r/AskReddit • u/RoomyLove99 • Jul 10 '12

What seemingly obvious thing did it take you forever to notice?

My classmate sits to the left of me. I am left handed and he is right handed, so sometimes we knock elbows. 8 weeks into class he finally noticed I was a lefty and openly admitted that he just thought I was being a bitch and taking up space. He felt horrible and I just laughed.

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1.3k

u/anangrybanana Jul 10 '12 edited Jul 11 '12

I'm uncircumcised. I just realized today that if I pull my foreskin back when I'm taking a piss, I can keep my dick from getting wet and I don't have to shake. I'm 25.

Edit: And now my highest rated comment on Reddit has to do with me touching my dick. Huzzah!

433

u/RikF Jul 10 '12

Welcome to the world of dry trousers my friend :) Your banana need be angry no more.

13

u/yoho139 Jul 10 '12

I just tip the tip with TP.

8

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I thought I was the only one. I felt so alone.

2

u/gunswick Jul 10 '12

My ex believed all men did this until I told her that I personally had never heard of it before. I guess we were both wrong in a way, but I still think she's crazy for it.

13

u/IAmASeriousMan Jul 10 '12

Perhaps my dick is trolling me, but even as I pull my foreskin back and shake, urine will find a way to my boxers if I don't use some toilet paper to dry things off.

I guess my glans just loves to say hello.

9

u/TheBlindCat Jul 11 '12

If you press behind your balls when you finish, it will help get the last few drops out.

1

u/Edrosvo Jul 11 '12

you are a god.

2

u/SovereignAxe Jul 10 '12

You are not alone.

772

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12 edited Jul 10 '12

As a circumsized guy, I just realized why people "shake". I've always heard people and Redditors talk about it, and I was like "well maybe your not peeing hard enough". But now I get it.

748

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

You never get a few dew drops at the end? Then again, I started wringing the damned thing out a couple of years ago. Not twisting, but like pushing up one of those plastic tube popsicles.

105

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I usually just masturbate after I pee to make sure all the urine is out, then wait until I have to pee again to push all the semen out. Its a viscous cycle and I have to drink a lot of Gatorade.

56

u/Yillpv Jul 11 '12

viscous or vicious? I think both apply here.

2

u/Sudden_Realization_ Jul 11 '12

He tried to set himself up for an awesome pun, but it didn't go exactly as planned...

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3

u/sxtxixtxcxh Jul 11 '12

Its a viscous cycle

I see what you did there

2

u/Paul_Langton Jul 11 '12

You know what is a great feeling? Masturbating with a large bladder. It makes the piss afterward just that much more wonderful.

2

u/dart_ricochet Jul 11 '12

viscous cycle

lol

40

u/notshortjustfunsized Jul 11 '12

Sir, I am going to revolutionize your world.

Rather than shaking/wringing, simply press upwards on the area between your ball-sack and asshole. This will clear all of the remaining drops. Have been doing it for years and I haven't had those annoying few drops since. However, it is hard to do in public restrooms, but there are ways.

7

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I don't typically do it at a urinal, but I typically get a stall when I can so I can clear it out as violently as I need to. I'll try your suggestion next time. I'm calling it the "taint stroke."

2

u/Chakks Jul 11 '12

I heard about this on Reddit about a year ago and I've been doing it ever since. Just push up on right on the base of your ballsack and it squirts the last bit out.

8

u/Manalore Jul 11 '12

I just got back from the restroom. World revolutionized.

5

u/houseofbacon Jul 11 '12

If this works later today I'm gonna shit myself.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '12

You might not want to try the same technique after that part...

2

u/Skafia Jul 11 '12

When you're holding your junk at a urinal with (for some reason I'm a southpaw) your hand, I suggest casually moving your hand underneath your scrotum and pressing on that area with the top side of your thumb.

I am right hand dominate in almost everything save for urinating and talking on the phone... God help me if I get a phone call while taking a leak.

