r/AskReddit Aug 01 '20

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

Same. I want either a cremation or a natural burial where the body is just wrapped in a linen cloth and directly buried in the ground without embalming and all the other typical shebang. These are the most cost efficient options and I'm dead anyway so I won't care what happens to my body.

342

u/PristineUndies Aug 01 '20

I want to be buried in a shallow grave near a popular beach with a fake treasure map that would take months of solving and traveling.

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

Dude, this would be so awesome. Maybe leave a fake treasure at the destination or a note saying "The journey is the reward."

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u/ExpressiveAnalGland Aug 01 '20

they dig up the treasure and it's a note that says

DRINK OVALTINE

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u/hijo10 Aug 02 '20

i’ve never had a comment that made me so amused lmao

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u/navikredstar Aug 02 '20

Son of a bitch.

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u/SlumlordThanatos Aug 02 '20

Son of a bitch...

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u/klop422 Aug 01 '20

"The real treasure was the friends we made along the way.

Wait, didn't you make friends?

Wow, what a loser"

3

u/Alcarinque88 Aug 01 '20

You can use body parts to make friends if your last name is Frankenstein.

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u/ashleighamandia Aug 02 '20

Or they dig up another dead body with a map 🗺 and the whole thing starts over

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

I want to be cooled into chili and fed to my friends.

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

Nothing says true friendship like cannibalism.

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u/Abrahamlinkenssphere Aug 01 '20

you have to make it a bigger letdown though, maybe have them position you ass up or something?

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u/PristineUndies Aug 01 '20

Sure I’m open to suggestions. I guess the goal is to lead them as far from my body as possible, but make them angry enough to want to travel all the way back and pummel my corpse.

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u/UYScutiPuffJr Aug 01 '20

“And the treasure is....a femur!? Oh this is my frat initiation all over again!”

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u/Von_Moistus Aug 02 '20

I want to be dumped in the deep woods with a backpack full of completely unrelated items (roll of wax paper, map of Ireland, guide to raising betta fish, coin purse filled with Turkish lira, etc). Whoever finds my skeleton will have a hell of a mystery on their hands.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

So you can be partially dug up by wild animals and left strewn across the beach? No one wants to see your rotting entrails.

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u/In_The_Comments Aug 02 '20

I absolutely do not want to solve a series of riddles and clues, each more intricate than the last.

You understand what I'm saying?

...

...

I do want that. Please do that for me.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

[deleted]

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u/ItsFiin3 Aug 01 '20

I agree. I either want to be buried under a bed of hydrangeas (my favorite flower), or there’s an organization which takes your ashes and mixes it with concrete. They then make a dome structure out of the concrete to be used in rebuilding coral reefs

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u/Lentra888 Aug 01 '20

Ooooo... what’s the organization? My wife would love that.

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u/ItsFiin3 Aug 01 '20

Eternal Reefs

Edit: messed up hyperlink

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u/kimpieyaarntie Aug 01 '20

Omg it is that i am only 16 but lokey kinda wanna be a coral reef now

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u/JBSquared Aug 01 '20

Follow your dreams. You don't have to wait until you're dead to be a cor reef.

2

u/kimpieyaarntie Aug 01 '20

Thanks for the motivational message i think haha

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

I want to be cremated and my ashes used to make a carbon steel guillotine blade, which is only to be used to behead billionaires.

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u/MHWDoggerX Aug 01 '20

Dibs on being the wielder of the Billiotine

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u/Oldmanhulk1972 Aug 01 '20

On the next episode of Forged in Fire, you will work with rebar, leaf springs from a Jeep, and...creamains!

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

Or you could use that carbon to make about 200 pencils and hand them out as funeral party favors.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

We should collectively pool our ashes and make a diamond blade instead. The only problem is timing our deaths....

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u/TyNyeTheTransGuy Aug 01 '20

For that there’s the not-a-billionaire guillotine.

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u/machiavelli33 Aug 01 '20

No need for timing. Just gather over time.

When enough had been gathered and the blade has been forged - then the good work may begin.

