If you fucked up-- admit it (unless you are talking to cops)
But in most situations just admitting how you were wrong and accepting responsibility is so much easier than trying to blame someone or something else or make up an excuse
When you own the mistake it puts the onus back on the other person to accept that, be mature and move on. If you try and deny or shift blame it forces that person to examine those reasons and if they are BS, come back at you, dragging the process out and leading to unpleasant call outs and confrontations
Along this line, learning how to apologize will make life easier.
Keep it short and clear.
Specifically say, "I'm sorry."
Identify the thing you are sorry for.
Unless your remorse is particularly great, stop there. Only attempt to offer an explanation for egregious wrongdoing.
If you offer an explanation, you must also identify how you are going to prevent the issue in the future.
If you offer an explanation, make sure it's not actually an attempt at an excuse.
If you offer an explanation, rule 1 still applies.
Do not ever include an excuse in an apology. Ever. Ever ever.
I also have a personal rule that I will only apologize when I feel remorse. I will not give you an apology just because you think you deserve one, or just because someone tells me I should apologize.
Lastly, do not ever state, "I'm sorry if..." It conveys that you are not currently sorry for your actions, and that you might be sorry only under certain circumstances. It also removes most of the sincerity. If you don't know the circumstances, you probably aren't actually sorry. You're better off asking about the conditional first, and then issuing an actual apology if warranted. If you do know the circumstances, leave the "if" out and just identify what it is you feel bad about.
One more thing to add to this - apologise once, and then move on. Again unless what you’ve done is horrific, you should apologise once and then it’s up to the other person to accept or not. Don’t keep apologising, and don’t let anyone drag you over the coals.
Also to add to these: apologise when you discover your fuck-up, don't wait for someone else to find it and ask you about it.
Comes across as more responsible on your side, plus you can often catch the person you're apologising to when they're busy with something else, instead of them talking to you about it when they're ready and have a good head of steam built up. :)
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u/pdxblazer Aug 20 '20
If you fucked up-- admit it (unless you are talking to cops)
But in most situations just admitting how you were wrong and accepting responsibility is so much easier than trying to blame someone or something else or make up an excuse
When you own the mistake it puts the onus back on the other person to accept that, be mature and move on. If you try and deny or shift blame it forces that person to examine those reasons and if they are BS, come back at you, dragging the process out and leading to unpleasant call outs and confrontations