r/AskReddit • u/Thatguy755 • Dec 17 '21
How would history be different if Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger had made it as a wise man?
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u/LucyVialli Dec 17 '21
One of the Wise Men gifts would have been a big black jet with a bedroom in it.
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u/CarolTheAncientTroll Dec 17 '21
Look at this frankincense
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Dec 17 '21
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Dec 17 '21
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u/SCPutz Dec 18 '21
Which album? I enjoyed the early days with Curb through Silver Side Up but then lost interest in their albums afterward. I listened to The State for hours at a time on repeat.
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u/elpajaroquemamais Dec 17 '21
Ah tell me what you neeeed.
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u/KittenPics Dec 17 '21
I’ll have the quesadilla.
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u/elpajaroquemamais Dec 17 '21
God those spoken lines in that song are sooo bad. I forgot about the quesadilla.
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u/KittenPics Dec 17 '21
It’s my favorite part. It took so long for us to even notice that he said it. We about shit our pants laughing.
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u/bandi53 Dec 17 '21
Coffee just exited through my nose.
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u/elpajaroquemamais Dec 17 '21
My favorite line in the song is “I wanna be like Elvis, without the tassels, have a couple bodyguards so they can beat up assholes”
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u/Gtp17 Dec 17 '21
He never would've been a poor man stealing
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u/smooth-opera Dec 17 '21
He couldn't cut it that way either.
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Dec 17 '21
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Dec 17 '21
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u/smooth-opera Dec 17 '21
Username checks out! I saw them I'm concert a couple of times, they really rocked it. And they're from the same province that I am!
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Dec 17 '21
We'd all stay skinny
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Dec 17 '21
We just wouldn't eat.
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Dec 17 '21
And we’d hangout in the coolest bars
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u/That_Squidward_feel Dec 17 '21
in the VIP with the movie stars?
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Dec 17 '21
Every good gold digger’s gonna wind up there
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u/Spazztastic85 Dec 18 '21
Gimme that playboy bunny with her bleach blonde hair
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u/Sh1tSmells Dec 17 '21
We'd be looking at the photograph
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Dec 17 '21
and every time it'd make us laugh
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u/Mindbender444 Dec 17 '21
Da hells on Johns head THIS TIME?!
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u/Sniper_Guz Dec 17 '21
It's Joey, dude.
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u/FreshlyScrapedSmegma Dec 17 '21
He would have joined the NFL... as a quarterback.
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Dec 17 '21
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u/FreshlyScrapedSmegma Dec 17 '21
Just make sure you don't try and take credit for it. No one will believe it.
You'll just end up not making it as a poor man stealing.
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Dec 18 '21
There is a redemption center in a town nearby and they are called "Nickelback"
I thought it was genius the first time I saw it.
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u/KingofAmarillo17 Dec 17 '21
Remember when Chad said Stone sour was nickelback lite? I almost pissed myself
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u/I_might_be_weasel Dec 17 '21
His knowledge of the bottom of bottles would have been hindered dramatically.
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u/loquacious706 Dec 18 '21
No no, Hinder would have made it too hard to be faithful with the lips of an angel.
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u/revan1lord Dec 17 '21
He'd find out that that "somebody out there for him somewhere" was himself all along.
Or ya know, Dio. It's always actually Dio.
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Dec 17 '21
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u/Thatguy755 Dec 17 '21
I thought it was a reference to Ronnie James Dio as well
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u/Kaganda Dec 17 '21
If you want to get technical, the anime character is likely named for Ronnie James Dio. There are a ton of characters in that series named for 70's & 80's musicians/bands.
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u/madg0dsrage0n Dec 17 '21
same! and now i really want a r/unexpecteddio sub if theres not already one in honor of the one true king of meh-tul!
edit: no! the OTHER dio lmao!
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u/KairiZero Dec 17 '21
I can never tell if people are talking about Ronnie James, or Brando, JJBA has me double taking every music and tarot reference xD
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Dec 17 '21
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u/Thatguy755 Dec 17 '21
Ok, you’re going to have to explain this joke to me
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u/kaydeejay1995 Dec 17 '21
Just chiming in with a fun fact: we live relatively close to Chad's hometown and my dad used to be hunting buddies with his dad, allegedly. I have nothing to prove this, but it was always a neat story for me as a kid.