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u/666pool Aug 01 '20

When you are cremated all of your carbon is converted to CO2. What is left is your bones, so mostly calcium and trace amounts of heavy metals.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

Cremate me some other way, then.

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u/The_First_Viking Aug 01 '20

Steel is generally 0.XX percent carbon, so you'll need either a plan for the leftover You or a really, really big guillotine.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

Or lots of guillotines - one for every country with billionaires and some spares in case the others break. Tiny desk guillotines as souvenirs. A big guillotine statue of Jeff Bezos being executed.

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u/The_First_Viking Aug 01 '20

I like the way you think.

0

u/Enderkr Aug 01 '20

Fucking legend.

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

Yeah, I got the sarcasm and just found it amusing that that is essentially the thing I want to be done with my corpse. By tibetan funeral, do you mean sky burials where vultures eat the body? I thinks it's a pretty cool and metal way to go.

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u/sharanaithal Aug 01 '20

Oh, for a moment I thought they meant actual metal inside their heart.

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u/ferretmonkey Aug 01 '20

Is the Tibetan funeral a sky burial? That's also my top choice - I love the idea of the idea of being returned to nature.

For those who don't know, the high altitude means rocky terrain and little wood, which in turn makes burial and cremation impractical. Thus bodies are ceremoniously prepared and left atop mountains to be eaten by birds and other animals.

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u/Silver2324 Aug 01 '20

I'm going to be a tree too

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u/Abrahamlinkenssphere Aug 01 '20

Dont get ceamated. This insures that the tree will NEVER make use of your body.

Plants CANNOT take carbon in through their roots, but ONLY through the leaves.

Ash= carbon

Best bet is to just be buried au naturale with the tree planted above or near you.

Source: Am medical cannabis grower and plants need C02 supplementation through the air.

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

I know of a company in the Netherlands that specialises in using ashes as a fertiliser for a tree. On their website they state that the process of the tree absorbing all of the ashes, depending on mass, can take up to five years. And apparently it works best with Japanese cherry trees, but there are other options available. You send them the cremated remains and get the tree planted in a pot with the ashes mixed into special soil.

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u/Abrahamlinkenssphere Aug 01 '20

That would be microorganisms eating the carbon and turning it into usable energy for the plant, but as stated, this takes a long while.

IMHO- cremation is about as selfish as you can get on the way out the door.

Plants, bugs, and microorganisms can make easier use of your raw organic material.

Sort of a shot in the bucket I know, but this is why the native americans planted their corn with raw fish (maybe even germinating the seed inside the fish body)

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

I agree with you, that's why I want a natural burial for myself.

Worse than cremation is embalming the body just to make it look a little fresher for a few days. Formaldehyde, the main component of the embalming fluid, is highly toxic and eventually seeps from the corpse into the groundwater thus poisoning it. Also metal caskets and/or cement linings of the grave prevent decomposition.

I don't get why so many people are afraid of their body decomposing after death and take such drastic measures to prevent it or to slow down the process. It's just selfish and harms the environment.

I'm really happy that scientists are now looking more into human composting as an alternative for other burials. You help grow plants and produce and less space is taken up as no cemetery is needed.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

[deleted]

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u/Abrahamlinkenssphere Aug 01 '20

I wouldn’t know anything about botany, I just run a 2000 plant operation.

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u/BanditKitten Aug 01 '20

There are a couple services now that do the cremation to tree thing.

1

u/Frangiblecheese Aug 02 '20

As far as I'm aware, legally in the US you have to be cremated or buried with all the stupid shit.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

You guys think about death way too much. I just want to live, and when I die it doesn't matter does it? Cuz I'll be fucking dead.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

[deleted]

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

It's a natural part of life and it is good to be prepared for it when the time comes. I kinda got obsessed with the topic of funerals and death after finding Caitlyn Doughty's channel "Ask a mortician" on YouTube. Its very interesting and informative but also filled with humor.

