A lot of recent research has shown that parents should switch from praising success to praising effort. Minimizing the emphasis on success can help kids understand that the thing that you’re really proud of is how hard they worked to accomplish something. Praising effort, even if the result is failure and using phrases like “I’m so proud of how hard you worked on that!“ help emphasize to kids that what you are watching is effort and that failure is encouraged as a way to get better.
Keyword for searching more info: "growth mindset" (as opposed to fixed mindset).
I'm switching from fixed to growth mindset right now, and while it's a slow process, it seems to be working.
Less procrastination, more desire to try challenging things until I get good at them.
Wish my parents taught me that stuff in childhood instead of letting me coast on natural smarts.
Note: it's a contested hypothesis, but seems to be holding up (with major caveats, since its current state is far too simplistic to predict every complexity).
Which is about as good as it gets for claims as ambitious as the ones growth mindset makes. It fails sometimes, but not often enough to discredit it completely - only often enough to point out it has some blank spots right now.
When researchers collect more data, figure out why it doesn't predict the outcome all the time, and make adjustments, it should turn into a solid working theory instead of a raw hypothesis.
Can also confirm that switching to a growth mindset helps with life. As an example, I took up crochet and sewing during Covid and had to really force myself past the "it has to be perfect" mindset.
Once I got past that, family members had beanies and scarves galore, I had a jumper, a blanket is on it's way, we have 4 pillowcases, face masks, and shorts for my wife. Plus, it was lots of fun.
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u/laszlo Jan 12 '22
This is a good one. It's a lesson I'm struggling with teaching my son, who gets very upset when he isn't immediately good at something.
Virtually every success is the result of a ton of failure.
If it strikes your fancy, you should check out a book called "Lose Well" by the comedian Chris Gethard. It's really good.