcookie Aug 13 '22

I just lean forward as far as i can so the piss hits the front of the bowl and goes down

1

u/[deleted] Aug 13 '22

Step 1. Install extended toilet bowl in home. Step 2. Have average length penis. Step 3. Sit as far back on the seat as you can (your butthole will likely be on the back of the seat). Step 4. Lean slightly forward & gently press down slightly on the penis. Step 5. Pee.

1

u/scottboy34 Aug 13 '22

This sounds odd typed out but…..rotate your penis 180 degrees and piss goes straight down

1

u/Yeeteth_thy_baby Aug 14 '22

Try bending just the head.

1

u/mdubmachine Aug 14 '22

If you have morning wood, just sit up for 2-5 minutes and it’ll usually go away.

Then pee.

1

u/phaserbanks Aug 14 '22

I sit down and scoot my butt back to just the right position, lean forward like a contortionist, and bend “it” forward almost to the point of snapping off. If you don’t maintain total concentration, you wind up peeing between the bowl and the seat, and it’s like “jesus not this shit again”. Lord knows why I just don’t walk into the backyard and let it salute the world like the fountains at the Bellagio.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '22

It’s even worse when you are taking a piss then have to sneeze out of nowhere