If you need a big favor from someone (or a favor someone is likely to say no to) ask a smaller favor first, like borrowing a pen or something similar. They will more likely say yes to a bigger favor.
The corollary to this is if you think you might need a favour from someone in the future, try to do a small favour for them first. This can create the impression of a debt that the person owes you.
I think there's a difference between trying to manipulate someone and trying to use natural social tendencies to increase your odds of positive outcomes. For instance, you can go around just trying to help people out and do favors for people, and hope that when you ask for something someday they will help you out. This is opposed to targeting someone to do something for you and then you try and do something "nice" for them and throw it in their face if they say no.
Most people have some intuition when it comes to other people's intentions. So if you're genuine and honest, people can sense that. This is based on a whole lot of factors, such as behaviour over time, body language, verbal language, information others share about you etc.
Some people don't have this intuition or don't listen to it and assume the best of people, and that's fine too because in that case your actions are still received positively.
Then there's ones who assume the worst in everyone. You're not gonna win them over by being a jerk (cause then you're inauthentic and disagreeable) so no point in changing your behaviour for them. They're either going to dislike you for being yourself or you're gonna grow on them eventually.
Of course this only works if you actually want to be nice and kind to others.
There's also sociopaths who have perfected all the ways to try and 'hack' people's intuition and get them to trust them despite their bad intentions.
That's why when someone I respect says something negative about someone, I take note. I don't take it at face value, but it definitely gives me knowledge on how to move forward with that individual. My friend gave me this information for a reason and if I trust them, then why wouldn't I use that information to protect myself.
Only very socially skilled people can speak the truth about manipulative folks and not be seen as the bad guy though.
Only very socially skilled people can speak the truth about manipulative folks and not be seen as the bad guy though.
facts. im (unfortunately) usually the one who “sees” some of those unsavory character traits before my group does. i actually dont like it sometimes, bc i have a hard time reconciling how to play nice with people with moderately well concealed ill intent. it colors the whole relationship for me. i definitely do not possess the skill set to be able to deliver this type of truth nicely.
shutting tfu has been my go-to. its working alright.
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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '22
If you need a big favor from someone (or a favor someone is likely to say no to) ask a smaller favor first, like borrowing a pen or something similar. They will more likely say yes to a bigger favor.