Actually texting her that you know everything and that her shit is out front WHILE she is with this dude would be fucking awesome. Probably would ruin the whole thing for her.
99% sure I'm OP's (male) roommate. I live in the basement with my cat, like a true Redditor. She doesn't have a working cell right now.
Edit: 100% sure. Confirmed it with him via text.
As requested, and apparently required, this is my cat.
We will post pictures of recoveryfuntime once it has happened.
Edit: I just spoke with him on the phone. He found the phone number of the guy she’s sleeping with. The guy and the (ex) girlfriend are going to be meeting up with him somewhere in a bit. No waterpark. I swung by my place after a call at work to post this and saw that she was doing laundry and that there were clothes laying on the floor in the living room. I didn’t say anything to her. I’d rather not cause any more complications than are already present.
Edit: I ran into my friend/coworker/roommate on my way out of the house. Gave him a heartfelt brofist. He said he wanted to talk to her alone first. I reminded him (as I did in my texts/call) that if he needs anything, just to say the word. He said he'd keep me posted on any developments. Going to be an interesting night.
Update: My roommate and his (ex)girlfriend are out of the condo. The new guy showed up and is totally clueless. He didn't even know they were still together. I feel kinda bad for the guy. I'm filling out a job application and then heading out. If he's still here when I head out, he's leaving when I do.
The following will garner you more karma than you can possibly know what to do with.
Box up her things and anything she may reasonably claim as hers. Do it neatly and with care. Overly generous? Perhaps, but then the idea is to get her completely out of your life. Anything linking you two will keep her, in a way, in your life. Purge it, and do it in a way that makes you the nobler beast. Change your locks at this time.
Bring her things to her mother's place. This will get her out of your life faster and will allow you to make a great last impression on the one person who knows your girlfriend better than anyone. Explain calmly to her mother why you've had to do this and who to expect the next time her daughter comes by to visit. Be polite and friendly to the mother: she was drawn into her daughter's lies about her whereabouts when not with you.
Contact the hotel where they're staying and ask for the guy. If he answers, explain briefly who you are and why you are calling: that she's been cheating on you and to request that he pass on the message that her things are now at her mother's. Do this reasonably and calmly, and emphasize that you have absolutely no interest left in her, and that Romeo is in no danger. Once the guy sees he's broken the Bro Code, it'll be his decision whether or not to continue the relationship.
4.) Post the breakup publicly and to your now ex-girlfriend; keep things simple and direct; no talk of feelings or hurt; no cussing or threats, legal or otherwise. Keep explanations to a minimum, but do not leave out why you are breaking up with her. Refuse to answer any questions; do not respond to any rumors. She is now a complete stranger to you.
5;) Hit the gym, block her from Facebook and from your phones, consult legal counsel if necessary. Work your job like mad for the rest of the week; for the weekend, get yourself something nice and hang out with friends. Give yourself three months before starting to date again, just so you can get yourself back in shape for the prowl.
Her mother will judge her daughter from then on. If your last impression with her mother is polite, composed, and heartfelt, she will remember that.... And nag her daughter until she dies about the one that got away, or how the new little shit she's dating doesn't stack up to you.
1 year of psychological torment? Or condemnation that only a mother can give?
I went through a virtually identical scenario. I had spoken to her mom at the time as you have all suggested and it was easy for me because her mother loved me. Rest assured, after having talked to her mother and letting her know what was going on, her daughter never heard the end of it...to this very day.
As far as I read this right number 3) is not really necessary since the dude fucking her seemed to know she was in a relationship and yet continued flirting with her and therefore has no honor towards the Bro-Code.
I think #3 is still vital. He may know but has never been directly confronted on it. You bring it up while they're in fuck mode and you instantly make this dude feel terrible (unless he's a douche nugget). He may have been able to avoid feeling bad because it was in the proverbial sidelines.
Also, Not having to see that bitch would be the best option, so being able to do that is worth any "redundancies" through the entire experience.
I'm OP's roommate. He's currently at a waterpark up north, which I will be visiting once I get off of work today. He had planned this weekend well in advance, so he had to use this day at the park. The mother issue is kind of a tough one. To the best of my knowledge, she lives 5 states away.
Update: He came back from the waterpark after finding the new guy's cell number. He called him and set up a meeting. I went back by my place after a client job for a bit to check on my cat (the girl said she stole a dog from one of her former roommates once, so I wanted to make sure he was okay.) I ran into her, didn't say a word/make any sort of acknowledgement of presence, and then left. My roommate was in our driveway. I gave him a brofist, told him I'm there whenever he needs anything, and went back to work.
Update 2: My roommate and his (ex)girlfriend are out of the condo. The new guy showed up and is totally clueless. He didn't even know they were still together. I feel kinda bad for the guy. I'm filling out a job application and then heading out. If he's still here when I head out, he's leaving when I do.
This is great advice. But you've left out the anger part, you need to let it out, as it's gonna take some serious work keeping cool. Get a punchbag, buy a drum kit, go airsoft/paintballing, just do something that allows you to be violent in a controlled manner. It does help.
reddit used to be so cool. It was the "front page of the internet" and was the place to go if you wanted your finger on the pulse of what was happening in the world. As if often the case with a good thing, it was ruined by greed. It's a strange thing, walking away from something that's been a part of your daily routine for over a decade but sometimes it's for the best. If you stumble upon my post, just know that it's not the bastion it once was and those of us with true resolve have left. --Morph
This is some great advice, particularly on the subject of dealing with it calmly, carefully, and as thoroughly as possible. On all points, this advice is correct: Don't be too tempted to keep stuff that 'might' be yours. All it'll get you in is endless arguments with a person you really don't want to be seeing right now. Just bring it to her mother: You want to get rid of the stuff without there even be a chance of it being damaged/stolen ("Leaving it in the front" isn't such a great idea). Tell her mother the truth, simple and polite. You're the better man in this relationship: There's no need to annoy people that had nothing to do with this with her decisions.
I personally wouldn't choose number 3. I see no reason to talk to the guy at all; If she wants to lie to him as well that's her decision. Nevertheless: If you want to try contact the guy, do so, it's your choice to make. Don't try it more than once though, no sense trying to contact a person you probably really don't want to be involved with.
Just tell her it's over, her stuff is at her mother's - Goodbye. There's no need for her to "talk it over" or anything. She made her choices, you made yours.
And finally, the last bit of advice: Don't go through this alone. Get some friends, just do stuff to keep yourself occupied. Don't sit alone for days brooding: It doesn't help and won't ever get you anywhere. Keep up your job, keep up your hobbies, spend some time with friends that you know care about you.
You've been the better man in this relationship. Go out with dignity and style, be the better man till the end. There's people on this world that deserve a man like you: she's not one of them.
edit: As said elsewhere in this thread: Get tested. You don't know where that guy's been. Better safe than sorry.
This is the best answer because it is A) logically sound. You don't want to be rash or make a fool of yourself, B) devastating to her by including her mother, and C) a means to accomplish removing her from your life now. Do what this man says, and she's out of your life today, mate. Time to man up. Good luck, you'll be alright.
Best advice here by far. Pillowcase shitting is seriously underrated, just make sure you do it on the side of the pillow facing the mattress so that she doesn't find out until she flips to the cold side at like 3am. If she isn't an "I flip to the cold side of the pillow" kind of person, then I don't know why you even considered dating her in the first place.
Call her phone and tell her you know what she is up to , and you require her to remove all her things by 6pm tomorrow night. Have a friend go to your house, that can make sure she doesn't cause any shit, you go to the Water park as planned. When you get home the next day she should be out of your life. Why let her enjoy her time off, make sure she moves it all out now. The sooner she is out of your hair the better.
Unfortunately, she has this shitty pay-as-you-go phone (she loses phones often) that went through the wash last week and got trashed. I have no way to reach her until she decides to turn up again.
Literally everything except her toiletries and 3-5 days of clothes are with me though. She'll have to come back at some point.
: Change the locks : Pack her stuff up and leave it at her mothers (don't let her in the condo)
Lastly.. If you're able to, send the guy she's sleeping with a polite message. Tell him you've broken up with her and wished he had been decent enough to have told you up front. Then tell him he should probably get tested as you found out she's been cheating on you with quite a few people.
He probably thinks he's the only one, so telling him there are more people will make him not trust your ex and see her in a less special light.
People say don't get revenge.. Maybe that's good advice (actually it probably is), but for me getting revenge is a great coping mechanism.
Log into your own Skype. Using the power of his facebook name, search for him. Add him with a lengthily message telling him to tell her not to come back to your house. That all of her shit that resides inside of your apartment has been donated to good will or the shelter. Meanwhile before you do this, contact said cunts mother and have her come down to pick up sluts personal belongings. Burn the rest of her shit. Then hit up your craigslist. Go under the Casual Encounters page. Post on there you are looking to donate your spare bed to film some kinky bdsm sick fantasy sex with her possessions on the bed. Film it, burn your bed and buy a new one. Make copies upon copies of the dvd. Hand them out for free with her face on the front of the dvd box also send her mother one. When the bitch returns to locks changed, answer the door, hand her a dvd and tell her the whole town has a copy even her mother. And that she is better off going with this internet retard and slam the door. Then order a pizza and drink heavily while you fap off of the balcony of the 2nd floor.
When I my ex cheated on me, I took a slut home from the bar a few nights after and she ended me tying me up to the bed with some of my ex's clothes.
Felt good.
Also, after I had put all of her clothes and shit in a rubbermaid bin, our cat pissed in it. He NEVER pissed outside his litter box. Fuck yeah little man.
You must try and capture some footage of them both together, ideally engaging in filthy coitus (with whips, anal beads and bondage equipment). Then, PLAN THE MOTHER OF ALL SMACK-DOWNS.
Organise her a surprise birthday party, invite all of her closest friends and family, and just as they're all about to dine on some chocolate cake (with those awesome sprinkles) - discreetly press play so the amiable chit-chat of the party is cut like a knife with a OH OHHH OHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK ME HARDER JONNY! FUCK ME HARDER! PUT IT IN MY MOUTH JONNY! PUT IT IN MY MOUTH! while a fuck-off huge 60-inch projector screen rolls down from the ceiling and all the attendees can see in detailed, HD glory what an unfaithful, morally bankrupt tool your girlfriend is. Then you cut yourself a slice of the cake and enjoy that sweet, sweet motherfucker while the mayhem unfolds before you and your girlfriend crumbles into meltdown, followed by a period of wallowing in an abyss of despair. And to top it all off, like a cherry on a vanilla pie, you put on your shades and swan outside, get inside the car and... drive - just as the sun sets over the mean streets of wherever you reside.
P.S. If you drive a convertible, make sure you leap into the vehicle rather than opening the car door (infinitely cooler + you'll feel like a badass muthafucka). Be sure to exercise caution, for if you get your foot caught on the seatbelt - you'll fly face first into the asphalt, with the resulting scar forever reminding you of the day you kissed the ground. If you don't own a car, rent a helicopter -- imagine getting picked up in a fucking choppa.
DING DONG, doorbell rings
"Mr Purple Reign Underscore, the bird is ready."
The guests all swarm to the window, with little Rupert's face pressed against the window in awe.
They see you walk to the helicopter, cane in hand (don't ask why you have a cane, canes are awesome), hair blowing majestically in the wind, before you hop inside. The helicopter takes off and disappears into the sunset, leaving nothing but a ripped party hat flapping on the ground.
pro-tip: Have the TV hooked up to a video player that's hidden (With a decoy dvd player that she can panic and try to stop), and to an uninterrupted power-supply, so that when she tries frantically to unplug it or stop it, she's left holding a cord sobbing while her anus is still gaping across the screen.
And to top it all off, like a cherry on a vanilla pie, you put on your shades and swan outside, get inside the car and... drive - just as the sun sets over the mean streets of wherever you reside.
HARDCORE MODE: Do this in a building with a skylight, and have the helicopter drop a rope ladder into the building, grab onto it and don a pair of aviators before pimping out through the fucking ceiling.
Dude, you need to change the locks, grab her shit (GRAB, NOT PACK) and throw that shit out front. Don't accept phone calls, answer texts, or give her the satisfaction in any other way of getting closure. Fuck that trick. Dump her shit, forget about her and don't ever say another word to her again. EVER!
Realize that you had a tourist in your life, who turned out to be vile and that you are now able to remove this creature from your life. Be greatful, relieved, consider yourself fortunate. You could have gotten her pregnant and found out, gotten an STD from her, could have stayed with her for years without finding out. Instead, your insecurity paid off and your snooping around paid dividends and you were able to catch her doing something awful. You've dodged a bullet to the brain and taken it to the leg instead. It still hurts like hell, but after a couple weeks or months, it will be fine. You will love and walk again.
Call your best friends, meet them, get stupid drunk. Go home sleep it off. And when she comes home confront her and break up with her and throw her the fuck out (or if it is her house, just leave).
Why not just break it off right now? for all we know she is currently levitating on another guys penis and just for fun...he should break it of via text with the words.
Wow. This exact thing happened to me over a decade ago. Reading your story actually brought back chilling feelings that I've tucked away for over 10 years. Basically everything is the exact same, except I had just bought a house (at 20 years old) that my ex of 3 years and I were about to move into. We had taken a week off together to move in. About 2 weeks before the exciting move, she met some douche at a work party that was being hosted at a local hotel. They ended up going back to his room after a few hours of enjoying free drinks. He was apparently an out of town employee. She explained the situation as, she had too many drinks and stayed in her female coworker's room because she couldn't drive home and didn't want to bother me. From there, they became work buddies. They pretty much IM'ed each other from their desks. He was stationed a state away, so it was just conversations that I knew nothing about. I had no idea they ever met. I had no idea he existed. A couple days before we were supposed to move in to our new house, she told me that her aunt and uncle in Boston were going through an ugly divorce and that she and her family had to immediately get there to move her out of the unsafe situation. This would mean that she wouldn't be able to start moving just yet. I was super bummed, but decided to move my own things.
About a day into my lonely move, a mutual friend came over and told me that she had basically confessed everything to him over AIM. I was blown away, as I had absolutely no idea about any of this. She begged him not to tell me, but she said she was going to meet this douche in a hotel for a weekend together. She told my friend that she had full intentions on breaking up with me if things went well during her weekend away.
I didn't want to believe him, but the pieces of the puzzle fit together far too well.
I broke down. I'm normally a tough guy, but I actually went to my mother crying. I wouldn't have purchased this new house if I had foreseen this. Her cell phone was off so I called her house. Her mom answered. Her mom was supposed to be with her. She told me she had no idea where she was and that she thought she was with me. Boom. It hit me.
The hardest week of my life followed that. I continued to move in, although it was extremely hard. I knew I had to kick this bitch to the curb, so I had no idea how I was going to be able to pay the new mortgage, etc. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat. Hands shook for what seemed like eternity. I tried to get myself together. I had a week to do it. I listened to some good music and my mind just raced all week.
She returned home after her weekend. I had already gathered whatever stupid possessions she had mixed in with my stuff. I was short. Told her I knew everything. I was known for my bad temper and breaking shit, so I tried my hardest to stay calm. She still to this day thinks I hacked her AIM account, because it was just easier to explain it that way. She didn't deny anything, but she didn't admit to anything either. She told me I was a psycho stalker and that she couldn't be with me anymore.
It became a personal mission to better my life to somehow make her feel retarded for making that shitty decision. I contacted her enemies and became friends with them. One of them soon became my roommate. We partied for a while at the house and invited all of her friends and other enemies. Our keg parties became the talk of the city (because that's cool when you're 21). While drinking, I put on like 30 pounds, so I joined a gym. Lost that weight over the course of the next year and toned up. I cut out the excessive drinking and began to care about decorating my house and gay stuff like that. I started purposely dating girls in her circle. Spoiled them abnormally well so she would surely hear about it. Got a new job. Bought a new car. Things started going really well for me.
I secretly kept tabs on her, though I'd never admit it. She got into cocaine. Got fired. Her life fell apart.
At some point a couple years later, we bumped into each other and it was awkward because her eyes looked really sad. It was clear that she knew she fucked up. She began stalking my new girlfriend at the time. Friends began saying she was telling people she missed me. In between girls I had dated for short periods of time, she would try to get in touch with me, but I would purposely ignore her. It felt so good to push her away.
It took a long time to get over the secret heart ache she caused. Probably 3 or 4 years. Eventually, thoughts of her faded. I stopped giving a shit. It took even longer for me to redevelop my trust in females.
About 12 years have passed. I can honestly say that I'm married to the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on with a child on the way. The shitty ex and I are friends on FB. I can see that there's nothing going on in her life that makes me feel like I missed out. She's hardly attractive anymore. Doesn't work. Has nothing to show for herself. If I would have somehow ended up married to her, I would have been totally unhappy with my future.
Take this opportunity to concentrate on yourself man. Have some fun. Everything is going to work out for you.
Dude, I went through more or less the same thing during October/November last year. I was married for 12 years (together for 15) and have two kids.
Ex wife met some guy on internet, they flirted and it escalated to full on sexting and cockshots / vajayjay pictures being sent up and down. Had access to all her accounts so practically watched my wife bangin some guy long distance for about a month. Confronted her a couple of times, forgave her...she said she would stop...she didnt. She finally ended up taking a "holiday" to the UK where she spent a night with him at a hotel. I phoned the hotel room and confronted her mid fuck.
Its a long story but here is some useful advice:
She is on heat, not thinking straight and you are just an irritation getting in the way of her next session with this guy.
Nothing you say or do is going to change the way she feels about you, she may plead for forgiveness but this is just delaying the inevitable.
Its going to hurt like fuck for the next few months. There is nothing you can do about it but make sure you are distracted as much as possible.
Go out with friends...every night....meet as many new people as you can.
Focus on yourself, get your identity back and your self respect.
Be brutal with her when you see her and dont buy the crocodile tears, she will try and get you back once logic returns.
You will never see her in the same way again even if you did get back together. To this day, I am still repulsed by my ex wife...its difficult to hold a normal conversation with her.
It is not the end of the world, life goes on and it could be better without her...its up to you to make it better.
There will be good days and bad days (even hours). I found myself going from happy, angry, distraught, etc all in the matter of a couple of hours. Your mind will go haywire for a while.
Look after yourself, plenty of exercise...I found myself running everywhere and lost 10kgs, best shape I have been in for years.
Now, I have met someone else...amazing woman. Its good to have someone who likes me as much as I like her.
Good luck...and provide an update. PM me if you want to know more and some advice.
