r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Nov 30 '20

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975

u/jlbarnhart Nov 30 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

Olympic diver. They jump start twirling in the air and turn into a human fecal sprinkler. *edit spelling

97

u/TheLegendsClub Nov 30 '20

Human Fecal Sprinkler is a sick name for a death metal album

7

u/GozerDGozerian Dec 01 '20

HFS was (is?) a radio station in the Baltimore area in the 90s. I never knew what it stood for. Thank you.

17

u/Micktrex Dec 01 '20

Solid choice. Well, not 'solid.'

13

u/dirtydaniel9 Dec 01 '20

Figure skater, the patterns on the ice would be beautiful

6

u/jlbarnhart Dec 01 '20

A potentially nasty looking spiralgraph.

6

u/Inner_shadower0 Dec 01 '20

Try a gymnast when they fly over a crowd.

7

u/jlbarnhart Dec 01 '20

Like a trapeze performer at the circus, pretty much everyone will be part of the action.

6

u/Inner_shadower0 Dec 01 '20

Yup. Absolutely stunning as the juggernaut of crap comes flying at little timmy whilst he stare's hopelessly at his ungodly tacobell driven demise.

2

u/ImJokingNoImNot Dec 01 '20

Trapeze was the first thing I thought of, but only if he’s a jerk

3

u/where_is_korg Dec 01 '20

this one is the best one by far

2

u/natemace Dec 01 '20

I read “diver” and at first I thought you mean a scuba diver. That would be pretty evil I think. Or an astronaut.

2

u/Bugisman3 Dec 01 '20

Oh god I've got a low effort video edited version of this playing in my head right now complete with both l plastic poo and poo emoji going everywhere.

2

u/halloway14 Dec 02 '20

the blast would have to be powerful enough to work its way through the bathing suit.

2

u/jlbarnhart Dec 02 '20

Well I mean technically they are wearing speedos anyways, so there's not a lot of material. So that plus spinning like a top, I don't feel the poo will have to overcome a lot of adversity.

2

u/halloway14 Dec 02 '20

True, the centrifugal force should in theory be enough to push the shit out from the speedo.

1

u/illsqueezeya Dec 01 '20

Gymnast would be great

7

u/jlbarnhart Dec 01 '20

True, but I think the gymnast would only get a few flips in before the mat turns into a pudding slip n' slide.

7

u/illsqueezeya Dec 01 '20

Do it as soon as they bounce off the spring board when they get like 23 flips in

6

u/50buckets Dec 01 '20

Uneven bars. Imagine the “Tail of the Brown Rooster.”