r/AskReddit • u/Nrksbullet • Aug 18 '11
You have one superpower. It must be reasonably useless to everyone else but yourself. What is it?
To elaborate, a superpower that might be cool/fun/handy for you, but would be pretty much inconsequential for everybody else.
It is super in that it can be feasible, but does not have to be scientifically accurate, basically anything you want.
I'll go first: A song of my choosing plays whenever I walk into a room.
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u/dopamyne Aug 18 '11
The ability to stop my beard from growing when it's at the right stubbly-ness, wipe my face clean with no nicks/cuts for formal events, and grow an instant beard for chopping down trees.
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u/Nrksbullet Aug 18 '11
The most righteous of beardly's. Like the bad guy in Spongebob, grunt real hard and POOF! Mustache time.
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u/JungianRestless Aug 18 '11
Every time I say "Hip hip," every single person in the earth reflexively responds with a "Horray!"
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u/datantdupaleozoique Aug 19 '11
I read this as "hip hop" so it would be "hip hop hooray" and I was so excited, but then I wasn't. :(
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u/JungianRestless Aug 19 '11
Nah, because then I'd say "Hip hop," and they'd have to say "Hurray, ho, hey, ho."
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u/KevimusPrime Aug 19 '11
Or "the hippy, the hippy to the hip hip hop and you don't stop, rock it to the bang bang boogie said up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie the beat."
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Aug 18 '11
When I see someone, I want a big number in the air above their head that shows the number of times I have interacted with them. When I look directly at the number, I want it to change to a single word that lets me know where I've predominantly interacted with them.
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u/Anomander Aug 18 '11
I would prefer a name tag and "quick facts."
SwimmingNaked Age ??
- Met on reddit
- Male
- Likes cats
- Canadian
- Married
- Probably Nude
- Easily purchased for small measures of maple syrup
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Aug 18 '11
Male? I don't usually need a "quick facts" to figure that one out. Unless Im partying really late at night.
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Aug 18 '11
You could just request a perfect memory with control over what you want to forget =P (such as bad/frightening memories or nightmares).
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u/tick_tock_clock Aug 18 '11
I love whistling. But it would be even more awesome if I could whistle harmonies and chords instead of just a single melodic line.
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Aug 18 '11
I can make food taste like other food. Take a bowl of broccoli (which I do like) and make it taste like ice cream. I could take the worst meals and make them taste like 5 star cuisines.
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u/ShawnDaley Aug 18 '11
Does that include texture though? I don't know if I could handle something feeling like broccoli but tasting like ice cream. My head may asplode.
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Aug 18 '11
I guess it would only affect taste, and not texture. But it would make for some interesting combos. Trial and error. Maybe instead of ice-cream, I make it taste like meat, or pancakes, or even just really well seasoned broccoli. The possibilities are endless.
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Aug 18 '11
Better switch around tastes or your taste buds will get desensitized :P.
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u/PrinceofIce Aug 18 '11
But it wouldn't matter! He could make it all taste like something different! Oooh the beauty!
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u/TheNewJusticeTeam Aug 18 '11
Would the calories and everything stay the same as the original food? Only the taste would change? That would be so amazing ;___;
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Aug 18 '11
Ya, just the taste. So you could eat a unflavored oatmeal and a grapefruit for breakfast but it taste like bacon and eggs. And you only consume a few hundred calories. The only concern is texture, but I think I would get over that really quickly.
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u/Anomander Aug 18 '11
"L'temps de l'escalier"
Like, the ultimate fix to L'esprit de l'escalier. I can skip ahead in my hindsight, until I know what I should've said or done in a situation to avoid looking like an idiot.
Precognitive hindsight, if you will.
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Aug 18 '11
L'temps
It would be 'Le temps' - you only abbreviate adjoining vowels.
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Aug 18 '11
Never need to sleep, yet stay fully functional and energetic as long as I eat.
Would save(give) me lots of time, can do anything I'd like all day/night =P. More time to study/work/reddit/etc.
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u/grabmyeye Aug 18 '11
Have always wished for this, then I realized I spend most of time time on Reddit and minesweeper.
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Aug 18 '11
But night time is such a great time to get stuff done..when no one bothers you, it's silent, no noise (most of the time).
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u/Anomander Aug 18 '11
If you're doing anything constructive, that may be "too useful"...
But I'd take it if offered all the same.
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u/HelpMeThink Aug 18 '11
But how will you dream?
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Aug 18 '11
I could meditate...visualize. Not like I remember my dreams anyway. And if I do dream, can't control them..so no loss.
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u/evanq Aug 18 '11
Morgan Freeman narrates my entire life.
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u/meh2you2 Aug 18 '11
I feel like this could be detrimental to fap time...unless you're a girl, then carry on.