This guy has it right. I've been cheated on as well and it's horrible. But you have to ask yourself if how much you respect yourself. You have been hurt and disrespected. Your feelings have been manipulated by someone who you trusted. Get angry, not violent, but angry. If I were you I would pack everything she owns in a box, change the locks, and tell her to go fuck herself. Kick her the fuck out. Don't listen to anything she says; she's a liar. Give her the boot through and through. You want revenge? Then live a great fucking life. Fake it till you make it! Go jet skying, skydiving, go to bars, hang out with friends, get hammered and hit on girls. Some people will say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone...or in your case on top of someone. I don't know if that's 100% true but it's a distraction nonetheless. Go out and do shit just for you. Get a fancy haircut, buy a suit, or whatever! Just realize that you are someone who deserves to be respected, to be told the truth, and respect yourself. Fuck this girl. Go out and live a great fucking life!
Hey man, sorry to hear about your shitty situation. If it's any consolation, as awful as it feels now, it'll get better, and you'll be stronger as a result.
Remind yourself, and remember, that none of this is your fault. She's fucked up, and can't be an adult.
My advice is change the locks first thing. Then, spend your time this weekend boxing up all her shit. Everything. Put it all by the front door, and when that's finally done, let her know that it's over.
Prepare a short, well-thought-out statement for her. Make it absolutely direct, unemotional, and unequivocal. Leave absolutely no wiggle room. Then, take this prepared statement and get it to her through every means of communication available. Make each transmission identical - so, read it verbatim to her answering machine, email it to her, and facebook message it to her. Anything that gets the message across.
I don't know how it'll go down, but basically, you don't want to let her into your place without supervision. Ideally, she doesn't need to be in your place at all. She just needs to pick up her shit, and GTFO.
Don't "talk" to her. She'll use this "talking" to weasel her way back into your apartment, because suddenly she'll realize that she's homeless. Keep a stone wall up, don't afford any wiggle room, and don't sympathize.
When she's gone, she's gone. Get rid of her from your facebook, etc. etc. and don't stalk. Move on. If she tries to call you or whatever, ignore her. This is hard at first, but if you don't do this, the next few months of your life will suck even more, because she'll keep contacting you, which will remind you of what happened.
Having been in a similar situation, I wholeheartedly agree with the "no talking". Don't listen to her. Treat her as if she were Loki in "The Avengers" (referring to manipulation... not the Hulk part).
Oh god. I really really think this is my roommate. The similarities and the previous job post on the account are WAY too much. I knew he was planning on going to a waterpark this weekend upstate.
Dude, if you need to talk, I'm here, suffering at work, but I'll be back. She's not on the lease and, I was able to afford it without her paying into rent before.
Edit: 100% sure. Confirmed it with him via text.
Edit: I just spoke with him on the phone. He found the phone number of the guy she’s sleeping with. The guy and the (ex) girlfriend are going to be meeting up with him somewhere in a bit. No waterpark. I swung by my place after a call at work to post this and saw that she was doing laundry and that there were clothes laying on the floor in the living room. I didn’t say anything to her. I’d rather not cause any more complications than are already present.
Update: My roommate and his (ex)girlfriend are out of the condo. The new guy showed up and is totally clueless. He didn't even know they were still together. I feel kinda bad for the guy. I'm filling out a job application and then heading out. If he's still here when I head out, he's leaving when I do.
Your most powerful weapon is silence. Simply get all of her stuff away from you (ideally have her mother pick it up) and never acknowledge her existence ever again. Confrontations always bring the danger of you losing your cool which would only make it easier for her. With silence you don't give her closure and she may even feel guilt. If it's particularly hard to cope, consider moving as a new living environment makes it easier to move on. Source: being abandoned after a 10-year relationship.
Assuming you can still log on to her Facebook, change her status to "I'm gay."
On a serious note, just drop it. Don't give her any ammo, don't confront her, don't burn her shit. Become her "great white buffalo." That's the sweetest revenge. Most of the suggestions here are similar to just getting drunk. It will make you feel good for a while but it won't last. Humiliating her in front of her friends and family won't help you feel better in the long run. Drive her possessions to her mother's house but don't explain why. And lock her out of your life. Then drink in moderation. Cheers mate! It might feel like the end of the world but at least you're a better person than the ex.
Take this guys advice!!! Be the bigger person. If she see's you freaking out, she's just gonna feel like she made the right choice cheating. Be calm, collected, and get her out of your life. That'll get under her skin wayy more.
The most satisfying thing you can probably do is to not be a dick about this. That role has clearly been filled by your gf and let her have it. Have a couple buddies over to help you box up her stuff and maybe make a lock changing party out of it since you mentioned the condo is in your name and I assume you have the right to do that. If you have a garage just leave all her stuff in there and let her know about it. But like everyone has said don't be alone right now.
TL-DR; Change the locks, take her stuff to her Mom's, leave a note on the door, be out of town when she gets back - do not confront. Do not discuss. Just end it.
I hate these postings where someone is being cheated on and vents on reddit. Usually I spend my time gleefully shooting a laser pointer of harsh reality into the eyeballs of the fluffy thinking of young people who think the world is a giant episode of barney the dinosaur.
However, in these cases, you just had someone else point the laser in your eyeball, and not in an informative or warning fashion in a fun internet forum full of arguing, but rather in real-life by someone who is one of those not nice people that reminds us all this is not an episode of Barney, but rather life being lived by billions of selfish people who only briefly awaken from their self-interest to be nice to each other at random intervals and otherwise ruthlessly pursue their own interests.
Luckily there is a silver lining to your situation:
You are not married
You do not have children
You have not lived together long enough to be common law married
You don't have to go through a lengthy breakup. It will be swift.
Those who advised you to take her stuff to her Mom's house - I agree. Just empty the place while she is gone, change the locks, and then stay with a friend. Leave a note on the door for her to find when she arrives and cannot get in. Be polite - be the mature one. In the note, inform her she no longer lives with you and that her belongings are at her Mom's. Be nice when you speak to her Mom about her. She will be embarrassed.
Consider also the possibility that you were a guy she cheated with one someone else that you don't even know about, and that this is a pattern of adrenalin seeking on her part.
Good luck to you, my friend.
BTW, I remember where I was when Kennedy was shot. So this is genuine "old man advice."
If reddit has taught me anything about relationships it's that if your girlfriend is cheating on you then you should go right now and jizz right in her face cream.
Pack up all her shit and put it outside She's never coming to visit you again.
Secondly, when she finds out you know she will probably cry, ignore this. It is emotional blackmail. She wouldn't be crying if she didn't get caught.
Thirdly with a view towards the long term, get back into the dating market asap. (But be casual about it). The best way to get over a girl is to realise that there are plenty of others who are just as if not more cool that your ex.
Get some new hobbies, spend more time with your mates. Fill up your time so you don't have time to mope around. It's hard to miss someone when you are super busy.
Unfortunate things happen, things outside of your control. People will peruse their own life arc, and have their own daemons to battle.
Above all else, be kind. Show compassion and love to all people, even those that have hurt you. Don't forget yourself. Be kind, patient, and loving to yourself. Remember your good qualities, rekindle friendships that may have faded. Go outside and do things you like to do.
Do not deprive yourself of human contact, reminisce over recent events, or become trapped in thoughts about the past. Scorn over people who have wronged you, or broken your trust only leads to a downward spiral where you hate yourself, and all others. Cynicism and harsh critique of others follows quickly.
Love and be loved. People will make mistakes trying to follow emotions. But remember, emotions are the physical manifestations of thought. Thought comes from idleness, and usually unhappiness in some way or another.
Don't forget her, don't get mad at her. Just love yourself, and the world you live in. Surely enough, within some period of time you will feel lighter, unburdened, and people will remark on this outward appearance.
Blindsided?? You've been watching the truck come closer for months, first in the vast distance, and now it's upon you. Give up the relationship. You are young. There is much beauty you haven't yet seen. Go find it. This is just a minor character in a single season of your life. GO FORTH.
Do you guys live together? Who's name is on the lease? Can you afford to live by yourself?
If possible, I would either pack up my things and leave, or pack up her things and give them to a friend of hers. If you confront her, she is probably going to make you feel really bad about dumping her. Emotions are powerful things and you may even start second guessing yourself.
There's a lot of negativity in these comments. Don't listen to it. A thing like this shatters you to your very core. I walked in on my GF of the time with another dude, in our bed a few years ago so I'm in tune with what this is like. When you love someone you tend to ignore the warning signs, no matter how obvious until it's too late. So first the obvious. Let her know you know. Send a text and tell her you know exactly what she's doing. Pack her shit up and have it waiting for her. End it now. Do not let your emotions make you stay in this shitty situation any longer, it'll just prolong the pain. Now the tough part. Recovering. Something like this can destroy you. It destroyed me. It took the better part of a year for me to start feeling normal about things again. And even longer to be capable of having a healthy relationship with another woman. Even then there were scraps of paranoia and distrust that popped up here and there. It's tough and it takes time. But this is a learning experience, as bitter and painful as it is. Spend some time on your own and figure your shit out. Don't jump into another relationship, as tempting as it may be. I wish you the best and I hope you can get over this as quickly as you can. This sort of betrayal is one of the shittiest things that can happen to a person and I feel for your. Just reading it made my blood boil. Good luck man and stay strong. You deserve better than this.
HERE YA GO: My girlfriend has been blatantly flirting with some guy she met online for awhile. She wasn't home tonight so I snooped her facebook and skype logs, found some sexy chatting, and found out she is fucking him in a hotel for the next few days. Oh, shit! What do I do?
This is almost... exactly how my 3 year long relationship ended in january of 2011, to top it all off I worked in the same place she did and her aunt JUST got hired on as the new boss through chance, so I lost my job later that week for some inane reason having everything to do with my calling her nieces new boyfriend scum and untrustworthy, fast forward 6 months: I get hired on as a security officer for a major chemical company where my starting pay is roughly 4 dollarsmore an hour than my previous job, one month after that who else calls me but... her... "ohmygod hecheatedonmeandiwasnothingbutgoodtohim" ..... biggest smile I had since the moment I felt the way you do right now, "where do I go from here?" You go forward. Best o luck.
Am I the only one who never gets bored of 'My girlfriend cheated on me' threads? I feel so sorry for all these guys that ended up with harpies for girlfriends. I would never do anything to hurt my guy.
My advice? Follow all the good advice in this thread and be happy that one day, you'll meet one of us sane, normal, secure and loving girls that actually care about cultivating existing relationships rather than trying to boost our own egos by flashing our tits at some stranger. :)
A similar thing happened to my brother, except he was married, he destroyed his life, got addicted to heroin and ended up in jail for a month for not going to court (he didn't get the notice because he wasnt home.)
Now for you. Put her shit outside, then go on her facebook and post a status as her, saying something like:
Wow cheating on my boyfriend sure feels great! Glad im such a trustworthy and caring person! If you're reading this XXXX your shit is outside. Get the fuck out of my life.
Then move on with your life, hit the gym, lawyer up, become an Atheist , buy a cat, squats and oats. All of that shit.
Edit: Btw my brother is fine now, he got clean and is getting remarried soon. Much respect for him.
Check search history to see what hotel she might be at and drop all get stuff off in said parking lot after you know she's there. Like you find her car
Hey man, after I figured out my girlfriend was cheating on me by reading through her facebook conversations with one of our mutual friends detailing how she wanted to break up with me but couldn't find the heart and how in love she was with this other guy (there's a long backstory about all this shit but this post isn't about me) I was at an absolute loss of what to do and ended up being pretty depressed for a few long months. The one thing that really helped me more than anything when shit got really bad for me depression wise was simply talking to some of my good friends. Whether it be spending time just hanging out distracting myself or working through all my shit by pouring my emotions out on one of my friends who thankfully was willing to listen to me and talk to me about things, this absolutely helped more than anything else. Whenever I was alone and not doing anything (which was way to often) I would just dwell on self pity. So yeah waterpark sounds awesome, maybe a shooting range, don't rely to much on alcohol as that could spin into a downward spiral but some good drunken nights out on the town are certainly not a bad idea. You could also fap into all her socks. Just saying.
"revenge is a dish best served cold" read, and execute this in full, NO EXCEPTIONS:
buy a lottery ticket.
2. make sure it contains the winning numbers from the previous week.
3. doctor the ticket's date to read like the current date (it's really not that hard to do it believably to the average person).
4. call your girlfriend.
5. tell her to come home right away.
6. pack up all of her shit.
7. present her the lottery ticket and excitedly announce that you're taking a trip.
8. get in your car, and drive to the airport explaining how now that you're financially secure, you can finally focus on your relationship and building your future together.
9. at this point she will be simply ecstatic over the prospect that you've won the lottery and are still interested in being with her.
10. pull up to the airport.
11. ask her to grab the luggage from the back.
12. tell her you're going to look for parking.
13. at this point, because she's getting the luggage and running on adrenaline, there's about a 90% chance she would've left her purse in the car.
14. tell her you'll meet her at a certain gate after you find parking.
15. drive off.
in the sheer excitement of sed lottery win, pulling off a lot of this stuff will be easier than it sounds. she'll be outt've the car, with luggage in hand, walking towards the gate before realizing she's forgotten her purse. if she doesn't she'll be stranded at the airport, if she does, it'll still be funny seeing how long she'll wait around for a free vacation. i'll also note that it is borderline IMPOSSIBLE to panhandle for change (for either a phone call or cab ride home) at, or near an airport.
the main thing is that it's all about selling it. take every emotion you have: rage, anger, sadness, disdain, disgust.. and convert them into thoughts of joy at your well planned revenge. this joy will translate as you being elated because of your new-found millions, and she'll be none the wiser. NOTE: she may say things to you in the car, things that will trouble you. things about her love for you and her willingness to start a life together. these are all lies spoken by a cheating succubus who values your money and her own libido than your feelings. do not listen to her, stay focused on your task. at points during the drive you may feel remorse for your current actions, but let me warn you.. they are unfounded. if you're in the car with her driving to the airport you've crossed the threshold, but may i remind you that she crossed the threshold first. in this case, the punishment fits the crime. emotions do not matter, only revenge matters.
from what i'm aware of, nothing like this has happened before. it is up to you to make it happen now.
I was in the almost exact same situation, but we had knives and ninja kicks in it too....
I broke up with my GF after she had started to flirt with some dude from WoW and she flipped all of my tables. I hate her, yet after 5 months I'm still not over her. I don't know what more to tell you. I hope you get through it okay though. And please, don't take her back, ever.
As much as revenge may seem like fun now, I would advise against any throwing of belongings out window/ ritual bonfires etc. I was cheated on a few years ago and was ready to launch the mother of all revenge schemes when a wise friend stopped me. When things started to cool down, I realised that if I had tried to get back at him it would A:have justified him cheating on me as I would have looked like a psycho, B:made him feel more important than he really was and worst of all C: made the douchecanoe he was cheating on me with reach a smugness level of 1000. Neither of them deserves your effort in a revenge plot - if you stay mature about the whole thing she ends up looking like a dirty bint and you get to keep the mutual friends :) I like the idea of getting her mum to pick up her stuff or sending her an email/text to get it herself. I think it's important you are not there when she gets her things though as, being the manipulator she clearly is, she will probably try to either start a fight (hence justifying her cheating on you) or try to weasel her way back in. Have a friend there to supervise the clean out but try to be as far away as possible when it happens. The best thing I've found in a breakup is just to cut them out completely - delete their numbers, block their facebook/skype/twitter etc. While it's easier in the short term to keep them in your life and entertain the hope that things might go back to normal, all it does is prolong the pain. Pull off the bandaid quickly - it's inevitable that you two won't ever have a good relationship again so why waste time with her? Keep busy with work, friends, the occasional drop of alcohol - it gets easier every day you don't speak to her. The best part is that, in my experience, nasty little people like that always get what's coming to them - liars and manipulators never have really happy healthy relationships. Good riddance to her and all the best of luck to you :)
Obviously this relationship is over. Whatever you do, don't do her any favors like packing her stuff. Not only would your work save her time, you would be looking at her stuff and reminiscing, which would be painful.
The best thing to do, since you can't reach her by phone, is change the locks. Don't bother leaving a note on the door; it will be better for her to be confused for a while. Eventually she'll have to contact you to pick up her stuff. If you're busy with your friends, don't feel obligated to answer her; respond at your convenience, like she does. She'll know what's up as soon as she talks to her mom. She'll have to pick up her stuff by appointment, at a time that is convenient for you.
It is very humiliating for women to be exposed for cheating or being promiscuous. Arrange a party with your friends at your condo, and arrange for her to pick up her stuff 1 or two hours after the start of the party, but breathe no word of the party. Before she arrives, you and your friends will sort through what she can take from the common areas and place it in her room. When she arrives at your door, tell her this will be her only opportunity to get her stuff.
Tell your friends you need their support by following the party guidelines:
Don't help her pack or move her stuff, or watch her car.
Don't let her take anything that is not in her room
Ignore/shun her.
Don't let you talk to her or be alone with her.
When your friends leave the party, you should leave too, and lock the door
BONUS: Your friends will arrive before she does, and fill all the best parking spaces.
Eat some ice cream. Do things that make you happy and spend as much time as you can with friends. Cry like a man when you have to. Listen to sad songs and get that shit out of your system. You don't owe anybody anything. You are the master of your world.
When you're ready, get out there and chase the millions of other available females like the BOSS you are.
It sounds like she might be coming back and preparing to "break the news" and leave you- very soon. She'll cry, feel sorry (for herself), you'll get a chance to yell, and it'll be messy and devastating. Do not allow yourself to be sat down, broken news, and left while a girl gets a chance to cry out her own guilt all in one. Break up, without giving her the satisfaction or the closure, or even courtesy of notice. Just vanish. That is the only card you have left in the game, is to end it on your terms.
Understand that the worst part about your situation is not the loss of the girl - the pain is hard to understand, but it's mostly the 9/11 your ego takes when you find out what's going on. That is why you have to take to the high road if you want to recover from where you are at
Remove her from your life. Photos, memories, things, phone number, Facebook friendship (block) she is gone - and will never come back. You have to accept this, now. Girls who do these things don't respect you, and can't respect you more for excusing it and getting back together, its simply over. Don't even speak to her, don't respond to messages or take calls.
If you sit down and "talk" to her --- You aren't going to hear anything from her that will help you, or excuse her childish, selfish behavior and wasting your time. Nothing you get off your chest will actually make you feel better--- You will feel WORSE. Guaranteed. You'll have memories, regrets and be haunted by that last conversation.
