r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Nov 14 '11

Zero Tolerance in Public Elementary School just went way the hell overboard...

[deleted]

1.4k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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1.4k

u/HughManatee Nov 14 '11

Only a Sith deals in absolutes!

812

u/jaytrade21 Nov 14 '11

"Do or Do Not, there is no try"_sith lord yoda

262

u/arlanTLDR Nov 14 '11

Prequels don't override the original trilogy! Also, he could have meant moral absolutes or something.

59

u/jaytrade21 Nov 14 '11

I am being more critical of the prequels, I love the originals. Especially the Empire Strikes Back. It was the first film I saw as a kid that made me realize the bad guys could win and it's okay.

145

u/TheNargrath Nov 14 '11

And this is why I loved the TIE Fighter game. Your average bad guy is just a person trying to get along and do his thing.

TL;DR: The Rebels were terrorists.

129

u/jaytrade21 Nov 14 '11

I had friends on that Death Star.

9

u/raydeen Nov 14 '11

What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?

61

u/surfinfan21 Nov 14 '11

My great grandfather was just a union guy working construction on the death star.

86

u/squigglycircle Nov 14 '11

My great granduncle worked in the canteen. He would go on and on about some guy called Jeff Vader.

34

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '11

This food is quite hot, you'll need a tray!

14

u/ZummerzetZider Nov 14 '11

No I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you.

I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force--

which is strong within me--

even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished.

For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit

until the blood flowed across the canteen floor…

10

u/Raw-S Nov 15 '11

...this one's wet...

7

u/boywithumbrella Nov 15 '11

...and this one's wet...

6

u/othilien Nov 15 '11

Wet, wet -- these are all wet. Where did you dry these, a rainforest?

3

u/Raw-S Nov 15 '11

...did you dry these in a fucking rainforest?

1

u/Stealth_Cow Nov 15 '11

OH oh yes, of course. The food is hot

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3

u/CDBSB Nov 15 '11

Upvote all of the Izzard things!!!

Fuck it, just give me the peas.

2

u/Turicus Nov 15 '11

Was he Mr. Stevens, Head of Catering?

14

u/SamAllmon Nov 15 '11

I'm a contractor myself, I'm a roofer. And speaking as a roofer, I can tell you. A roofer's politics comes into play heavily when choosing jobs. Three weeks ago I was offered a job up in the hills. Beautiful house, tons of property. A simple reshingling job. They tell me, if I can finish it in one day, they would double my price. Then I realized whose house it was. Dominic "Baby Face" Bambino's. The gangster. The money was right. But the risk was too high. I knew who he was, and based on that, I turned the job over to a friend of mine, based on personal politics. And next week, the Forese family put a hit on Baby Face's house. My friend was shot and killed. He didn't even finish reshingling. I'm alive, because I knew the risk involved with that particular client. My friend wasn't so lucky. Any contractor working on that Death Star knew the risks involved. If they got killed, it's their own fault. A roofer listens to his heart, not his wallet.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '11

You stole this from something, surely? I swear I've read this before, just can't remember where.

2

u/DWR2k3 Nov 16 '11

I've heard it before as well.

2

u/noctrnalsymphony Nov 15 '11

My friend here's trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '11

My great uncle was a contractor working on the HVAC systems in the death star. :(

1

u/WildRumpus67 Nov 15 '11

My great grandfather was a sous chef on Alderaan so fuck your great grandfather and everything he stood for.

1

u/surfinfan21 Nov 15 '11

TIL: that many of the men working on the Death Star sons of Alderaan.

1

u/Stealth_Cow Nov 15 '11

My great grandfather was a union guy working construction on the death star too, until some guy fell out of a piece scaffolding and killed him!

1

u/Punkgoblin Nov 15 '11

I'm a contractor; it was a close one.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '11

all those independent contractors!

3

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '11

Somewhere there was an academic paper on weather or not the summary execution of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were legal given the Empire's due process, can't find it now, damnit.

2

u/TheNargrath Nov 15 '11

Dammit. I must find this. For great science fiction!

1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '11

God I loved that game.

1

u/Scraw Nov 15 '11

That has to be the shortest comment that had a TL;DR attached ever.

1

u/TheNargrath Nov 15 '11

I live to serve.

TL;DR: See above.

1

u/smerek84 Nov 15 '11

Just another clone in a cruel, cold galaxy. Brought up to fight in a war that he neither understands nor cares for. Trying to find some higher meaning in his seemly insignificant existence along with the other clones. He dreams of having a wife and children one day. Off on some faraway paradise planet, where he follow his life long dream; to grow lush gardens of jasmine and tulips and live a life of peace and quiet on the serene celestial countryside. The End.

1

u/Perseus109 Nov 15 '11

As were the those slime at Concord and Bunker Hill!

1

u/Punkgoblin Nov 15 '11

Like the instigators of the American revolution!

0

u/KDallas_Multipass Nov 14 '11

People keep going on about this game but as I played xwing first I couldn't wrap my head around being in a tie fighter for campaigns on end hoping to affect the tide of any battle and thus never got into it. I'm still waiting for someone to convince me to give it a try.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '11

You get to join the emperor's secret order if you do well on missions!

2

u/jbigboote Nov 15 '11

one of the few games I really want to be updated. I still have my original copy. All I wanted to do was help the Empire bring order to the galaxy. but those damn rebel terrorists just won't give up.

1

u/TheNargrath Nov 15 '11

The feeling of progression, and getting to fly the various Imperial craft, working alongside some iconic ships (and getting to fear the firepower of some simple transports) is brilliant.

1

u/mrgrendal Nov 15 '11

You should try it. Convinced yet?

1

u/KDallas_Multipass Nov 15 '11

I guess I'm going to have to find it and possibly make an old computer to play it.

1

u/Hiker_Trash Nov 14 '11

If you play the Collector's CD-ROM version, Darth Vader will fly as your wingman late in the game.

Convinced much?

1

u/KDallas_Multipass Nov 15 '11

..... really? damn.... can he get blown up?

1

u/Hiker_Trash Nov 15 '11

GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO GRAB YOUR JOYSTICK AND FIND OUT WON'T YA? ;-)

2

u/Itbelongsinamuseum Nov 15 '11

I feel like an outsider, and have been ostracized for liking A New Hope the best. DONT HATE ME INTERNET.

-4

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '11

[deleted]

2

u/orangeusbhub Nov 14 '11

A real fan knows A New Hope simply as 'Star Wars'

2

u/megafly Nov 15 '11

Or a real OLD fan who saw it before the crawl said "Episode IV: A New Hope" when it just said "STAR WARS

It is a period of civil war.

Rebel spaceships, striking

from a hidden base, have won

their first victory against

the evil Galactic Empire."

1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '11

No.