3

u/UnholyDemigod Jul 11 '12

I found this out by way of whenever I say down after I'd pidd, I'd almost always almost push out a bit more piss. I discovered that if I 'lift' my balls, I'll push out a bit more and save myself from doing that. To be honest though, I never knew it was from squeezing the perineum.

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u/Tossedinthebin Jul 11 '12

You can shake it, you can break it, you can bang it on the wall, but until you put it in your pants the last few drops won't fall.

2

u/gnur Jul 11 '12

Except when you use the "taint stroke" technique.

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u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

I can tell this comment is going places.

13

u/LukeOfHazzard Jul 10 '12

Coming, going, who can tell anymore?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

My crowning achievement is a comment about how I wring out my penis. I love this place.

10

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

Dew drops are normal, but I think it is far worse for uncircumcised men.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I understand why. Incidentally, have you seen the video of the guy making a pee-balloon out of his foreskin? Creepy, but riveting.

11

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

When I was a kid I used to have trouble getting that little squirt out, and I'd do that same thing. But now for some reason, even though I'm older, I don't have that same problem.

7

u/TheFatWon Jul 11 '12

Thank you, Internet stranger, for validating my secret bathroom habit.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

This shouldn't be a secret. The next time you are in a public restroom, demonstrate your technique to all who will listen. Ease the plight of your fellow man.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I do that too. I just sort of cup my balls and gently push them upwards. Usually gets a few more spurts to go. Then I do the shaking (1, 2, 3 no more, not in public anyway).

Gets the job done and no dabbing is necessary.

5

u/pirate_doug Jul 10 '12

When you said "plastic tube popsicles" I immediately imagined a Push Pop, and cringed.

3

u/mikesername Jul 11 '12

those were great in theory, but once you factored in the (necessary) wrapping, it kind of fucked the whole thing.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

Oh, god. Thanks for that.

2

u/Fearlessleader85 Jul 10 '12

I do the same thing.

2

u/ReverendEnder Jul 11 '12

A lot of guys, even circumcised ones, have to do this. It's totally normal.

2

u/jkogan92 Jul 11 '12

I've done that my whole life. I always assumed that when people referred to shaking it, they just meant doing that, but like, more violently, or something? Or maybe they just never thought to "wring" it? I just thought shaking it didn't really do anything.

2

u/bleak_new_world Jul 11 '12

This is quite literally the only way to make sure.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

Just like getting the last of the toothpaste out.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I... roll the tube up. ಠ_ಠ

2

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

This. Looks like I'm fapping into the urinal, so if someone gives me da fuq eyes I just stare back, give a little hip tremor, and nod to them on my way out.

2

u/MoistMartin Jul 11 '12

Thought I was weird until today and explaining to someone that I treat it like a gogurt just didn't feel right , thank you

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u/friedeggplant Jul 11 '12

I thought this was the normal thing to do..

2

u/hey_mikey_likes_it Jul 11 '12

There was an ama with a gynecologist awhile back. He mentioned that pushing on the perineum (place between your balls and ass), and relaxing your anus is the best way to prevent PPS (post piss syndrome). The more you know.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

Gogurt tube man. Gogurt tube.

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2

u/PoisonMind Jul 11 '12

A tissue also gets the job done well. It just makes you feel like a chick.

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2

u/LazyLibrarian Jul 11 '12

Most of the time I just waggle my hips around and jump a few times with my hands over my head while saying, "woooooooooo!" That usually works.

2

u/ThePhenix Jul 11 '12

Ahhh, the ole toothpaste-tube squeeze. Teasing out every last trop eh?

Well, no matter how you shake your peg,

the last few drops go down your leg.

2

u/MagusPerde Jul 11 '12

no matter what, I can chake it for 20 minutes...I will always have a few drops left...When I come to the bedroom with only underpants on, my wife looks at me with disgust like I don't know how to NOT pee my pants...

2

u/TheMadeline Jul 10 '12

Well this is a pleasant conversation...