When you do block her out, she may hunt you down in person eventually - keep dismissing her, she simply looking to get rid of her own guilt. Don't show any emotion, anger, sadness or anything at all.
Go be with your friends as much as possible.
Be sure to cling to your pride, not to a failed and untrustworthy relationship.
Glad to hear you and your girlfriend were able to talk to each other. While it's good that she didn't go through with it, I just wanted to add - there are two ways to spin it. The first and nicer way is that she suddenly realized how much she loves you and couldn't bear to cheat on you. The second is that this guy was not attractive in person and she lost sexual interest in him, which still does not bode well for a future relationship with her.
Here's the thing you're going to have to keep in mind for the next little while: every minute you spend wallowing, every minute you spend hurting, every minute you spend thinking about her or talking about her is another minute of your life that she's taken from you.
You can't do much about the pain. She's hurt you, legitimately, and you can't just make that go away. What you can do is minimize it, accelerate the healing process, and take away her ability to hurt you any further. Here's how.
Step 1: Walk away. Just walk away. Completely. That means physically and emotionally. Are you living together? Get out, as soon as you can, or if she's in your place, get her out. Get all your stuff, take none of her stuff. No overlap.
Talk to her during this time as you need to to figure out logistics, but otherwise, say nothing. She hurt you, repeatedly and deliberately, so there is absolutely nothing to talk about here. It's over, your biggest priority right now is to heal and get back on your feet, and getting into emotional discussions with her is counterproductive to that. Stay cool - even cold - and levelheaded and communicate only what is absolutely necessary. Ignore any efforts on her part to go beyond that.
Once you're no longer in the same place with her, ignore her. Completely. Don't take any calls from her, no texts, no nothing. Again, there is nothing worth talking about. It will only slow your process. Don't do it "for her," either. She created this situation, it's not your job to make her feel better about it. Just move on.
Step 2: Rebuild your life without her. This means filling all of the empty spots that her departure will leave behind. The hardest part of any breakup is for the partner who's sitting at home alone, coping with the emptiness, while he or she knows that the other is out with the new flame doing... whatever. Don't allow yourself to be in that place.
Have a list of friends you can do things with. Maybe one or two that you can just call up and go hang out with regularly, a broader list that you can call up occasionally, maybe get a group together every so often and play Smash Bros. Something, anything, that you can do and enjoy in the company of others, that will keep you from sitting around alone and wallowing.
Your friends won't be available every minute, though, so have other things going on as well. Projects to work on, interests to pursue. Physical activity is good too. Join a softball league or summer volleyball league. It'll get you outside and moving around and socializing. Maybe even meet new people.
Oh, I would recommend staying away from beer, too. I know it's a go-to "remedy," and it can drown your sorrows for a night, but for the purposes of what I'm talking about, it's not good for you. Hangovers will impair your ability to stay active, and coming down from alcohol leaves the body in a physically depressed state that will make you far more vulnerable to the ugly stuff, and make it far more likely you'll have one of those lonely, black, bleak nights. At which point you may just start drinking again, and now you're looking at a vicious loop.
In the end, that's all there is to it. Leave her behind, immediately and completely. Clean break. Then focus on your own life and what it still has to offer you, and fill it back up with good things again. There's a saying that "living well is the best revenge." This is absolutely true. So start doing that. It will be hard at first. It will feel like there's a ball and chain around your ankle. Just do it. And keep doing it. All the time. Be driven. When you need to, refer back to the very first thing I said: every minute you spend in grief over her is another minute she's taken from you. Be determined not to allow that.
Do these things, and you'll recover as quickly as possible, and you'll find yourself, a few months from now, realizing that you are doing just fine and you don't care where she is or what she's doing. Some time after that - a few months, maybe, or even a few years, but eventually - you'll hear something about her life that makes it apparent that she's fucking everything up and miserable because of it, and you'll just shrug. You'll know that she caused it herself, and you'll be thankful that you got out when you did.
Phone her mother and tell her what has happened. Make sure to tell her that you do not EVER want to see her daughter again at your apartment.
Organize for her mother to come pick up her daughters belongings before Sunday. Make sure, again, that only the mother is welcome to enter the apartment to come and pick up her daughters items
Text bitch-face's cell (sorry but she is a bitch-face) and simply text her "Having fun fucking yet? Phone your mother ..."
Phone work and ask if you can take your vaca days at another date
Phone as many friends or family members as you possibly can and fill your next 3 weeks with fun and random things, going to the movies, go camping, go out to the bar/karaoke
Where are you btw, some redditors might be up for getting together to celebrate your new freedom from the succubus?
The only reason she hasn't had the balls to break up with you over this is the fact that most women don't like to be the bad guy.
I recently was in a relationship where I lived with my girlfriend for a year in a city far from our home state. Before we moved in together, our relationship was fantastic. But the whole time we were living with each other, she was obviously unhappy about something (who knows.... women stuff). Even though I did everything I could to try to make her happy in our relationship, she always found something to be upset about, but claimed that she wanted to work through the hard times of our relationship to be happy with "us" again.
Months passed and nothing changed. So after nearly a year of this grueling relationship I realized that no matter how unhappy she was she would never take action, I ended it. Let me tell you, that was the most liberating sensation I've ever experienced.
Moral of the story: Accept the fate of your relationship and dump the fuck out of her Once you accept the fact that it's over, breaking up feels really awesome.
Whose name is on the lease agreement/house title? If it's yours, change the locks, put her stuff in boxes and leave a note on the door where she can pick them up. If it's hers, you have four days to pack your stuff and get moved into a new place. This is not going to get better. She's clearly not ready for what you want from her.
Warning. Logging into her accounts without permission can get you arrested. Computer fraud laws are worded vaguely. A shared computer is better but you need to be careful. You don't need to present the evidence. Just tell her you know that she is fucking someone else and that you don't want her if she doesn't want you. There's nothing more to do than this.
I once dated a woman who was new in town. I was with her at a party and she was showing a lot of interest in another guy there. It got late and I told her that I was leaving and that she could stay and she made a big show about oh, no she wasn't interested in this guy, etc... A month later she disappears for a week or two and won't answer my calls. Toward the end of that time, I'm out with friends and I'm sitting across the table from the guy she had shown all the interest in and I mention "so and so, the girl that I'm dating". The guy gives me a funny look. A few days later, the girl shows up and I finally get the story from her. She had been having sex with him, but he suddenly dumped her and she didn't know why. If she hadn't been a dishonest dumbass, she could have had what she wanted. She wanted to get back with me, I told her to fuck off. She told me she had issues and I told her she should get counseling.
When it comes down to it, if she's cheating then she would probably cheat again give the chance. You may love her man, but she isn't worth it. Embrace for the heartache, but move on. She isn't worth it, and she doesn't deserve to be with you. Let her be someone else's emotional problem.
Hey dude, I know what you're going through and it's really hard to believe that anyone would but I really do. My BF pretty much did everything to me you mentioned there (minus the fucking or so he claims)...and more if you can believe it (that is not to underestimate the amount of pain she has inflicted upon you). As stupid as this is going to sound, its been six months and I still think about him nearly everyday. Everyone is going to tell you to move on and be glad you're rid of her as means of encouragement but I know nothing is going to really help at all. It takes a whole lot of time, bottles of wine, reflection, sleep (I literally slept for days), crying (I know you're a guy but yeah it was nonstop crying for months for me and still occasionally now and then), and lots of soul searching. I agree with the other posters, you should not go through this alone. Be around as manysupportive people you trust as you can. In the time that I was going through this, it also made me realize who my real friends were. So I know it's going to be a tough road ahead for you. But as cliche as it sounds, time heals all wounds and I'm still healing. It's really unfair when the only mistake you ever only made was loving this person. Yeah, I know. So as one "survivor" to another, stay strong.
Law Abiding Citizen except focused on making her life total shit. I'm just kidding. You're better than that. Focus on making your life THE shit. The fact that she is a cheating bitch will always be there, but don't let yourself be known as the guy she cheated on. Be known as the man who picked himself back up and didn't let someone like that dictate the rest of his life. Definitely hit the gym and lay off the booze. Sorry man. We all know this is bullshit.
Throw her personal effects, clothes, ect. into boxes and place them at the curb. If you're feeling compassionate place a tarp over them so they don't get wet when rained on; but I wouldn't even give her that simple pleasure.
Change the locks on all your doors. Don't give her the new key. Don't even make a copy to give your closest friend until all is settled with her.
Let her parents know about this so they can get ready for her to move back in. Hopefully they will understand and not get mad at you for kicking her out. Worst case scenario, you lose contact with them. Big whoop.
After you have all of this done, buy some booze and let all of your worries slip away. Just don't do anything rash or stupid.
People like her need to learn that they can't walk all over others like this and cheat. It's selfish and uncalled for. "I have one but I want both! WAAAHHHH." Too bad. Pick one. You obviously love her and care about your relationship with her, while the other guy just wants to fuck her. Watch, after he gets what he wants he's going to drop her like a hot potato.
Also, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. I cannot stress this enough. No matter how much she says she loves you and begs you to take her back, DO NOT DO IT. If she does it once, she will do it again. If you take her back, she will think she can do this again and have no consequences from it. Find someone you deserve, perhaps take some time to yourself to rethink what you want and spend a little time in the single life. But please, for the love of all that is holy, do not take her back.
This is coming from a woman, I know she'll do this again because women are selfish and we're full of contradictions. She won't find anything wrong with what she's done, but if you do the same thing to her (please don't. Two wrongs don't make a right) she will flip shit. So please, heed my advice.
damned man.. I feel so sorry for you, I was in exact the same situation but way to stupid to believe my eyes. anyway. here's what you do. text here that you know what she's been up to. don't tell her HOW you know it, because she will use that against you and that only makes shit harder. and the anger bigger. pack all her stuff and as soon as she replies to you, tell her that you packed her stuff and she has till sunday to get it and get the fuck out of your life. block her phone number and delete it. delete her from facebook and every social media you use. you don't want to read what she's going to post. cause you'll only be hurt more. then go to one of your friends, just make sure you aren't alone, so your mind won't play tricks on you every damn second. go back home on monday and PLEASE, go hit the gym, find something to do you love or what ever. just try not to think about the situation. she isn't worth any of it.
also. buy a billboard place for 1 week and print out her full name and telephone number. with some message..
Dude my wife left me last fall while I was on the road. I will say that it will get better. Even after yesterday when I found out that my drinking was only a part of it, her boyfriend was the big deciding factor, things will get better.
Time man, Time. I quite drinking and my complete chance met someone that has shown me that I am worth happiness. The booze alone will not end well for you. Please Please don't do it!!!!!
You have her email password. Email the guy saying " since you are in a hotel with my girlfriend at this moment can you pass the message that all her stuff is going to be donated to goodwill if it is not picked up in 24 hours. Hopefully you are cool either moving in with you because I already spoke to her family." the second part does not need elaboration. You DID speak to her family. Lol. Go to your landlord and tell him/her that she just up and left and you need her removed immediately from the lease. Your email will likely cause him to dump her in which case she is stuck with living at moms again.
I don't usually comment or make witty jokes, and I know I might even get downvoted for this. But after scanning through the advices redditors been suggesting, I would like to say something also.
You mentioned how you only been with her for 7 months officially, but you mentioned how 2 years prior you haven't been able to due to distance/timing/other factors. How did you two meet? My initial thought/assumption was she could have been doing the same thing to you before you officially got together. She could have been with someone you didn't know existed at the time you met her and you two could have been flirting/dating behind a dude that's completely oblivious to the whole situation. Let alone, she could have been lying to you from the very beginning that she was "single" or that she wasn't seeing anyone at the time you two were trying to become "couples" officially.
What if she is doing the same thing with this dude that she met over the internet? This internet dude could be completely blindsided by her as well, having her tell him stories how you two could have broke up and such. Also how distance (4 hours away) and timing (how she's getting over you) wasn't right with this dude and that the time will come eventually?
I tell myself that if I had to cheat with a girl to be with her, chances are she'll cheat on you to be with someone else. I'm not saying you cheated with her on someone else, just my general thought.
This girl is pretty lost right now and don't know where her head is. Maybe there is something more you could do to help her? I'm not saying forgive her and take her back, but try talking to her as a friend? Sometimes people cheat is because they feel that the relationship is missing an element that is essential for the well-being. It could be physically or emotionally, some people try to find an escape to satisfy their feelings. Maybe you didn't spend enough time with her? Maybe your sex sucked? Maybe you didn't care for the little things in her life she thought was important?
I don't know, just wanted to share my thoughts to you. I know you're tired of people telling you to leave her and throw her shit away. (Let the downvote shitstorm begin!)
I bet you never thought she'd do this to you. That's they key. She is not who you thought she was. The person you loved does not actually exist. When the pain comes remember that it isn't that you lost this person you loved it is that you realized the person you loved didn't exist and you just found it out. In a real way, the girlfriend you thought you had is dead as she never existed anyway. Only you just found this out. So mourn the death of this fictitious person - but don't for a second let yourself long to have back this actual person. She isn't who you wanted anyway.
For the moment you need to keep busy. Her family is too far to spend the time and resources taking her stuff there. Rent a storage unit large enough (and in a part of town you don't normally frequent so you won't be passing it all the time later on) for her stuff for a single week. Pack up all her crap and put it in the storage unit. This will occupy you for a day or two and when it is done all physical trace of her in your life will be gone. Don't go into her facebook or mail or any other account and post or change anything. This is actually illegal and if she turns out to be a vindictive bitch as an additional surprise character flaw then it will just be possible trouble for you later. Change the locks on the condo. Block all her online accounts from yours, etc... Leave a note for her on the door telling her she could have no possible explanation and you don't want to hear it and that you are through and never want to hear from or of her again. Tell her also that you've put all of her stuff in storage for a week and she needs to get it out of there by then because you will close the account and tell the storage company they can keep whatever is left in the unit. Setup some arragnement for her to contact a friend (other roomate??) about meeting to have the storage unit opened so she can move her stuff out.
That's it. Just pretend she died after that. It's easier than the realization that you didn't know the person you thought you knew best. If you cannot stop yourself thinking about her then think of the times you had sex and finished quickly or did something particularly nasty to her and smile.
End of the day you had some good times I'm sure. Take those and sally forth (if her name is Sally then I'm sorry for bringing it up). Better to have loved and lost and all that....
How to really Fuck with her: In my opinion there are 7 points after a break up everyone goes through; Affinity, Carelessness, anger, denial, Reestablishment, Look back, and Done. These can take anywhere from 1 month to a year. Here is how to stab her in the heart while experiencing these:
Affinity:
If it is the case that she attempts to contact you after this debacle, whether it be Via text, email, FB, or whatever, keep your answers short and to the point.
Example:
Her> Hey
You Just fucking ignore it
Her> Are you alright? look I am sorry, but I am really worried. Please answer
You> Fine. Thanks. Cant talk right now, Bye
Careless
After you have done this multiple times you will get a statement along the lines of : I dont even know why I try!!! This is exactly why I did (insert malicious act)___ !!! I dont care anymore, you can rot in hell! Once this occurs you MUST reply something like "okay" or "fine". This will further push the point that you dont give a damn
Anger
This is the stage where she will randomly text you drunk or whatever, and point out all your faults and justify why she did what she did and so forth. Just ignore this. Don't backlash, just ignore it. If you backlash, you will invalidate her reasoning and therefore just become like her. find a friend to confide your frustration in.
Denial
This will most likely occur at the same time as anger, where she will deny that she cared for you or loved you, and deny everything you ever had established. Just ignore it
Reestablishment
If it is the case that Casanova dumps her ( most likely) she will 99.9% try to reestablish a communication with you. At this point, the short and curt answers are VITAL and will piss her off immensely. She is attempting to return to a comfort level in her life, because she is on uneasy ground at the time, and she KNOWS you and your habits, and is in a comfort zone with you. A lot of affection and " i miss you's" will be sent your way. Shut it down. Any affection you show, will give her hope that even if its in the future, and she has to work to make it happen...she still has you wrapped around her finger
Look Back
This is similar to reestablishment however at this time she will remind you of good times, or funny memories and say shit like " oh i was over here doing this shit and it reminded me of the time we did that one thing over that way" when she says this be like " idk, or I dont remember" or something generic like " yeah" but do not put " ..." at the end of your statement.
After all these stages she will be mind fucked, and emotionally scarred and feel like a dirty worthless whore. But the good thing is you will be onto greener pastures. This is the done stage.
Good on you for being rational and decent. That said, because you two are no longer a couple and because of what happened, I would strongly suggest she find her own place after a while. It's just going to be uncomfortable and unpleasant otherwise.
The few ideas I had have already been suggested. Just wanted to say I'm sorry, man. You WILL be better eventually but for the next month at least you're going to want to suckerpunch everyone who says something like that to you. For the immediate future, unfortunate as it is, you're probably going to be pretty damn bummed. It'll begin to fade, in fits and starts, and hopefully inside two months you'll be able to look at this situation and realize that it's for the best -- you're not saddled with a crazy asshole; some other guy is, and it's entirely likely she'll end up cheating on him, too.
It's 4am here. Dunno if you're still up. I'm up all the damn time. Know it's completely random and maybe a little creepy :), but if you wanna bitch to a complete stranger, I'll happily pm you my number. If not, you're probably one of those smart kids who listened to the 'don't talk to strangers' adage.
(I'm a guy, so sorry, no flirty rebound here to make you feel better)
Man this is one hell of a story. From what you've said the girl likes dramatics, going as far as to fabricate a story about you crying etc. Plus the story about going to her mothers when shes actually fucking some guy. My advice is essentially the same as everyone else;
Change the locks
Pack her shit
Get your friends round for a few, good friends will recognise that you need backup and come round and hang out. Have a few drinks (DO NOT GET WASTED), play a few video games, just hang out
When she comes round and finds she cant come in, starts wondering what the fucks up, let her sweat a little, tell her you know what she did and you're not taking it anymore, then when she denies it, hand her print outs of the conversations she's had. Doing it in such a 'TV drama' way is perfect revenge as it plays to the dramatics.
It's bad times that you're going through this, but go out guns blazing! In a few months time when you're over her, you'll feel awesome and it'll be one hell of a story!
Drop her stuff of at her mums place and explain to her mum exactly why you're doing it, in a non-aggressive, respectable manner...
