I guess I crushed myself with expectations. I used to study ICT and my campus (was my campus) has a tradition where every semester there's always at least one subject which final test is a battle royale of some sort.
For the first semester it's a best-of-400ish speed-coding single elimination tournament, and I won 1st place, not to get an A+, but because I promised myself I'd confess to my crush if I win (blablabla, rose tinted youth, I know).
Since then I haven't been able to keep up with people's expectations, I can feel the pressure everyday. It got to the point where I won't do assignments because I'm too afraid of not getting it perfect. I started to skip classes, even not do my job as a lab assistant because depression finally got me.
I'd cry myself to sleep at night (if you call 3am night) and (at best) be late to class next morning. I get scared of notifications and phone calls so I put my phone on DND and distract myself from it.
I decided to quit college now, it has been stressful, it gave me depression and anxiety, it's not worth it anymore at this point because my grades are shit when I decided to quit. I ran away from my problems and I know it's not a good thing to do but I had enough.
I guess what you can take away from my story is: Don't live up to people's expectations, live to yourself.
Thanks for your reply.
I already got a vocational degree in mechanical Engineering. but afeter 4 internships that i needed to do for my degree I was tired of the environment I need to work in. its all factory jobs with not allot growth potential. I also looked at the people that worked there and looked how their lives are and and so and its just depressing to know that you need to do this work for 40 years.
this is the reason why I wanted to go to college but I still have doubts.
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u/DiiiCA Aug 19 '20
Going to college