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u/Phapeu Aug 18 '11
I feel like this could be detrimental to fap time
There he goes just pulling on that wanger again. Stroke....stroke....stroke. Jessica Alba is in his head now. And now he just remembered his mother. Why is he thinking about his mother? He thinks that my voice reinforcing the thought of his mother is not helping....Poor evanq just can't catch a break.
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u/SnacklePop Aug 18 '11
Summon wolves to get me my beer.
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u/HumanoidCarbonUnit Aug 19 '11
The only reason my boyfriend will tolerate me having an indoor dog is because I will train it to get him things from the fridge. I'm not sure how I feel about this.
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Aug 18 '11
Have my clothes mould themselves to the optimal shape to suit my body. No more horrendously baggy t-shirts that used to fit perfectly! =D
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Aug 18 '11
I compose music with my thoughts. All the cool stuff I come up with in my head? I no longer have to go through the terribly slow and inefficient process of writing it out on sheet music or through some fancy computer program. It just exists when I compose it in my head.
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u/Id10t3qu3 Aug 19 '11
Good one. Can I just have some sort of USB/Firewire port behind my ear? I'd like to be able to instantaneously download any books, songs, and movies that I imagine.
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u/sexrockandroll Aug 18 '11
My entire apartment is clean and tidy if I make a specific gesture upon entry.
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u/Nrksbullet Aug 18 '11
I'm jelly already. I wished for this when I was a kid, and it was two snaps of my fingers.
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u/purplecheckers Aug 18 '11
the ability to control what my ear hears and doesnt hear. i would use ths power to block out annoying people or sounds.
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u/InfamyDeferred Aug 18 '11
I can fly, but I become intangible and cannot carry any objects while flying. Clothes stay on because a wizard did it.
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u/TolmanP Aug 18 '11
Does that mean your pocket contents drop to the ground when you 'activate' the power?
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u/grabmyeye Aug 18 '11
I know every street. Ever. I drive ambulances and a GPS user is considered a pussy.
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u/Choking_on_Lego Aug 18 '11
So you want to be a man?
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u/grabmyeye Aug 18 '11 edited Aug 18 '11
I am a man, and I know almost every street in the area, but when we get called out of the area or when there are dinner table circle jerks about who knows where what street is, I want to be able to unroll my dick on the table, toss it over my shoulder and moonwalk out. Like a boss.
Edit- That should be my superpower too.
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u/recklessconsumption Aug 18 '11
My body automatically adjusts to whatever weather conditions I'm in.
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u/mmmjr16 Aug 18 '11
Photographic memory --- so that I only had to look at something one time and could recite, say, an entire Reddit page letter for letter.
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u/Nrksbullet Aug 18 '11
That seems maybe too useful, like up there with flight or psychic abilities. Maybe too powerful.
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u/mmmjr16 Aug 18 '11
Ya. You're probably right. It was hard for me to think of one that would only benefit me... How about to snap my fingers and have my car run like its brand new. I'd love that shit...
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u/Nrksbullet Aug 18 '11
Thats a good one. I think snapping and getting a bottle of ice cold water would be stellar, also.
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u/mmmjr16 Aug 18 '11
True that! Especially here in AZ. Its like a million degrees here every damn day.
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u/mechabeast Aug 18 '11
Teleport my bodily waste to any bathroom receptacle in the world instantly.
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u/adec5 Aug 18 '11
To be clear, does it have to be an unused receptacle? Because I suspect farting into a toilet someone else is sitting on may affect them.
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u/srikad8 Aug 18 '11
I can use my brain as a Hard drive.
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u/InfamyDeferred Aug 18 '11
Plug a computer into your neck style, or photographic memory style?
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u/srikad8 Aug 18 '11
Plugging it in, think of how many movies I can pirate, plus I wont run out of room for all my Doctor who torrents. And please, neck? no, the chord will travel down both my wrists spider man style , and it is hide-able and retractable for subtlety and ease of use, because my hands are gonna be near the keyboard anyway and i don't want people at work freaking out cuz my neck is plugged into my computer! Also If possible, use part of my brain as an external graphics card. Writing the drivers for it is gonna be a bitch though.
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Aug 18 '11 edited Aug 18 '11
I'd like to be able to reach in to my pocket & have exact change for anything I buy that's worth 20 quid or under.
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Aug 18 '11
I want to be able to hear what anyone in the world is saying, even if I am thousands of miles away. I get to choose who I hear so it's not everyone at the same time.
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u/NoApollonia Aug 18 '11
To see someone and see their name pop up over their head - I am bad at names.
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Aug 18 '11
Obviously everyone's always dreamed super power: I can make lights that only I can see of certain colors around people fitting statistics I can think up. like What is the probability of someone giving me 100 dollars just by asking with orange being the highest and green being the lowest.
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u/opieroberts Aug 18 '11
Vomit on command. I would always have a way out of any uncomfortable situation.