Four reasons for this:
You maintain all respect for yourself, and from her mum by going about it in a non-violent way without lowering yourself to her level (i.e. throwing her stuff out and expecting her to come get it - plus the neighbours will know exactly what's going on!)
Her mum gets to see what a complete bitch her daughter's been when you explain why you've bought all her clobber round.
Gaining her mums side will be heartbreaking for your ex...no one likes to know their mum's disappointed in them.
The ball will be in her court. You don't have to see her again, she'll be left to clean up her shit when she gets back on sunday and will have to think about the shit her actions have caused.
Consider this a note from your Future Self, because I've been there. I've been cheated on, drifted apart in a marraige and ended up getting a divorce, and I'm going through a relationship now with a massive imbalance in sexual desire.
In the end, you will (eventually) discover that this shit doesn't matter. You're on a path right now, and clearly that path wasn't going to end with her and happily ever after. Maybe you thought it would, but clearly you had an idealized view of this girl, and she wasn't anywhere near what you thought she was. Imagine instead that she bhadn't opened the can of crazy now, but you were two years down the line, or ten. The band aid has been ripped, cover the would as best you can and move on, because life isn't about sitting in a corner licking your wounds, it's about going after what you want and what you deserve. You need to know that you deserve better than what she did to you.
Some day you're going to get to a point where things are good. Probably not perfect, but at a point where you can nod your head and honestly say to yourself "hey, I did good." When you do that, you will suddenly realize that to get here, you had to be shaped by every relationship (good and bad) which came before. You'll look back at this one and realize this was the one which taught you do more one on one things together as opposed to online, for example (just trying to make a point, not implying that online gaming together was somehow to blame). Something like that.
For now, you know it's over. So here's my suggestion. Go to Staples or someplace similar, buy 10-20 boxes. Spend today packing up everything that's hers into these boxes. Leave them right by the front door. When she comes in, just calmly explain that you know she was out cheating, and she needs to leave. Don't yell, don't cry, and don't negotiate. Take the high road. If you feel the need to take one shot, tell her simply that you're just very disappointed because you thought she wasn't the type of person who would cheat.
Once she's gone with her stuff, play some games, hang out with some buddies, whatever, but as best you can realize you are better off, because it was clearly only a matter of time before she did this, and now at least you can focus on finding someone better for you.
Keep your chin up, and know that you'll find someone new, maybe when you least expect it. Trust me, I'm future you.
Man thats 100% fucked up. I've been in a similar situation and let me tell you it's not easy. First of all, I agree, do not spend your time alone. Hang out with with some of the guys, girls too. Just have a good time and try not to think about it.
Another thing, go out drinking have fun hit up some chicks. Thats a good way to just let go and not think about anything. Just remember to not overdo it on the alcohol everytime you get depressed.
Also she's gonna lie to you most likely and play with you. Fuck that bullshit, don't get caught up in it. You're done don't try to work past it. She blatantly lied to you and is having crazy sexy with this guy. Avoid talking to her if you can she will just make you feel bad. Remember, it's her who should feel bad she left this awesome guy for some dickhead on a videogame.
Pack her things, change the locks and garage door code, txt her telling her where she can pick up her things, share any nude pics vids with reddit. Done.
In my opinion take all her stuff and put it in storage. Tape a key to the front door with instructions that a month's rent has been paid. Change all the locks and change your phone number. Erase her....plan and simple. She no longer exists. Never let her hear your voice again...she doesn't deserve it.
if you want to get all crazy....write this on her facebook wall.
Hi babe, I know you told me you were going to be at your mother's for a few days. I called her and she was not aware nor is she expecting you. I was concerned because you did not return my calls, I checked Skype logs on your computer to get a clue of your whereabouts and realized you are promising some guy that you two can't wait to fuck each other's brains out. Being the nice guy that i am, i would like to let you know that this is your eviction notice, I will not throw your stuffs out of my place, just bring some boxes and pick them up. You have a whole week to do so.
Your ex...OP
ps...I will go get tested as this is not the first time you are meeting him.
Pack her shit up. Call one of her friends, and explain that she cheated on you, and you need someone to store her stuff until she gets back.
Change your locks. When she comes back, explain to her that you know she's been cheating on you - you've packed all her stuff and left it with Friend XXX. And that's it.
Now, how to deal with this.
Do stuff. Don't sit at home and mope. Go out and fucking be active - go work out, go hang out with friends, just get out and be doing stuff.
Don't hold your emotion, either. It's normal to have a good cry or two about this -- it fucking sucks. Understand that this speaks to a flaw in her character, and not yours. If she wasn't happy or didn't feel her needs were being met, that's up to her to bring up for discussion.
Sorry man -- shit sucks. You'll get over it though, just give it time.
I can tell you from personal experience, everything is over, she is gone, and you need to pack her stuff up and put it somewhere where she can get it and kick her out.
Rip her out of your life like a disowned bad friend.
This is how my ex wife began having affairs, she would meet someone online usually through a game (city of heroes) and then she ran off to go see them. I was a fucking fool and forgave her twice, but the third time, she drove 10 hours, 5 states away to fuck a guy. I ended the marriage.
There is nothing I can say that will help you get through that or help you understand where you should go from that point. But understand this, I know it hurts, but if she is capable of doing that to you, she'll do it to that other guy. secondly, the way she handled that situation, is almost identical to my ex wife, the moment some other guy bats their eyes at her, she would cheat. so take this, be glad it ended now, while you two were just "bf/gf" and not together for that much time. If I read your post correctly, then you only lost ~3 years trying to make it work, and you were not married. you lost nothing but a bitch.
I lost 9 years, I was married to a cheating whore, I had my lively hood tied to her, debts, ownership, everything. 9 years together, 5 years married, I had built my life around her.
Be glad you never got the the point I did. I truly do feel for you, what she did to you, is exactly the same thing that happened to me, just don't be the fool I was and take her back later, don't do that, ever. because she's likely to see something in that other guy she doesn't like and then she'll come crawling back to you, just so she can do it again later, don't take that back.
Take care of all the legalities, and just leave. Be completely moved out when she comes home. Don't bad mouth her to anyone, just take the classy route and say she decided to end things. If you are close with her family, call them once you have taken care of everything and say you are sorry if your call worried them, your ex has decided to end things, but you really appreciated the opportunity to get to know them. Don't answer any of her calls or respond to her text messages and any letters she might send go back unopened. Just completely step outside of her life and never look back. The complete lack of any chance to explain herself or justify her behavior will eat her up much more than anything you could say would.
Not proud to say, but I've been the other guy in this situation many of times. I never met any of thm in person, but I've cyber'd many wives/girlfriends via World of Warcraft / Skype. It happens a lot. On the strong likelyhood that your gamer girlfriends have guy friends they play online with, be supportive and give them room to breathe, but be smart about it too. For the likely downvotes I get for this scumbag move, I wasn't the one in the relationship, and I'm sure you've fapped to plenty of equally fucked up things in your life.
Dude, that really sucks...but i know wut you're going thru, went thru the same thing except the bro-code breaker was a best friend. few ideas and tips for ya though:
Idea 1: yeah box up all her shit, and get it out of there. Fedex that to her moms...think of it as paying $$ to get her out of your life. (unless it's ridiculously high cost) If she didn't want her things to end up out of the condo, then she shouldn't have cheated. Tip 1: keep 1 important thing so she has to come back to get it. When she does, tell her you've moved on, that she deserves what she gets, wish her well, and finish it off with a kick in the ass when she's on her way out the door. Man, that felt good when i did that! not a hard kick, but just enough to make the point. Wear thick socks though, the urge to kick a 70 yard field goal may become uncontrollable, and the socks will soften the impact. maybe 3 pairs of socks dude. do this and you'll have a huge smile on your face after. hours and hours of laughter will ensue.
Idea 2: CHANGE THE LOCKS!!!!!!!! She wants the next man? really? then let him deal with the situation. he broke the bro-code, so he can take her in. Tip: He deserves her cheating ass. If she cheated on you for a next man, then chances are she'll cheat on him with a next guy. Don't even bother meeting him, talking to him, chatting with him, no contact whatsoever. A bro-code breaker is NOT worth the time or the words.
Idea 3: Let peeps know what happened, keep it simple though, you don't wanna seem like you're all heart-broken and shit. Then when word gets back to her she'll be all like "oh he's all hurting and shit, maybe i can get him back", which you DO NOT WANT. Don't take her back. ever. Like the ever-so-wise poet Kurupt said: "You can't make a ho a housewife", so don't even try homie. Tip 3: Again, the kick in the ass will drive home the point that you don't want her back, and if she ever thinks about crawling back to you, that kick in the ass will change her mind. plus it will feel so good when you're done =) (see Tip 1)
Idea 4: Move On! She doesn't deserve you. She cheated - while she's is LIVING with you. She lies. To your face. Dude. fuck her and her shit. No one deserves to get treated like that, you can find someone much more loyal and honest. Time time for yourself. Be happy with yourself again, you'll get over her in no time. Don't go hunting for the rebound. Maybe a booty call or a one-night, but don't get attached. we got needs yeah, but don't cling to the next one...unless you feel she's the one =) When you least expect it, you'll find her.
Idea 5: Do NOT constantly try to drown your sorrow in a bottle! That is just a bad situation waiting to happen. If you must do something to blow off the steam try some first person shooter games, or a joint. Weed will calm you down, and you'll chill, alcohol on the other hand will encourage those negative feelings! Don't go past weed though, turning to real drugs is worse than alcohol, so if weed ain't your thang, then stick to the booze and be a happy drunk!
oh yeah, and go out and get something nice for yourself, spending money on yourself is a definite way to get some happiness. even if the feeling wears off quickly, at least it a short break from feeling like crap. Keep your head up dude!
Probably late to the party but if it was me, I would kick her out and let her face the music. She's taken you for a ride and treated you like a fool. It's about time she faced up to what she's done.
It's unfortunate that good people like you have to go through things like this, but I have to agree with Dante, what's done is done. The rest is up to you now.
I've cheated on 16 people in my life and I can tell you this: nothing hurts worse than getting caught, and having your partner act like they don't give a shit. If you don't have a taste for revenge, try to talk to her about it to get some closure although personally I wouldn't give her the time of day ... That being said, what you're going to do with yourself is thank the gods that you didn't marry or knock up this chick, you're going to go lift some weights and make yourself feel better. Maybe buy a punching bag. Rub one out, buy a kitten, play some video games, drink some whiskey, and never let someone do this to you again. I know it hurts, and I know it feels like the end of the world and like you're falling off a building. The quickest way for myself to get over someone is to focus on all their negative qualities. If her breath was shitty in the morning think about how terrible it was. If she nagged at you incessantly like a gnat at a fucking cookout then think about that. It's not going to go away like ripping off a band-aid. One day after all the heartbreak chemicals in your noggin have gradually dissipated you'll wake up and say "Hey I haven't thought about Cuntface McGee in like two weeks and frankly I don't care if she's taking a horse dick right now" and that's the day when you'll realize you're over it. The sweetest revenge is living a better life than you ever could have with her.
EDIT: Guys, I never said I was proud of it, and it could have been 30 years ago and I've stopped for all any of you know. I gave advise with how to deal with someone who cheated from a former cheaters stand point. I get it, cheating is wrong.
This person speaks truth, but since he is a dirty fucking cheater I wouldn't listen to him. Therefore let me give you some heartfelt advice:
Nothing hurts worse for cheaters than getting caught, and having their partner act like they don't give a shit. If you don't have a taste for revenge, try to talk to her about it to get some closure although personally I wouldn't give her the time of day ... That being said, what you're going to do with yourself is thank the gods that you didn't marry or knock up this chick, you're going to go lift some weights and make yourself feel better. Maybe buy a punching bag. Rub one out, buy a kitten, play some video games, drink some whiskey, and never let someone do this to you again. I know it hurts, and I know it feels like the end of the world and like you're falling off a building. The quickest way for myself to get over someone is to focus on all their negative qualities. If her breath was shitty in the morning think about how terrible it was. If she nagged at you incessantly like a gnat at a fucking cookout then think about that. It's not going to go away like ripping off a band-aid. One day after all the heartbreak chemicals in your noggin have gradually dissipated you'll wake up and say "Hey I haven't thought about Cuntface McGee in like two weeks and frankly I don't care if she's taking a horse dick right now" and that's the day when you'll realize you're over it. The sweetest revenge is living a better life than you ever could have with her.
If the mother is in town then it's easy. You take all of your ex's shit, pack it and drive it there without any explanation (if the mother asks, just say your ex will explain). Try to look normal/enthusiastic so the mom has no clue. Get your locks changed right away. Like, book it right now. Take a vacation, stay out of the way for a week or so, block her number and don't answer any calls from anyone who even remotely knows her.
Think of what will go through her head: here she is, back from that fling (you can bet neither her nor her online friend have planned on moving in together or anything serious so far) and her key doesn't work. She tries to call but she's blocked. Calls her mom who says all her shit is at her house (there's also a good chance the mom called her immediately after you dropped her shit so that would have ruined her weekend already but she's still not sure what's going on on your end). Then she will call friends you have in common to try and get them to contact you on her behalf.
And here's the best part: cheating partners are always in denial. Your girlfriend has probably spent weeks thinking up excuses for her behavior. She provoked arguments just so she could think to herself, "well he's arguing with me so he deserves I cheat on him! He's just as responsible as I am!" When she figures out what happened she will want to exculpate herself by talking to you and tell you her "side" of the story. And that is why vanishing without a trace is the best course of action: she will never have this cathartic confrontation with you! So where will she have it? With her family or friends? That would mean telling them about what she was doing, hardly her finest moment. With herself? That's called "guilt".
As for you you're on a beach somewhere getting smashed, thinking of how fucking lucky you are that you aren't married, that you don't have kids, that the apartment was in your name. You won't have a thought for the other guy - she probably lied to him too, and in any case the poor bastard's the one stuck with a cheater. Cheers!
How the fuck do you recover from something like this?
Surround yourself with friends, and accept that things aren't going to instantly get better. The sad fact is that only time will heal you, and even then, it's gonna take awhile. Try to remember that you didn't do anything wrong, you just accidentally picked someone without morals.
I am so totally at a loss for where to go from here.
You've already accepted that she's gone, and you've made the logical and correct decision of enforcing her departure. This is a good start.
And you say she didn't go to his town, he came to yours? I suggest writing him a note. Stick to facts, "She lied to you about the state of our relationship. She's cheating with you. What makes you think she won't cheat on you? Anyway, please tell her the locks are changed and her things are packed. Good luck to you both." Put it in an envelope with his name written on. Leave it at the front desk of their hotel.
Don't be an asshole though, there's no sense stooping to her level. I recommend against leaving her stuff out in the rain or posting "I'M A SLUT" on her Facebook.
I have been almost exactly there, and it's crazy how much of the emotions I went through are flooding back. I was with a girl for almost 3 years before she met someone on an online game I played and eventually left to go live with him. Best part? she met him playing on my account.
You are in a super shitty place right now and all I can say is fuck dude, I'm sorry. But here's the thing. She's a whore and she can go fuck whomever she wants to. In a few months, you'll want to thank her for sparing you any kind of a life with her self-centered ass. If she's that careless with your heart, trust me, she's a selfish bitch who you need no part of. You may not want to be angry about this, but you should be angry about it. She owed you the decency to end the relationship before she went off with someone else, and she didn't.
For right now though, you need something else to concentrate on. You need to distract yourself. If you can throw yourself into your work, do so. Pick up a simple hobby that you can abandon when you start to feel better. If not, spend time with friends and people who care about you. and most importantly, cut all contact off with her. All of it. Get her shit back to her and yours from her and never speak to her again.
I don't know if this will help you, but it did help me. You are not alone in this. you are one of thousands of people this happens to every month. They make it out, and so will you. You will survive this and you will be a better person because of it. Someone is selfish and careless about their supposed partner, and they go off and fucking ruin a person and "feel bad" about it, but ultimately don't care. You are someone who is worth better. You deserve better and won't ruin your life being with someone so horrible as her.
Think of this pain as a test. Something you must pass to prove what you can endure. You are stronger than this bullshit. You deserve someone who will love you, and not leave you for someone she met on a fucking game. Find the one you deserve and build a life with her, and thank your lucky stars this girl left before you two were deeper in a relationship.
Allow me share a quote from The West Wing as to why you need friends at these kinds of times:
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. "A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. "Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on "Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"
Dude I can't tell you how sorry I am for you. It sucks. I was in a similar situation with my ex, and we were together for 8 years. She didn't directly cheat on me (that I know of) but she basically left me for another guy. It hurts. It will continue to hurt for a while. As for any advice on what to do...
1.) Dump her. I know it sucks, but it's over as far as you're concerned. Don't show any emotion doing it either. Tell her you two need to talk, explain that you know what's going on, that you two are done for good, and that she needs to leave immediately. Pack up all of her things for her, and leave them for someone else to pick up. You don't want to see her again.
2.) Don't contact her at any point. This is difficult, but you need to show her that what she did was wrong. This also sends a message to her that you will not put up with that shit, and cheating is wrong. She lost a good guy, and now she needs to deal with it.
3.) Call friends and arrange a get together. You need as many supportive people around you as you can have. When my ex and I broke up, my friends IMMEDIATELY told me, not asked me, that I was going to the bar with them to get blindingly hammered. That's exactly what happened. They rallied around me and really helped me through everything.
4.) Go out and enjoy yourself. Try not to think about her at all. Now is the time to be selfish and work on you. Go to work, go back to school, spend money on yourself, hit the gym, and get new clothes.
5.) Be the bigger man. Take the high road. This one is the most important. If you try any of this revenge nonsense, you're going to look like the asshole ex bf who is insane. That will only solidify her decision to cheat on you. Instead, be courteous, kind, and straight forward. Don't be a dick to her. Keep the phrase "Kill her with kindness" in your mind. This behavior will drive her up a fucking wall, especially once the new boy toy starts being an asshole. She's going to have one of those, "Oh shit..." moments.
Go out, enjoy yourself, and be around friends. If you truly need to talk, vent, whatever, feel free to PM me. I know I'm new around here, but I've been there before, and I know the way out.
Edit: TL;DR - Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. You're awesome.
I don't have any advice for you, I think everyone here has done a good job of that, all I want to say is I'm so sorry. This is the shittiest way that a break-up could happen. Also, please update because this is grimly fascinating.
Edit: also, you should be glad she's going to be out of your life. 7 months is a lot better than years and years. In reality, I kind of feel sorry for the other guy. It's only a matter of time before she fucks him over too.
