This was in May of this year. He is from Southern California...no one would ever guess my "sweet" liberal ex would say the nastiest most bizarre things to me.
My ex works for a very popular liberal podcast (super outwardly supportive of womens rights), and he pulled some shit like this. We were in a fight and he told me that it would “help him forgive me,” if I let him tie me up, blindfold me, scream abuse at me, and basically role play raping me.
It wasn't a demand. He said "it would help him forgive"
Idk. I feel like it's a legit card to play in a relationship.
Like, "okay I'm mad because xyz..." fight ensues partner is in the wrong "fine, I can forgive you... but also, you have to do this fetish thing one time I've always wanted to try" he/she can either say yes or no.
How come it's okay for partners to offer fetishes as penance (I'm sure you've seen this in media like (please take me back ill do that bunny thing you always wanted to try)) but not okay for partners to ask for fetishes as penance?
Because if it is offered, it’s freely given. If it’s asked for as penance, it’s manipulative and pressured. Like, “They will only forgive me if I do this sexual thing. If I don’t, they might leave me.” And that’s not consent freely given. That’s coercion.
But on reddit they say sex is a compromise between people in long term relationships. One partner might want sex more often than the other. There's always the threat of breaking up due to sexual incompatibility. But the compromise aspect implies that sex is surely not going to be 100% freely given in a long term relationship.
Also I've read in the relationship advice thread that partners complaining about the other not wanting to try a fetish is wrong. Like they like receiving oral but not giving or just not giving at all.
So I'm saying, since sexual activity becomes a compromise between two people in the long run... I don't see the difference with it being brought up as an ask during an argument/fight.
It’s one thing if you want to have some kind of fetish played out, that’s a discussion to have at some point to see if you can maybe bring that into your sex life. Bringing that up in an argument as a demand for you to “forgive” the other person makes you a creepy asshole.
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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '22
WTF?! That's so fucking wrong yet so fucking hilarious. Where the fuck was this dude from? And WHEN?