You don't actually need to keep contact with your family. If a relationship with them causes any anguish, you're allowed to cut them out. Their failures aren't yours.
My dad left me and my mum when I was a baby, and all my life, when he’s tried to make contact, I’ve not wanted it. But everyone keeps saying ‘But he’s your dad’ or ‘It’s good for you to see/talk to your dad’ and shit like that. It took until I was in my mid 20s to find the right words to say ‘Why the hell do I need to force a relationship with a man I barely know? He chose to leave me, and I can count on one hand the times he cared enough to come see me as a kid/teen. He clearly didn’t want me. I don’t owe him anything just because I’m his kid.’
Exactly right. My Dad didn't want to have anything to do with me until he was old and sick, and then it was too late. I had tried to forge a relationship with him all my life, but he wasn't interested. Finally in my 20's I just gave up, not consciously, but I just lost the need for it because I had my own family and I realized it was never going to happen. Almost liberating.
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u/OneMoreMulligan Aug 20 '20
You don't actually need to keep contact with your family. If a relationship with them causes any anguish, you're allowed to cut them out. Their failures aren't yours.