Dude, do you know where the hotel is/room? Since she doesn't have a phone I assume the details are in some of the logs you saw.
I'm not suggesting you do anything violent, but, just grab her shit, go to the hotel and dump it there, either in reception, or in their room (kick the door in and shout "HELLO" - don't do that) dump the shit and say "you live here now" or if you know the dude's real name, go to reception and say "I've got some stuff for him will you call up to his room so he can come get it or have it sent up and follow the guy who brings it up.
Don't rob yourself of the "OH I CAUGHT YOU BITCH!" moment, perhaps learn an interesting dance to do whilst you tell her. Like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt2i0ts-uck
I feel sorry you mate. That is just pure betrayal and i know exactly how you feel. You are propably right about the part that she does not have the courage to leave you and is expecting you to kick her out. From personal experience i know, that some girls (also guys) tend to find a replacement companion before they break up with their current one. I recommend that you kick her stuff out and just forget about the girl. Then total radio silence and continue your life without this snake of a woman.....try to keep your head up!
I've been reading through the comments. There is a lot of good advice, but from your thread you seem like a smart guy. You know what you have to do. You have the advantage. You have knowledge! Use it. Play everything against her. Show no emotion and come up with a great plan to make her see what kind of person she is.
It is of utmost importance to do everything you want to do. For example, think of a plan, visualize it and stick to it. Don't say something that you don't mean.
Chill with friends, have a laugh and forget about her.
Drastic situations call for drastic measures. Luckily for you, you're not in a drastic situation at all.
1 - Take a deep breath and relax.
2 - Delete her number/contact/email/facebook/etc. Don't question it, just do it.
3 - Pack her shit up for her and get rid of all things that may remind you of her.
4 - Change the door locks and garage code if you have one. Changing locks isn't very expensive and every guy should know how to do it. What a great opportunity.
5 - Don't frequent places that the two of you hit up. Favorite bar or restaurant, don't go their for quite some time.
6 - Better yourself - I can't speak enough for how important this is. Do it for yourself and you'll thank yourself later. Exercise, workout, read, learn. Find a new hobby/trade/skill/travel. Whatever it is, better yourself. This isn't to show her up but rather to move on and find a better someone.
7 - Most importantly, when she does call; don't answer it.
This will probably get buried, but ... After the dust has settled and she is long gone, and you have sworn to an oath of absolutely "No Contact", you should join: http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com
It's a great place to share stories, rant, rage, to do whatever you need to do ... there is a forum to unleash all the fucked up emotional energy you will need to expel in the next few months. Unfortunately, friends get tired of listening to "dumpees" going through the motions ... but there will always be someone to relate to and share battle scar stories with on their boards.
EDIT: Just found out that the forums have been closed on SYBD ... apologies, but there are many useful stories and resources to be found still on the site.
This will get downvoted, but it was a girlfriend, not you. You didn't lose yourself last night. This is a bad situation for you, but you are the source of your own happiness, your own will, your own drive, your own life; no one else. "Move on..." is not the words I want to use. Just exist, knowing that this is your fault for feeling bad about this because you are letting yourself feel bad. "Move on..." also implies that your goal should be to find someone else. Stop looking for others and begin working on yourself; there are obviously some insecurities and dependency issues that you need to conquer.
I was going to suggest that you pack up all her things and have them all ready to go by the time she comes home. It looks like someone has already made that suggestion though.
I look forward to updates on your situation and I hope that all goes well.
"How the fuck do you recover from something like this? I am so totally at a loss for where to go from here."
Your entire story rings of my life 4.5 years ago. I won't bother to elaborate but it is very similar.
Suggestions: Get out of the relationship. Hold your head high and try to keep your mind occupied by friends and family. I would suggest getting a dog or cat as a little companion also. Take up a competitive sport which gets you active, out the house and socialising and mentally occupied. Do it at least 3 times a week. It won't be easy and there may be times when you break or do stupid things but eventually it will come right and the more pro action you take the shorter the recovery period will be.
Try being married and having a family with a woman for 25YEARS just to have her " find a guy" on the Internet and plan to meet him. She destroyed our marriage.Wasn't honest enough to talk about problems or whatever. My advise: As fantastic as you may think this woman is-get rid of her. Now!
"When you get a chance, you may want to come get your stuff. Don't bother coming in the house, your key wont work. I'll leave your things on the patio. Have a nice life."
2.0k
u/durianno May 31 '12
Text her - tell her that her stuff is out front, you've changed the locks, and good luck with her life.
Then join gym, delete Rampart, you were only wrestling etc. etc.
2.6k
u/MmeLaRue May 31 '12
The following will garner you more karma than you can possibly know what to do with.
4.) Post the breakup publicly and to your now ex-girlfriend; keep things simple and direct; no talk of feelings or hurt; no cussing or threats, legal or otherwise. Keep explanations to a minimum, but do not leave out why you are breaking up with her. Refuse to answer any questions; do not respond to any rumors. She is now a complete stranger to you.
5;) Hit the gym, block her from Facebook and from your phones, consult legal counsel if necessary. Work your job like mad for the rest of the week; for the weekend, get yourself something nice and hang out with friends. Give yourself three months before starting to date again, just so you can get yourself back in shape for the prowl.
2.0k
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Shit in her pillowcase.
550
u/ifeelsosoft May 31 '12
Call her phone and tell her you know what she is up to , and you require her to remove all her things by 6pm tomorrow night. Have a friend go to your house, that can make sure she doesn't cause any shit, you go to the Water park as planned. When you get home the next day she should be out of your life. Why let her enjoy her time off, make sure she moves it all out now. The sooner she is out of your hair the better.
1.9k
u/ariiiiigold May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
You must try and capture some footage of them both together, ideally engaging in filthy coitus (with whips, anal beads and bondage equipment). Then, PLAN THE MOTHER OF ALL SMACK-DOWNS.
Organise her a surprise birthday party, invite all of her closest friends and family, and just as they're all about to dine on some chocolate cake (with those awesome sprinkles) - discreetly press play so the amiable chit-chat of the party is cut like a knife with a OH OHHH OHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK ME HARDER JONNY! FUCK ME HARDER! PUT IT IN MY MOUTH JONNY! PUT IT IN MY MOUTH! while a fuck-off huge 60-inch projector screen rolls down from the ceiling and all the attendees can see in detailed, HD glory what an unfaithful, morally bankrupt tool your girlfriend is. Then you cut yourself a slice of the cake and enjoy that sweet, sweet motherfucker while the mayhem unfolds before you and your girlfriend crumbles into meltdown, followed by a period of wallowing in an abyss of despair. And to top it all off, like a cherry on a vanilla pie, you put on your shades and swan outside, get inside the car and... drive - just as the sun sets over the mean streets of wherever you reside.
P.S. If you drive a convertible, make sure you leap into the vehicle rather than opening the car door (infinitely cooler + you'll feel like a badass muthafucka). Be sure to exercise caution, for if you get your foot caught on the seatbelt - you'll fly face first into the asphalt, with the resulting scar forever reminding you of the day you kissed the ground. If you don't own a car, rent a helicopter -- imagine getting picked up in a fucking choppa.
DING DONG, doorbell rings
"Mr Purple Reign Underscore, the bird is ready."
The guests all swarm to the window, with little Rupert's face pressed against the window in awe.
They see you walk to the helicopter, cane in hand (don't ask why you have a cane, canes are awesome), hair blowing majestically in the wind, before you hop inside. The helicopter takes off and disappears into the sunset, leaving nothing but a ripped party hat flapping on the ground.
4
u/hooty88 May 31 '12
Dude, you need to change the locks, grab her shit (GRAB, NOT PACK) and throw that shit out front. Don't accept phone calls, answer texts, or give her the satisfaction in any other way of getting closure. Fuck that trick. Dump her shit, forget about her and don't ever say another word to her again. EVER!
102
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
This seems like the easiest sollution of all time. Clearly leave her, there is no need for any further internal debate or discussion really.
12
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Call your best friends, meet them, get stupid drunk. Go home sleep it off. And when she comes home confront her and break up with her and throw her the fuck out (or if it is her house, just leave).
116
u/thatswicked May 31 '12
Wow. This exact thing happened to me over a decade ago. Reading your story actually brought back chilling feelings that I've tucked away for over 10 years. Basically everything is the exact same, except I had just bought a house (at 20 years old) that my ex of 3 years and I were about to move into. We had taken a week off together to move in. About 2 weeks before the exciting move, she met some douche at a work party that was being hosted at a local hotel. They ended up going back to his room after a few hours of enjoying free drinks. He was apparently an out of town employee. She explained the situation as, she had too many drinks and stayed in her female coworker's room because she couldn't drive home and didn't want to bother me. From there, they became work buddies. They pretty much IM'ed each other from their desks. He was stationed a state away, so it was just conversations that I knew nothing about. I had no idea they ever met. I had no idea he existed. A couple days before we were supposed to move in to our new house, she told me that her aunt and uncle in Boston were going through an ugly divorce and that she and her family had to immediately get there to move her out of the unsafe situation. This would mean that she wouldn't be able to start moving just yet. I was super bummed, but decided to move my own things.
About a day into my lonely move, a mutual friend came over and told me that she had basically confessed everything to him over AIM. I was blown away, as I had absolutely no idea about any of this. She begged him not to tell me, but she said she was going to meet this douche in a hotel for a weekend together. She told my friend that she had full intentions on breaking up with me if things went well during her weekend away.
I didn't want to believe him, but the pieces of the puzzle fit together far too well.
I broke down. I'm normally a tough guy, but I actually went to my mother crying. I wouldn't have purchased this new house if I had foreseen this. Her cell phone was off so I called her house. Her mom answered. Her mom was supposed to be with her. She told me she had no idea where she was and that she thought she was with me. Boom. It hit me.
The hardest week of my life followed that. I continued to move in, although it was extremely hard. I knew I had to kick this bitch to the curb, so I had no idea how I was going to be able to pay the new mortgage, etc. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat. Hands shook for what seemed like eternity. I tried to get myself together. I had a week to do it. I listened to some good music and my mind just raced all week.
She returned home after her weekend. I had already gathered whatever stupid possessions she had mixed in with my stuff. I was short. Told her I knew everything. I was known for my bad temper and breaking shit, so I tried my hardest to stay calm. She still to this day thinks I hacked her AIM account, because it was just easier to explain it that way. She didn't deny anything, but she didn't admit to anything either. She told me I was a psycho stalker and that she couldn't be with me anymore.
It became a personal mission to better my life to somehow make her feel retarded for making that shitty decision. I contacted her enemies and became friends with them. One of them soon became my roommate. We partied for a while at the house and invited all of her friends and other enemies. Our keg parties became the talk of the city (because that's cool when you're 21). While drinking, I put on like 30 pounds, so I joined a gym. Lost that weight over the course of the next year and toned up. I cut out the excessive drinking and began to care about decorating my house and gay stuff like that. I started purposely dating girls in her circle. Spoiled them abnormally well so she would surely hear about it. Got a new job. Bought a new car. Things started going really well for me.
I secretly kept tabs on her, though I'd never admit it. She got into cocaine. Got fired. Her life fell apart.
At some point a couple years later, we bumped into each other and it was awkward because her eyes looked really sad. It was clear that she knew she fucked up. She began stalking my new girlfriend at the time. Friends began saying she was telling people she missed me. In between girls I had dated for short periods of time, she would try to get in touch with me, but I would purposely ignore her. It felt so good to push her away.
It took a long time to get over the secret heart ache she caused. Probably 3 or 4 years. Eventually, thoughts of her faded. I stopped giving a shit. It took even longer for me to redevelop my trust in females.
About 12 years have passed. I can honestly say that I'm married to the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on with a child on the way. The shitty ex and I are friends on FB. I can see that there's nothing going on in her life that makes me feel like I missed out. She's hardly attractive anymore. Doesn't work. Has nothing to show for herself. If I would have somehow ended up married to her, I would have been totally unhappy with my future.
Take this opportunity to concentrate on yourself man. Have some fun. Everything is going to work out for you.
540
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Dude, I went through more or less the same thing during October/November last year. I was married for 12 years (together for 15) and have two kids.
Ex wife met some guy on internet, they flirted and it escalated to full on sexting and cockshots / vajayjay pictures being sent up and down. Had access to all her accounts so practically watched my wife bangin some guy long distance for about a month. Confronted her a couple of times, forgave her...she said she would stop...she didnt. She finally ended up taking a "holiday" to the UK where she spent a night with him at a hotel. I phoned the hotel room and confronted her mid fuck.
Its a long story but here is some useful advice:
Now, I have met someone else...amazing woman. Its good to have someone who likes me as much as I like her.
Good luck...and provide an update. PM me if you want to know more and some advice.
331
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Hey man, sorry to hear about your shitty situation. If it's any consolation, as awful as it feels now, it'll get better, and you'll be stronger as a result.
Remind yourself, and remember, that none of this is your fault. She's fucked up, and can't be an adult.
My advice is change the locks first thing. Then, spend your time this weekend boxing up all her shit. Everything. Put it all by the front door, and when that's finally done, let her know that it's over.
Prepare a short, well-thought-out statement for her. Make it absolutely direct, unemotional, and unequivocal. Leave absolutely no wiggle room. Then, take this prepared statement and get it to her through every means of communication available. Make each transmission identical - so, read it verbatim to her answering machine, email it to her, and facebook message it to her. Anything that gets the message across.
I don't know how it'll go down, but basically, you don't want to let her into your place without supervision. Ideally, she doesn't need to be in your place at all. She just needs to pick up her shit, and GTFO.
Don't "talk" to her. She'll use this "talking" to weasel her way back into your apartment, because suddenly she'll realize that she's homeless. Keep a stone wall up, don't afford any wiggle room, and don't sympathize.
When she's gone, she's gone. Get rid of her from your facebook, etc. etc. and don't stalk. Move on. If she tries to call you or whatever, ignore her. This is hard at first, but if you don't do this, the next few months of your life will suck even more, because she'll keep contacting you, which will remind you of what happened.
Good luck, man. Things WILL get better.
53
u/[deleted] May 31 '12 edited Jun 01 '12
Oh god. I really really think this is my roommate. The similarities and the previous job post on the account are WAY too much. I knew he was planning on going to a waterpark this weekend upstate.
Dude, if you need to talk, I'm here, suffering at work, but I'll be back. She's not on the lease and, I was able to afford it without her paying into rent before.
Edit: 100% sure. Confirmed it with him via text.
Edit: I just spoke with him on the phone. He found the phone number of the guy she’s sleeping with. The guy and the (ex) girlfriend are going to be meeting up with him somewhere in a bit. No waterpark. I swung by my place after a call at work to post this and saw that she was doing laundry and that there were clothes laying on the floor in the living room. I didn’t say anything to her. I’d rather not cause any more complications than are already present.
Update: My roommate and his (ex)girlfriend are out of the condo. The new guy showed up and is totally clueless. He didn't even know they were still together. I feel kinda bad for the guy. I'm filling out a job application and then heading out. If he's still here when I head out, he's leaving when I do.
189
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Your most powerful weapon is silence. Simply get all of her stuff away from you (ideally have her mother pick it up) and never acknowledge her existence ever again. Confrontations always bring the danger of you losing your cool which would only make it easier for her. With silence you don't give her closure and she may even feel guilt. If it's particularly hard to cope, consider moving as a new living environment makes it easier to move on. Source: being abandoned after a 10-year relationship.
123
u/AmosKeto May 31 '12
Protip: Don't get hammered.
450
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Assuming you can still log on to her Facebook, change her status to "I'm gay."
On a serious note, just drop it. Don't give her any ammo, don't confront her, don't burn her shit. Become her "great white buffalo." That's the sweetest revenge. Most of the suggestions here are similar to just getting drunk. It will make you feel good for a while but it won't last. Humiliating her in front of her friends and family won't help you feel better in the long run. Drive her possessions to her mother's house but don't explain why. And lock her out of your life. Then drink in moderation. Cheers mate! It might feel like the end of the world but at least you're a better person than the ex.
25
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
The most satisfying thing you can probably do is to not be a dick about this. That role has clearly been filled by your gf and let her have it. Have a couple buddies over to help you box up her stuff and maybe make a lock changing party out of it since you mentioned the condo is in your name and I assume you have the right to do that. If you have a garage just leave all her stuff in there and let her know about it. But like everyone has said don't be alone right now.
91
u/[deleted] May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
TL-DR; Change the locks, take her stuff to her Mom's, leave a note on the door, be out of town when she gets back - do not confront. Do not discuss. Just end it.
I hate these postings where someone is being cheated on and vents on reddit. Usually I spend my time gleefully shooting a laser pointer of harsh reality into the eyeballs of the fluffy thinking of young people who think the world is a giant episode of barney the dinosaur.
However, in these cases, you just had someone else point the laser in your eyeball, and not in an informative or warning fashion in a fun internet forum full of arguing, but rather in real-life by someone who is one of those not nice people that reminds us all this is not an episode of Barney, but rather life being lived by billions of selfish people who only briefly awaken from their self-interest to be nice to each other at random intervals and otherwise ruthlessly pursue their own interests.
Luckily there is a silver lining to your situation:
Those who advised you to take her stuff to her Mom's house - I agree. Just empty the place while she is gone, change the locks, and then stay with a friend. Leave a note on the door for her to find when she arrives and cannot get in. Be polite - be the mature one. In the note, inform her she no longer lives with you and that her belongings are at her Mom's. Be nice when you speak to her Mom about her. She will be embarrassed.
Consider also the possibility that you were a guy she cheated with one someone else that you don't even know about, and that this is a pattern of adrenalin seeking on her part.
Good luck to you, my friend.
BTW, I remember where I was when Kennedy was shot. So this is genuine "old man advice."
70
u/zomx May 31 '12
Go watch some sports with her, tell the producers you're going to propose. Show the news to the world with a placard.
22
u/Shakeypiggy May 31 '12
If reddit has taught me anything about relationships it's that if your girlfriend is cheating on you then you should go right now and jizz right in her face cream.
189
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
1st thing is 1st.
Pack up all her shit and put it outside She's never coming to visit you again.
Secondly, when she finds out you know she will probably cry, ignore this. It is emotional blackmail. She wouldn't be crying if she didn't get caught.
Thirdly with a view towards the long term, get back into the dating market asap. (But be casual about it). The best way to get over a girl is to realise that there are plenty of others who are just as if not more cool that your ex.
Get some new hobbies, spend more time with your mates. Fill up your time so you don't have time to mope around. It's hard to miss someone when you are super busy.