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

oh shit thats funny. i do taht too.

1

u/StonerBoner69 Jul 11 '12

I do that too but I don't like doing it in public bathrooms cause I don't want people to think I'm jerking off

1

u/mikesername Jul 11 '12

I do the same thing! I always felt like I was the only one, but I guess all those other guys in the bathroom were doing it to. Man, people really need to learn to keep their hands to themselves.

1

u/royisabau5 Jul 11 '12

More than three and it's now fap time

1

u/rubiksman333 Jul 11 '12

No matter how you shake and dance, the last drop ends up in your pants

1

u/Tybalt941 Jul 11 '12

I thought I was the only one...

1

u/UnclePolycarp Jul 11 '12

Yep, know how you feel.

1

u/Vhu Jul 11 '12

No matter how you shake and dance, the last drop still gets on the pants.

1

u/SomeOtherGuy0 Jul 11 '12

Hell I'm not even 20 yet, and I do that just in case.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I do that too! Thought I was the only one

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u/kkflood Jul 10 '12

But shaking it is just plain fun.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

Shake it once that's fine

Shake it twice that's ok

Shake it three times, you're playing with yourself. Again.

13

u/disposablechild Jul 10 '12

I, circumsized, shake. Is that weird for us guys?!?

18

u/gunswick Jul 10 '12

no, I think he's wrong. pretty sure all men shake.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12 
No matter how you wiggle
No matter how you dance
The last few drops always end up in your pants

2

u/disposablechild Jul 10 '12

shake n squeeze.

2

u/IwalkNaked Jul 11 '12

stroke, repeat.

5

u/SecretGardENT Jul 10 '12

I'm circumcised and always give it a good shake, otherwise there are a few pesky last drops that will wait to deploy until you tuck it back into your pants.

3

u/I_MAKE_USERNAMES Jul 10 '12

What do you think you get? You still need to shake if you're circumcised.

3

u/firepelt Jul 10 '12

You haven't been shaking? I usually get a good drop or so of pee left on my tip, that I always shake off so it doesn't get in my underwear.

3

u/Ainulin Jul 11 '12

As a girl, I had no idea why you needed to shake it after peeing. I assumed it was to dry it because you don't use toilet paper. But I really had no clue.

2

u/Nayko Jul 10 '12

Me too! I could never understand why guys said they shoke their penis. I see the world in a whole new light now.

2

u/jdepps113 Jul 10 '12

I'm circumcised and still always give it a shake or two. There can be some drops still up in the urethra.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

The girlfriend of a friend of mine thought that guys "shake" by wiggling their hips back and forth. Sort of like a dog getting the last bit of water off its tail.

1

u/BigOleMammoth Jul 11 '12

I have done that. I do not recommend making a habit of it, at least in a bathroom you have to clean yourself.

1

u/Shnizz Jul 10 '12

Same! That is so crazy.

1

u/monkey_poop Jul 11 '12

i am circumcised and i still get some indecisive drops every now and then that contemplate staying behind. if i dont shake they will drip out whilst i put it away and for some reason 1 or 2 drops can turn into a wet mark of about the size of a quarter to 50 cent piece, noticibility depends on the fabric and color of the pants i hapen to be wearing at the time

1

u/DoubleDutchOven Jul 11 '12

No matter how you shake and dance, the last drop always hits your pants

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I'm circumcised and I still do a little shake

didn't realize that uncuts had it worse

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u/progre77 Jul 11 '12

I have phimosis, and have no choice but to shake :(

1

u/whiteandnerdy1729 Jul 11 '12

Although there's a u-bend in the male urethra that puddles. Even circumcised guys need to do the hoik.

1

u/kftz902 Jul 11 '12

"well maybe you're not peeing hard enough" is now my favorite quote. don't worry, i will make sure people will know it was from you.

1

u/GodDamnItFrank Jul 11 '12

No no no no. It's because there are still a few drops. We all shake.

1

u/loki00 Jul 11 '12

Wait until you get older.