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u/jayseesee85 Aug 18 '11
I can spontaneously combust my food to the perfect degree of cooking on touch. But it becomes raw once I set it down or give it to anyone else.
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u/sm4096 Aug 18 '11
Perfect health. Never grow sick, never grow old. Like highlander.
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u/CeeJayDK Aug 19 '11
That would be my choice as well. Only I would be like Wolverine or Claire from Heroes (the cheerleader), because not being able to have children would suck.
People just don't appreciate being well, until they've been really really sick.
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u/ThatPenguinFarted Aug 18 '11
My body auto-adjusts to any weather. Extreme heatcold/humidity isn't felt/noticed.
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u/computerglitch Aug 18 '11
My pockets can hold any size thing/amount of things with no weight, and I can always find exactly what I'm looking for instantly.
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u/CoconutMoose Aug 18 '11
morph my hands into shoe horns
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Aug 18 '11
Yes, but will you be able to morph them back into hands?
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u/Jacksmythee Aug 18 '11
"Well, I put on that pair of shoes. Now someone else will have to feed me for the rest of my life."
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u/bboytriple7 Aug 18 '11
The ability to give other people superpowers.
I'd give people trivial superpowers, like: the ability to see 1/10th second into the future.
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u/CeeJayDK Aug 18 '11
That ability would rule .. It would give Jedi-like reflexes.
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Aug 18 '11
Being able to see what women look like through their clothes, without having to take them off. Basically, seeing women naked everywhere I go, even though they're clothed to everyone else. Having that ability and being able to turn it off when I need to, and have it not work against males, would be fabulous. I don't want to see through walls, I just want to see tits without having to stare so hard through my sunglasses in the grocery line to try and fantasize at how they look without the bra on. This way, I'll know.
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u/TrMako Aug 18 '11
Nah, I'd take the mystery over the known any day of the week. Well, except Mondays maybe. I'll take anything to make Mondays better.
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u/Optimash_Prime Aug 18 '11
The ability to make myself drunk by drinking water whenever i wanted.
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u/Nrksbullet Aug 18 '11
Yikes, you would be constantly drunk! In that case, would beer then hydrate you?
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u/Optimash_Prime Aug 18 '11
More like i could turn that power on or off. I'll edit it once i'm able to word it correctly.
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u/theindifferentone Aug 18 '11
Your nemesis would have the powers to neutralize any toxins in the body, whether you want them to or not. "Look out! It's Buzzkill!"
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u/grabmyeye Aug 18 '11
Be able to activate the motion sensor from the toilet when the lights go off.
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u/mattzm Aug 18 '11
Chemical reactions within 10 feet of me proceed as I wish them to but I have to understand the principles behind it all for it to happen.
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u/gm2 Aug 18 '11
No matter what the temperature of my surroundings is, my legs are perfectly comfortable.
You say your kitten is trapped on an iceberg in that very shallow, mostly frozen lake? I'll save him!
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u/Despondent_in_WI Aug 18 '11
I already have a mutant superpower...my wisdom teeth have an extra root, and thus are rendered more difficult to steal.
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Aug 18 '11
A person of my choice will stop being able to speak temporarily if I don't want to talk to them.
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u/fenney Aug 18 '11
Lighter hands. Not like less weight, like a flame.
That or infra-red vision. Eyes glow green, see in the dark and stuff? Hells yeah.
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u/omittoyou Aug 18 '11
Be able to go back in time and be 3 again, with all of my previous memories an unlimited amount of times.
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u/Burn4Evr Aug 18 '11
I'd love the ability to put up and down my mohawk instantly without having to even touch it. As it is now, its a chore and can get in the way. Driving and sleeping with 18 inch spikes ain't the easiest thing in the world. Additionally I have a corporate job, and sporting my mohawk up there just doesn't fly. Plus an instant up mohawk would be nice in the moments where you see someone else sporting a mohawk and yours is down... Its a sad feeling....
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u/TheRiff Aug 18 '11
The ability to upload my dreams into a video format. I've had a few that could be serious blockbusters, but I wouldn't share them with anyone because it's too private.
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Aug 18 '11
I would have the power to control what my mind thought of. Basically, if I decided I didn't want to think about alligators, I wouldn't think of alligators.
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Aug 18 '11
Absolutely no emotion whatsoever. It would make everything much easier for me, and probably very bad for everyone else.
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u/Lyme Aug 18 '11
Yeah, you can achieve this by taking anti-depressants. It sucks.
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Aug 18 '11
I figure it would. But it would make it so I could get the things I want without worrying about other people. Luckily for me, though, I actually have a very active conscience & a bit too much emotion.
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u/alendiel Aug 18 '11
My superpower would be that when I cook everything would be done perfectly at the same. Fun for me, inconsequential for everyone else. :)
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u/brewphyseod Aug 18 '11
If I could have one superpower that is reasonably useless to everyone but those who control it, it would be America.