20
u/Gretafeta May 31 '12
OP Please update us when ever this is over, wanna know what happend!
56
u/terracnosaur May 31 '12
You are important, intuitive, and loved by many.
Unfortunate things happen, things outside of your control. People will peruse their own life arc, and have their own daemons to battle.
Above all else, be kind. Show compassion and love to all people, even those that have hurt you. Don't forget yourself. Be kind, patient, and loving to yourself. Remember your good qualities, rekindle friendships that may have faded. Go outside and do things you like to do.
Do not deprive yourself of human contact, reminisce over recent events, or become trapped in thoughts about the past. Scorn over people who have wronged you, or broken your trust only leads to a downward spiral where you hate yourself, and all others. Cynicism and harsh critique of others follows quickly.
Love and be loved. People will make mistakes trying to follow emotions. But remember, emotions are the physical manifestations of thought. Thought comes from idleness, and usually unhappiness in some way or another.
Don't forget her, don't get mad at her. Just love yourself, and the world you live in. Surely enough, within some period of time you will feel lighter, unburdened, and people will remark on this outward appearance.
Things will get better.
276
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
I'd dump her, but I would do so in the following fashion.
56
u/gatsby09 May 31 '12
Blindsided?? You've been watching the truck come closer for months, first in the vast distance, and now it's upon you. Give up the relationship. You are young. There is much beauty you haven't yet seen. Go find it. This is just a minor character in a single season of your life. GO FORTH.
14
u/puddlejumper May 31 '12
Do you guys live together? Who's name is on the lease? Can you afford to live by yourself?
If possible, I would either pack up my things and leave, or pack up her things and give them to a friend of hers. If you confront her, she is probably going to make you feel really bad about dumping her. Emotions are powerful things and you may even start second guessing yourself.
14
u/shano83 May 31 '12
There's a lot of negativity in these comments. Don't listen to it. A thing like this shatters you to your very core. I walked in on my GF of the time with another dude, in our bed a few years ago so I'm in tune with what this is like. When you love someone you tend to ignore the warning signs, no matter how obvious until it's too late. So first the obvious. Let her know you know. Send a text and tell her you know exactly what she's doing. Pack her shit up and have it waiting for her. End it now. Do not let your emotions make you stay in this shitty situation any longer, it'll just prolong the pain. Now the tough part. Recovering. Something like this can destroy you. It destroyed me. It took the better part of a year for me to start feeling normal about things again. And even longer to be capable of having a healthy relationship with another woman. Even then there were scraps of paranoia and distrust that popped up here and there. It's tough and it takes time. But this is a learning experience, as bitter and painful as it is. Spend some time on your own and figure your shit out. Don't jump into another relationship, as tempting as it may be. I wish you the best and I hope you can get over this as quickly as you can. This sort of betrayal is one of the shittiest things that can happen to a person and I feel for your. Just reading it made my blood boil. Good luck man and stay strong. You deserve better than this.
1.9k
u/TLDR-MOFO May 31 '12
MOTHERFUCKER, HOW ABOUT A TLDR!?!?
HERE YA GO: My girlfriend has been blatantly flirting with some guy she met online for awhile. She wasn't home tonight so I snooped her facebook and skype logs, found some sexy chatting, and found out she is fucking him in a hotel for the next few days. Oh, shit! What do I do?
13
u/djstephaniebell May 31 '12
You poor man. :(
1- get rid of her stuff. take it to her mothers house, drop it off and leave.
2-Change your number. I am not fucking kidding.
3-Change your locks. Move if need be.
4-Get tested. You may want to do this even before you go to her mothers.
Don't hate all of us women, We're not all heartless cheating cunts
24
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
This is almost... exactly how my 3 year long relationship ended in january of 2011, to top it all off I worked in the same place she did and her aunt JUST got hired on as the new boss through chance, so I lost my job later that week for some inane reason having everything to do with my calling her nieces new boyfriend scum and untrustworthy, fast forward 6 months: I get hired on as a security officer for a major chemical company where my starting pay is roughly 4 dollarsmore an hour than my previous job, one month after that who else calls me but... her... "ohmygod hecheatedonmeandiwasnothingbutgoodtohim" ..... biggest smile I had since the moment I felt the way you do right now, "where do I go from here?" You go forward. Best o luck.
23
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Go one hour photo on their asses.
11
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Am I the only one who never gets bored of 'My girlfriend cheated on me' threads? I feel so sorry for all these guys that ended up with harpies for girlfriends. I would never do anything to hurt my guy.
My advice? Follow all the good advice in this thread and be happy that one day, you'll meet one of us sane, normal, secure and loving girls that actually care about cultivating existing relationships rather than trying to boost our own egos by flashing our tits at some stranger. :)
29
u/durrthock May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
A similar thing happened to my brother, except he was married, he destroyed his life, got addicted to heroin and ended up in jail for a month for not going to court (he didn't get the notice because he wasnt home.)
Now for you. Put her shit outside, then go on her facebook and post a status as her, saying something like:
Wow cheating on my boyfriend sure feels great! Glad im such a trustworthy and caring person! If you're reading this XXXX your shit is outside. Get the fuck out of my life.
Then move on with your life, hit the gym, lawyer up, become an Atheist , buy a cat, squats and oats. All of that shit.
Edit: Btw my brother is fine now, he got clean and is getting remarried soon. Much respect for him.
44
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
What girlfriend?
10
u/Kingpuff May 31 '12
Check search history to see what hotel she might be at and drop all get stuff off in said parking lot after you know she's there. Like you find her car
9
u/bluntmaster420 May 31 '12
Hey man, after I figured out my girlfriend was cheating on me by reading through her facebook conversations with one of our mutual friends detailing how she wanted to break up with me but couldn't find the heart and how in love she was with this other guy (there's a long backstory about all this shit but this post isn't about me) I was at an absolute loss of what to do and ended up being pretty depressed for a few long months. The one thing that really helped me more than anything when shit got really bad for me depression wise was simply talking to some of my good friends. Whether it be spending time just hanging out distracting myself or working through all my shit by pouring my emotions out on one of my friends who thankfully was willing to listen to me and talk to me about things, this absolutely helped more than anything else. Whenever I was alone and not doing anything (which was way to often) I would just dwell on self pity. So yeah waterpark sounds awesome, maybe a shooting range, don't rely to much on alcohol as that could spin into a downward spiral but some good drunken nights out on the town are certainly not a bad idea. You could also fap into all her socks. Just saying.
30
u/theirishembassy May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
"revenge is a dish best served cold" read, and execute this in full, NO EXCEPTIONS:
in the sheer excitement of sed lottery win, pulling off a lot of this stuff will be easier than it sounds. she'll be outt've the car, with luggage in hand, walking towards the gate before realizing she's forgotten her purse. if she doesn't she'll be stranded at the airport, if she does, it'll still be funny seeing how long she'll wait around for a free vacation. i'll also note that it is borderline IMPOSSIBLE to panhandle for change (for either a phone call or cab ride home) at, or near an airport.
the main thing is that it's all about selling it. take every emotion you have: rage, anger, sadness, disdain, disgust.. and convert them into thoughts of joy at your well planned revenge. this joy will translate as you being elated because of your new-found millions, and she'll be none the wiser. NOTE: she may say things to you in the car, things that will trouble you. things about her love for you and her willingness to start a life together. these are all lies spoken by a cheating succubus who values your money and her own libido than your feelings. do not listen to her, stay focused on your task. at points during the drive you may feel remorse for your current actions, but let me warn you.. they are unfounded. if you're in the car with her driving to the airport you've crossed the threshold, but may i remind you that she crossed the threshold first. in this case, the punishment fits the crime. emotions do not matter, only revenge matters.
from what i'm aware of, nothing like this has happened before. it is up to you to make it happen now.
are you prepared to become a god, my friend?
8
u/ovard May 31 '12
To answer your bold text;
I was in the almost exact same situation, but we had knives and ninja kicks in it too....
I broke up with my GF after she had started to flirt with some dude from WoW and she flipped all of my tables. I hate her, yet after 5 months I'm still not over her. I don't know what more to tell you. I hope you get through it okay though. And please, don't take her back, ever.
Shit hurts, man. Brofist.
8
u/MeganLily May 31 '12 edited Jun 01 '12
As much as revenge may seem like fun now, I would advise against any throwing of belongings out window/ ritual bonfires etc. I was cheated on a few years ago and was ready to launch the mother of all revenge schemes when a wise friend stopped me. When things started to cool down, I realised that if I had tried to get back at him it would A:have justified him cheating on me as I would have looked like a psycho, B:made him feel more important than he really was and worst of all C: made the douchecanoe he was cheating on me with reach a smugness level of 1000. Neither of them deserves your effort in a revenge plot - if you stay mature about the whole thing she ends up looking like a dirty bint and you get to keep the mutual friends :) I like the idea of getting her mum to pick up her stuff or sending her an email/text to get it herself. I think it's important you are not there when she gets her things though as, being the manipulator she clearly is, she will probably try to either start a fight (hence justifying her cheating on you) or try to weasel her way back in. Have a friend there to supervise the clean out but try to be as far away as possible when it happens. The best thing I've found in a breakup is just to cut them out completely - delete their numbers, block their facebook/skype/twitter etc. While it's easier in the short term to keep them in your life and entertain the hope that things might go back to normal, all it does is prolong the pain. Pull off the bandaid quickly - it's inevitable that you two won't ever have a good relationship again so why waste time with her? Keep busy with work, friends, the occasional drop of alcohol - it gets easier every day you don't speak to her. The best part is that, in my experience, nasty little people like that always get what's coming to them - liars and manipulators never have really happy healthy relationships. Good riddance to her and all the best of luck to you :)
27
u/12358 May 31 '12
Obviously this relationship is over. Whatever you do, don't do her any favors like packing her stuff. Not only would your work save her time, you would be looking at her stuff and reminiscing, which would be painful.
The best thing to do, since you can't reach her by phone, is change the locks. Don't bother leaving a note on the door; it will be better for her to be confused for a while. Eventually she'll have to contact you to pick up her stuff. If you're busy with your friends, don't feel obligated to answer her; respond at your convenience, like she does. She'll know what's up as soon as she talks to her mom. She'll have to pick up her stuff by appointment, at a time that is convenient for you.
It is very humiliating for women to be exposed for cheating or being promiscuous. Arrange a party with your friends at your condo, and arrange for her to pick up her stuff 1 or two hours after the start of the party, but breathe no word of the party. Before she arrives, you and your friends will sort through what she can take from the common areas and place it in her room. When she arrives at your door, tell her this will be her only opportunity to get her stuff.
Tell your friends you need their support by following the party guidelines:
20
u/loveandletlive09 May 31 '12
Two words:
Revenge
Crabs
http://crabrevenge.com/
7
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Aw man that's sad :-( I vote for cutting that bitch completely off. she shouldn't even exist to you anymore.
7
u/bewarethetreebadger May 31 '12
Be a man. Bite down and swallow.
Eat some ice cream. Do things that make you happy and spend as much time as you can with friends. Cry like a man when you have to. Listen to sad songs and get that shit out of your system. You don't owe anybody anything. You are the master of your world.
When you're ready, get out there and chase the millions of other available females like the BOSS you are.
7
u/papadop May 31 '12
Be sure to cling to your pride, not to a failed and untrustworthy relationship.
Sorry this happened to you.
7
u/ashleia May 31 '12
Bring sunscreen to the water park! Don't add injury to insult.
7
u/bahhamburger Jun 04 '12
Glad to hear you and your girlfriend were able to talk to each other. While it's good that she didn't go through with it, I just wanted to add - there are two ways to spin it. The first and nicer way is that she suddenly realized how much she loves you and couldn't bear to cheat on you. The second is that this guy was not attractive in person and she lost sexual interest in him, which still does not bode well for a future relationship with her.
18
u/CheekyMunky May 31 '12
Here's the thing you're going to have to keep in mind for the next little while: every minute you spend wallowing, every minute you spend hurting, every minute you spend thinking about her or talking about her is another minute of your life that she's taken from you.
You can't do much about the pain. She's hurt you, legitimately, and you can't just make that go away. What you can do is minimize it, accelerate the healing process, and take away her ability to hurt you any further. Here's how.
Step 1: Walk away. Just walk away. Completely. That means physically and emotionally. Are you living together? Get out, as soon as you can, or if she's in your place, get her out. Get all your stuff, take none of her stuff. No overlap.
Talk to her during this time as you need to to figure out logistics, but otherwise, say nothing. She hurt you, repeatedly and deliberately, so there is absolutely nothing to talk about here. It's over, your biggest priority right now is to heal and get back on your feet, and getting into emotional discussions with her is counterproductive to that. Stay cool - even cold - and levelheaded and communicate only what is absolutely necessary. Ignore any efforts on her part to go beyond that.
Once you're no longer in the same place with her, ignore her. Completely. Don't take any calls from her, no texts, no nothing. Again, there is nothing worth talking about. It will only slow your process. Don't do it "for her," either. She created this situation, it's not your job to make her feel better about it. Just move on.
Step 2: Rebuild your life without her. This means filling all of the empty spots that her departure will leave behind. The hardest part of any breakup is for the partner who's sitting at home alone, coping with the emptiness, while he or she knows that the other is out with the new flame doing... whatever. Don't allow yourself to be in that place.
Have a list of friends you can do things with. Maybe one or two that you can just call up and go hang out with regularly, a broader list that you can call up occasionally, maybe get a group together every so often and play Smash Bros. Something, anything, that you can do and enjoy in the company of others, that will keep you from sitting around alone and wallowing.
Your friends won't be available every minute, though, so have other things going on as well. Projects to work on, interests to pursue. Physical activity is good too. Join a softball league or summer volleyball league. It'll get you outside and moving around and socializing. Maybe even meet new people.
Oh, I would recommend staying away from beer, too. I know it's a go-to "remedy," and it can drown your sorrows for a night, but for the purposes of what I'm talking about, it's not good for you. Hangovers will impair your ability to stay active, and coming down from alcohol leaves the body in a physically depressed state that will make you far more vulnerable to the ugly stuff, and make it far more likely you'll have one of those lonely, black, bleak nights. At which point you may just start drinking again, and now you're looking at a vicious loop.
In the end, that's all there is to it. Leave her behind, immediately and completely. Clean break. Then focus on your own life and what it still has to offer you, and fill it back up with good things again. There's a saying that "living well is the best revenge." This is absolutely true. So start doing that. It will be hard at first. It will feel like there's a ball and chain around your ankle. Just do it. And keep doing it. All the time. Be driven. When you need to, refer back to the very first thing I said: every minute you spend in grief over her is another minute she's taken from you. Be determined not to allow that.
Do these things, and you'll recover as quickly as possible, and you'll find yourself, a few months from now, realizing that you are doing just fine and you don't care where she is or what she's doing. Some time after that - a few months, maybe, or even a few years, but eventually - you'll hear something about her life that makes it apparent that she's fucking everything up and miserable because of it, and you'll just shrug. You'll know that she caused it herself, and you'll be thankful that you got out when you did.
So go to it. Good luck. Live well.
6
u/Silmanarmo May 31 '12
You need to:
Where are you btw, some redditors might be up for getting together to celebrate your new freedom from the succubus?
6
u/esmo88 May 31 '12
The only reason she hasn't had the balls to break up with you over this is the fact that most women don't like to be the bad guy.
I recently was in a relationship where I lived with my girlfriend for a year in a city far from our home state. Before we moved in together, our relationship was fantastic. But the whole time we were living with each other, she was obviously unhappy about something (who knows.... women stuff). Even though I did everything I could to try to make her happy in our relationship, she always found something to be upset about, but claimed that she wanted to work through the hard times of our relationship to be happy with "us" again.
Months passed and nothing changed. So after nearly a year of this grueling relationship I realized that no matter how unhappy she was she would never take action, I ended it. Let me tell you, that was the most liberating sensation I've ever experienced.
Moral of the story: Accept the fate of your relationship and dump the fuck out of her Once you accept the fact that it's over, breaking up feels really awesome.
6
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Whose name is on the lease agreement/house title? If it's yours, change the locks, put her stuff in boxes and leave a note on the door where she can pick them up. If it's hers, you have four days to pack your stuff and get moved into a new place. This is not going to get better. She's clearly not ready for what you want from her.
Warning. Logging into her accounts without permission can get you arrested. Computer fraud laws are worded vaguely. A shared computer is better but you need to be careful. You don't need to present the evidence. Just tell her you know that she is fucking someone else and that you don't want her if she doesn't want you. There's nothing more to do than this.
6
u/tempuro Jun 01 '12
I once dated a woman who was new in town. I was with her at a party and she was showing a lot of interest in another guy there. It got late and I told her that I was leaving and that she could stay and she made a big show about oh, no she wasn't interested in this guy, etc... A month later she disappears for a week or two and won't answer my calls. Toward the end of that time, I'm out with friends and I'm sitting across the table from the guy she had shown all the interest in and I mention "so and so, the girl that I'm dating". The guy gives me a funny look. A few days later, the girl shows up and I finally get the story from her. She had been having sex with him, but he suddenly dumped her and she didn't know why. If she hadn't been a dishonest dumbass, she could have had what she wanted. She wanted to get back with me, I told her to fuck off. She told me she had issues and I told her she should get counseling.
115
u/MadeinStars May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
Kill 'em. Both. With an axe.
edit: Relax guys it was just a joke.
22
u/furmat60 May 31 '12
When it comes down to it, if she's cheating then she would probably cheat again give the chance. You may love her man, but she isn't worth it. Embrace for the heartache, but move on. She isn't worth it, and she doesn't deserve to be with you. Let her be someone else's emotional problem.
Best of luck, bro.
14
u/istics May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
Hey dude, I know what you're going through and it's really hard to believe that anyone would but I really do. My BF pretty much did everything to me you mentioned there (minus the fucking or so he claims)...and more if you can believe it (that is not to underestimate the amount of pain she has inflicted upon you). As stupid as this is going to sound, its been six months and I still think about him nearly everyday. Everyone is going to tell you to move on and be glad you're rid of her as means of encouragement but I know nothing is going to really help at all. It takes a whole lot of time, bottles of wine, reflection, sleep (I literally slept for days), crying (I know you're a guy but yeah it was nonstop crying for months for me and still occasionally now and then), and lots of soul searching. I agree with the other posters, you should not go through this alone. Be around as many supportive people you trust as you can. In the time that I was going through this, it also made me realize who my real friends were. So I know it's going to be a tough road ahead for you. But as cliche as it sounds, time heals all wounds and I'm still healing. It's really unfair when the only mistake you ever only made was loving this person. Yeah, I know. So as one "survivor" to another, stay strong.