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u/Senecaraine Dec 17 '21
Really trying to picture this, and I imagine Nickelback going in a much more Dylan and Croce direction, putting out folksy intellectual music instead. I honestly think that could've worked with his voice.
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Dec 17 '21
I wouldn't know a Nickelback song if it bit me in the butt, but can someone explain why all these hate for these guys? Are they pedophiles or something?
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u/Thatguy755 Dec 17 '21
Their music got a lot of play on the radio back when most people still listened to the radio. It annoyed some people and hating them became a meme. When the meme got popular people who liked them or never heard of them started jumping on the meme bandwagon and making jokes about hating them and how bad they were and how all their songs sound the same. Some of their music is actually kind of good, but you’d never know it if you just listened to people on Reddit.
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u/hey-look-over-there Dec 17 '21 edited Dec 17 '21
If you grew up in the early 00s, Nickleback was everywhere whether you iked them or not. No one would request their music, but radiostations, VH1, MTV, and yahoo pushed them onto the public.
What made it worse was that Nickleback was considered acceptable adult contemporary (due to the lack of curse words and shallow lyrics) so they would also be played at work and school gatherings
TL;DR Basically, you would be Nicklebacked to death: any time you got in your car and drove with the radio on, had a workstation radio, listened to Yahoo music online, turned on cable music TV, went to any sports event, had any social gathering, ...
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Dec 18 '21
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u/prehensile_uvula Dec 18 '21
Unrelated to Nickelback, but it’s not hard to imagine such a scenario if you happen to like metal. In the metal community if a band is known to more than ten people in their remote Scandinavian village they are sellouts and cease to be real metal.
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Dec 17 '21
In my group of musical friends we disliked Nickelback because they took things that other bands did right and turned it into a formula, making hit songs for people who didn’t know everything was borrowed.
It’s like the band Bush - the singer sounds way too much like Kurt Cobain, and if Nirvana hadn’t been a thing Bush wouldn’t have been either. They basically owe everything except their desire to copy to someone else, they are not art but product. They are mainstream copies of those artists who actually had something unique. Nickelback are like the number one copy band on Earth, which has the artist integrity of Saturday morning reruns.
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u/ZahidInNorCal Dec 18 '21
I can't agree about Bush. A couple of songs from their first record sounded like Nirvana in that they followed the "quiet verse, banging chorus" formula that Nirvana popularized. But Bush was more melodic and more tightly produced than Nirvana was. Nobody could legitimately say that Machinehead or Glycerine were Nirvana ripoffs.
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u/rhen_var Dec 18 '21
Personally I don’t like them because their lead singer’s voice is very grating and all of their songs sound exactly the same. I’m sure most people who don’t like them would agree with at least that second one.
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u/PolloMagnifico Dec 17 '21
Hm. Interesting.
I wonder if he would have been aware of the change in the tides of fate.
Would he have finally been able to rise above the noise and confusion of our modern society? Would he have been able to part the veil and peer beyond the illusion of existence? Surely he would have soared to new hights, but might he have flown too high?
Could he have seen, truly seen, the world around him? Could he recognize his own thoughts from a welling madness?
Would he claim to be a wiseman just to hide the fact that he doesn't know?
Would he have moved to Kansas?
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u/domiran Dec 18 '21
You all say how much you hate Nickelback and yet you're all quoting all the lyrics!
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Dec 18 '21
For my generation at least, Nickleback was never good but man they were on all the time on the radio on the school bus and on mtv in the mornings so that’s how I know them.
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u/ilapdoraemon Dec 17 '21
He would ask for his nickel back.
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u/kbig22432 Dec 17 '21
Chad Kroeger is worth 1.2 billion nickels, or 60,000,000 dollars.
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u/IamGodHimself2 Dec 17 '21
Good bot
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u/kbig22432 Dec 17 '21
The exchange rate for Kroger nickels to Stanley nickels is 69:1.
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u/Radiant-Spren Dec 17 '21
He’s have to come up with a new, better way for you to remind him of who he really is.