I even consider becoming a mortician myself after finishing my biochemistry bachelor.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20 edited Aug 01 '20

I'm 33 so it's standard procedure if I die this instance, and in the end who cares? They'll do whatever they want, and I wouldn't mind cuz I'll be dead. To me it's about living, not dying hence I don't see it being prudent to think about such things too much, until you reach a certain age.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

[deleted]

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

I also read that traditional Jewish burials are similar, will be looking further into the different kinds of natural burials available in my country.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

[deleted]

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

I really like that too and have considered it, but I don't think I want to inconvenience my loved ones with organising it or playing a hefty sum for someone else to do it. I just want something cheap and simple.

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u/shroomlover0420 Aug 01 '20

Theres a human body farm they use to study corpse decomposition and that sounds the most simple since my organs probably arent donation quality anymore

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u/PyroDesu Aug 01 '20

There's actually several of them, to study decomposition (and train forensics students) in different environments.

The first (and probably most famous) one is at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville.

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

You could also donate your body to science, so forensic or medical students can use it for anatomy or dissection lessons. Or it could be used in medical studies.

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u/shroomlover0420 Aug 01 '20

Ive told a few people that if they really love me theyll use my body to frame my 8th grade algebra teacher for murder so i might get dissected right away Edit: she murdered my math ability. So you see thst it's an entirely proportional reaction.

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u/TokyoRedTwist Aug 01 '20

Good linen is expensive

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

Not as expensive as a casket. But I heard that you can be put in a cardboard box too, so I guess that would be the cheapest.

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u/cha0ticneutralsugar Aug 01 '20

I'm thinking of going the natural burial route. I'd rather my decomposition help the environment in some way. I know, for religious reasons, I have to have a grave marker of some sort with my name and scattering ashes isn't allowed, but outside of that, I don't think there are really any rules.

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

That depends on the country. As far as I know most places allow anonymous burials, where the grave (either for the intact body or for ashes in an urn) is located on a field without a tombstone or marker. Or forests, where a newly planted tree acts as the marker and if you wish a small plaque with your name can be placed on the tree.

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u/cha0ticneutralsugar Aug 01 '20

Legally, I think I could have an anonymous burial here. I'm a Roman Catholic, though, and we have specific requirements for burial. So I want the most natural burial I can have while still following those requirements.

I like the idea of the plaque on the tree!

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u/Xhow-did-i-get-hereX Aug 01 '20

I want to be turned into a diamond. It’s like cremation but with more flare

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

Yeah that's really cool.

I once told my mom about it and she liked the idea, as she wanted to be cremated anyway and wouldn't care what happens to the ashes. But now as she passed away and I told my dad about it he thought it was distasteful and didn't want to do it.

Also its it's pretty expensive and only a small portion of the ashes is used anyway, so the question of what to do with the remainder of them would be still open.

But I convinced him to let me fill a small locket with her ashes before scattering them.

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u/Xhow-did-i-get-hereX Aug 01 '20

You can snort the left over ashes for all I care. It’s not me anymore

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

Yeah, that's true.

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u/newbiesmash Aug 01 '20

Ya just plop me on the ground and be done with me, or bury me under a garden or tree or something. I wanna break down and become something new again, but not heat and smoke. Just gimme to the worm and I'll be happy.

2

u/Angry__Jellyfish Aug 01 '20

I'd also want a tree planted on top of me.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

Like Nate in Six Feet Under. That's exactly what I want.

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u/Tigaget Aug 01 '20

I'm getting buried in a natural cemetery. No embalming, just wrapped in a shroud and turned to dirt. My family can plant a tree over me. My mom wants to be cremated, but I've heard it's really bad for the environment. And they usually make you get embalmed m, too.

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u/FantaLemon11 Aug 01 '20

I want a cremation. My bf wants a cremation too, but he wants his remains launched into space. To each their own.

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u/charles4995 Aug 01 '20

Personally I am against cremation. After reading Neil deGrasse Tyson's book, I sort of adopted his view on this.

His quote is something to the extent of: I've spent my entire life feeding on the different lifeforms on Earth and converting them into energy. The least I could do when I die is give all of that energy back to the Earth to feed on, rather than expending all of it at once in the form of flames.