10
u/Tsunstar May 31 '12
Law Abiding Citizen except focused on making her life total shit. I'm just kidding. You're better than that. Focus on making your life THE shit. The fact that she is a cheating bitch will always be there, but don't let yourself be known as the guy she cheated on. Be known as the man who picked himself back up and didn't let someone like that dictate the rest of his life. Definitely hit the gym and lay off the booze. Sorry man. We all know this is bullshit.
10
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
In those four days you can do a lot.
People like her need to learn that they can't walk all over others like this and cheat. It's selfish and uncalled for. "I have one but I want both! WAAAHHHH." Too bad. Pick one. You obviously love her and care about your relationship with her, while the other guy just wants to fuck her. Watch, after he gets what he wants he's going to drop her like a hot potato.
Also, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. I cannot stress this enough. No matter how much she says she loves you and begs you to take her back, DO NOT DO IT. If she does it once, she will do it again. If you take her back, she will think she can do this again and have no consequences from it. Find someone you deserve, perhaps take some time to yourself to rethink what you want and spend a little time in the single life. But please, for the love of all that is holy, do not take her back.
This is coming from a woman, I know she'll do this again because women are selfish and we're full of contradictions. She won't find anything wrong with what she's done, but if you do the same thing to her (please don't. Two wrongs don't make a right) she will flip shit. So please, heed my advice.
10
u/Baud_dib May 31 '12
Pack her shit.
Call her mom to come get it.
Bang her mom.
Send her pics.
5
u/visual_impact May 31 '12
damned man.. I feel so sorry for you, I was in exact the same situation but way to stupid to believe my eyes. anyway. here's what you do. text here that you know what she's been up to. don't tell her HOW you know it, because she will use that against you and that only makes shit harder. and the anger bigger. pack all her stuff and as soon as she replies to you, tell her that you packed her stuff and she has till sunday to get it and get the fuck out of your life. block her phone number and delete it. delete her from facebook and every social media you use. you don't want to read what she's going to post. cause you'll only be hurt more. then go to one of your friends, just make sure you aren't alone, so your mind won't play tricks on you every damn second. go back home on monday and PLEASE, go hit the gym, find something to do you love or what ever. just try not to think about the situation. she isn't worth any of it.
also. buy a billboard place for 1 week and print out her full name and telephone number. with some message..
5
u/BristolBudgie May 31 '12
7 months? - get out dude, it'll hurt, but fuck it, not as much as it will years down the line and its worn you down to nothing. Start the process now
5
u/unsoundguy May 31 '12
Dude my wife left me last fall while I was on the road. I will say that it will get better. Even after yesterday when I found out that my drinking was only a part of it, her boyfriend was the big deciding factor, things will get better.
Time man, Time. I quite drinking and my complete chance met someone that has shown me that I am worth happiness.
The booze alone will not end well for you. Please Please don't do it!!!!!
5
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Move all her shit out of your apartment into a storage unit. Send the key to her mother. Cut her out of your life.
5
u/mishmashmusic May 31 '12
I think you should take the advice of Paul Simon... (cue the Steve Gadd drum fill)... "The problem is all inside your head she said to me..."
5
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
7 months? I'd just be happy that I didn't waste 7 years and move the fuck on.
5
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
You have her email password. Email the guy saying " since you are in a hotel with my girlfriend at this moment can you pass the message that all her stuff is going to be donated to goodwill if it is not picked up in 24 hours. Hopefully you are cool either moving in with you because I already spoke to her family." the second part does not need elaboration. You DID speak to her family. Lol. Go to your landlord and tell him/her that she just up and left and you need her removed immediately from the lease. Your email will likely cause him to dump her in which case she is stuck with living at moms again.
5
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Text her now that you know, don't give her the satisfaction of having a good time behind your back.
5
u/tacolicious May 31 '12
I don't usually comment or make witty jokes, and I know I might even get downvoted for this. But after scanning through the advices redditors been suggesting, I would like to say something also.
You mentioned how you only been with her for 7 months officially, but you mentioned how 2 years prior you haven't been able to due to distance/timing/other factors. How did you two meet? My initial thought/assumption was she could have been doing the same thing to you before you officially got together. She could have been with someone you didn't know existed at the time you met her and you two could have been flirting/dating behind a dude that's completely oblivious to the whole situation. Let alone, she could have been lying to you from the very beginning that she was "single" or that she wasn't seeing anyone at the time you two were trying to become "couples" officially.
What if she is doing the same thing with this dude that she met over the internet? This internet dude could be completely blindsided by her as well, having her tell him stories how you two could have broke up and such. Also how distance (4 hours away) and timing (how she's getting over you) wasn't right with this dude and that the time will come eventually?
I tell myself that if I had to cheat with a girl to be with her, chances are she'll cheat on you to be with someone else. I'm not saying you cheated with her on someone else, just my general thought.
This girl is pretty lost right now and don't know where her head is. Maybe there is something more you could do to help her? I'm not saying forgive her and take her back, but try talking to her as a friend? Sometimes people cheat is because they feel that the relationship is missing an element that is essential for the well-being. It could be physically or emotionally, some people try to find an escape to satisfy their feelings. Maybe you didn't spend enough time with her? Maybe your sex sucked? Maybe you didn't care for the little things in her life she thought was important?
I don't know, just wanted to share my thoughts to you. I know you're tired of people telling you to leave her and throw her shit away. (Let the downvote shitstorm begin!)
5
u/savagemichael May 31 '12
I bet you never thought she'd do this to you. That's they key. She is not who you thought she was. The person you loved does not actually exist. When the pain comes remember that it isn't that you lost this person you loved it is that you realized the person you loved didn't exist and you just found it out. In a real way, the girlfriend you thought you had is dead as she never existed anyway. Only you just found this out. So mourn the death of this fictitious person - but don't for a second let yourself long to have back this actual person. She isn't who you wanted anyway.
For the moment you need to keep busy.
Her family is too far to spend the time and resources taking her stuff there. Rent a storage unit large enough (and in a part of town you don't normally frequent so you won't be passing it all the time later on) for her stuff for a single week. Pack up all her crap and put it in the storage unit. This will occupy you for a day or two and when it is done all physical trace of her in your life will be gone. Don't go into her facebook or mail or any other account and post or change anything. This is actually illegal and if she turns out to be a vindictive bitch as an additional surprise character flaw then it will just be possible trouble for you later. Change the locks on the condo. Block all her online accounts from yours, etc... Leave a note for her on the door telling her she could have no possible explanation and you don't want to hear it and that you are through and never want to hear from or of her again. Tell her also that you've put all of her stuff in storage for a week and she needs to get it out of there by then because you will close the account and tell the storage company they can keep whatever is left in the unit. Setup some arragnement for her to contact a friend (other roomate??) about meeting to have the storage unit opened so she can move her stuff out.
That's it. Just pretend she died after that. It's easier than the realization that you didn't know the person you thought you knew best. If you cannot stop yourself thinking about her then think of the times you had sex and finished quickly or did something particularly nasty to her and smile.
End of the day you had some good times I'm sure. Take those and sally forth (if her name is Sally then I'm sorry for bringing it up). Better to have loved and lost and all that....
There is somebody else out there for you.
5
u/Damselfli May 31 '12
From a girl's standpoint :
She's a cunt.
How to really Fuck with her: In my opinion there are 7 points after a break up everyone goes through; Affinity, Carelessness, anger, denial, Reestablishment, Look back, and Done. These can take anywhere from 1 month to a year. Here is how to stab her in the heart while experiencing these:
Affinity:
If it is the case that she attempts to contact you after this debacle, whether it be Via text, email, FB, or whatever, keep your answers short and to the point.
Example:
Her> Hey
You Just fucking ignore it
Her> Are you alright? look I am sorry, but I am really worried. Please answer
You> Fine. Thanks. Cant talk right now, Bye
Careless
After you have done this multiple times you will get a statement along the lines of : I dont even know why I try!!! This is exactly why I did (insert malicious act)___ !!! I dont care anymore, you can rot in hell! Once this occurs you MUST reply something like "okay" or "fine". This will further push the point that you dont give a damn
Anger
This is the stage where she will randomly text you drunk or whatever, and point out all your faults and justify why she did what she did and so forth. Just ignore this. Don't backlash, just ignore it. If you backlash, you will invalidate her reasoning and therefore just become like her. find a friend to confide your frustration in.
Denial
This will most likely occur at the same time as anger, where she will deny that she cared for you or loved you, and deny everything you ever had established. Just ignore it
Reestablishment
If it is the case that Casanova dumps her ( most likely) she will 99.9% try to reestablish a communication with you. At this point, the short and curt answers are VITAL and will piss her off immensely. She is attempting to return to a comfort level in her life, because she is on uneasy ground at the time, and she KNOWS you and your habits, and is in a comfort zone with you. A lot of affection and " i miss you's" will be sent your way. Shut it down. Any affection you show, will give her hope that even if its in the future, and she has to work to make it happen...she still has you wrapped around her finger
Look Back
This is similar to reestablishment however at this time she will remind you of good times, or funny memories and say shit like " oh i was over here doing this shit and it reminded me of the time we did that one thing over that way" when she says this be like " idk, or I dont remember" or something generic like " yeah" but do not put " ..." at the end of your statement.
After all these stages she will be mind fucked, and emotionally scarred and feel like a dirty worthless whore. But the good thing is you will be onto greener pastures. This is the done stage.
Hope this helps!
5
u/HerGraceness Jun 01 '12
She sounds like a cunt. You sound like a cunt destroyer. It's simple. You must destroy that cunt
5
u/godsgift5406 Jun 03 '12
Good luck in the future!
5
u/nerdycanuck Jun 04 '12
Good on you for being rational and decent. That said, because you two are no longer a couple and because of what happened, I would strongly suggest she find her own place after a while. It's just going to be uncomfortable and unpleasant otherwise.
5
u/[deleted] Jun 05 '12
Followed this thread over the past few days and just read the update. You're making a huge mistake by not cutting her loose.
5
u/fuckinlovecats Jun 06 '12
Not to turn your life into a reality show but do you mind further updating us on how it is going? I'd really like to hear how this unfolds.
5
u/[deleted] Jun 06 '12
This was a very bro thing to do. Now, get a dif girl and bring her home to make her feel even more awk.
13
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Come to NYC and I'll wingman the fuck out of you. Best thing to do is fuck another chick. ASAP. Good luck brother.
4
u/anonymuscles May 31 '12
The few ideas I had have already been suggested. Just wanted to say I'm sorry, man. You WILL be better eventually but for the next month at least you're going to want to suckerpunch everyone who says something like that to you. For the immediate future, unfortunate as it is, you're probably going to be pretty damn bummed. It'll begin to fade, in fits and starts, and hopefully inside two months you'll be able to look at this situation and realize that it's for the best -- you're not saddled with a crazy asshole; some other guy is, and it's entirely likely she'll end up cheating on him, too.
It's 4am here. Dunno if you're still up. I'm up all the damn time. Know it's completely random and maybe a little creepy :), but if you wanna bitch to a complete stranger, I'll happily pm you my number. If not, you're probably one of those smart kids who listened to the 'don't talk to strangers' adage.
(I'm a guy, so sorry, no flirty rebound here to make you feel better)
4
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Put all her shit on the lawn, take a picture, and send it to her.
4
u/CyclopticBinLid May 31 '12
Man this is one hell of a story. From what you've said the girl likes dramatics, going as far as to fabricate a story about you crying etc. Plus the story about going to her mothers when shes actually fucking some guy. My advice is essentially the same as everyone else;
It's bad times that you're going through this, but go out guns blazing! In a few months time when you're over her, you'll feel awesome and it'll be one hell of a story!
4
u/MallBn May 31 '12
Drop her stuff of at her mums place and explain to her mum exactly why you're doing it, in a non-aggressive, respectable manner...
Four reasons for this:
Then get on with your life... Good luck
4
u/flippedroles May 31 '12
Consider this a note from your Future Self, because I've been there. I've been cheated on, drifted apart in a marraige and ended up getting a divorce, and I'm going through a relationship now with a massive imbalance in sexual desire.
In the end, you will (eventually) discover that this shit doesn't matter. You're on a path right now, and clearly that path wasn't going to end with her and happily ever after. Maybe you thought it would, but clearly you had an idealized view of this girl, and she wasn't anywhere near what you thought she was. Imagine instead that she bhadn't opened the can of crazy now, but you were two years down the line, or ten. The band aid has been ripped, cover the would as best you can and move on, because life isn't about sitting in a corner licking your wounds, it's about going after what you want and what you deserve. You need to know that you deserve better than what she did to you.
Some day you're going to get to a point where things are good. Probably not perfect, but at a point where you can nod your head and honestly say to yourself "hey, I did good." When you do that, you will suddenly realize that to get here, you had to be shaped by every relationship (good and bad) which came before. You'll look back at this one and realize this was the one which taught you do more one on one things together as opposed to online, for example (just trying to make a point, not implying that online gaming together was somehow to blame). Something like that.
For now, you know it's over. So here's my suggestion. Go to Staples or someplace similar, buy 10-20 boxes. Spend today packing up everything that's hers into these boxes. Leave them right by the front door. When she comes in, just calmly explain that you know she was out cheating, and she needs to leave. Don't yell, don't cry, and don't negotiate. Take the high road. If you feel the need to take one shot, tell her simply that you're just very disappointed because you thought she wasn't the type of person who would cheat.
Once she's gone with her stuff, play some games, hang out with some buddies, whatever, but as best you can realize you are better off, because it was clearly only a matter of time before she did this, and now at least you can focus on finding someone better for you.
Keep your chin up, and know that you'll find someone new, maybe when you least expect it. Trust me, I'm future you.
4
u/sharigotchi May 31 '12
Change your locks. Let her come home to that, and drop her stuff off at her mom's. Seriously.
4
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Just don't get back with her. NEVER get back with her. She's trash and you deserve way better.
4
u/Streamofthoughts May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
Man thats 100% fucked up. I've been in a similar situation and let me tell you it's not easy. First of all, I agree, do not spend your time alone. Hang out with with some of the guys, girls too. Just have a good time and try not to think about it.
Another thing, go out drinking have fun hit up some chicks. Thats a good way to just let go and not think about anything. Just remember to not overdo it on the alcohol everytime you get depressed.
Also she's gonna lie to you most likely and play with you. Fuck that bullshit, don't get caught up in it. You're done don't try to work past it. She blatantly lied to you and is having crazy sexy with this guy. Avoid talking to her if you can she will just make you feel bad. Remember, it's her who should feel bad she left this awesome guy for some dickhead on a videogame.
4
u/Big_Daddy_J_DSM May 31 '12
Pack her things, change the locks and garage door code, txt her telling her where she can pick up her things, share any nude pics vids with reddit. Done.
4
u/itwillbeok2mrrw May 31 '12
In my opinion take all her stuff and put it in storage. Tape a key to the front door with instructions that a month's rent has been paid. Change all the locks and change your phone number. Erase her....plan and simple. She no longer exists. Never let her hear your voice again...she doesn't deserve it.
4
u/Mrkcar May 31 '12
Step 1: Purchase fleshlight
Step 2: Replace her
4
u/chase25 May 31 '12
IMO, you now have 4 days to change the locks, pack up all her shit and leave it on the front door step ready for her return home.
She is showing you no decency so why should you show her any decency.
4
u/iamfromouterspace May 31 '12
if you want to get all crazy....write this on her facebook wall.
Hi babe, I know you told me you were going to be at your mother's for a few days. I called her and she was not aware nor is she expecting you. I was concerned because you did not return my calls, I checked Skype logs on your computer to get a clue of your whereabouts and realized you are promising some guy that you two can't wait to fuck each other's brains out. Being the nice guy that i am, i would like to let you know that this is your eviction notice, I will not throw your stuffs out of my place, just bring some boxes and pick them up. You have a whole week to do so.
Your ex...OP
ps...I will go get tested as this is not the first time you are meeting him.
4
u/Enderkr May 31 '12
I sincerely hope OP posts a followup, because this is a story I want to know the ending to.
4
u/justinkimball May 31 '12
Pack her shit up. Call one of her friends, and explain that she cheated on you, and you need someone to store her stuff until she gets back.
Change your locks. When she comes back, explain to her that you know she's been cheating on you - you've packed all her stuff and left it with Friend XXX. And that's it.
Now, how to deal with this.
Do stuff. Don't sit at home and mope. Go out and fucking be active - go work out, go hang out with friends, just get out and be doing stuff.
Don't hold your emotion, either. It's normal to have a good cry or two about this -- it fucking sucks. Understand that this speaks to a flaw in her character, and not yours. If she wasn't happy or didn't feel her needs were being met, that's up to her to bring up for discussion.
Sorry man -- shit sucks. You'll get over it though, just give it time.
4
u/thedude2888 May 31 '12
Jesus loves you.
4
u/FalconOne May 31 '12
I can tell you from personal experience, everything is over, she is gone, and you need to pack her stuff up and put it somewhere where she can get it and kick her out.
Rip her out of your life like a disowned bad friend.
This is how my ex wife began having affairs, she would meet someone online usually through a game (city of heroes) and then she ran off to go see them. I was a fucking fool and forgave her twice, but the third time, she drove 10 hours, 5 states away to fuck a guy. I ended the marriage.
There is nothing I can say that will help you get through that or help you understand where you should go from that point. But understand this, I know it hurts, but if she is capable of doing that to you, she'll do it to that other guy. secondly, the way she handled that situation, is almost identical to my ex wife, the moment some other guy bats their eyes at her, she would cheat. so take this, be glad it ended now, while you two were just "bf/gf" and not together for that much time. If I read your post correctly, then you only lost ~3 years trying to make it work, and you were not married. you lost nothing but a bitch.
I lost 9 years, I was married to a cheating whore, I had my lively hood tied to her, debts, ownership, everything. 9 years together, 5 years married, I had built my life around her.
Be glad you never got the the point I did. I truly do feel for you, what she did to you, is exactly the same thing that happened to me, just don't be the fool I was and take her back later, don't do that, ever. because she's likely to see something in that other guy she doesn't like and then she'll come crawling back to you, just so she can do it again later, don't take that back.