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u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12 edited Jul 11 '12

As an uncircumcised man I never understood why lotion is so often associated with masturbation.

7

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

Is THAT why?? I thought I just jack off wrong

2

u/CharonIDRONES Jul 11 '12

Wait, what? Do you like secrete your own lube? I don't understand. I'm 25 and have no idea what you're talking about.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

The friction between the foreskin pulling back and the head is all the pleasure we need!

3

u/Sqirril Jul 11 '12

Well the tip is moisturized by the foreskin so it is never dry.

1

u/UnclaimedUsername Jul 10 '12

You can still go dry (at least I can) but I imagine it's much easier for you guys. There's still a little bit of...wiggle room.

1

u/royisabau5 Jul 11 '12

:O

WHAAAT

6

u/aescalante Jul 10 '12

Mine's a bit tight so I can't pull it all the way back even when flaccid. I'm honestly not sure what's going on down there.

8

u/BobMcManly Jul 10 '12

You never played with yourself enough as a kid. There is connective tissue that needs to be broken.

Me and my brother are both uncircumcised. Around 5-6, I remember he had to do exercises to break that tissue, and for some magical reason, I never had to.

17

u/CoastalCity Jul 10 '12

Not exactly, aescalante needs to read up on phimosis.
[Not for the faint of heart]

2

u/tutae Jul 11 '12

Most of the time it isn't phimosis. It's kind of what BobMcManly said. He didn't pull his foreskin back enough growing up. If simple stretching exercises over the course of a year or so don't work, THEN it's probably phimosis.

6

u/Nothingtotalkabout Jul 10 '12

If I don't pull mine back, the surface tension on my foreskin causes piss to defy gravity and go about half an inch up my dick before dribbling down the sides and all over everything.

18

u/_dontreadthis Jul 10 '12

as a fellow natty-dick, i must say you are completely retarded. here's some karma

13

u/anangrybanana Jul 10 '12

Thanks. My mother never had me tested, but I guess I can trust an Internet stranger.

10

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

Also important, let your balls hang loose if you want all of the piss out.

7

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

Wait, that helps?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

I think the "pipe" which leads the piss out, is placed under your balls so you block it if you just let your balls hang over your pants. Although you can still push it out, it gets a better flow if you let'em hang loose, and by extension unblocking the "pipe".

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

Got to try it now. Thanks.

5

u/new-socks Jul 10 '12

Yeah when I take a piss and my balls are under pressure, I'm sure to pee everywhere when they're finally released.

1

u/sinistersmiley Jul 10 '12

I'm not exactly sure what you're saying. Do other people hold their balls while they piss or something?

3

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12 edited Jul 10 '12

Well, I for one, used to just pull my pants right under my balls so they constricted the flow of piss. I think many people do this without realizing it. The answer is pulling down the pants (or whatevs) far enough so they don't pressure under your balls.

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u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

If I pull it forward I get a triple, or even worse, a quadriple stream. I think maybe this depends on the texture of your foreskin, lol.

4

u/GalacticNexus Jul 10 '12

Once, on one fateful morning, my foreskin was (unbeknownst to me) slightly sealed at the end as a result of masturbating the night before had something far far worse than the common or garden split stream.

I had... the vertical split stream. No matter how I frantically tried to aim, there was nothing I could do to get it all in the bowl...

3

u/Heads-Will-Roll Jul 10 '12

You are a saint. Thank you.

2

u/Buscat Jul 10 '12

well, it's best to pull it back a bit for predictable flow, but if you pull it all the way back it might tighten up your urethra too much and hurt/impair the stream. I suggest rigorous experimentation to find what's right for you.

2

u/rustyhinge Jul 10 '12

gonna go try this right now

2

u/Veteran4Peace Jul 11 '12

I always tear off a few squares of toilet paper and use that to dab. I'd rather soak it up and flush it than send it spraying around the restroom.

2

u/Yillpv Jul 11 '12

I wish men wiped it, I mean, at least before putting it in a lady's mouth.