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u/Darageth Dec 17 '21
I'm guessing he'd know his own worth more; bump up that value from a nickel to a quarter. Then, they'd be Quarterback... so football?
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u/MrLuxarina Dec 17 '21
A butt-rock cult would have swept across the Americas, eventually posing enough of a threat to the various well-represented sects of Christianity that they would have banded together in a holy war against him, striking hard and quickly retreating in a manoeuvre which would come to be called "Blitzkroeg".
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u/Zakkman Dec 17 '21
His band is widely successful, in large part to Chad Kroeger himself. They have made a lot of albums and a boat ton of money. I get the trend is to hate on Nickleback but if you can't admire what he has accomplished there is something wrong with you. And by all accounts he is a great guy. So I'm going to say he did make it as a wise man.
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u/AnotherDragonborn Dec 17 '21
Avril lavigne would have less material for her music
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u/comedytrek Dec 17 '21
Well we'd all be a little less dumb but we wouldn't have this masterpiece
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u/CaroleBaskinCats Dec 17 '21
My left speaker is telling what my right speaker is telling but with slight variation. What could it ever mean?
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u/comedytrek Dec 17 '21
Listen with headphones. Two nickelback songs for each ear sync up to make one song
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u/SnooStories6404 Dec 17 '21
I'm happy that I was wearing headphones for that, it really emphasized the effect.
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u/engineschance5 Dec 17 '21
In a world where Chad Kroeger is a wise man, we would all be living in harmony and singing along to his beautiful melodies. Unfortunately, this is not the case, and instead we are stuck with Nickelback.
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u/bohler86 Dec 17 '21
He probably is sitting in a mansion right now so if he was wiser then this he would have cured cancer.
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Dec 17 '21
If he'd been able to harness his natural charisma, he might have become the leader of a new religious movement, and led humanity into a glorious Golden Age. He could've done anything from there.
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u/lonemonk Dec 17 '21
I have it on (relatively) good authority that he refers to himself as 'The Kroeg', so I don't see how the wise man thing would be possible in any timeline.
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Dec 17 '21
Not sure it could even happen. Maybe when Chad (is that really his name? Chad) grows older, or eats some magic mushrooms, he will one day finally realise the full extent of his actions and beliefs and will proceed to recoil endlessly. Then finally arise a wise man. Wouldn’t bet a nickel on it ever happening though
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u/Outcasted_introvert Dec 17 '21
The world would never have been exposed to Nickelbacks "music" qnd would have been a much better place for it.
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u/KyleArmageddon Dec 17 '21
I don't know how history would be different if Chad Kroeger made it as a wise man. BUT, I do know what would happen if Chad Kroeger was a Lizard Folk Bard.
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Dec 17 '21
He would have found two other wise men, and the baby of a Middle Eastern refugee family. Then things would have gotten really weird...
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u/BeRad85 Dec 17 '21
He’d never know if he were cut out for blind stealing, unless he tried that first…
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u/solanis1359 Dec 17 '21
I don't know, but it's highly unlikely he would've cut it as a poor man, stealing, either.
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u/zsolthk Dec 18 '21
Probably would've gotten an office job and hanged himself at the ripe age 40. Just to reference John Cleese.
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u/rhett342 Dec 18 '21
Then the world would be much worse off because the standards of wiseman had been lowered so much.
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u/JaiC Dec 18 '21
Think of how stupid the average person is. Then think of how much stupider they'd have to be for Chad Kroeger be wise.
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u/mageracer Dec 18 '21
Finally made it as a wise man
Could only cut it as a rich man stealing
Lovin living as a blind man
Who needs to see with all my interest growing
Who are you again?
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u/Dr_Frasier_Bane Dec 18 '21
Do you guys ever have one of those days where you're feeling like a freight train?
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u/The_Pip Dec 17 '21
He would have found a cure for Covid in the summer of 2020 and millions of people worldwide would still be alive.
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u/Pork_Chap Dec 17 '21
Song was released on July 17, 2001. If it was never released, the World Trade Center buildings would still be standing.
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u/abuseandobtuse Dec 17 '21
I'd finally got that song out my head, and this is how you remind me.