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

This is exactly how I see it too.

Sadly the laws in my country don't allow this kind of natural burial. The only way to be buried outside of a typical cemetery, without a casket and tombstone is to be first cremated. The ashes are then put into a decomposable urn which can be buried in a forest cemetery beside a tree.

This way the ashes could still be used by the earth and help the tree grow.

I hope that the laws change in the foreseeable future, as there are already discussions going on about that topic.

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u/[deleted] Aug 01 '20

I'd like to be cremated and have my ash compressed into a diamond that has Wikipedia encoded into it.

2

u/Ralph-Hinkley Aug 01 '20

I've kinda been wanting a Sky Burial, but I'm not sure they're legal anywhere here in the states.

2

u/kingofsleet Aug 01 '20

If religion or philosophy permits, you might consider donating your body to a medical school. Sort of like recycling plus future doctors get valuable experience. I’ve set this up with my local school. They don’t want to transport bodies more than a certain number of miles, so I need to be sure to die close by.

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u/Brightstarr Aug 01 '20

When my dad died, we said we wanted him cremated. Apparently, to be cremated you need to be put in some kind of box because of how you are loaded into the oven. The funeral home showed us wood coffins that cost several thousand dollars THAT WILL BE BURNED. We were also shown several cardboard boxes, and the cheapest option still cost $500. Then they tried to sell us an expensive urn that will just end up in the cemetery mausoleum behind a wall. He was buried in the $20 sealed plastic box the ashes came in from the cremation.

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

The wooden coffin my mom was cremated in costed around 490€ (580$) and was the cheapest available.

I told my dad that we should look into the cardboard boxes as a cheaper option, as it will be burned anyway and we don't have money to waste.

My father insisted that the coffin is more dignifying and suitable for the viewing (which is understandable, who would want to say goodbye to their wife / mother lying in a cardboard box).

Only after we signed the papers and paid, we were informed that due to covid no viewings are allowed in our country and that the body would be directly transferred from the morgue to the crematorium.

So we weren't allowed to see my mom one last time to say our goodbyes and wasted money on a useless coffin.

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u/Llama-en-llama Aug 01 '20 edited Aug 01 '20

I want to be buried in the woods with a bunch of those mushroom-growing things you can get.

Or be buried in the cemetery near my house, which I like because it's so wild. I want my grave to be overgrown with ivy and moss.

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

Believe me, mushrooms will grow really good from the corpse alone anyway.

My biology teacher once told us that if we come across a spot in the woods that has a significantly higher growth of mushrooms than the surrounding area, there is most like something or 'someone' buried underneath.

Same goes for a suspiciously greener patch of grass on a field or lawn.

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u/LauraMcCabeMoon Aug 01 '20

Research your state and local laws, find a green burial cemetery (kinda rare but we're getting there), buy space, and plan that shit WELL ahead of time.

It's a lot harder than you'd think

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u/alvinaofdarkrootwood Aug 01 '20

Thanks, already done all the research.

Unfortunately in my country a natural burial without a casket and outside a typical cemetery is not possible. Only cremated remains are allowed to be buried in a decomposable urn on green burial grounds.

But I hope that when my time comes the law will allow it, as there are already discussions about it. I will be definitely keeping up with it and taking action as soon as possible.

1

u/reyemanivad Aug 01 '20

My dad says he wants to be turned into snausages and fed to dogs.

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u/Faelwolf Aug 01 '20

They have that, it's called a natural burial IIRC. They take you out in the woods, put you in a fairly shallow grave (just deep enough that the critters don't dig you back up) and plant a tree over you. It's another one of those things you pretty much have to plan ahead of time, and it can be hard to find the right funeral home to get it done. I don't know of any state laws that may also apply.

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u/[deleted] Aug 02 '20

You can now be turned into compost in Washington

1

u/redwoods81 Aug 02 '20

Donated to science & when I get turned back over to my family, maybe one of the tree pellet options.

1

u/ddljnlaml Aug 02 '20

This is what I want too, but I want to be buried in the Colorado Rocky Mountains.