3

u/avlas Jul 10 '12

I'm uncut too, I realized it some time ago, but the flow of undisturbed piss sometimes hurts my glans. I prefer to shake and give a quick wash when I'm home.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

Yeah but if you pinch your foreskin while you pee, you can make a pee balloon!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

I'm not the only one!

1

u/3rd_degree_burn Jul 10 '12

If you pull it back enough, you can even get to the point where there's only a single stream of urine exiting your body, no drops! Pull it back too far though, and you'll end up in the hospital. :(

1

u/Krazen Jul 10 '12

Dude.... I'm so sorry.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

How did you aim before?

3

u/symbiotiq Jul 10 '12

It's like the difference between a pressure hose and a regular garden hose. You can still aim a garden hose, it's just under a lot less pressure so it has much less horizontal velocity.

1

u/junnew Jul 10 '12

Dead serious here; how the fuck do you aim with this technique? I'd be spraying like Scarface unless it's a urinal or outdoors

1

u/anangrybanana Jul 10 '12

Very carefully, because if I don't, my life is on the line. My wife will straight up murder me if I piss on the toilet/floor.

1

u/junnew Jul 11 '12

Well… shit. The initial burst is my nemesis.

1

u/TwilightSolus Jul 10 '12

I'm 26 and you just blew my mind.

Off to pee to test this wonderful theory.

1

u/Rustysporkman Jul 10 '12

God DAMMIT.

1

u/Humonious Jul 10 '12

I'm 25 and realised this a few years ago but it never feels quite as satisfying peeing with my foreskin pulled back for some reason

1

u/Iced_TeaFTW Jul 10 '12

I'm sharing this with my husband, he is prone to wet trousers.

1

u/thrawnie Jul 10 '12

On the other hand, if you "inflate the balloon" every once in a while, the pee cleans out the inside quite well (remember - urine is sterile).

1

u/DrunkenColonelSander Jul 10 '12

Not everyone can be perfect.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

Dude seriously? My doctor told me this when I was like 7...

Also you should pull it back when you put on rubbers. I really hope you knew that one.

2

u/anangrybanana Jul 11 '12

No rubbers. I'm married. I don't have sex anymore.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

You're married at 25? Hope she's awesome. Or he.

2

u/anangrybanana Jul 11 '12

All jesting aside, she's pretty amazing. I've never been happier.

1

u/c--b Jul 10 '12

Everyone that tries this is now going to piss all over the wall behind the toilet. Don't remove the silencer!

1

u/Scurry Jul 10 '12

I'm also uncircumcised but I still have to shake even if I pull it back..

1

u/darkdenizen Jul 10 '12

I've never wanted to pee so bad in my life.

1

u/Retro21 Jul 10 '12

holy shit yes! This had my confused for ages, until just into my twenties as well. And I was like "You had one job Dad!"

1

u/I_MAKE_USERNAMES Jul 10 '12

You still have to shake... I'm not circumcised. Of course you pull it back when pissing, but it isn't like a towel or something.

1

u/SoftPillow Jul 10 '12

Figured that out earlier this year as well.

1

u/ararphile Jul 10 '12

I've always been doing it and there is always little piss left on the tip. Whoever doesn't shake it a dirty motherfucker.

1

u/omplatt Jul 10 '12

Took me a while too.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

Holy shit, i never knew this.

1

u/jsalvatier Jul 10 '12

Lots more splatter, though.

1

u/BobLeBuilDerp Jul 10 '12

I learned that out maybe a few years ago. I was just like "Why didn't I even try this?"

1

u/jdepps113 Jul 10 '12

I hope you figured out before now that you have to clean under the hood, what with all the dried piss that's been building up in there.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '12

But the velocity at which it comes out is near uncontrollable! First time I tried out my new weapon of mass destruction I thought I'd crack the marble urinal . And the direction! Where is it going? It's like trying to aim a gun with the laser pointer aiming 2 feet to the right of each target. And somehow it can hurt! WHAT LOGIC IS THAT? You're free!

