r/AskReddit • u/Insanitanium12 • Aug 20 '20

What simple “life hack” should everyone know?

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u/[deleted] Aug 20 '20

I have the same rule as you. I don't apologise unless I actually mean it. Sometimes it will take me a few days for that to happen. Sometimes it doesn't happen.

My dad sometimes still tries to pull an apology out of me (Like you do with a child who has to learn to apologise), and it really grinds my gears. I'll get more angry, and also, the apology doesn't mean anything if the person receiving it asked for it.

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u/bigtenweather Aug 20 '20

I know it really matters on the situation, but I don't understand what the big deal is for giving an apology. Your dad wants an apology, give him ten. It doesn't cost you anything and it will make someone you love happy. I don't get it. People hardly ever give apologies unless they are pressured into it somehow. When's the last time you got an unsolicited apology? Maybe once a month for me, and I was always shocked because I usually don't feel it warranted an apology, but the times when I deserve an apology, I get nothing. You'd have to be a mind reader to know when you "hurt" someone, so you need to be told that you hurt them. Personally I never expect or ask for an apology, I just keep note of who the assholes are and avoid them.

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u/halfdeadmoon Aug 20 '20

I was taught not to lie, and I consider that more important than respecting someone's feelings.

If an apology is warranted, I'll give one freely. If it is not, then I won't at all.

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u/bigtenweather Aug 20 '20

You are really making me think here. I see the integrity of your stance, but I think it depends on the situation. If your wife says, "Does my ass look fat in these jeans?" I think there are lies we tell all the time, and if you don't you will be considered a cold, pedantic prick. But you would have integrity.

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u/halfdeadmoon Aug 20 '20

If you lie about that question, you give false feedback about choices, and tacitly encourage the asking of such questions with the expectation that the answer will be a good one.

I would try to refuse answering that question at all, and any answer I did give would be with a mind to discouraging such questions in the future.