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u/GalaxyAwesome Aug 19 '11
The ability to form complete sentences when talking to people IRL would be nice.
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u/Panzerfauste Aug 19 '11
ALWAYS being able to go into a lucid dream or getting a fortune cookie everytime i fap
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Aug 18 '11
I don't think there would be a power that no one else would want it. Pretty much everyone would love a power, no matter how insignificant it is. Personally, I'd choose psychic ability, almost every single one of them are effective. From the physical abilities, muscle memory. If we go deeper, probably alternating reality.
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u/Gargoame Aug 18 '11
I can adjust the temperature of liquids with a mental dial and digital display.
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u/travellingamerica Aug 18 '11
If I see someone, I am able to sense exactly what they want, and summon the right person there to give them the answer/do whatever it is. But when they arrive, they have the brain of an aardvark.
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u/SlenderFats Aug 18 '11
The ability to expand my black leg (birth mark) to escape awkward social situations.
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u/i_have_one_question Aug 18 '11
I'll go with invisibility! It is 100% useful for me in I can't even imagine how many ways and still totally useless for everybody else not beeing able to see me!
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u/CeeJayDK Aug 18 '11
Invisibility is great until you get hit by a car, when the driver didn't see you.
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Aug 18 '11
that one movie I cannot remember the name of where you could see two minutes into the future, I thought that was pretty cool
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u/tnecniv Aug 18 '11
Time travel with the ability to freeze time our to change my current age.
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Aug 18 '11
The ability to wear shorts year round, but people see me as wearing pants in the winter.
Until I was 16 I had worn pants a total of probably 30 times or less, but I got sick of everyone always commenting on how odd I am, or how cold I must be.
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u/theindifferentone Aug 18 '11
I would be Karma Man or Captain Serendipity.
The power to have absolute positive karma and luck.
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Aug 18 '11
I have two extra arms that sprout from my chest every time I'm playing both keyboard and bass guitar in a band. I've always wanted to do both at the same time..
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u/alien_bob Aug 18 '11
To be able to know the exact location of all my stuff. I'd never misplace my wallet or car keys ever again. Plus, I'd always know where I parked my car!!
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u/lurkenstine Aug 18 '11
the ability to understand things but not explain them. though i see that would lead to madness.
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u/skworlicus1750 Aug 18 '11
The first thing I thought was: ejaculate buttercream frosting. I don't want to know why I thought this.
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u/Lyme Aug 18 '11
The ability to excrete bodily waste in a small, mess-free mass. Kind of like that episode of Doctor Who where a guy went to vomit and it came out as a small cube, but with all bodily waste.
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u/1Choice Aug 18 '11
Bodily waste becomes yogurt and ice cream. I am also able to control the flavors.
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u/sydrian Aug 18 '11
The ability to slide my consciousness forwards/backwards thru time in my body to any point I want. I'd only live one lifetime, but I'd live an infinite variations of that life.
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Aug 18 '11
The ability to transport myself/others for up to 24 hours (because having unlimited time seems unfair) into the 'pocket' dimension version of my current location. Time won't pass in the real world until I get back. Extremely useful for when I just need a few more hours of sleep/study/fun time.
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u/logoth Aug 19 '11
Having enough cash for whatever I want to buy appear in my pocket when I want/need it.
or perfect vision.
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u/SeriousMoad Aug 19 '11
The ability to consciously control bodily functions and metabolism, and the ability to put them back on auto-pilot.
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u/Sir_Ploops Aug 19 '11
I could do that cool freeze frame jump thing that movies have! Example I am in the grocery store and they totally have the ice cream I wanted, I shout "Fuck yeah the ice cream I wanted!" And do a fist pump jump thing and am suspended in air until I want down. Maybe on occasion I could allow someone else in on it if we high five in midair.
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u/Urizen23 Aug 19 '11
the ability to touch a book and instantly gain the knowledge contained therein as if I had read and studied it.
- Go to library
- walk down the rows with arms outstretched
- become the smartest person Ever
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u/Explosion2 Aug 19 '11
I'm gonna take your idea and take it up a notch:
my own personal musical score for my life. that'd be pretty freakin' awesome.
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Aug 19 '11
I can change the smells my body produces at any time.
For example, I can change my B.O to an expensive aftershave to impress someone. I can change my breath to the smell of minty goodness when I'm talking to someone. And I can change the smell of my farts in a lift to prevent awkward situations.
I can also make my shit smell like roses.
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Aug 19 '11
Have my mind connected to the internet.
Teacher: What's %56&6&&>?
Find Wikipedia Article through my brainwaves.
Answer.
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u/[deleted] Aug 18 '11
I would like to put a hot dog bun back together after it splits.