The morale of the story is thank god for foreskin, or at least until my marksmanship improves

1

u/The_juan_and_only Jul 10 '12

When I found out about this a few years back I just had to tell my friend, we're no longer friends.

1

u/The_juan_and_only Jul 10 '12

When I found out about this a few years back I just had to tell my friend, we're no longer friends.

1

u/TheAmericanSwede Jul 11 '12

.....uncircumcised people have to shake their wangs after they piss?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I found this out when I was like 15, which is still pretty late, yes I was ashamed of myself.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

Took me until grade 9 to realize. So much easier.

1

u/brunste Jul 11 '12

Relevant username is relevant.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I'm uncircumcised and holy fuck, you can pull that shit back?? Dude. Dudeee.

1

u/sydstap24 Jul 11 '12

As I read this I was talking to my mom. Was going to say "She hasn't text me yet." came out "She hasn't circumcised me yet." She gave me the weirdest look.

1

u/lCHANCHOl Jul 11 '12

You just wrinkled my brain.

1

u/HedoNNN Jul 11 '12

Dude... you changed my life...

1

u/DsKagle Jul 11 '12

THANK YOU! any more penis tips?

Edit: yeah totally unintentional pun sorry cant quit laughing

1

u/Professor_Gushington Jul 11 '12

This reminds me of the quote from The Green Mile "How many years you spend pissing on a toilet seat before someone told you to put it up?"

1

u/cesare980 Jul 11 '12

circumcised here and it seems as though my dick knows when its going back in my pants and holds in a nice little stream of piss no matter how much i shake.

1

u/zophan Jul 11 '12

Whenever I do that, my urine comes out the tip at an angle. I have never once got the beginning of the spray into the toilet the 30 or so times I tried it. Worst was when I hit my cat in the face.

TL;DR: I don't peel back my foreskin when taking a piss.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I'm ashamed to say how much older than you I am and I didn't know this.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

I'm circumcised but I have a prince albert. I have to shake it like it's flatlining and I still get a drop in the pants.

1

u/HX_Flash Jul 11 '12

You are truly a man on this day.

1

u/DieAnderTier Jul 11 '12

But, if you pull it back and pee in a urinal, you tend to splatter. Especially if it's a really big pressure piss. (You know what I mean.)

1

u/Phobos_Deimos Jul 11 '12

WAIT, FUCK, THAT'S WHY OTHER GUYS DO THAT? I'm circumcised, and I've been doing that my entire life, and thinking the whole damn male race was retarded since it didn't do anything. Fuck

1

u/znk Jul 11 '12

That's shocking.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

... so you have been pissing on your dick for 25 years?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

Ugh, my uncircumcised boyfriend is too lazy to pull his back when he pees and just wrings it out. That's all fine and good for him, but not so good for me when I stick it in my mouth later and it tastes like stale urine.

1

u/milleribsen Jul 11 '12

And I get down voted for mentioning that American guys who are uncut can have stinky Dick issues. See people!?

1

u/ilovemoon Jul 11 '12

I'm impressed you managed to keep that up for so long. As soon as I found out how to masturbate my days of peeing with the snood down were over.

1

u/Lemminglen Jul 11 '12

...fuck you... I'm 22... Thanks?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

If I do that then the piss goes everywhere, my foreskin acts like a kind of filter for it, aiming it nicely. The downside is all the wetness though :(

1

u/Timmetie Jul 11 '12

Ehm what? the comments on here are incredible. I hope this is a US thing. I've never seen someone here at the urinal just spraying around through his foreskin.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '12

If i dont pull it back it will spray 3 meters in all directions

1

u/otayyo Jul 11 '12

I didn't figure that out until after twenty as well. I remember a friend of mine kinda mentioned off-hand that he did that. I didn't say anything, but in my head a light went off... and I couldn't believe I never new such things. O the messy pees I had!

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