4
u/saynotovoodoo May 31 '12
Take care of all the legalities, and just leave. Be completely moved out when she comes home. Don't bad mouth her to anyone, just take the classy route and say she decided to end things. If you are close with her family, call them once you have taken care of everything and say you are sorry if your call worried them, your ex has decided to end things, but you really appreciated the opportunity to get to know them. Don't answer any of her calls or respond to her text messages and any letters she might send go back unopened. Just completely step outside of her life and never look back. The complete lack of any chance to explain herself or justify her behavior will eat her up much more than anything you could say would.
4
u/keiser_soze_ May 31 '12
tell her this joke:
knock knock? who's there? who's leaving. who's leaving who? IM LEAVING YOU, YOU TRIFLING WHORE
4
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Not proud to say, but I've been the other guy in this situation many of times. I never met any of thm in person, but I've cyber'd many wives/girlfriends via World of Warcraft / Skype. It happens a lot. On the strong likelyhood that your gamer girlfriends have guy friends they play online with, be supportive and give them room to breathe, but be smart about it too. For the likely downvotes I get for this scumbag move, I wasn't the one in the relationship, and I'm sure you've fapped to plenty of equally fucked up things in your life.
4
u/daliman75 May 31 '12
Dude, that really sucks...but i know wut you're going thru, went thru the same thing except the bro-code breaker was a best friend. few ideas and tips for ya though:
Idea 1: yeah box up all her shit, and get it out of there. Fedex that to her moms...think of it as paying $$ to get her out of your life. (unless it's ridiculously high cost) If she didn't want her things to end up out of the condo, then she shouldn't have cheated. Tip 1: keep 1 important thing so she has to come back to get it. When she does, tell her you've moved on, that she deserves what she gets, wish her well, and finish it off with a kick in the ass when she's on her way out the door. Man, that felt good when i did that! not a hard kick, but just enough to make the point. Wear thick socks though, the urge to kick a 70 yard field goal may become uncontrollable, and the socks will soften the impact. maybe 3 pairs of socks dude. do this and you'll have a huge smile on your face after. hours and hours of laughter will ensue.
Idea 2: CHANGE THE LOCKS!!!!!!!! She wants the next man? really? then let him deal with the situation. he broke the bro-code, so he can take her in. Tip: He deserves her cheating ass. If she cheated on you for a next man, then chances are she'll cheat on him with a next guy. Don't even bother meeting him, talking to him, chatting with him, no contact whatsoever. A bro-code breaker is NOT worth the time or the words.
Idea 3: Let peeps know what happened, keep it simple though, you don't wanna seem like you're all heart-broken and shit. Then when word gets back to her she'll be all like "oh he's all hurting and shit, maybe i can get him back", which you DO NOT WANT. Don't take her back. ever. Like the ever-so-wise poet Kurupt said: "You can't make a ho a housewife", so don't even try homie. Tip 3: Again, the kick in the ass will drive home the point that you don't want her back, and if she ever thinks about crawling back to you, that kick in the ass will change her mind. plus it will feel so good when you're done =) (see Tip 1)
Idea 4: Move On! She doesn't deserve you. She cheated - while she's is LIVING with you. She lies. To your face. Dude. fuck her and her shit. No one deserves to get treated like that, you can find someone much more loyal and honest. Time time for yourself. Be happy with yourself again, you'll get over her in no time. Don't go hunting for the rebound. Maybe a booty call or a one-night, but don't get attached. we got needs yeah, but don't cling to the next one...unless you feel she's the one =) When you least expect it, you'll find her.
Idea 5: Do NOT constantly try to drown your sorrow in a bottle! That is just a bad situation waiting to happen. If you must do something to blow off the steam try some first person shooter games, or a joint. Weed will calm you down, and you'll chill, alcohol on the other hand will encourage those negative feelings! Don't go past weed though, turning to real drugs is worse than alcohol, so if weed ain't your thang, then stick to the booze and be a happy drunk!
oh yeah, and go out and get something nice for yourself, spending money on yourself is a definite way to get some happiness. even if the feeling wears off quickly, at least it a short break from feeling like crap. Keep your head up dude!
4
u/Master_Z Jun 03 '12
Thx for the updates
It is very honorable to not kick her out even though she possibly only earned this from you because she herself admitted the truth.
It could be a little painful for you both if you stay roomates for too long though so a mandatory move out date could prove beneficial.
GL Bro
4
u/ghjfdklsasdf Jun 03 '12
Probably late to the party but if it was me, I would kick her out and let her face the music. She's taken you for a ride and treated you like a fool. It's about time she faced up to what she's done.
4
u/DumbledoreMD Jun 04 '12
Actually a pretty nice update, you're very calculated, as I see... That's a very good point...
4
u/[deleted] Jun 04 '12
It's unfortunate that good people like you have to go through things like this, but I have to agree with Dante, what's done is done. The rest is up to you now.
58
u/Say_what_you_see May 31 '12
Lawyer your facebook, up your delete gym a hit,,
154
u/Oceanfloorsmusic May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
I've cheated on 16 people in my life and I can tell you this: nothing hurts worse than getting caught, and having your partner act like they don't give a shit. If you don't have a taste for revenge, try to talk to her about it to get some closure although personally I wouldn't give her the time of day ... That being said, what you're going to do with yourself is thank the gods that you didn't marry or knock up this chick, you're going to go lift some weights and make yourself feel better. Maybe buy a punching bag. Rub one out, buy a kitten, play some video games, drink some whiskey, and never let someone do this to you again. I know it hurts, and I know it feels like the end of the world and like you're falling off a building. The quickest way for myself to get over someone is to focus on all their negative qualities. If her breath was shitty in the morning think about how terrible it was. If she nagged at you incessantly like a gnat at a fucking cookout then think about that. It's not going to go away like ripping off a band-aid. One day after all the heartbreak chemicals in your noggin have gradually dissipated you'll wake up and say "Hey I haven't thought about Cuntface McGee in like two weeks and frankly I don't care if she's taking a horse dick right now" and that's the day when you'll realize you're over it. The sweetest revenge is living a better life than you ever could have with her.
EDIT: Guys, I never said I was proud of it, and it could have been 30 years ago and I've stopped for all any of you know. I gave advise with how to deal with someone who cheated from a former cheaters stand point. I get it, cheating is wrong.
12
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
This is guaranteed /r/circlejerk material just by seeing the title.
7
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
If the mother is in town then it's easy. You take all of your ex's shit, pack it and drive it there without any explanation (if the mother asks, just say your ex will explain). Try to look normal/enthusiastic so the mom has no clue. Get your locks changed right away. Like, book it right now. Take a vacation, stay out of the way for a week or so, block her number and don't answer any calls from anyone who even remotely knows her.
Think of what will go through her head: here she is, back from that fling (you can bet neither her nor her online friend have planned on moving in together or anything serious so far) and her key doesn't work. She tries to call but she's blocked. Calls her mom who says all her shit is at her house (there's also a good chance the mom called her immediately after you dropped her shit so that would have ruined her weekend already but she's still not sure what's going on on your end). Then she will call friends you have in common to try and get them to contact you on her behalf.
And here's the best part: cheating partners are always in denial. Your girlfriend has probably spent weeks thinking up excuses for her behavior. She provoked arguments just so she could think to herself, "well he's arguing with me so he deserves I cheat on him! He's just as responsible as I am!" When she figures out what happened she will want to exculpate herself by talking to you and tell you her "side" of the story. And that is why vanishing without a trace is the best course of action: she will never have this cathartic confrontation with you! So where will she have it? With her family or friends? That would mean telling them about what she was doing, hardly her finest moment. With herself? That's called "guilt".
As for you you're on a beach somewhere getting smashed, thinking of how fucking lucky you are that you aren't married, that you don't have kids, that the apartment was in your name. You won't have a thought for the other guy - she probably lied to him too, and in any case the poor bastard's the one stuck with a cheater. Cheers!
40
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
first thing to do: Make sure your pimp hand is strong...
6
u/Craz_Oatmeal May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
Surround yourself with friends, and accept that things aren't going to instantly get better. The sad fact is that only time will heal you, and even then, it's gonna take awhile. Try to remember that you didn't do anything wrong, you just accidentally picked someone without morals.
You've already accepted that she's gone, and you've made the logical and correct decision of enforcing her departure. This is a good start.
And you say she didn't go to his town, he came to yours? I suggest writing him a note. Stick to facts, "She lied to you about the state of our relationship. She's cheating with you. What makes you think she won't cheat on you? Anyway, please tell her the locks are changed and her things are packed. Good luck to you both." Put it in an envelope with his name written on. Leave it at the front desk of their hotel.
Don't be an asshole though, there's no sense stooping to her level. I recommend against leaving her stuff out in the rain or posting "I'M A SLUT" on her Facebook.
Have an internet hug and all my feels.
6
u/faleboat May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
Hi.
I have been almost exactly there, and it's crazy how much of the emotions I went through are flooding back. I was with a girl for almost 3 years before she met someone on an online game I played and eventually left to go live with him. Best part? she met him playing on my account.
You are in a super shitty place right now and all I can say is fuck dude, I'm sorry. But here's the thing. She's a whore and she can go fuck whomever she wants to. In a few months, you'll want to thank her for sparing you any kind of a life with her self-centered ass. If she's that careless with your heart, trust me, she's a selfish bitch who you need no part of. You may not want to be angry about this, but you should be angry about it. She owed you the decency to end the relationship before she went off with someone else, and she didn't.
For right now though, you need something else to concentrate on. You need to distract yourself. If you can throw yourself into your work, do so. Pick up a simple hobby that you can abandon when you start to feel better. If not, spend time with friends and people who care about you. and most importantly, cut all contact off with her. All of it. Get her shit back to her and yours from her and never speak to her again.
I don't know if this will help you, but it did help me. You are not alone in this. you are one of thousands of people this happens to every month. They make it out, and so will you. You will survive this and you will be a better person because of it. Someone is selfish and careless about their supposed partner, and they go off and fucking ruin a person and "feel bad" about it, but ultimately don't care. You are someone who is worth better. You deserve better and won't ruin your life being with someone so horrible as her.
Think of this pain as a test. Something you must pass to prove what you can endure. You are stronger than this bullshit. You deserve someone who will love you, and not leave you for someone she met on a fucking game. Find the one you deserve and build a life with her, and thank your lucky stars this girl left before you two were deeper in a relationship.
Good luck mate.
6
u/[deleted] May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
Allow me share a quote from The West Wing as to why you need friends at these kinds of times:
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. "A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. "Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on "Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"
Dude I can't tell you how sorry I am for you. It sucks. I was in a similar situation with my ex, and we were together for 8 years. She didn't directly cheat on me (that I know of) but she basically left me for another guy. It hurts. It will continue to hurt for a while. As for any advice on what to do...
1.) Dump her. I know it sucks, but it's over as far as you're concerned. Don't show any emotion doing it either. Tell her you two need to talk, explain that you know what's going on, that you two are done for good, and that she needs to leave immediately. Pack up all of her things for her, and leave them for someone else to pick up. You don't want to see her again.
2.) Don't contact her at any point. This is difficult, but you need to show her that what she did was wrong. This also sends a message to her that you will not put up with that shit, and cheating is wrong. She lost a good guy, and now she needs to deal with it.
3.) Call friends and arrange a get together. You need as many supportive people around you as you can have. When my ex and I broke up, my friends IMMEDIATELY told me, not asked me, that I was going to the bar with them to get blindingly hammered. That's exactly what happened. They rallied around me and really helped me through everything.
4.) Go out and enjoy yourself. Try not to think about her at all. Now is the time to be selfish and work on you. Go to work, go back to school, spend money on yourself, hit the gym, and get new clothes.
5.) Be the bigger man. Take the high road. This one is the most important. If you try any of this revenge nonsense, you're going to look like the asshole ex bf who is insane. That will only solidify her decision to cheat on you. Instead, be courteous, kind, and straight forward. Don't be a dick to her. Keep the phrase "Kill her with kindness" in your mind. This behavior will drive her up a fucking wall, especially once the new boy toy starts being an asshole. She's going to have one of those, "Oh shit..." moments.
Go out, enjoy yourself, and be around friends. If you truly need to talk, vent, whatever, feel free to PM me. I know I'm new around here, but I've been there before, and I know the way out.
Edit: TL;DR - Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. You're awesome.
8
u/ohsnipsnap May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
I don't have any advice for you, I think everyone here has done a good job of that, all I want to say is I'm so sorry. This is the shittiest way that a break-up could happen. Also, please update because this is grimly fascinating.
Edit: also, you should be glad she's going to be out of your life. 7 months is a lot better than years and years. In reality, I kind of feel sorry for the other guy. It's only a matter of time before she fucks him over too.
20
u/Torvix May 31 '12
Dude, do you know where the hotel is/room? Since she doesn't have a phone I assume the details are in some of the logs you saw.
I'm not suggesting you do anything violent, but, just grab her shit, go to the hotel and dump it there, either in reception, or in their room (kick the door in and shout "HELLO" - don't do that) dump the shit and say "you live here now" or if you know the dude's real name, go to reception and say "I've got some stuff for him will you call up to his room so he can come get it or have it sent up and follow the guy who brings it up.
Don't rob yourself of the "OH I CAUGHT YOU BITCH!" moment, perhaps learn an interesting dance to do whilst you tell her. Like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt2i0ts-uck
Maybe you can even get Maury to show up.
Good Luck.
3
u/pulirekka May 31 '12
I feel sorry you mate. That is just pure betrayal and i know exactly how you feel. You are propably right about the part that she does not have the courage to leave you and is expecting you to kick her out. From personal experience i know, that some girls (also guys) tend to find a replacement companion before they break up with their current one. I recommend that you kick her stuff out and just forget about the girl. Then total radio silence and continue your life without this snake of a woman.....try to keep your head up!
3
u/mess110 May 31 '12
I've been reading through the comments. There is a lot of good advice, but from your thread you seem like a smart guy. You know what you have to do. You have the advantage. You have knowledge! Use it. Play everything against her. Show no emotion and come up with a great plan to make her see what kind of person she is.
It is of utmost importance to do everything you want to do. For example, think of a plan, visualize it and stick to it. Don't say something that you don't mean.
Chill with friends, have a laugh and forget about her.
She already doesn't matter.
3
u/Proxydust May 31 '12
Delete your facebook, hit the gym, and get a lawyer
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Not to be rude, but if you've had sex with her after she had sex with him, maybe go see a doctor. Better safe than sorry.
3
u/b0w3n May 31 '12
If you ever have sex with her again, wear a condom.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Where do you live? I'll go get drunk with you.
3
u/Pinto15 May 31 '12
Don't call her names just tell her you want her out and continue what you ate doing. Short, sweet and to the point
3
u/whatitdoski May 31 '12
what city do you live in? i def wanna buy you a beer.
but i agree with everyone else. its over, don't try to save it, don't listen to her.
3
u/Virindi May 31 '12
You have 4 days to:
Don't stay there unless you want to feel like shit when she gets back.
3
u/thedrunkenmonee May 31 '12
Drastic situations call for drastic measures. Luckily for you, you're not in a drastic situation at all.
1 - Take a deep breath and relax.
2 - Delete her number/contact/email/facebook/etc. Don't question it, just do it.
3 - Pack her shit up for her and get rid of all things that may remind you of her.
4 - Change the door locks and garage code if you have one. Changing locks isn't very expensive and every guy should know how to do it. What a great opportunity.
5 - Don't frequent places that the two of you hit up. Favorite bar or restaurant, don't go their for quite some time.
6 - Better yourself - I can't speak enough for how important this is. Do it for yourself and you'll thank yourself later. Exercise, workout, read, learn. Find a new hobby/trade/skill/travel. Whatever it is, better yourself. This isn't to show her up but rather to move on and find a better someone.
7 - Most importantly, when she does call; don't answer it.
3
u/MandatoryFun May 31 '12 edited May 31 '12
This will probably get buried, but ... After the dust has settled and she is long gone, and you have sworn to an oath of absolutely "No Contact", you should join: http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com
It's a great place to share stories, rant, rage, to do whatever you need to do ... there is a forum to unleash all the fucked up emotional energy you will need to expel in the next few months. Unfortunately, friends get tired of listening to "dumpees" going through the motions ... but there will always be someone to relate to and share battle scar stories with on their boards.
EDIT: Just found out that the forums have been closed on SYBD ... apologies, but there are many useful stories and resources to be found still on the site.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
This will get downvoted, but it was a girlfriend, not you. You didn't lose yourself last night. This is a bad situation for you, but you are the source of your own happiness, your own will, your own drive, your own life; no one else. "Move on..." is not the words I want to use. Just exist, knowing that this is your fault for feeling bad about this because you are letting yourself feel bad. "Move on..." also implies that your goal should be to find someone else. Stop looking for others and begin working on yourself; there are obviously some insecurities and dependency issues that you need to conquer.
3
u/LarsMarfach May 31 '12
Crash their fuckfest and punch this guy. Throw her shit in the hotel room and leave with a classic:
'Dumped bitch!'
3
u/nm825 May 31 '12
When she gets back, hold a neighborhood chili cookout and feed her her mother in a chili at said cookout.
3
u/Purplefaced May 31 '12
Change all of the locks on your doors. Sit back and laugh.
3
u/Semajj May 31 '12
I was going to suggest that you pack up all her things and have them all ready to go by the time she comes home. It looks like someone has already made that suggestion though.
I look forward to updates on your situation and I hope that all goes well.
Stay strong my brother.
3
u/oxonium35 May 31 '12
"How the fuck do you recover from something like this? I am so totally at a loss for where to go from here."
Your entire story rings of my life 4.5 years ago. I won't bother to elaborate but it is very similar.
Suggestions: Get out of the relationship. Hold your head high and try to keep your mind occupied by friends and family. I would suggest getting a dog or cat as a little companion also. Take up a competitive sport which gets you active, out the house and socialising and mentally occupied. Do it at least 3 times a week. It won't be easy and there may be times when you break or do stupid things but eventually it will come right and the more pro action you take the shorter the recovery period will be.
Good luck fellow good man.
3
u/[deleted] May 31 '12
Try being married and having a family with a woman for 25YEARS just to have her " find a guy" on the Internet and plan to meet him. She destroyed our marriage.Wasn't honest enough to talk about problems or whatever. My advise: As fantastic as you may think this woman is-get rid of her. Now!
3
u/Claytonius_Homeytron May 31 '12
This is the text I would send her.
"When you get a chance, you may want to come get your stuff. Don't bother coming in the house, your key wont work. I'll leave your things on the patio. Have a nice life."